LeaveThisLife: Poems

May 2015 · 714

Update

LeaveThisLife May 2015

Update

Still stuck in this hole
I'm starting to like it down here

#addiction #imokay #dontwanthelp

Mar 2015 · 924

Confession.

LeaveThisLife Mar 2015

Confession.

We lay in my bed
Still wrapped in each others arms
Our clothes sprawled on the floor
We're still breathing heavily
This is normal
He'll come over every Wednesday
We'll do this every Wednesday
The same thing
And we're used to this
We like this
We'd only have a few minutes left
Before my dad came home
But we'll risk it and lay together
Just for one more minute
Then he'll put his clothes on
I'll straddle him one last time
He'll pick me up
Kiss me goodbye
And drive away

True story.

#addiction #lust #confession #habits #routine

Feb 2015 · 908

Hollow Heart, Empty Soul

LeaveThisLife Feb 2015

Hollow Heart, Empty Soul

Hi, my name is Alli
And I have an addiction*
I see blurry remains
Through my mascara tears
I fill my clouded head
With screams that nobody hears
I blast my music through my headphones
But his voice still echos in my head
I'm beginning to think I may never overcome this
I continue to relapse, time and time again
Maybe it's time I stop trying to recover
Maybe this is who I am

I stopped fighting my darkness, we're on the same side now

#addiction #tears #darkness #help #screams #relapse

Feb 2015 · 792

Help

LeaveThisLife Feb 2015

Help

I am good for a while
I'll talk more, laugh more
Sleep and eat normally
But then something happens
Like a switch turns off somewhere
And all I am left with is the darkness of my mind
But each time it seems like I sink
Deeper and deeper
And I am scared...
Terrified that one day I won't make it back up
I feel like I am gasping for air
Screaming for help
But everyone just looks at me
With confused faces
Wondering what I am struggling over
When they're all doing just fine
And it makes me feel crazy

What the hell is wrong with me?

~m.h

I've really been struggling with my myself lately, making bad decision that are just dragging me farther underwater, and the people I keep bringing into my life are not people who are going to pull me out of the water, they're the brick dragging me down deeper and deeper to the bottom of this deep trench of my mistakes...
I need help, someone help me

#alone #dead #crying #crazy #help #mistakes

Feb 2015 · 754

You Win

LeaveThisLife Feb 2015

You Win

Alright, fine
I'm done trying
I waited too long for you to come around
Clearly you're not
So..
You win
It's time to say goodbye

This Rose is wilted

#gone #done #bye

Jan 2015 · 2.3k

My Promise

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

My Promise

I will destroy you
In the most beautiful
Way possible
And when I leave
You will finally understand
Why storms
Are named after people

#dark #beautiful #destroy #storm #promise

Jan 2015 · 550

Welcome

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

Welcome

Welcome to my world
It sure is dark in here
We don't see light often
But when we do
It's beautiful

#beautiful #darkness #trapped #light

Jan 2015 · 2.9k

Take Me To Church

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

Take Me To Church

Amen
Take me to church
Ill worship like a dog
At the shrine of your lies
Ill tell you my sins
So you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Oh good God
Let me give you my life

Obviously NOT my words, This song has been stuck in my head for over 24 hours

#religion #misunderstood #hozier

Jan 2015 · 1.1k

Old Habits

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

Old Habits

Old habits becoming the present
Past thoughts rushing back
Forgotten struggles now resurfacing
You thought you were a new person
But you're not
You didn't change
That part of you was just hiding
You said that you would never
Lower yourself to doing that again
You said that you learned your lesson
But here you are
Laying in a different bed
With a different guy
Practicing the same old habits
Hating yourself
Adding more scars to those existing
But paint that smile back on your face
So family
So friends
So strangers
Can't see the pain
Your suffering

Help

#pain #suffering #habits

Jan 2015 · 524

Back To The Beginnning

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

Back To The Beginnning

Well it's over
And I'm not sad
In fact, I'm happy
I'm so glad I got to know you
So glad we spent time together
You made me happy
And I thank you for that
I will keep our memories
I hope you will do the same
I'm not mad at you for ending us
I want you to be happy
And if your not happy with me
Then we need to walk away
I'm thankful for the experience
And for the love you gave me
I won't forget you
And I hope you will do the same for me
Let's not be strangers again
Let's go back to the beginning
You were a great boyfriend
But you were a better friend
Lets not let this lose our friendship
Because that means so much to me
You mean so much to me

Lets not be strangers
This isn't a poem, im just speaking my mind

#friends #breakup #thankful

Jan 2015 · 711

Us.

LeaveThisLife Jan 2015

Us.

I love nothing more
Than to hear you call me baby
To be called your Rose
To be known as your girl
And when you compliment me,
It means more to me than I let you see
I blush
My heart swells
My stomach is filled with butterflies
My friends tell me how you look at me
When I'm not looking
We are the best us I've ever been apart of
I love you

You're mine and I'm yours!

#love #relationship #him #together #us

Dec 2014 · 479

Lost

LeaveThisLife Dec 2014

Lost

Where is his Christmas spirit
As I lay in my bed, and you in yours
Only a thin apartment wall
Seperates us
But we haven't talked in hours
No kiss goodnight
No Merry Christmas wish
I just lay in bed
Feeling alone as usual
I'll just cry quietly
Until the things you do to me
Don't hurt anymore
You see
I've lost all faith
In having a real relationship with you
Because if you won't try
It's useless for me to

Goodnight Dad.

Dec 2014 · 836

You're Mine

LeaveThisLife Dec 2014

You're Mine

I know you're mine
You say it in every kiss
In every smile
In every moment you share with me

You know I'm yours
I say it in every touch
In every hug
In every second were together

Without you I'm nothing
With you I'm something
Together we're everything

You're mine, Babe.

#happy #together #yours #mine

Dec 2014 · 3.7k

I Will Wait

LeaveThisLife Dec 2014

I Will Wait

If I can't have you today
I will wait
Because it will make having you tomorrow
All that much better

I will wait for you

#love #him #waiting

Dec 2014 · 956

I Want

LeaveThisLife Dec 2014

I Want

I want to dance with you in the pouring rain,
And then kiss you hard.
I want to lay in your arms,
Feel your head laying on mine,
Feel your hand on my hips,
Feel your lips come over mine.
I want to hold your hand.
I want to be everything you didn't know you were looking for.
I want to be with you until the sun falls from the sky.
I want to be the first person you think of in the morning,
And the last at night.
I want to work through our problems,
Instead of running away when things get hard.
Because your worth it.

Yes, you.

#want #relationships #him

Nov 2014 · 3.8k

I'm fine, I'm just tired

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

I'm fine, I'm just tired

Trust me, I know how it feels
I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower
So no one can hear you
And waiting for everyone to fall asleep
So you can fall apart
For everything to hurt so bad
You just want it all to end
I know exactly how it feels
I don't blame anyone, I did this to myself
Its my fault, everything is my fault
I feel this tiredness that sleep can't fix
And please stop asking if I'm okay
I'm tired of lying
I'm tired of living
I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of coping
I'm tired of hoping
I'm tired of existing
I'm tired of breathing
I'm just done
Because I'm never truly happy
Some days I'm just a little less sad than the rest
When you reach the point of being so sad you're numb
You're going to miss the ability to cry
Because depression is like drowning
And seeing everyone around you breathing
Because depression is not a choice
Its a deep hole you cannot climb out of
Trust me, I know how it feels
To beg God to just take it all away

#depression #leavemealone

Nov 2014 · 1.8k

Kisses

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

Kisses

I promise to
plant kisses
like seeds on
your body, so
in time you
can grow to
love yourself
as I love you.

...These are not my words but I thought this was beautiful...

#love #kiss #promise

Nov 2014 · 16.8k

Frosting on top of a Cake

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

Frosting on top of a Cake

I never really liked
My name
Much
Until I found out
What it tastes like
When you write it in frosting
On top of a cake

I found this on Tumblr and needed to share it with you!

#name #cake #frosting

Nov 2014 · 6.9k

The Honeymoon Phase

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

The Honeymoon Phase

The new car smell
The first snow fall of the year
The smell of a new baby
Playing with a new toy
A new relationship
Everything has a honeymoon phase
Things are great
You are so happy and just cannot get enough
The car smells so clean
The snow is so pretty
You are so happy with your new partner
Everything is perfect
When does the new effect wear away?
But when does that phase end?
The new car will get *****
The snow will no longer be pure
Babies grow into children
Toys break
And relationships end
But how can you prolong the honeymoon phase?
Can you remain that happy forever?
Is there a theory yet?
Lets find one together... **You & Me

The beginning of a relationship is the best feeling, you are incredibly happy and completely engulfed in each other... But when that phase is over... It defines your relationship, that's when you know if you will make it or break it.. But I want to know how to make that short phase last a life time

#happiness #relationship #perfect #new #honeymoon

Nov 2014 · 411

You're The One Who Got Away

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

You're The One Who Got Away

I was finally over you
I stopped thinking about you
We were just familiar faces
Just two strangers with some memories
It took 10 months to forget you
But we started talking again yesterday
And it made me think
And think
And think
Now I miss you again
I thought about you all day
I miss the things we did together
I miss your hugs and kisses
The way you would wipe my tears away
You loved me and I could tell
I loved you so much
But you slipped through my fingers
My mistake shattered us
And I couldn't pick up the pieces
We were broken
Now I miss you and the things we had
We had something special
And talking to you just reminded me it was gone
I wish we hadn't talked again

I miss you so much, I was over you until I texted you and now I cant stop thinking about you.... I just want to be yours again

#alone #boys #you #gone #miss

Nov 2014 · 5.5k

My Future is Black

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

My Future is Black

I
See
My
   Future
    In
     No one
      Else
       But
        You

But you have given up on me.

#future #alone #left

Nov 2014 · 414

What Are Meant to Break

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

What Are Meant to Break

A promise, by definition is
a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing
Or that a particular thing will happen
Promises are made everyday
                       Hundreds
                            of
                        Millions
But so many of them are broken
But why are they broken, some may ask
But promises you see
Are nothing
They mean absolutely nothing
They are not a bone that will hurt when broken
They are just a bunch of words
Spoken from one person to another
A rule being set in place
"We will be together forever"
"I will never cheat on you, ever"
I've heard it all
               But rules are set
                                To be broken
                                             So promises are made
                                                                **To be broken

I'm sick of promises being held to such a high standard, they all (at one point or another) get broken.

#promises #broken #nonexistant

Nov 2014 · 1.2k

I'm Nothing Special

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

I'm Nothing Special

God ****** I did it again
I fell for another hopeless cause
I told myself that he, unlike the first guy, would come around
That this guy will actually love me
But silly me
Thinking of things that will not happen
Cause he didn't come around
They never do
I always do this
Then I act surprised when he leaves me for someone else
I mean why do I think I'm anything special?
Cause I'm clearly not
I'm just someone that people like to use
No one truly falls for me
I need to stop falling for people
Then I will stop hurting
Unless everything goes black
Then I cant see, cant hear, and cant feel my pain
Maybe that's better
Maybe

#depression #alone #fuckmylife #nothingleft

Nov 2014 · 1.6k

Some People Never Change

LeaveThisLife Nov 2014

Some People Never Change

Yeah that's me
That girl
Who never changed
I'm still doing the same stupid things
I was doing a year ago
I think I'm insecure
I don't have the will power to stop
Even though you're gone
I just found someone new
Someone else who will love me like you did
I didn't go searching for someone new
That's the thing
I say I'm too good for this
I talk myself out of it
But then the situation presents itself again
And I fall back into my old habits
But this isn't healthy
I'm not happy
I never was
And if I'm not happy
Then why do I keep doing this?
Oh right
Because
Some people
Never change

#problems #habits #neverchange #canttalktoanyone

Oct 2014 · 445

Secret

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Secret

...Honestly...
I have this one secret floating around in my head
that I won't talk to anyone about...
This thought that won't leave my brain
Our memories that drive me insane
I'm holding my own head underwater
I'm eating myself alive
From the inside out
So no one sees my pain
I don't talk about it
I'm not comfortable enough with myself
To talk about it with others

Im usually a really open person about my secrets, but there's this one thought, burned into me, that I'm keeping to myself.. And its eating me alive...

#trust #death #eating #insanity #secrets #helpme

Oct 2014 · 1.6k

Why Rush?

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Why Rush?

At 15
The trees have only lost their leaves 15 time
There have only been 15 first snow falls
All we want do to at this age is grow up
But why are we in such a rush
Slow down
Watch the leaves change colors
Lay outside and watch the sunset
Wait around for the first star to make its appearance
Love someone
Live in the moment
Stop rushing
Because once the day is gone, you can't get it back

#why #rush #watch #liveinthemoment #whyrush

Oct 2014 · 1.1k

What have I become?

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

What have I become?

I've become
Everything
I despise in a person

#depression #hate #alienated

Oct 2014 · 275

It Can All Change

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

It Can All Change

Delicately dying, yet we want you to breathe

lost in the snow, but next is the spring

holding onto nothing, but something remains

cause after the sorrows and after the pains

the ice will melt and the cold season will fade

and underneath the despair

you’ll see a garden has grown

that has been nourished by your tears, a place to call home

where the roses are red and grown from the tears and blood you have shed

and you’ll understand happiness is all in your head

now it’s time to put the demons to bed and call it a day

cause today might be bad but tomorrow can change

Got this off tumblr, not my words

#depression #recovery #openingyoureyes

Oct 2014 · 409

I lost

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

I lost

I seem to take
Everything important
Everyone who cares
And give them a reason
To want to leave
But if I put real effort into something
They just get bored of me
Either way
I lose

Oct 2014 · 1.5k

Let the blood roll

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Let the blood roll

As the blood rolls down my arm
I remind myself that Im the only one who can hurt me
As the blood rolls down my arm
The thoughts inside my head subside
I think about the blood, the warmth, the redness
I run my finger over the blood and smear it
My entire wrist is blood red
I love it
But the thoughts come back
The pain comes back
And I pull the razor back out
And I let the blood roll

#depression #blood #red #nowayout

Oct 2014 · 1.7k

Im Sorry Okay

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Im Sorry Okay

Okay I'm sorry
But I don't love you
You were too close of a friend
I didn't even want to risk losing you
But I gave it a shot
People always said,
My best friend was disguised as my soul mate
But in this instance it wasn't you
So I told you that and now you need your space
So now were not talking
This is what I was trying to avoid
I lost my best friend
Now I'm lost
Im sorry okay

#love #friend #best #sorry

Oct 2014 · 1.2k

Simplicity

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Simplicity

Think less, Feel more.
Frown less, Smile more.
Talk less, Do more.
Complain less, Appreciate more.
Fear less, Love more.

#love #fear #happiness #think #simple #frown

Oct 2014 · 1.5k

Don't Leave Me Behind

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

Don't Leave Me Behind

I remember when I was the only one who liked you
You have always been in my heart
I remember when we hung out everyday for hours on end
You were my best friend & I was yours
But we got older..
And you got more attractive
Now many girls like you
I am still one of them
But I'm not as attractive as some of the girls who like you
So I don't get to talk to you as much
We have *** every once in a while
Because I just want something to remain between us
But we don't talk in front of other people anymore
We keep our affair a secret
You sneak over after school now
I miss the connection
I miss the feelings
Cause you don't have them anymore
But I still do
I still love you
But I wont tell you I still like you
In fear of losing our only remaining connection

Weather or not you find this to be true is up to you

#fear #lonely #alone #lost #*** #left #behind

Oct 2014 · 435

A Poem of Hope

LeaveThisLife Oct 2014

A Poem of Hope

When life is getting you down,
And you need a little hope.
Look deep down inside yourself,
And you'll find the way to cope.

When life is getting you down,
And you need a little love.
Go to the person whom you are the closest,
As the rest they are above.

When life is getting you down,
And all you need is a laugh.
Find the friend that makes you smile,
They may even be your staff.

When life is getting you down,
Don't allow it so.
Change the way you think of life,
And life will be better, you know.

When life is getting you down,
Take time to pray
Don't allow yourself to frown
God will help you see the good in the day.

A friend of mine needed a little pick me up.... Everything is going to be okay, I promise.
Written By: Catherine Pulsifer

#life #happy #pray #inspirational

Sep 2014 · 3.0k

A Good Metaphor For Life

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

A Good Metaphor For Life

A good metaphor for life is a man trying to eat soup out of a spaghetti strainer
He goes super fast
Cause hes trying to get the good stuff
But no matter how much he gets
He just ends up with a bunch of soup off over his pants
And then he dies of old age eventually

I am not good at metaphors.

#bad #i #mess #tried #metaphors #oops #soup #spaghetti

Sep 2014 · 625

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

I cant find it in myself to leave you
My little secret
But I've always wondered what it would be like to tell you
Its all over, I'm gone
But I love you so
I always have
My little secret
I've known you for five years now
We've been together for over a year
But the thing that gets me
You won't let me tell anyone about us
But I don't want to be your ***** little secret anymore
I don't know why I continue to play your games
I want to kiss you in public
I want you point to you and say
Yes, Hes Mine
I want you to be proud of me
I want to be your girl
I'm tired of living a secret
Out forbidden love isn't fun anymore

no more fun love secrets

Sep 2014 · 361

This Is Me

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

This Is Me

I quickly scribble the words down that go across my mind
Quickly, Quickly before the thought leaves my brain
But these thoughts, they're not edited
These are my words, straight from me
I don't think in rhymes or haiku's
I think me
What you read is what you get
The more I edit
The less me it becomes
Some edit thoughts to connect to you
But not me
I publish me

#individual #me

Sep 2014 · 1.4k

The Pain You've Caused Me

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

The Pain You've Caused Me

Your memories creep back into my mind
Their persistence is unyielding
Not a single day has passed that I don't think about you
I'm drowning in the lack of your presence
This longing for you wont go away
This unsatisfying, empty feeling
But I'm only trapping myself
Its time that I crawl out of this darkness
Open my eyes to the light
Stop hiding behind superficial happiness
Because I lack the real thing
I don't feel anything
I'm completely isolated
I stray away from everyone
Including myself
I don't even know who I am anymore
If I even am someone
If I ever was someone

#pain #unhappiness #superficial

Sep 2014 · 9.8k

Red

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

Red

Red...
There's so much red.
Swirling around my toes,
Running through my fingers,
Staining my hands,
Dripping down my face.
Dying my hair red turns my shower into a ****** scene.

#red #hair #****** #sorry #dye #misleading

Sep 2014 · 1.3k

See If I Care

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

See If I Care

I don't drink diet soda
I don't count my calories
What even is a carb
I eat McDonald's fries
I get lazy and skip a workout
I cant eat salad without dressing
I love cake, candy, sugar, etc.
I can eat a whole pizza by myself
I like to wear things to try to fit in
I talk about people behind their back
I wear make up
I get mad at my parents
I ask for too much
I expect too much
I try too hard to fit in
I'm 16, 125 lbs, and 5'2"
Go ahead, judge me
See if I care.

#cliche #problems #judge #judgmental

Sep 2014 · 1.9k

Burdens

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

Burdens

I have this burden on my shoulders
It's weighing me down
I can't pick myself back up
I can't even move
You put this weight on me
Please lift it, forgive me my love
Please let me go, release me of your wrath
Don't hold my mistakes over my head like this
You place them so high I cant reach them
So I'm stuck here
Staring up at you from the ground
Buried underneath my burdens

#love #broken #mistakes #buried #restrained #burdens

Sep 2014 · 541

Again

LeaveThisLife Sep 2014

Again

I find myself..
Sitting here,
Thinking about you,
Again.
Another sleepless night,
Spent thinking about you,
Wasted.
You do not deserve my time,
You do not deserve my thoughts,
You certainly do not deserve my pity.
But here we go,
Again.
I'm lost in thoughts of you,
Again.

#broken #time #lost #pity #sleepless #wasted

— The End —