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1:00 am, 3:00 am ... most nights,
thirty minutes without warning,
restless air, chokes the pipes
when controlled, it explodes in bits
of yellow, orange , dark red and gray
skull seems to ***** ... or , is it breaking now?
a darkness follows a wheezing,
desiring to spew all malaise  
expelling bad air, while chasing fresh air
praying a stillness soon rules .... . but , no,
the painful exertion persists
that  disturbing noise just goes on,
and racks one's whole being ... one's world
every rib quivers ... every fiber throbs  
eyes and veins start to bulge
as if to burst on their own...

,, ,, , for a while, a calm occurs ... yet ,
another dreaded episode lurks...

on a dark, restless night such as this,
one can only imagine
~ ~ ~ the undulating waves ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ and the blue waters ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ of the tranquil sea ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~

Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
March 20, 2019

#dreaded episodes  #malaise  #severe cough
Just a tear.
Oh, don't worry; it's just fear.
Only on the inside,
it's something much
more severe.
Matthew Jan 29
Endless Apologies
only bears
Agonizing Pain
It feels like darkness surrounding me.
It feels like monsters are everywhere.
It feels like I can’t do anything to stop it.
It feels like I’m saying too much.
It feels like I’m not allowed to be here.
It feels like I can’t stop repeating myself.
If feels like I’m Broken.
I suffer from Severe Anxiety, so honestly, not everyone will get this.
I believe that every conscious being travels this road
Where nothing is completely given or reached
Where everything completely stop but never goes
This road diverged into either the left path or right
plagued with the  decision of making a choice
The pressure of that inner voice
Speaking to you
of the consequences of each action
the good never out weigh  the bad
The consequences never worth the results
The action of always sacrificing something in terms of ganging
It is the  road that you cannot venture away
No matter where you turn
you always end up returning
this road is one who tampers with your mental capacity
Your morality
Your happiness
Your individuality
It happened too those before
and will to those after me
what a progressional tragedy
Christina Cox Jul 2016
I don't know where
it stops



starts. starts. starts.
And Again.

Writing TO DO list.
-**** Myself

And the pen


The hand hovers and the mind ___

-Kgul Mytyfw
Johnny Raven Mar 2016
She whispered promises in my ears
She held my head, heart aching
Eyes full of joyful tears
Apocryphal promises, sub-text
Empty eyes and nightmares of dread
Facade cracking, insanity sears, brands
"Sisyphus'" curse came next,
False claims, lost and wasted years
Now Im just laughing, maniacally,
Medicated, sedated, nothing left
But the mechanical
Mechanical movements of every day...
Brush your teeth, shower, shave
Hoping for that next day ,
That tomorrow will save, that will save
Save me from this monotony
The life of Purgatory
Searching for that intimacy
A connection, even one who enjoys
My company, my heart, my love, and personality,
Strange though they may be    
Maybe, maybe, maybe
Maybe, I'll become the me the world sees
Instead of the darkness I swallowed
From the leavings of 'Pandora's Box' of
The worlds worst mind numbing neurosis'
I used what I had, I survived how I could
But don't you think what I had, how I could
Is nothing more, but survival
I'm a broken decanter, razored edges,
'Fight or Flight' ,mind set for survival
Poison within, darkness surrounds
I play in this haunted winter playground, Frozen swings,
Merry-go-round of
Chilhood phantasms, I'm just another Momentary frozen cinder, Servile Sinner
If you touch my heart, one wrong slip and
You've shredded the flesh from
Your perfect fingers,
This darkness is infectious
Is it right to seek that love of a friendship,
That love that produces genuine intimacy?
A magenta twilight lingers inside my skull,
I wonder if I've ever been
Completely               whole?
I have so much to offer, so much to give, so much to teach, and so Much more to learn
Like the light on your skin in the
San Diego Sun, the waves crashing against the
Sunset Cliffs, the gazebos in La Jolla Cove
Places of peace
I drove to drive in order to be driven to
Places of peace reminding me
The light exists, even if I cannot feel those
Sensations...I long to experience, even
With all these darkened misgivings...

- ©2016 March 7th 1:25AM
Christina Cox Dec 2015
The face and body of a million others
because of the 21st chromosome.
The movements and quirks of a million others
because of a little spectrum.
The testers and medication of a million others
because of a tiny chemical.
Down syndrome. Autism. Diabetes.

The most loving person I know.
Hollow Jun 2014
Cut me again
Serrated incision
Sever my vein
A bladed decision

— The End —