Teach me how to be happy.

You make me sober in ways I don't understand.
The way you kiss me,
The way you hold my hand.

It makes me feel like I have purpose.
Like I can finally breathe,
As if the weight upon my shoulders has left.

Every single time that I feel hazy,
buzzed and gone,
I think of you and I can see clearly.

But I'm sorry that I didn't think of you that night...
When I clearly wasn't in my right state of mind.
The way I yelled at you, and left...

I was intoxicated with the monster.
I decided to drive away.

Little did I know,
I wouldn't return,
and the men in blue would show up at your house.

I’m drowning.

And I’ve gotten so used to this feeling...

That I could go jump into a pool...
And not feel a **** thing...
As I hold my head...

Underwater.

I wish I never had to bare the scars that I have today...
But they’re what make me.

They told me to stay away.
To stay away from the drugs,
The alcohol, the cigarettes.

But when you force a teen to make adult decisions that have childish effects...

I find myself dealing with the drugs,
The alcohol, the cigarettes.

And the nicotine goes to my head,
The monster controls my body,
The alcohol rushes through my veins.

And I can’t help myself.

Because I’m not scared.
I’m not scared... anymore.

Hello, Friends.
I have now decided to let go,
Hiding and keeping my name in secrecy to most.

What’s up,
My name is finnick matthew and my last name will remain unknown. :)

Well, I know when you’re around,
‘Cause I know the sound,
I know the sound of
Your heart!



-The 1975, “The Sound”

I’d rather have no friends at all than have the wrong ones.

Let’s get high.

It’s so Intense...
The flames around my nose,
My eyes flickering from side to side.
This stuff has lifted me to the sky.

It’s such a Monster...
Ruining my insides,
Making me tired,
But I’m alive.

I’m higher than the Empire State Building,
I’ve reached heaven’s gates.

Why stay down, when I can just go up-
Higher!
    Higher!
        Higher!
    Down.
  Down.
Down.

Reality is a bust.
So why don’t you come on over.
And let’s climb the mountain to Heaven.
Please don’t leave, don’t sigh...

Trust me, Baby girl...

Let’s get high.

Suicide.

You gave me anxiety attacks,
And I loved it.

You inject my veins with your love.
And
Make a fool out of me.
You’re addictive,
And i’m the submissive..
You’re a plague babygirl...
And I love it.

So much to say,
So few people to truly listen.

Teen Thoughts,
******* around with my head.
The thought of me wanting to die, I want to be dead.
Everything racing,
Me, myself, waiting for impact, I’m bracing.
Gun in my mouth,
The pills in my hand.
The noose around my neck,
It’s just one kick at the chair.
And it becomes my Suicidal one night stand.
I hate it all.
Every last minute.
I wanna end this all.
But the suicidal teenager is nothing but a “joke”
Everyone expects it now.
So no one gives them hope.

Why do you leave,
When I lose everything?
Why do you get all the attention,
When I do all the work?
Why do I receive no credit,
When all you do is lie?
Why do you spread rumors,
When I was the one happy and alive?
Are you jealous of me?
What did I do wrong?
I’m trying my hardest to be loyal.
I’m doing my best to keep you.
See, my biggest flaw...
Became your secret weapon.

All I wanted was a friend.
And i’d do anything to keep you.
Even if it meant ruining myself.


You’re my friend.
And I’m supposed to put you first.
...right?

It’s all my fault.
A simple mistake to a complex situation.
It’s as if someone was just waiting to lift up the curtains.
Showing everything and ruining the uh..
“Big Secret”

I’m Bisexual.
Being caught isn’t fair.
Why don’t straight people have to come out?
Because it’s “Normal”
The “Right Path”
Everyone complains about Pride month, when straights get the whole year to themselves.
The problem isn’t our sexuality.
The problem is that people like to judge other people and no one is willing to change that.

“I love how you have to prove yourself.”

“I want people to know that it doesn’t matter who you are.
You don’t have to be a somebody in order to be great.”

Whether you refer yourself as the Spiral Galaxy Messier 31,
Or the Greek Mythology daughter of an Aethiopian King,
I can be the Stars to your Galaxy.
I can be the Perseus that saves you from Death.
I can be your best friend.
But I understand that Trust comes a long way,
Just lemme know when you trust me enough,
And maybe we can create something the world has never seen before.

Why do I do this to myself?
Staying up, never sleeping.
Sleeping, never staying asleep.
I can’t shake off this feeling of silence.
The feeling that keeps me so awake.
I look around and see nothing,
Only the pitch black of the room.
The lights on the A/C.
Something’s missing.
Something that means so much to me.
And.. I’ve been awake for so long.
That I feel like I’ve truely lost it...
Can you help me...?
Can you help me find My imagination...?

You see...
The moment I knew,
That I was in love with you.
Was when I turned around to see,
You in his lap, his lips on yours.
My stomach dropping,
My heart breaking.
And I just left.
Because I knew
That I was
Falling in
Love.

When everyone
You thought you knew
Deserts your fight




I’ll go with you.

Today is my birthday
In which I was born 15 years ago.
Happy? I am not.
Do I know why? No.

Who would’ve guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you failed their Test.
Who would’ve guessed,
The Emo in the back passed that Test.
Who would’ve known,
The Nerd sitting by you had sinful thoughts.
Who would’ve known,
The Emo in the back had no scars to bare.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you wanted to die.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Emo in the back threw away his razors.
Who would’ve known what went through that Nerd’s Head.
Who would’ve Known what the Emo felt.
When everyone
Expected
Him to
Do it
1st.

I got the phone call.
The one that always haunted my dreams.
I Knew you were falling apart...
at the seems.
You had just started your life,
Living free, only 18.
I broke as your sister spoke,
Telling me how you tied that rope.
Each knot in its proper place,
Took your time, wasn’t a race.
Everyone screamed that it wasn’t fair.
But you went ahead and kicked the chair.
I never knew how bad it’d get.
So for now on, I lie and call it *******.
We’re all broken here, never saved.
Teens doing drugs... having ***,
And getting played...
But most importantly,
We’re all getting plagued.

I love looking up at the sky,
Staring up high, wondering why...
Did you just decide to leave one day...?
Is that how it happened..?
I don’t understand... I never have.
When you left that day...
It felt like a bullet to the chest.
A knife in the back.
I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you.
The thought of never kissing you.
The thought of never seeing you again.
It hurt.
It stung.
It burned.
But I.
Did my best.
Gave it my all...
And you just left...
And I’m still here.
Still under my thick ink covered sky.
Looking up at the Stars...
And watching my meteor shower.

There’s this person that watches me at night.
Spray painting the walls in the moonlight.
I don’t know his name, but he just sits.
And he watches.
I hide my face with a respirator and hood.
Hoping I don’t get caught.
I love the smell of the paint, I wonder if that’s why he watches me.
He enjoys what I enjoy.
Hopefully, one day.
We’ll cross paths again,
Fully intact.
And enjoy these nights.
Where we felt so Abstract.

Do you ever feel...
Like the person you love...
Is just an illusion?
A vision inside your head...
To make you feel better about yourself?

I’m not entirely sure on how to start,
Other than I have depression,
I feel like I’m falling apart...
This isn’t exactly how I wanted it to be,
But we don’t always get want we want,
I’m just trying to let you know, let you see.
I’m always shrugging my shoulders,
I can’t seem to really get used to it?
But I’m not getting any bolder.
It’s like drowning,
Chained to a rock, i’m Sinking.
I can’t stop, i’m Always thinking.
Crying out of nowhere is fun as well,
It makes me wanna give up my soul,
Literally feels like I’m living in hell.
I don’t ever really talk about it,
No one really... cares?
I don’t know how anyone feels about it...
I just sorta... sit in this silence.
Waiting for this weight to go away.
I don’t like it down here,
I don’t wanna stay.
But I gotta, because i’m Chained.
My mind is insane, constantly strained.
I just wanna go back into your arms,
Where I feel at home.
That way... I can feel some sort of comfort.
I know this is probably not the best poem to explain how I feel,
But it’s the best I could do, I finally broke the seal...

The fault. The blame.
The pain’s still there.

I can’t help but remember the night where everything ended.

The make up running down your face.
The clocking stating that it’s 2 AM.

The door of my cheap apartment room closing as I watched you left.

It’s 2 years later and I’m still in the same apartment room.
Instead of me remembering,
I drink and I forget.

But I slowly begin to realize.
That everything...
S t a r t s

To go

b
     l

ur

      ry

And I can’t seem to put the pieces back together.
I wake up and it’s all bleak.
It hits me like shattered glass.
It comes in fragments.

But I’m okay with this.

Because I remember the night it all ended.

Your makeup running down your face.
The clock stating that it’s 2 AM.

You leaving my cheap apartment.
And me staying there.
Just to stay.
And think.
And believe.
And hope.
That someday.
You would finally come home.

“See you tomorrow, Buddy!”

Love, Dad

My
         Head

   Constantly
Spins
       When
  I’m
Thinking
Of

You.