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477 · Nov 2018
Blank
AnxiousOcean Nov 2018
And then the weather changed;
from a hot, burning yesterday
to a cold, freezing today.
At least it changed,
while here I am, my feelings have estranged.
I couldn’t find happiness for me to play
nor could I find sadness to pray.
None of these have exchanged,
they all went missing.
If you could find my emotions,
I am willing to give you a cent.
This emptiness is overwhelming,
Please go travel the nations.
I want something different.
my teacher just gave me a rhyming scheme of ABBAABBACDECDE
463 · May 2018
Don't Cry
AnxiousOcean May 2018
Don’t cry
Do not water the flowers
I will just hit the sack
and I will never go back
Thy smile shall be ever left unseen
But kept with me,
Are the memories that we have been
Bless me with peace as I rest
For I never felt it in my quest
Sorry that this has to end
Close the door and let me ascend
My friend,
Let the flowers bend

Don’t cry
Do not rage a storm
For I’ll be taking steps alone
Go yell for the sun’s perfect tone
I will leave
Please don’t grieve
I’ll bring with me the scars you gave
Please just lend me one last wave
Burn all of my past
Leave them all with a blast
Please make my path easier
Just allow the storm to falter

Don’t cry
Do not flood the whole world
You may now remove your mask
And throw your lies in the dusk
I know you wanted this to happen
I know you wanted me to go
Do not ever regret
As you must never forget
You knew I couldn’t swim
Part the flood into a stream
And for the very last time
Save those droplets of dime
Don’t cry, don’t cry.
I really hope you'd all get my message.
458 · Mar 2017
Sky full of Lighters
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
If
our souls
mimic the colors
of the night,
then there
won’t be stars
in the sky.
457 · May 2019
Clutch
AnxiousOcean May 2019
I am not very certain
if being alone makes one strong.
Because if it is,
then I'd rather be weak.
You've always wanted me to be strong,
to be better, to be cold, to be a stone;
yet all I've ever wanted is for you to stay.
Would you consider me weak?
I care not--
even Adam needed an Eve.
Maybe I am not afraid to be alone;
I'm just afraid that you'd leave.
:')
451 · Jul 2017
DON'T READ
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
but you still proceed

ironic, right?

to write a word
that was not meant to be read
and to create a bond
that was not meant to last

somehow, I whisper, "don't love"
because endings are the worst part
and don't even try
for it will only tear you apart

I don't care,
does that make me look tough?
for all they say that they do care
but no one cared enough

then, I don't know
what am I saying? what am I doing?
because they must know
that I also have a feeling

the last "don't" is not for me
it's for you
and for the bond that lasts

I said, "don't leave"
but you still proceed
nonsense
447 · Sep 2018
Soon
AnxiousOcean Sep 2018
You will smile again,
you will laugh again,
you will glow again,
you will be happy again,
you will find peace again,
you will love again,
you will be loved again,

until...

you get hurt again.
do you consider this as a poem?
445 · Jul 2018
A Fine Process
AnxiousOcean Jul 2018
Thy swords neither run quickly nor crawl slowly,
But they walk in a certain speed constantly.
I once was a vessel filled with innocence,
Yet as you ascend, I go beyond my fence.
The small seed that my parents once sowed
Has grown up and is taking his long road.
because it's all about growing and being better every day
443 · Apr 2022
Opacarophile (Haiku)
AnxiousOcean Apr 2022
Starlit sky above
Sending its usual goodbye
To the drowning star
lover of sunsets
441 · Jan 2018
Guilty
AnxiousOcean Jan 2018
Now I know how it feels
when you get drifted away
from someone you love
but they never did leave
I pushed them afar

I didn't want to
but I just did
but trust me
I didn't want that to happen
I didn't want you to leave
I didn't want you to keep distance
I didn't want you to be gone
I didn't want to
but I just did

I did it because I'm sick
I did it because I need to heal myself
I need personal time
and I don't want you to be sick, too

but now I know
that having you gone
is worse than
having me sick
but it's too late
you're all gone
you're nowhere to be found
I can't find you
I can't see you anywhere
and I feel guilty
I feel all the negative things
surrounding me
and I'll be taking this burden forever

I am guilty
I am guilty of missing you so much
A sorry can't heal any wounds
but hope does, a prayer does

and I just hope you're fine
I hope you're okay and well
I pushed you away from the black hole
because it's for your own good
It's for you

I did want to
and I did
This is for my friend who went gone because I was not able to be a friend when he needed me. I wanted to, but you know, I got depressed and I badly needed a personal time to fix myself and when I'm healed, he's gone by the wind. So, yeah. I hate depression
419 · May 2017
War cry
AnxiousOcean May 2017
Bombs here
War there
Let love explode everywhere
419 · Apr 2022
Selenophile (Haiku)
AnxiousOcean Apr 2022
Dark streets, darker skies
Until the lass emerges
To guide the night folk
lover of the moon
414 · Nov 2017
The Poet
AnxiousOcean Nov 2017
No one will know you bleed
if all you bleed is ink.
Keep on writing. This is not a poem, it's just a quote for all the poets out there trying to express their pain through words. But the world is too deaf to hear our screams behind lines.
410 · May 2017
Scream from a mile
AnxiousOcean May 2017
Distance is a way for us to breathe,
and a way for us to drown.
396 · Nov 2017
How He Loves Us
AnxiousOcean Nov 2017
Time may heal your wounds
but only God can love your scars
Perfect love for the imperfect
393 · Jul 2018
Never ever be
AnxiousOcean Jul 2018
I have this wound that will never ever be healed.
I have this big hole that will never ever be fixed.
I have this flaw that will never ever be accepted.
I have this scream that will never ever be heard.
I have this disease that will never ever be cured.
I have this value that will never ever be seen.
I have this storm that will never ever be calmed.
I have this emotion that will never ever be stopped.
I have this regret that will never ever be forgotten.
I have this pain that will never ever be gone.
I have this shame that will never ever be overcome.
I have this love that will never ever be expressed.
I have this thought that will never ever be understood.
I have this life that will never ever be good.
purely negativity
388 · May 2017
Nonsensical Ocean
AnxiousOcean May 2017
Yes, I'm back
and yet I'm back at this stage
where I feel alone
and missing someone
I'm just someone who prefers
to be alone
to be surrounded
by my own self
my own companion
People go and get happy
beside me
But when it's night
they go away
and go far so easily
That's why I hate their presence
I hate it when they're attached to me
and they suddenly drifted away
like a leaf
sometimes I felt like the ocean
pushing the boats to the land
and prefers to be alone
Hi, I just write this without proper thinking, i just really felt overwhelmed  by sadness. Sorry
388 · Mar 2017
Me
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
Me
I am introverted
I like the presence of people
I love the absence of them
I am used to being alone
Surrounded by my own companion
They think me of insane
I guess
I am misunderstood
382 · Apr 2017
Avoid pain
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Trust me not
Love me not
To hurt me not
378 · Apr 2017
Drivin' at night
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Shredded leaves as blades of winds drenched
Night is so young yet trees are seen sway
A moon peeks from grey clouds, its gaze follows
All that heard is a tune on earphones
Your mind savors the memories on the road
Yet you wish the journey won't end
367 · Apr 2017
Dumb
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Stop pretending you care
You don't
You never did
Even If I care for you
Your eyes will tell
how dumb I am
Caring for the person
who doesn't even care
for me.

The thing is

I don't care
I do not care if my care
is not given back
I don't care if I'm the only
one who cares
I don't care

Because caring
Is for the brave
yet you are weak
and I still care for you
367 · Mar 2017
Unrequited Love
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
For my love begs nothing
Nothing but to be spared
Nothing but be echoed
And nothing but to be bestowed
I love you
Yet I will always love you
Even if
You don't love me back
361 · Jun 2017
The Light in the Night
AnxiousOcean Jun 2017
For I am not drowned yet
in the depths of a sleep
nor am I awake but
trapped somewhere from a leap

a place who sings silence
vanquished by hordes of gunshots
and these rhythms were echoed
by a man who rises his vague shouts

these harmonies breathe
as I yearn for silence
but when I close my eyes
I'm in the middle of pestilence

what place is this? belly of the beast?
who shouts what? and who shot that?

a war exists inside my head
they're using big, mechanical beasts
countless bodies were found dead
explosions flowing from west to east

I unfolded my weakened eyes
but they, I still hear
and a voice ceased the war
and tells me "Do not fear"

the war is over,
and the war was won
I try to catch my breath
I thought It is my death

I followed the voice that stopped the war
the one who healed my anxious scar

and a deep, overwhelming, string of voice
is all I hear, and I rejoice
for that time, I knew that I was not alone
I am a child of God, standing next to His throne
I write this poem for a friend of mine who suffers Anxiety, Depression. She has sickness that I am not so familiar with the name but she told me that she hears gunshots and the chanting man in her head. But now all she hears is the voice of God.
353 · Feb 2018
FRIENDSHIP
AnxiousOcean Feb 2018
F-or I've been yearning for a bond or two
R-are it is, for my sad tableau
I- was plain till I found a book
E-asy not, it's a slow and gentle cook
N-ot a one can ruin this sweet, simple art
D-on't falter it doesn't stop there
S-ometimes, importance swims in the air
H-orrible it truly is when death takes place
I- miss those times when everything's ablaze
P-arted we may be, but kept in each heart
My teacher asked me to write a poem about friendship, and so I write a poem with a rhyming scheme of A-A-B-B-C-D-D-E-E-C. It's a very simple and short poem. Thank you :))))
353 · Apr 2017
Roller Coaster of Life
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
We are riding a roller coaster
Ups
Downs
With people or few
We enjoy the experience
We enjoy the view
We enjoy the ride
We enjoy the company
and fun
The laughter and tears
The scream and shout
The sky above us
Everything

Yet our ride
Will soon end
But what's important
Is the journey
So enjoy life
And every second
Riding a roller coaster
353 · Mar 2017
:)
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
:)
What if I choose to paint me a smile
to cover the fears and pain for a while?

What if I decor a smile in my face
so I can mantle my disgrace?

What if I draw a smile between my ears
would you believe that I still have fears?

And if I write a smile over my ache
would you recognize that it is fake?

No.

Because all you have
is a pair of eyes
You lack ears
and a heart
Yet those eyes
are poor
Poor enough to see
that you are the reason
of this smile.

This fake smile.
352 · Mar 2017
Height
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
We met an awful night
Your eyes were not bright
I thought I could be your light
To surpass everything with delight
Seems like I ain't right
And we gave each other fright
The ending’s not here yet
Still in the fight
Blindfolded, armed with flashlights
In the aftermath
I embraced you so tight
So tight that I almost lost my sight
Now we play like an air and a kite
Looking forward to our next flight
345 · May 2017
Burnt Water
AnxiousOcean May 2017
When fire gets burned,
the ocean gets drowned,
wind gets blown,
and the house gets home

When water is dehydrated,
the sun is heated,
moonlight is reflected,
and the night is blindfolded

When tears are gone crying,
the winter feels freezing,
smiles are now smiling,
and the hurt is gone hurting

When pain does feel pain,
the trust breaks trust,
love learns to love,
and fear is afraid

When future is in the past,
the time is not so fast,
first will be the last
you and me, us

You're in my world of wondering wonder
Just some few nonsense that lurks within my soul
340 · Sep 2017
Killer's Note
AnxiousOcean Sep 2017
blame no one
blame not
for no one did know who
and no one knew what
let's ask the blood on the floor
seek the final breath that was gasped
all did a thing
yet all did nothing
somehow, indeed
that was everything

yes, I slaughtered the body
who lies with blood
I was asked to do it
I was forced to do it
my deep condolences
with all of your losses

no, crying is not demanded
pretending is not needed
caring must be shown
to the living
because the dead
can never feel a thing

I think you already know the answer
but you will never know why
why the murderer of thee
is the murdered me
338 · Jun 2017
Because I am me
AnxiousOcean Jun 2017
the person you sang with
with rhythm of ups and downs
and him you have been with
when your face's frowned

he never gets tired
just to draw you a smile
anything for you
even crawl for a mile

I may not make you love me
I may not call you "mine"
but the ability I have
is to make you smile
336 · May 2019
Thyself
AnxiousOcean May 2019
Ain't loved;
I couldn't be loved.
And it's okay,
not because it is okay,
but because it has to be okay.

Loved;
suddenly, I could be loved.
And it's all good,
not because they would,
but because I should.
luv urself
333 · Aug 2017
Good Mourning! :)
AnxiousOcean Aug 2017
I am a clown;
the bringer of delight
It's my job to paint a smile
on everyone's faces
A quiet room shall be invaded
by laughter and noise, through me
It is my joy to see them happy
and my pleasure to know
that I am the reason behind it
It's my desire to share this energy
even if it does not come back to me
and yet, they got used to it

and so they thought
that my happiness does not fade
that it continuously grows
as the river flows
that my energy lasts forever
that my smile cannot be erased on my face
and my laughter will always be heard

but they were wrong
it all ends
yet no one even noticed

with that I knew
that I was falling on a cliff alone
and my mistake is not that I jumped
but I waited
I waited for a lending hand
but there is none
and then I tasted the rock bottom
how fool of me

I refused to speak
learning that no one would ever care,
listen, or understand
they know that I am a clown
but they forgot that I am also a human
a clown can also cry
my happiness can also die
but no one,
no one did a thing or two
some pretended to care
some did care
but no one cared enough
and yet, I got used to it

now, I am a sad clown
the mourner of the night

I cannot make them happy
I can't feel their energy
I cannot hear them laugh
I can’t give what I don’t have
329 · Apr 2017
Winter
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Snow pours;
ice's everywhere.
But nothing's colder...
when you were not there.
I am living in a tropical country where winter can't be found. But I guess i've felt it since she left
328 · Aug 2018
A Fine Mess
AnxiousOcean Aug 2018
I have napped for a month
Yet rest pelted away
Oh hope, on the wall
Hike like a bike today

Somewhere in Neverland
An island on my hand
The blurred world, so lucid
Peter pan has grown up

The clock speaks; it’s ticking
It is a silent scream
This serene is booming
Roars have been seen running

This Garden of Eden
It greets like a sad smile
I yearn to move mountains
But pain provokes my past
playing with figurative languages and sound devices
324 · Mar 2017
DividEnd
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
We were two
We used to be one
But when he came
We're all three in the fun
Next thing I knew
You two became one
And I was at the corner
I was the only one
This is how you apply mathematics in relationships
323 · May 2017
an ocean is alone
AnxiousOcean May 2017
he is bored, he's tired, he is weary
he feels numb everyday, really
faces walk and go through
yet he meets smiles from a view
he's curious, he is fearful
for he is deep, not beautiful
he yearns to talk with a voice of new
but shy he is, for a word or two
and a voice was heard that was not his
a greeting, a word, a song full of bliss
for a note of letters danced in his ears
and these letters made him smile in tears
a word was followed by a vast anxiety
he's curious, afraid but speaks freely
yet he still thinks this might be the answer
accompanied may him be forever
interested they were and they thirst a talk
happens next, they took a walk
Time swims and dives faster than waves
knowing not that they have lived many days
an ocean feels not alone
he gets used to it, no longer a stone
a bond was felt between the two
a bond that is stronger than his blue
as night rises for the fallen sun,
he utters words on his own:
"a second with her is better
than years with me alone"
but time drowns and stops swimming
he felt the earth will have its ending
the girl needs to be home and sow
and yet it pains, but he let her go
he misses her so much, that the blues turn black
and he always desire her to come back
for a part of him was taken as she left
and a part of him stays, never forgets
now his blues grow within him
he might not ever see her again
he is alone,
nonsense, like a stone
he waits for her not
but for the sun to take a nap
for when everyone's in bed
he can live inside his head
and then he goes, he is bored and tired
he's weary, alone, he needs to be fired
numbness everyday is hard yet better
better than the days lurking in winter
he keeps alone, without any other
abandoned may him be forever
317 · Aug 2019
Not Autumn Yet
AnxiousOcean Aug 2019
It was not autumn yet,
but I witnessed how the leaves did leave.
I watched every bit fell down,
and how sad the trees had become.

It was not autumn yet,
but I was seeing red and gold.
The blood of the treasures I kept,
now long gone; they were swept.

It was not autumn yet,
for I could still feel the winter's air.
But the breeze became much colder,
even when there came summer.

It was not autumn yet,
but what season could this be?
When everything, so light, so pure,
would become a perfect tragedy.
Feel free to interpret the poem,


but if you were to ask me, I am simply referring to those who left me behind.
317 · Apr 2019
Final Countdown
AnxiousOcean Apr 2019
one, two, three teardrops fell;
behind these, you were the reason I can tell.
four, five, six steps away;
without anything, you are the cause, I say.

seven, eight, nine miles from peace;
I've been bothered, because of you at ease.
ten, eleven, twelve pairs of dresses;
next time, you won't be the reason of this sadness.
it's the final countdown!!!!!!!!!!!
317 · Nov 2018
Unbent
AnxiousOcean Nov 2018
As I stand here in front of you,
I can barely remember the words that I need to say.
I can barely feel my legs.
My hands are freezing.
My hands are shaking.
I can’t feel a thing.
Yet here I am... standing.

Today I am wearing my battle suit—
miles and miles of white fields of fabric
and underneath is a sea of navy blue.
This is what I wear when I enter the battlefield.
This is what I wear when I enter a war.

Even though the curtains, the clouds, the tables,
The trees, the windows, and the chairs
are well aware
that I’m no longer Interested in fighting.
And even if I already lost my will to fight,
here I am standing.

I am weak.
I am sensitive.
I am fragile.
I am naïve.
I am flawed
I am easily overwhelmed.
I’m a slow learner
I’m a coward
An anxious person
A failure; nothing but a failure
And a disappointment to everyone,
I’ve always been a disappointment

I am just a student.
I am but a piece of sponge to absorb;
comply, learn, read, and write…
even if it doesn’t feel right,
and even if I am not alright,
look at me.
I am standing.

In this world where there seems to be no light;
where the only goal is to survive,
and even if I die inside,
I will choose to fight.
I will choose to be a soldier.
I will choose to be a fighter.
For I chose to be a student
and I chose to be here… standing.
I wrote a poetry slam which I will be delivering tomorrow. It's been a long time since my last poem. :))
316 · Apr 2017
My Happy Ending
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
I want you to know
the happiness you bring;
when I'm with you
how my soul will sing

I want you to know
that I care for you;
my nights are spent
overthinking about you

I want you to know
my feelings for you;
even if I can't feel you
they are always true

Yet,

I want you to know
that I am deeply hurt;
I fooled myself
make-believing us

I want you to know
that I have changed;
I grow and learned
and released from chains

I want you to know
that I am okay;
I'm fine as ever,
strong and BETTER
316 · May 2017
Eulogy from a Rose
AnxiousOcean May 2017
He rises with sun as the evening fades
with a blank on his face, he goes back to bed
asking, when can he die?
and when can he live?
for he felt like dying even if he breathe

He stands with sun as darkness evanesces
with tears on his face, he walks back to bed
asking, who did this?
and who did that?
for everyone's a reason that he wants to live not

He climbs with sun as the shadow's gone
with a hope on his face, he jumps back to bed
asking where's the blade?
and which wrist is?
for a an art of red will help him resist

He soars with sun as gloom dwindles
with an exchaust on his face, he crawls back to bed
asking what now?
and what then?
for he's tired of things that never conclude

He ascends with the sun as the night withers
with a smile on his face, never he left the bed
saying how fascinating,
and how wonderful
for finally his boring story will come to an end

As the sun perishes and the shade prolongs
everything cries as he dies
he is waiting for this moment
and for the last of his time
through death,
He smiles
314 · Oct 2021
Journey (Tanka Poem)
AnxiousOcean Oct 2021
One lone wanderer
Meets the soul of another.
Even across the...
Night streets or ancient rivers,
Great journeys start with strangers.
I tried infusing tanka poetry with acrostic poetry, and I am quite proud of the outcome. This one's for my best friend... again! HAHAHA
314 · Jan 2019
way out
AnxiousOcean Jan 2019
the blankets of waters had taken me
they wanted me to drown
I did not know how to swim
but I learned to breathe underwater
313 · Aug 2017
Why do we love?
AnxiousOcean Aug 2017
why do we love?
why do we seek love?
why do we not tire?
why do we set fire?

I ask myself questions
I ask myself why
but answers are vague
and still, I don't know why

the answers are maybe
maybe this, and maybe that
maybe love demands to be found
as pain demands to be felt

and so I thought,
maybe pain hasn't demanded yet
maybe people do love because
they love to regret

aren't you hurt enough?
do you need more pain?
or are you not hurt at all?
all you have is gain?

you may think I'm pathetic
no
I'm just hurt

and you'll understand me
once you feel what I felt

and soon you'll ask me
why do I not love

well then I'll answer,
because I was once in loved
I do hope you got my point, or understand it. It's just that the speaker was once in love and he was hurt and he never did love again
310 · Mar 2017
I, Nostalgic
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
Nostalgia is a swamp.
Swim.
Don't drown yourself in it.
309 · Mar 2017
She,
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
An art
Made and created
Written and read
Named and called

A fault
Flawed yet beautiful
Scarred yet strong
Wounded yet whole

A tune
Felt and tasted
Sung and wasted
Played and swayed

A story
Known and forgotten
Freed yet chained
Opened yet ended

She's she
An imperfect irony
Yet a fun, deep journey
303 · Sep 2018
A quill for the ill
AnxiousOcean Sep 2018
He suffered a lot
more than they could see,
and thought that eating could help.
He ate too much,
his weight grew much;
he regretted it.

He’s been hurt a lot
more than they would know,
and thought that sleeping could help.
He couldn’t sleep,
he couldn’t rest;
he missed it.

He’s been damaged a lot
more than they could imagine,
and thought that writing could help.
He grabbed the quill,
he knew he was ill;
he hated it.

He’s been abused a lot
more than they could understand,
and thought that dying would help.
He took his life,
he found the light;
he desired for it.
...
297 · Mar 2019
Couple's Couplets
AnxiousOcean Mar 2019
If I distance myself a bit,
it's your understanding that I'd want to meet.

If my silence reaches the moon,
honey, don't worry, I'll laugh soon.

If I changed for a while,
I promise I won't change my smile.

If pain makes me grieve,
please do not leave.

If at times I fail,
sing to me, like a nightingale.

If I become cold,
please do not loosen your hold.

If my demons strike again,
it's time for you to save me once again.

If you think that my love is fading,
no, honey, I'm still fighting.

If I am nowhere to be found,
I'm standing stranded on the same ground.

If I die tonight, dear,
please do not shed a tear.
--Answers to some of the never-ending what if's
293 · Sep 2017
Hush
AnxiousOcean Sep 2017
I didn't know that peace was false
in the eyes of a silent man;
that I was deaf enough
to hear screams that sought for me.
He never spoke, and never did tell,
so, I simply mirrored the silence where I fell.
Through that, the clouds got darker,
since then, the nights got even longer.

How pretentious silence can be.
How it easily fooled the people around me.
How truth was washed, and revealed
that no one can read
all the ink that I bleed
No one cares, that's all.
292 · Mar 2017
Ravaged
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
I was damaged
I am bandaged
Yet encouraged
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
If winning you
is by losing myself
I'd rather not play the game

I guess i'm too weak
to fight for love
that eventually ends
as the game is over
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