Dear one:

You are a quiet conqueror
I know it
because your voice will make avalanches
and rouse the sleeping mountains
your words of kindness will heal others
and in doing so
it will break your own cycle.

Jasmine,
I believe all these things
and in you so strongly
for I have seen it
in a future that presently waits for you
remain steadfast
and please realize
you will do many wonders
because you are one yourself.

I woke in a sweat
to the sounds of screams
at 3am
with shaking hands & ringing ears
I couldn't close my eyes again.

A women's distress
just outside the window
sobered and terrified me
leaving me
in a ghostly state
determined to visit each room
and count each sleeping head.

This call of the wild
from fox to fisher cat
how the shrill beckoning of nature
reaches and echoes everywhere
peering out to the woods
it is only fitting that this man
be deemed the real intruder.

Sometimes
I don't want to breathe
but I still do
just to spite myself.

Making each morning
the remainder of questions
and the child
I know nothing about.

Let's not be coy
I said,
wagging my finger
you are here to talk about me
I said repeatedly
to the mirror
so talk---
I said, playfully
or I will.

Another few seconds pass
before the minutes are flung into the chasm
the next skeleton that rattles
will bear the mark of the hour
and so greedy it is,
as the pair of hands reach for our lives
all consuming, but never full
the swinging tock sound of the pendulum
has now provided me
with a tic of my own
only now can I---
almost taste
the impudence of the clock
the eyes on its face
ever alert,
unblinking
its grin,
unyielding
widens,
more still---
until it seizes the day.

My decision made
only air caught me
resigned to fade
from the highest place
with the most shade
I'm coming down
that hand I've played
sent me below
but I'm not dismayed
when beckoned by the ground
I heard and I obeyed.

I stood staring
not moving
but aware
feeling the breeze
and its touch
light as a feather
hinted at freedom
long since forgotten.

Heavy is the gravity
that anchors me
to the ground here
so when a shadow
covered my face
I raised my eyes
and I cheered
as a white bird dissected the blue sky.

Broken toys
don't sleep at night
they sit in corners
and stare with one good eye
wondering, collecting dust
quiet rejection
turns to mistrust
with dreams just as broken.

After being smothered for so long
I'm finally breathing on my own
peeling off the layers
that held me still
this strange freedom
that I feel
now becomes anxiety
and much too real.

Demanding loyalty
being bonded to a pax romana,
contract or treaty
and craving attention
from all that I see
just as our fathers
and mothers before us
just as any good creator would do
I am focused on the worship of me.

When the darkness came
it claimed him;
embraced,
then it named him.
"Seed of mine",
it said.
"The light, left you here instead
and now,
that you are warped
like me;
all these verses
and letters remain in red."

Once you realize
you're part of a dying machine
marvel at your worth
and the part
you play in the movement,
little cog.

In my shell
there is life

In my cell
lies decay

It shows itself
every single night

Then at dawn
hides itself away.

I remain the worm
no one gets me
only the early rising bird
that opens its beak
and swallows me whole
down the endless gullet I fall
not stopping
no chance to wonder
if life was ever truly fair at all.

It's getting better all the time
not the struggle
it always stays the same
but the difference is
truly I am now
a more accomplished liar.

I'll tell you a secret
that nobody knows
no king nor queen
or wayward vagabond suppose
ever see tears from a clown
purposefully stain his clothes

King unto himself
the jester like the rooster
only beckons when he crows
inviting the day to come
before he quietly goes.

Looking at this world
the old gods will say
let it expire,
it's far past decay

When flesh rots its form
there is nothing more to find
leaving only the stench to remain
and the bones that remind.

Like a magazine
locked and caged,
in between
sweaty hands
cast away the shells,
cartridges,
the bullets and me
tell it all away
it's just a dream,
just a dream
and hope you're still awake
when the shooting ends.

Stand by me
for I am still at last
no rythm in the vein
no fog upon the glass
no light will ever dance forth
for my time becomes past.

Life is not fair, friend
when I am here
and you are not
when you were ensnared
by addiction and desires of flesh
a soul left here to rot

The existing situation is not so great
born of our differences
where we did not gain a scar
knowing love did not spare us pain
moving us forward into unknown embrace
and only served to make us who we are.

The loneliness of it all
still haunts me now
called an animal
a beast, a deplorable
chained as veal
deprived of resources
be it sow or cow
sang to, out in the field
bludgeoned with violence
told to submit daily
or else, threat
or else, ****
I can not be owned
God and Mother Nature
could never allow
yesterday I was once a man
who tasted freedom
upon his tongue
and tomorrow---
I will be a man still.

The roads are blocked
like my arteries
and when I come to a stop
there is only a dead end.

There so many questions
that my daughter brings to life
it is overwhelming
yet, endearing
I have tasted pain
not wishing her to know
comprehend,
or understand it
these emotions
have always threatened to end me
so do not blame me
if I will not forward them
to your address
my daughter, in this life
I want to answer truthfully
but walk the edge of an answer
as carefully as I would a knife.

There is no need
for cattle to understand
they do. they live. then die.
cast not pearls before swine
neither mine nor thine
serve them inferior supply.
let them eat cake.
live then die.
it is not necessary for cattle
to understand the ways of life
nor curse of being man.

The deepest cut
is the first
then the one that follows
I find that I am tired
as my essence puddles out
crimson tears form in the well
and become a weeping waterfall
of wasted life and battered choices
I want to take it back---
but the redness of me,
breaks free
seeking to be exposed to the outside
and remain uncaged from weakness.

Eyes so gray
as storm clouds gather
and heaven looks away
the wind comes strong
and what is left of me
crashes against the rocks
the rest of me goes astray.

Waiting
on an empty stage
for the applause
the curtain to raise
echos here
sound like praise
simple silence
is not a phase.

Restless are the eyes that follow
searching out a purpose,
some nameless claim,
so warm, tepid,
and full of oceanic wonder;
those following two---
those damp spheres of shade.

Regrettably, a thought arrives---
I did not request your name,
lovely living statue,
found of selective voice.

Mark my posture
as a ship listing on the waves,
turn back to port,
turn back to safety,
return to the familiar
these things I know.

Pulse cease,
disquiet chamber
place hold and become stagnant,
meaning and reason please return;
human folly was born of myself,
and remains nameless,
such as my captive audience.

Such bindings of flesh and form,
build me to agony,
and remain a prisoner of chemistry
this creature, this mystery,
this name---
was never offered to me in kind.

I suppose---
there are things best kept hidden,
not spoken loud
as the heart manages its uttering
I walk down the hallway,
perceiving your gaze at journey's end.

Slowly still,
my footsteps fall in procession
and knowing not at all,
when the day concludes
such thinking is above my own
and I am left to wonder
if such a goddess was ever meant
to have earthly title.

Polished in the mirror,
I shine.
There's evidence
everyone who knows it
now knows of ME,
and has liked my image repeatedly.

This is my good side
quickly, capture that twinkle,
sparkle and finesse;
from every angle imaginable,
and photoshop it
until my form is pleasing and recognizable.

Stare at ME entirely
but only after I have given consent,
after you subscribe to the content.
Please don't bother ME
while uploading my deep thoughts,
I am trending now;
but yesterday I lost a follower
for ME it's like losing a limb.

Such stress makes ME lose focus
I forget to breathe or eat,
such a price for the framework;
I'm not just a vessel, I'm an idol.
I'll rise and steal the moment,
little snares for captive time.

Look at ME
don't lose interest,
stop texting when I'm talking to you.
That's annoying
that's rude,
pay attention to ME for once.

Automatic flash goes off
set for selfie, now filter applied
something is missing here,
a selfie born without the self.

Don't pity ME
the phone doesn't lie;
imperfection can never be
I'm immune,
ME indeed,
addicted to the social feed.

Talk about fashionable---
bars were once
the modern day ***** den
now replaced by a newer drug---
technology
and with so many track marks
I know we will never recover.

If there's something else to salvage
other than those
savage feelings
that two people create
speak up
before our voices get too raw
and all that time spent together
becomes nothing at all.

My feeling have issues
I'm trying to live
aside from the anger
I'm trying to give
nerve endings scream
you cannot go numb
breeding the theme
that I'm coming from.

Strike out
at the largest vein
that traverses the honeycomb
and finally reveal yourself.

I've outgrown the rage
and fallen into God's design
all the hurt and pain is gone
I've left that part of me far behind.

Human is the face
look through shattered windows
of a broken home
and memories scatter
like blinded cockroaches
of a homeless spirit
that despairs each night I roam

Hunger stirs me awake
my body decays like rome
laying in the gutter
the rain comes down
a faded shadow of man visits
an illuminated town.

Read me through
then bleed me too
a tempest of words awakens in me---

When the weather rages on
hold fast, seek to last
or find understanding to be incomplete.

When such an old soul, bound to fresh form
becomes left out in the rain
it's warped from the touch of the storm.

That face
how it shines
seeking to be closer
to those fingers that caress
softly spoken words
that call the divine.

So precious
all knowing pet
lovely creature that hums
such purpose becomes that closeness
in your eyes
you think me God.

In copious amounts
the feelings came
torn asunder
then left the same

The card went unread
the flowers came
but this wintry day
left no mention of my name.

It comes in deep waves
first the warmth,
then the chill;
the salty taste that overpowers,
and the foam that seeks to fill.

Above beckons the alternating current
a body becomes stretched
only to sink,
and rise no more beneath the surface;
past the seaweed
among the fiery reef,
beware,
there lurks the end of still life.

Soon when muscles ache
when there is no fight left
with such heavy limbs that struggle;
heed my tepid words
when the dark clouds form,
it's much better to sink low,
and embrace the undertow.

Let the rusted shackles remain
all the tread-marks and the bruises
to remind me in this life,
that I was once a prisoner
of my own habits.

Show the bars were fashioned
from the idleness
of my own two hands,
which bestowed upon me the title
of lecherous warden.

After 13 years
there is a need for honesty
all the things I've held back
are placed in front of me
for as long as I could remember
it has never been this way
sometimes life is a parade
that winds up like JFK.

You tell me the world is rotten
and I turn my face away
you say it is hopeless
yet, I still manage to believe

older brother,
you can not smother the flame within me
it glows all the more brightly
day by day

little sister,
it is that hatred and jealousy
that will do you in
it is the real reason
that you are not free

sitting prostrate
in front of a dying fire
rubbing your hands for warmth
while your own light is choking
on fading embers.

Mother I bleed today
much in the same way you did
all those years ago
different battlefields
different scars
but we learned the value of life.

Strange rhythm
beating behind the wall
so many chambers
fast footsteps
slow breathing
nothing can mute this music
since I hardly know you at all.

Broken, bludgeoned
bitter curmudgeon
false teeth, fake smile
as I walk the extra mile
just to please you
and I'm quickly finding
that it's not my style

The only true promised land
is built on the promises
that you learn to keep.

It all started with saying hello
and now I barely know you
each day grows shorter
and I struggle just to grow through
the disagreements and anger
that find themselves at our door
that only seem to flow true
the only thing I remember now
when you said you hated me
is the sad fact that I asked for this
and how I still only want you.

Take my hand
discover its warmth
look past the human debris
and find me
avalanches and storms
of centuries
could not bury me
for the studio light
shines too bright.

Allow me to borrow your golden halo
agree to let me purchase your soul
every thing that shines has a silver price
every one who walks the earth must know
nothing sacred remains here
there is no more holy ground
crusaders and pilgrims alike have all faded
and the world has muted its siren sound

The light from under your bedroom door
It bleeds golden streams
Spilling out onto the floor
Making a bridge of light

We're both connected.
You and me.

Your room is so close by.
Can I come in?
It's locked.
And I've tried knocking.

I can hear you crying through the door.
Is it me?
Why don't you let me in?
I can help you.

You have your secrets
I'll keep mine.

I'll come back later.

I'm back.
Compose yourself.

There's nothing to fear
It's only the house settling.

I'm only down the hallway

Getting closer now

The boards creak

I hear your heart beat faster

Don't be afraid

It's only me.

And I've always been here

Since the day you moved in

Waiting for someone like you

To share the house with me.