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Sophia Aug 2017
your touch drips like liquid laughter
soothing, seeping over sutured wounds

each course of lips on skin
and scars
a string of unsaid words
that sting and etch onto my being

a litany of swears
and unanswered cries

the next morning we forget all about them
and presume our day with bright smiles
and little winks

the bitter coffee on our tongues
never tasting sweeter
im sad but writing happy poems helps a bit
Sophia Apr 2016
I tried writing poems
About people that weren't you

I tried writing about the boy with the sweet smile
That texts me everyday

I tried writing about the lady with the dark blonde hair
and tired eyes that I met on the subway last night

I tried writing about me, about the monsters in my bed
That haunt my dreams at night,

I tried to write about anything else but you,
But you flow through my pen like blood through pulsing veins,

And it's hard to close the wounds when the sutures are as sturdy
as duct tape on a plane engine.
I tried to forget you, but every now and then your face haunts my thoughts and you won't leave unless I write you down.
Sophia Apr 2020
Even in the dark;
the sun hidden beneath clouds
smog thick and heavy dousing the streets with gloom

still there’s singing;
in balconies couples dance
the laughter of children playing in the yard despite the weather-

How wonderful humankind can be
when we stand together against the odds.
We’re always stronger together than apart, at least I’ve learnt this much.)
Sophia Jan 2016
Sentimental or not, if you do read this, just know that I'm happy hat we've hung on to life for yet another year.
You're now turning 18. You've been alive for over a decade.
Just last year, you were planning on ending your life.
You didn't.
It was hard, painful, tiresome, but you didn't give in; You're still here.
Thank you for giving me another year to live.
No matter how you decide to spend this day, and no matter how you may be feeling right now, just know this;
You're a warrior.
You always were.
Even at the times you fell and got hurt. You didn't call it quits, because warriors never surrender.
And now here we are. 18 years.
I hope we live long enough to see tomorrow rise.
I hope that with the sunrise, a new chapter of your life will begin. And I hope in this chapter, you will be happy.
Genially, instinctively, heart-warmingly happy.
Best wishes.
I hope you make it.

*letters to my future self, 16.7.2015
I found this in my journal today. Enough to say that I broke down crying. 2016, please be gentle. Here's to another year.
19
Sophia Apr 2017
19
I feel my innocence
slipping away
through fingers clasped as tight as
sand slipping to the ocean floor
Thick waves engulfing it and tying it down
like anchors

around my neck i feel the weight
of the opportunities i’ve missed out

and i’m not sure how much longer i can keep afloat
without letting the doubts sink me down by hidden treasure chests of siren calls.
Sophia Sep 2019
i wish i didn’t have to shield my eyes from the sun
like i have to when i look at you

i wish i didn’t tremble in the snow
like i do every time you touch me

-i love you like the year loves the changing seasons
Sophia Jun 2017
"I don't know how you do it"* man sighed.
"Do what?" pondered nature.

"All this," said man,
"you're kind whilst being cruel
breathing life upon some and inhaling it from others
you're tranquil yet hide a sea of storms inside your chest
you're a contradiction,
with no end to it;"


Nature smiled, knowing eyes gazing upon mankind.

*"A contradiction I may be
in your eyes, yet-
I'm neither kind nor cruel;
Neither benignant nor malevolent.

I simply am.

Then again, she breathed,
What you see in yourself, in your kind;
is what you reflect upon me."
she doesn't love us nor does she hate us. she exists for no one's pleasure.
Sophia Jun 2014
It's just one of those days;

Those days you feel
the passage of time etching
its mark on humanity,

Days where you
realise how
much the
world has wronged you

Stained your
face and body
with
empty promises
and overbearing
judgment

It's one of those days
where you feel

*Insignificant.
(This was originally made as a comic page panel I made, so I tried to change the structure a bit to fit as a poem without pictures etc. Hope it doesn't ruin it!)
Sophia Jan 2015
It's alright
that emptiness cradles my chest

and it's okay
that breathing has become a vigorous task

it's fine
that my thoughts have turned into dormant volcanoes

it's ok, it's just fine,

after all, dreamers are meant to be sad, are they not?
Sophia Jan 2016
I knew him.
Above all, I need you to understand that.

I knew him, his every crook and premise. I knew-know what his embrace feels like, how to wrap my arms around him, how he'll put his arms tight right above the end of my spine.

He kissed my forehead and I knew.

At night, the way he touched me was familiar.
That's the touch that I will know for a lifetime.

He'd never look me eye to eye when he was upset.
He'd rather spill his sadness to the ground, allowing it and only it to look back into the depth of his sadness.

He'd place his head above my own and let out a breath hitched in the back of his throat when he was tired.

When he was happy, he didn't need to smile or laugh and talk about it. I knew. His eyes were all the clue I needed.

I knew him. I knew him before friendly touches switched lanes, I met him when we were both too ignorant to know how our roads would intertwine and part, part on the mistake of my behalf.

I knew him. Well.

And it's been years now, years away from him, but I still know, and now she does too.

I need you to understand that.
But above all, I need you to understand,
I'm trying to learn you just as well.

*And eventually, I might. I might.
Sophia May 2015
It's sad how i keep writing
poems about love

Yet picture no one's face
while writing them.
Sophia Jul 2014
Whenever I write about you, beautiful words appear on paper.

Perhaps it's because every single thing that my pen pulses out
contains the image of your face, of your glowing confidence and gentle smile.

And I guess it's kind of sad,
How I insist I can't even remember your ******* smile                                          
       (and the way your **** eyes lit like newborn nebulas)
and how I don't care much about how you're doing
         (are you still with her? You probably are.)

But the worst part isn't how much I'm bullshitting everyone around me, how so not 'okay' I am, or how many times the words i'm fine, just tired made their way out of my mouth.

The worst part isn't that you're not here to hold me through this pangs of depression, hitting me like waves hit the seashore,

It's not the fact that I'm not your 3am drunk phone call or your ''good morning'' text, not even your arm of support (was I ever?)

It's not the thoughts eating me alive every night (don't worry, these  aren't your fault; they've been my dark companions for years), nor how I can't ever forget you, not even with pills or alcohol or cheap smokes.

The worst is the realisation that you're like a spring fragrance and I'm just another ****.
You're the summer breeze and I'm nothing but a grain of sand under your feet.

It's the knowledge that even through all of this, I knew;
I always knew that I'd never be worthy of you.
I never have.
I never will.
Sophia Jul 2014
The sea never stops
to explain that it’s constant pulsing is the only thing that keeps some people sane at night.

The sea never stops
to show mercy to those caught up in its depths, knowing what they were heading into from the start.

The sea never stops
to try and change its blazing ferocity to calm still. It is what it is, it exists for no one's pleasures.

The sea never stops
to bleed out its glistening cobalt and switch it to emerald, to gold or ruby.

The sea never stops
to ponder on it’s own vastness, to feel remorse for creatures whom dislike her embrace.

The sea never stops
her infinite journey

and neither should you.
Sophia Sep 2015
I’ve moved countries.
I’ve moved, and it’s the little differences that remind me of this.
It’s not the massive skyscrapers and old town squares,
the gray skies and cold weather
(oh so different from the heat of skin on skin I’m used to)
It’s not the fast paced life and sounds of a foreign tongue surrounding me

It’s the little things,
like the subtle quietness of my apartment,
and the clack of heels on the floor above me,
the waterfall of TV advertisments,

It’s the sense of loneliness
and the nostalgia of your touch

It’s how I forgot the colour of your eyes,
and the shape of your nose,
your crooked smile and heartfelt laugh

I don’t miss my country,
I’m missing all the aspects of you that are still locked back there.
Sophia Oct 2014
I wonder what will become
of us
when our flesh has abandoned our body
overtaken by the folds of our skin

I wonder what will become
of us
when our entrails will be covered in rot

I wonder,
if trees will bloom out of our chests
or if the dirt will stuff our throats,

and fill our hollow eye sockets.
Sophia May 2016
I don't need
To smoke my lungs into oblivion

You already deflated them

With just a single look.
Sophia Apr 2016
Sometimes,
late at night,
or early in the afternoon,

Sometimes in the morning
and sometimes during noon,

I get this itch on the grooves of my palm.

Then inner turmoil becomes instant calm,

Only if I fit a pen between my thumb,
and index finger,

And then that itch will move and tither,
and far away from my hand it'll slither

It'll work its' sneaky way inside my brain,
And halt to stop along the way,

To push my feelings, and my pain,
my insecurities, my fears, all drained,

and pulsing out through that very pen,
the itch made me hold once again.

And I'll bleed, and bleed and bleed,
until there's no more use for ink

And the minute that the ink runs out,
the itch disappears; without a sound!

When will it be back? Who knows?
Meanwhile, my breath returns,

The itch now scratched and my mind relieved,
My whole life was scribbled on a sheet.

And through that sheet my feelings sprout,
until that itch comes back around.
Sophia Sep 2019
emptathy is killing me

from the crying women on TV
to the bitter events in the news
from friends drowning in nostalgia
To the characters of books

empathy is killing me

it makes me feel bonded to beasts i should steer clear of
their fangs tear deep
and yet i cry for them, and what they once were

empathy has killed me
my heart a bloodied pulp sitting still in my chest
and i smile
knowing i was the cause of my demise.
my heart's too big for my body. it hurts.
Sophia Aug 2015
This is a poem
about you

but there's nothing poetic about
your unkempt hair
and your round face

there's nothing poetic about your
constant need of reassurance
"where are you? what are you doing right now?"

there's not an ounce of romance in your disturbed sense of "love"

this is a poem about you,
but it's not a poem about love.

It's a poem about redemption
and regaining of confidence

*it might be about you, but it's none of my concern anymore
Sophia Jun 2014
It's all coming
back to me again

(The Sadness)

It hits me in waves
[Like the pain underneath
the bottom of my ribs]

It screams so loud it
blocks all else sounds

Creeping isn't its thing;
Attacking from behind though is

(And I guess this is
all my fault)

It's my fault for ever thinking
That I could be
happy

      normal

                            

                       (I can't get rid of it.
                                     Please help me get rid of it.)
(Originally 'happy' was over lined [at least I think that's the word for it, hah], but since there's no such option here, I used italics.)
Sophia May 2018
they see my scars and ask ‘what are those?’
i tell them they are battle wounds,

they tell me they are ugly,
i tell them scars are not meant to be beautiful,
they’re meant to prove that i’ve existed

they tell me i can remove them from my skin
i tell them why remove a part of me
to look like somebody i never was?


-don’t belittle me for fighting through hard nights with steel
Sophia May 2016
You once asked me who I write about
How these words seem to hold my entire heart in their spaces

I laughed at you, the spite in your eyes terrifying,
and blowing out smoke I spelled the words- no one.

No one comes to mind when I write about love.
No one comes to mind when I write about my heart teetering and thrashing into a million pieces.

A face that will haunt me for a lifetime doesn't keep me up at night.
There's no sad back story to your manic pixie girl dream.

Nothing is here for you to fix and nothing for you to be intimidated from.
No one comes to mind when writing ****** ****** love poems.

Not even you.
I write whatever I feel like writing and I'm not obliged to give you answers.
Sophia May 2016
It's 5:00 am

   The world is asleep
   everything seems still
   (Except the heartbeat of the sea that never seems to cease,
   soothing troubled thoughts with its infinite pulse)
  The world is a clash of still and rural.
The sky blushes the softest shade of pink, complementing the pale shade of blue, as soft as a mother's kiss on her newborn child's forehead.
  The skyline, though etched with the softest colours, maintains its ferocity-never letting us believe it is not our governor, the ruler and observer of all.
  Vivid colours clash and compete, biting each other like siblings in a fight, one taking over the other until nothing is left but the slow fade of the moon's unearthly glow.
Through the quiet still of dawn, the first rural sounds are made; the first tweeting of an early-risen bird, the booming of the car of the hard-working man; the lazy paddling of someone who the God of slumber had yet to hastily kiss goodnight (dawn is this mans' lover).

Surrounded by this beauty, by this infinite potential of hollow peace,
of momentary silence,
my thoughts seem to cease as well, in order to pay respects to this natural shrine of artistry.

The only thing tying me to my feet being the bitter taste of caffeine and smoke,
the only thing tying my mind to my body being the constant whisper of waking nightmares
though they too seem to still in awe; letting me cut them open and pulse them out into ink and paper.
(The world is beautiful
and that reminds me of you)
Sophia Jul 2014
My life is a constant battle
between comfort and survival
between self-acceptance or insanity

And I'm tired having to choose
between nurturing my body
or the voices inside my head.
(Having a rough time with recovery. I don't know if I can keep doing this anymore, and I know not of any other way to express myself so here, a ****** poem.)
Sophia Jul 2014
They keep telling me

I'm here for you

But do they realise
How difficult it is
to pick up the phone
when you feel so
                                   empty?

( I'm sorry I can't seek the help you provide. I'm sorry for being selfish.)
Two poems in a row, why not.
Sophia Jun 2014
I've hid behind this mask for so long
that now I don't know who I am without it.

(Am I of worth without it?)
Sophia Sep 2019
I want roses to grow inside my lungs
Its okay if their thorns ***** my sides, and the blood pools inside my chest
Its okay so long as
I can ***** rose petals
And choke on their ever growing vines.
Sophia May 2014
I wish i was empty
void of life, void of emotions
because only then
would I not bother with this facade

Putting on smiles as fake
as my friends' concern,
lying has become my second tongue

And I wish I could spill the sadness
in my soul to you
but dear I'm afraid you'd
drown.
(Sorry it's sappy and all, but I had a lot of bottled up feelings when I scribbled this down in a journal, hahah. This is my first post, so I'm still not sure how things work on these site so um..yeah, I'm ranting now, sorry. Hope you enjoy!)
Sophia Jun 2014
You say you know me
   yet you were never there
to hear echoes my thoughts leave
in the dead of the night

                                                          ­         You say you are here for me
     yet not once have I
   picked up the phone
  to see your name illuminate the screen
telling me the words I need to hear

                   You're not alone. I'm the shoulder you can
                                          lean on

                                                            ­           You said you're sorry
      sorry for the times cold metal
    and the copper taste of crimson
  gave me better comfort than
you ever did.

                   You said and said and said
                        but never acted

                   except when it came
         to closing the door behind you
               and never looking back


but you forgot something. You forgot a soul hidden in the corner of the
*empty house
(For some reason the first line of the first verse won't align on the right, no matter how many times I edit it. Apologies for that.
Sophia Mar 2017
I don’t want to be called pretty, don’t want to be thought of as pretty, don’t want to be pretty.
I’ve wasted so many years of my life trying to be pretty, skinny, girly, cutely, and another box of labels i tried to fit onto my ragged skin to no avail

Don’t call me pretty. Don’t call me cute.
I’m not.

I’m smart. I’m thoughtful. I’m kind. I’ve got softness hidden in the bottom of my heart and I’m proud it stuck with me for this long.

I’ve got tired happy eyes and a round nose and hair unruly, soft curves and thick thighs.

I’ve got scars that show I’m more than skin and bones, scars to prove I’m a survivor, a warrior. Scars to prove I’ve never given up.

I’m not pretty. I never will be.
And you know what?
I’ve never been more content than the moment i realised

i am enough.
without your labels, without your compliments, without your back-handed insults or catcalls.

i am enough.
i'm not a label, not a demographic. i'm just a person.

— The End —