"sabotaging" poems
Cheating can be pandemic
Heart’s afflicted and paralyzed
Mind rationalizes the malady
Sabotaging the ties of relationships
Pandemonium sweeps away all
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 8:08 AM UTC
Wish I could do something right
So words would ring true
Wish I met high expectations
Maybe then I could lose a few
I wish I was not weighted with
Weakness well within my core
If only I was put together differently
Strength would emit from every pore
I create my shortcomings
How am I sabotaging my own goal?
Not trying in the first place
Allowing fear to take control
My heart bleeds in anticipation
Before cuts have a chance to appear
Live my life in apprehension
Assuming danger to always be near
My motionless state of insecurity
Realm of dysfunctional doubt
I forever am encapsulated in time
My skull is a jail and I cannot get out
Nov 14, 2018
Nov 14, 2018 at 8:19 PM UTC
They call it a 'Class War"
They call it a "War of Liberation"
whilst its just another instance of white oppression
Childish, immature, mean and nasty underachievers
like the kid on the beach who kicks over others sandcastle
because they are better than the ******* castle he made
Like that that uncool dumb teen who scatters the board game
because he's now seen that he is losing and cannot win at all
like those ugly pimpled friends who would play gooseberry
and cock-blockers because they can't get nice dates of their own
like that bitter mad one who will spill ink over your white top
or new Trainers because he or she has old and ***** ones
They are all from the world of the sicko psychos and damaged
talent-less mean, envious, sad pathetic people going nowhere
If I can't make it, why should others do and be winners
They all graduate to the divisive politics of the ****** losers
Power is stopping progress and advancement because they are down
Power is bringing achievers and enterprise down they can's gain
Power is sabotaging all that is good because they are bad in all
Measly fetid minds they plot and conspire in gangrenous network
dolts, scums, unwashed losers and rejects of society, bottom feeders
Come join the Party, our specialty is chaos and disruption of winners
The pathetic jokes of the white West, losers in their own backyards
picks on an African who came from disadvantages to better them
better educated, more intelligent, cool and stylish in every way
pack full of potential, going places they can never go or reach
Our sick, mean spirited under-achievers, expert losers and scums
crawled on the war-path, riddled with envy, sick with jealousy
ruin his progress, oppose and disrupt a black man who doubles
efforts to achieve, what if losers try is given to them on a plate
What here is done for the greater good, what here is honorable
celebrated victories for psychos, racist underachievers I think not
peoples power? more sick, tormented, jealous n envious chicanery
anarchy jealousy, anarchy shame, anarchy racists, anarchy liars
One Single Black achiever demonstrates the inherent strength
and grace of our all our Ancestors against sick, persistent white oppression. That's the story here.
If its a fair war, why hide and go underground, why fight *****
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 7:40 AM UTC
Commitment issues
This again?
Yes but this time these are my words
Not the labels thrown at me by exes
Like arrows attempting to pierce me into place
I thought it was meant to trap me
But I think they just wanted me to stop
To think
To really evaluate myself
To see the truth
Im afraid of commitment.
When I've been told this in the past
I read it with the understanding that
Commitment issues meant I
Just couldn't have or didn't want a relationship
And that just couldn't be true
I mean just check my track record
No, see
My having commitment issues
Is rooted deeply within my past
These problems originate in an exciting mix of
Trust issues
Abandonment issues
And a variety of other traumas
I am not afraid to enter relationships
And I do not avoid love
Actually, I am obsessed with finding love
With being loved
All the while trying to love another
Thinking I'm succeeding
While subtly sabotaging myself in the process
When I was small
I did not receive the respect and care
Needed to show I was loved
Though my parent said they cared
They didn't protect me the way they should have
I had to take care of myself
Look out for myself
Because I was the only one I could trust
Anytime I got close to someone
They'd either decide to leave
Or get ripped away by outside forces
I was alone a lot
And not great at making friends
With the abuse happening at one house
And some solace found at the other
I was constantly fluctuating between
Hellhole and liberation
All while trying to have a childhood
And survive adolescence
So when they say I have commitment issues
They're probably right
But not for the reasons they think
Not because I'm polyamorous
Not because I don't want to commit
Not because I don't love and
Not because of who I am as a person
My issues come from a long line of
Different abuses by people who
Were supposed to protect me
But didn't
So if you think to judge me
For the trouble I have with trusting you
And trusting you won't hurt me
Or decide to leave when I'm "too much"
Understand that I did not choose to be like this
I didn't choose the pain that led me to love
In such a haphazard way
But I am choosing to do something about it
Sep 2, 2018
Sep 2, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
My mind has been tormenting me
Constant thoughts of self doubt
Such ill contempt for myself
And it seems to only get worse
I’m trying desperately to push back
But with each day it grows stronger
Pushing me back into a corner
Making me feel small and weak
There are times where I’d win
There are times when it’s a draw
But times like these hurt so bad
Because I’m losing a battle with myself
Sometimes it goes so far
As to make me cry in misery
Begging for my thoughts to be wrong
Hoping and praying that I’ll be okay
Other times it causes me to go numb
To not be able to feel at all
Those are the times I fear the most
It’s when I become the most self sabotaging
I don’t want my brain to win
I can’t let these thoughts cloud my mind
But the harder I fight
The stronger they seem to become
And what hurts the most
Is my past traumas
Becoming worse and worse
Making me lose my ability to trust again
Over the last few years
I have found out that even actions
Are not to be trusted
Much like someone’s word
I’m trying to hard to correct that mindset
To learn to trust again
But the more I try
The harder it gets
I met someone new a few months ago
Someone I really care for and love
But because of my past
My head is evil
Making me question everything I do
Making me question the faith I have for him
All these sabotaging thoughts
And I fight them off everyday
I wish someone told me that dating
After serious trauma is inflicted
Would be harder than anything
Especially with how bad mine was
Maybe I could have prepared myself better
Or tried harder to correct my issue with trust
Maybe I could have healed my pain
So my mind wouldn’t push me away
Because this pain is so much worse
Than the trauma I endured
So much worse than the suffering
I dealt with afterwards
Far worse than the death of a loved one
I feel alone in my suffering
Surrounded by mockery
Silently crying to myself
I don’t know if I’ll be able to win this battle
Not by myself at least
But who do you turn to
When you can’t even trust yourself
Sep 24, 2021
Sep 24, 2021 at 5:39 PM UTC
I wish there was a better way to say I just cut myself again
a tidier way,
something that makes it sound less morbid and a bit more romantic
like barbados
like *** on the beach
for the irony of sabotaging a fling of intimacy for myself
sabotaging swimsuit and short-shorts season
I don’t want anyone to touch me
or even look at me
anyway
so it’s all in my favour
with
nails that are painted colourful like clowns
and there’s a red and white polkadot bow in my hair
personally, I think it’s kind of funny
that when people look through a kaleidoscope, all they see is
pretty colours instead of shards of broken glass
May 19, 2013
May 19, 2013 at 9:51 PM UTC
Picture pecan.
Plastering, painted prints.
Plummeting.
Languid Leaves.
Listless, lethargic lives.
Littering.
Sacrificed scenery.
Shattered, struggling space.
Sabotaging.
Beauty dies
This time of year.
Oct 26, 2012
Oct 26, 2012 at 5:06 AM UTC
**Profanity is a ******* Tool.**
Profanity is Subjective.
Profanity doesn't necessarily show intellectual or moral paucity.
Profanity is a form of emphasis; a form of ******* catharsis, an aspect of humour.
******* humour:
A goldmine rooted in Shadow,
excavated by Logic
and which seems,
for the most part,
wasted on the irrefutably
illogical, or at least bi-polar
(if not higher-multi-polar)
masses.
*"Anyone who relies on any one given tool is a fool, as
anyone who denounces a given tool for how it has been used by others is outright stupid."*
A carpenter who can only use a hammer is quite restricted,
A musician who can only play alone is no good in a band,
A poet who only writes can't show the world how it's meant to be read (if at all),
A comedian who only swears has little else to offer,
A person who only speaks but doesn't act on it is a liar.
A carpenter who won't use a hammer is self-sabotaging.
A musician who can only play with others has no personal skill.
A poet who refuses to write starves oneself of potential.
A comedian who won't swear better have a good point.
A person who only acts but reuses to speak had better be a monk or mime!
*(The last two were perhaps failed, even vein attempts at humour..
I shall leave that up to you to decide!)*
Profanity is a Tool:
I believe that no matter the profanity, a message can still be well received
by those who care enough to receive it.
Better still are those who can interpret the profanity
as humourous accentuation, emphasis, catharsis
and not necessarily as overly-abrasive and immature.
That said, some people are just totally ******* immature about it.
If you can't stand the profanity, get the **** off the internet. 4srs.
Better yet, shut yourself away from the world
lest you ever deal with that which you find unsettling.
*So ist das Leben.
Telle est la vie.
Así es la vida.
Such is life.*
Feb 2, 2013
Feb 2, 2013 at 4:56 PM UTC
Competing,
sabotaging, manipulating,
controlling, demeaning, angering,
underestimating, avenging,
hurting
stops when you
learn to respect
that person.
Nov 27, 2014
Nov 27, 2014 at 6:34 AM UTC
Expecting two wrongs to make a right.
Always ending up in a controversial fight.
Once brothers and sisters, hand-in-hand.
Now benevolent, immoral and divided we stand.
Pointing fingers at the ones who speak Gods word.
Accusations of intolerance, as their words go unheard.
'Thou shalt not judge" is our new favorite line.
Never picked up a bible, but that verse sounds fine.
Picking and choosing what we want ourselves to hear.
Overwhelmed with uncertainty and plagued by fear.
Twisting Gods words to suit our sin.
Becoming charmers of the flesh, rather than fishers of men.
Making ample lies out of such divine truth.
While sabotaging the future of our demoralized youth.
Blaming a God we now deny,
Cursing the heavens and wondering why.
If God's a God of love why would He leave?
Like we're some sort of dirt brushed off from His sleeve.
He hasn't left, nor turned His back,
We're the ones who got off track.
Following our own paths to a realm of unknown.
Creating our own world, trying to make it all alone.
Forgetting who was created for who.
Not You for us, but we for You. ©
Mar 26, 2013
Mar 26, 2013 at 11:26 PM UTC
Why must I feel the way I feel?
Want to wake up but this nightmare is real
Too many mazes clouding my brain
Swirling in circles driving insane
Poor judgement leading emotions down hazardous roads
Lugging regrets like oversized loads
I worry
Stress over nothing at all
Convince feet I'm destined to fall
Tripping over thoughts I create
Actual obstacles don't get in the way
Self-sabotaging before having a chance to fail
Sink the boat BEFORE setting sail
It is better to know you're a loser than be unaware
Best get used to being alone because others won't be there
May 3, 2020
May 3, 2020 at 4:40 AM UTC
Tonight I,
Wake to longing.
And wake to the feeling of hopelessness.
This bitter feeling taste of helplessness, regret, self-loathing and understanding.
And understanding makes this a bile of an emotion needed.
But for what cost?
As I, lie here choking back tears,
Trying to take it all in much like,
An excessive quantity of medicine the will sooner **** the liver than cure the soul.
Who can i call to cast away my doubt and shoulder this understanding?
Because honestly I’m afraid that I’ll forget soon.
Honestly, I’m afraid I’ll remember.
There’s an honest emotion in this situation somewhere and I'v taken subtle hits of its bittersweet nectar.
But to many times its ironic sense of humor has in my dreams showed its self to me.
Showed myself my fallacy.
And i know.
I know how to appease my dreams
But to call her and expose to her this truth
That she and I must be together,
That she weighs heavy on my mind.
Tell her even when faced with her situation from the moment I held her child had me wanting to be a father.
But be that as it may this is only a dream.
One that i won’t see come into fruition.
I will outlive my dreams,
I have no choice.
I refused to let my selfishness ever cause her harm.
Call it arrogance
Or self-sabotaging behavior
Or call it what you will
But this is the end of dreams,
The end of hope
And the beginning of my eternal lament.
But odd as it sounds i can’t help but feel..... Satisfied.
Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 3:34 PM UTC
Grey nameless faceless suits
A decaying ladder without roots
Monochrome and corporate candy loot
Your elitest point is mute.
Your point is mute!
Fine dining line driving
A self-sabotaging visionary
Glass half empty
Down your throat white wine is sliding
D-U-why is my life such a mess?
I dream of big success
In nightmares you wear office dress
This is a test
Of your *******
Freeload patience!
Just a purple plastic bobble head
Nodding yes with self-deprecating complacency
Lowely little Attempts of autonomy
Grin wider with each shit-induced palpitation
Foaming at the mouth
media-induced inebriation--
Cheap industrial imitation
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 10:24 AM UTC
I like to believe
My pride is rooted
In insecurity
Because somehow
That's better?
However some
Nagging notion
Makes me wonder if
My self-demeaning
My self-sabotaging
My self-harming
Is all simply to hide
From myself and
From the world
The arrogance
Consuming my mind
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 7:27 PM UTC
Haywire.
While sabotaging agencies are corrupting,
I lie frozen,
Downloading how to translate
this brainwash without constantly erupting!
Haywire,
United Suits of America,
drug-guzzling, anti-christ
injecting poison in the fruits.
Wake to terror, bleed from pain,
get pushed from mankind,
from our freedom fighters’
propensities to feign.
Frequencies being altered,
from 432 to 440,
Unaware of the subtle control
they have taken of our
***** of corti.
Receptors are jarred
our balance mistaken,
slowly these trails are weakened,
and souls must awaken!
Rhythms of nature
being projected on a screen,
too safe to go outside,
we have become rotting cans
of packed sardines.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC
it comes
when you're reading one of those books
written by pseudo intellectuals buried
in their despondent lookout on life
comes when
They're writing on human's self-sabotaging nature,
when they're peeling
layers off and off, revealing the
truth of ourself like they're
gods,
Hermes the messenger, or angels, Michael,
bringing to us thoughts we'd never have grown organically
that's what they believe,
what they tell themselves as they prune their feathers with pride
as they impregnate you with the god honest truth
and how did you live before knowing this?
it's been with you all along, kicking and breathing and pushing
you just didn't know it, yet,
but now you can as
they preach their outlooks like it's a message that
changes everything, that your life will implode as your mind
wakes itself up -
they try to baptize you
gripping your throat with their
carpel tunnel fingers, reading glasses
slipping down their noses as they lean over
you, watching their words pour into
you, their victims' throat, as they will it
and all the while they blame
you, because:
Humans make themselves miserable
They write
They bury themselves in all they hate and
choose to burn all they love until
they're alone and self-loathing and scarred
unrecognizable
They write
Of our hatred for humanity
for every single individual that surrounds us and
How we surround ourselves with them
with crowded supermarkets and lanes of traffic because
they fuel our suffering and
That's all we crave
They write
On our thirst for blood
our lust for **** ****** war on
How our society is fueled by violence and how
we bathe in it with a grin
stretched across dry bleeding lips
sharp teeth that rip through our neighbors' flesh
with delight
They write
that we're alone in suffering and surrounded by hate and
we're wild animals driven to war
out of boredom and
That's human nature in a nutshell
That's the truth revealed
nasty, gritty, honest
They write
and that's when
it comes, that gnawing in the
pit of your stomach, that
scratching in the back of your mind
that claws its way
down into your throat where it
squeezes
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 2:28 PM UTC
Bitterness beseeches every
GROTESQUE
Inch of me
Thoughts of your light enveloping
my existence in a
condemnation
of
sabotaging
dreams.
I am the dark queen, and you,
you are my ghost.
Haunting me perilously.
The destruction of my kingdom is welcomed.
Dismantle
Decimate
Destroy.
Poison me with ANY
Affliction.
I welcome the cardinal sins of my evocations.
Blasphemy of my soul
Awakened and stripped
Of us, leaving me
Welcoming the blackness.
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 11:11 PM UTC
*i'm sorry that i'm not happy.
but all the lives i have lived,
all the heartache & pain
have caused my unhappiness.
it's nothing to do with you.
all it is, is the past.
telling me that love means pain
& that if they don't hurt you constantly
it's not love.
my past tells me that love
is always perfect & happy,
that there are no issues in love,
love is perfect.
all these ideals & perfectionism
sabotaging my relationships
sabotaging my happiness.
telling me that this is wrong
because i was raised in contradiction.
contradiction is my home.
i've seen the war between my parents
i've heard the screaming of insults
i've witnessed the anger
i've been the blank screen
on which to cast the anger on.
i was taught from a very young age
that my failures were catastrophic
instead of a normal process of life.
i was taught that my temper
was a way to gain the attention
i so desperately craved.
i was taught that my pain
was insignificant & invalid
that i was a brat for feeing anything
except grateful.
i grew up thinking that nice
was boring & unsatisfying
& that danger & manipulation
would fill the empty void.
i grew up with negativity, pain
& contradiction
clouding my every thought,
clouding my every judgement,
shaping my every decision.
so i'm sorry i'm not happy.
saying "it's not you; it's me"
sounds like such a cliché.
but it couldn't be more appropriate.
forgive me.*
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 9:54 AM UTC
I found myself rooting for the tiny ant
The spider was trying to trap in its webbed snare,
No thoughts did I spare before swiping a finger,
and helping it make a dramatic escape
As I looked at the spider, left food-less,
Rearrange itself in its meticulous net,
I wondered at the strangeness of this
Little world of ours, and also its pointlessness
We make it seem so rosy and pretty,
Embellish it with garlands of emotions,
But underneath lies the truth of its existence,
Made up of cruelty, chaos and commotion
The Designer painted it beautifully,
But gave it finer embroideries of pain,
He threw in an entire cosmos together,
And arranged it into a food chain
Compartments and more compartments,
Of colour and country and gender galore,
Hustle and bustle to stay put in a labile balance,
That is forever tipped at the cusp of war
We fool ourselves with the sham that our lives
Depend on friendships and love and such stunts,
When what we are, if we think about it,
Is a part, of one gigantic hunt
A hunt for alimentation,
And monetary satisfaction,
And physical satiation,
Does being conditional deserve glorification?
I wonder if I've turned into a permanent cynic,
It may very well be just a phase,
Though the spider would be cursing me for sure,
Not too romantic it is, sabotaging a prey!
Nov 1, 2016
Nov 1, 2016 at 4:53 PM UTC
Sometimes Dreams die..
Sometimes the fantasies that you create in your mind go to war with reality. And reality wins.
Sometimes the dreams that are fabricated in your thoughts are really just safe, soft places to escape to and can never be made to be tangible.
Sometimes there are forces that halt these selfish desires to hold you out for far more than you imagined.
Sometimes life does you favors, when you think it's sabotaging your dreams and you wake up to realize..that it was all destiny.
Dec 16, 2016
Dec 16, 2016 at 3:43 AM UTC
I overslept again today.
Terrified of living life.
Too afraid.
To chase the sun.
I wish on the stars.
To play their part.
Wondering if I will ever be,
Good enough?
To live the life I've always dreamed.
Instead of falling fast asleep.
There's no room for me to breathe.
Suffocating and sabotaging.
The life I want for the life I don't.
Wasting away another day.
Running on empty.
Will it always be this way?
Instead I'll fall fast asleep.
Dreaming of what my life could be.
Nov 7, 2024
Nov 7, 2024 at 10:55 AM UTC
*Incapable of opening her heart
Hiding behind books
Underneath....
Self-Sabotaging
Exquisitely lies
So believable
Even she bought
Her own ********
Lock, stock, and barrel
or it is...
Hook, line, and sinker
Voiceless
Fear-filled
Worth-less
The one who
Closes off
Heart and Soul
Never learns
Hopeless
Purposeless
No real impact
Silent screams
Or maybe not so silent
Drowning in a pool
Of cries for help
Unable or
Unwilling
To grab a life line
She breaks
Her own heart
Numbing her soul
Unknowing of WHY
She refuses to
Stop Self-Sabotaging
or
Keeps her heart and soul
Closed to others
Never letting them close
Feeling so alone*
krs
4/1/2015
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 6:48 AM UTC
I shave the acres of skin that envelope me
a useless movement only viewed by me
you can't touch my flushed skin nor can I yours
yet I cut away my old being for you
an action you shall never feel nor see
a perfect representation of you and me
my self-sabotaging heart yearns for attention
greedily absorbing any ounce of affection
wanting only what I cannot have
any risk of real connection a dangerous thing
so when I stared at the forbidden
I had never expected the forbidden to stare back
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 7:56 AM UTC
i’m not naive enough to compare myself to a rose,
whose soft petals and curves prevail beyond its thorns.
i’m not a flower.
i’m not sweetness,
or supple colors,
or life.
i am a mess of stems and spines, sharp angles and twisted roots,
and i will damage those who get close enough to touch.
i am senselessly cruel,
and sabotaging.
an aimless collection of failures and secrets,
****** towels and bruised knees.
i am four in the morning,
thrashing and screaming and weeping.
i am waking up still drunk,
i am an ache that never passes.
i am love, but not the wonderful kind.
i am selfish vices,
i am indulgence and self-denial.
and sometimes,
as the light of morning appears,
i can’t imagine what i’ve done
or where i’ve been.
Oct 17, 2013
Oct 17, 2013 at 8:46 PM UTC