How shall I survive this thought train?
I did not get to the Paris Fashion Show again,
Now  I can't compete with Kim Kardashian,
A big blow to my self-esteem,
Not worthy of fashion, I am deemed,
No couture in Paris for me,
I'm not exactly snivelling, you see,
Is there any other news on TV?
So, did not go to Paris Fashion again
Don't even want to compete with Kim Kardashian!!!!
How do I survive this thought train?

Eeyore the Dr. Ignorant,
Winnie the Pooh, ambulant,
On a walk in the woods,
Are they up to no good?
Winnie does say,
In his happiest way,
"Buzz, Buzz, buzz,
I wonder where the birdies was?
Whoops, in my eye, birdie's blip!
I guess that's what you call a gift! "

Once there was a man called Jim,
This tale is quite maudlin,
So, what was wrong with Jim?
He received some pets from his family,
Who decided to give Jim pet therapy,
So, what was wrong with that?
Lucky they didn't give Jim a cat,
So, why, indeed is that?
Well, he had a budgie and a terrapin,
New little friends for poor old Jim,
Which he forgot to hydrate,
He forgot until it was way too late,
His terrapin turned turtle,
A desiccated shade of purple,
But, what about Jim's budgie? You ask,
Daily feeding was supposed to be Jim's task,
Poor budgie mortuus, there he lay,
Jim's family came to visit one day
Eventually, his daughter's jaws did part,
"There's nothing colder than an ex-budgie's heart!"

I feel like Hamburglar,
I went to the Burger Bar
of gifts, like you did, hah hah!
Yes, there's a Burger Bar of life,
Who does get one with the lot? No strife,
We all have gifts, I guess,
A burger bar for life, no less!

Here, I wrote a bridal guide,
A rule book for future brides,
No matter if you're fair, fat and wide,
Or not, here's some dependable asides,
First, keep degrees and jobs up to date,
With some mates you can't relate,
You never know when the rats will turn,
To being a doormat, is what to spurn,
Keep some getaway money set aside,
This is important in a bridal guide,
Always update your roadside assist,
Without that, car bingles can get you miffed,
Ditto home and car insurance too,
Note these well, I say  to brides like you,
Never take drugs if to Bali you roam,
Then you shall definitely not be coming home.
Herein, I wrote a bridal guide,
My  rule book for future brides.

The tiger pounced,
Arrived unannounced,
She's Chairman Meow,
Don't know how,
Here anyway,
What to say?
Fine thinking woman this,
Doesn't take any blip,
A femme of self-esteem,
A misogynist's dream!
All dance to her tune,
Is this a tiger moon?
"Yes, dear," men reply,
I only look and sigh,
Why can't I be like that?
Training men--old hat?
Really don't know how,
She's Chairman Meow.

A history of the Earth for us,
Is like the history of the circus,
Pathos, film noir, comedic elements,
Vast global tragic wars aren't meant,
Home we are, the human circus,
How to destroy each and every one of us,
Still, nothing happened to us,
Safe on first, the human circus!

So, this is Melbourne,
Here, we have a new norm,
Last night, a man's ***** got shot,
His ex did not think he was so hot!
Sounds like she was a Christian pal,
Guess she was my kind of gal!
Yes, this is Melbourne,
We've evolved a new norm,
She did Lorena Bobbit proud,
Shooting penises is now allowed!

Nurses know best,
Better than the rest,
Nurses do the basics,
Drugs for all,
Including Lasix,
Never mind, they'll say,
Better tomorrow than today,
You'll improve each day,
Never mind, be home soon,
That's their daily tune,
Never mind, never mind,
Words fixed firmly in time,
Better than the rest---
Nurses know best!!

Balzac is beading,
Robespierre is reading,
Introversion I am needing,
Reflections I am heeding,
In old bat cave central,
Like an ancient Sybil, hypothetical,
Wisdom is supposed to come with age,
As Balzac turns his own page,
Why am I more religious than the Pope?
Can any faith give Earthlings hope?
Better than folk smoking dope!
If you have a problems embarrassing,
Bring them here for my listening,
Sage advice I am providing,
Reflections I am heeding,
Yes, boys, beer understands,
How did dinosaurs make it in Pleistocene lands?
Answer: they didn't, for beer, no hands,
Yes, reflections I am  heeding,
Humans are minute cosmic specks, spinning,
On a pebble in Outer Space, clinging,
If gravity didn't ****, we'd all be floating,
Reflections I am heeding,
As Robespierre shall keep reading,
Then Balzac shall be beading......

I envisage a Planet Earth,
All multicultural, for what it's worth,
One human race, of café au lait,
Putting the boot into prejudice today,
No more disenchanted refugees,
Grass is always greener, if you please,
The shifting sands of humanity,
No more disenfranchised second class,
True equality of life at last,
I do dream big, you see,
One global race, free from bigotry.....

If Friday became one of us,
She would not make a fuss,
Thank God, it's Friday we say,
Yes, it's a fabulous Friday,
No need to get a shock!
By  5pm, it's weekend o'clock,
Yes, Friday is folk like us,
Let's hear it for Friday fabulous!

I cast your horoscope across the miles,
Star gazing does take a while,
I see your astral alignment,
Hugs and kisses in your consignment,
A golden age for you of peace,
Forever in your  heart to keep,
Health, wealth, and great happiness,
Your stars are giving you a bless,
Enjoy each day as it comes,
Fill your days with your kind of fun,
So, this was my day's assignment,
To predict your star's alignment,
Now I've cast your horoscope across the miles,
This star-gazing does take a while.

Here I write some recipes,
From our anti--football league,
How to cook a football totally,
Must boil it for twelve hours, ritually,
Then you can dice it and fricassee,
Or maybe bake, broil, and grill,
What won't fatten, shall fill,
Or you can make mini-football custard, eh,
Chocolate footballs in a bowl, let's say,
We call it Footy Iles Flotante,
Star sweet in the anti-football restaurant!
Then a recipe for Grand Final Day, swell,
It's called footy Croquembouche Noel!
Hear the anti-footballers yell!
You, too, can write recipes,
For the Anti-football Society,
It's like dining at the Waldorf Astoria,
Anti-football recipes from Melbourne, Victoria!

Look,  I found a new book to read,
This is a book of nonsense, indeed,
Titled, "The Amicable Divorce",
I did snicker and chortle, of course,
Who wrote this? Some toff,
I sit and read and scoff,
I wrote companion lit.,
Equally full of blip,
"Improve your kids' English,"
Real vivid vocab., that's the way,
What this witch wants to do to them,
Only one way to handle abusive men,
"Uppity, uppity, shove broomstick uppity."
"The Amicable Divorce"? Heavy, heavy,
Look, a brand new book to read,
"The Amicable Divorce", nonsense indeed.....

To gaze on the face of Jesus,
A companion for you and us,
He is our forever friend,
His eternal love transcends,
A blessing that never ends,
Our Lord in no lingo limbo,
He shall survive infernos,
Ignorance ignites bigotry,
Fuelling phobias, no victory,
We could start a new religion,
For all our teeming billions,
Peace on Earth for humans,
For guidance for all of us,
A unique timeless love,
To gaze on the face of Jesus.

I dream of Earth, like a prophecy,
A towering vision of trees,
For climate change, we might,
Create gardens of earthy delights,
To preserve us all from endless nights,
If we don't, we could all be out of sight,
Our atmosphere could disappear,
Nothing and no one left around here,
Imagine forests of oxygen to breathe,
A towering vision of trees.......

This is a sordid tale to read,
What does existence mean
To your toilet brush, prithee?
He is, indeed, a basic fellow.
He does not bother with mellow yellow,
Everyone's blip stinks to he,
So what does his existence mean?
Angst in scheissenhausen time,
Being there is his problem in slime,
To your toilet brush, he or she,
What does existence mean?

Old soldiers in the firing line,
Community clubbing time,
Let's honour them in rhymes,
Now in the vault of the unleashed,
Their courage released,
For the job, they were the right men,
The flower of past generations,
People to treasure, through the ages,
In theatres of combat, such stages,
Designer beers wanted here,
On Anzac Day, we give them silent cheers.

Yes, in Oz they've called an election,
PR on media heading in our direction,
Bland and blander for our selection,
Do they sell their souls for superannuation?
Politicians are deemed to be public servants,
By the plebs, for the plebs, now observant,
For the benefit of the plebs, in Australia,'
Is being forced to vote a failure?
No such thing as a Western Liberal Democracy,
Prepare for BS for you and me,
Largely unfundable policies,
Today is day one of Garbology!

Way back when, when I was a teen,
I missed the morning 7:17,
The train was cancelled again,
Nothing changed, missed connections, pain!
I read it the other day, okay?
Still cancelling the 7:17 each day!

I do ponder on Aristotle,
In  these groves of golden wattles,
Was Aristotle on the bottle?
"What is beautiful?" he asked,
He set us such a puzzling task,
How to define beautiful?
Maybe, things inspirational,
Or, indeed, something admirable,
A pretty verse, so lyrical,
Or scenery beautiful,
Or a woman, lovable,
Maybe it is a life of harmony,
Are these beautiful, prithee?
Excellent question, Sir Aristotle,
Maybe I should hit the bottle.

Who's dancing today?
Let's dance, I'll say,
As we age this way,
We'll dance on anyway,
Only in our minds, eh!
Let's dance across the floor,
As we did in days of yore,
Let's keep on dancing, I say,
So, who's dancing today?

What is it really like to be old?
Read along, and you'll be told,
Well, there's spectacles and hearing aids,
Also along the way, by the way,
There's dentures in glasses,
Zimmers on greys who want to make passes,
Then there's incontinence aids, bad hips,
Appointments at medical specialists,
Then you're off to the pharmacists,
To get all your scripts,
Then there's the alphabet song,
Read along, read along,
A is for Arthritis,
B is for Bursitis,
C is for Constipation,
Always a grey consternation,
D is for Diarrhoea,
And no doctor wants to know ya!
Finally, Z is for the big sleep at the end,
No wonder geriatrics go round the bend,
Yes, greys, these are our golden years,
Have fun learning, no need for tears!

Here's life for you and me,
In a Western Liberal Democracy,
We voted for politicians, in reality,
So we got politicians, quite literally,
We don't believe a word they say,
With media hype and fear campaigns,
Yes, sad, but true, for you and me,
We live in a Western Liberal Democracy,
Does such exist in reality?
We voted for politicians, Tweedledee,
or Tweedledummers, pollies for democracy!
Sarcasm, you really need me!

There are different kinds of love
In life, love can bring peace as doves,
Maybe guidance from above,
There is love parental or familial,
While fur friend love is eternal,
Then there's love between adult humans,
As with each other they hold hands,
Lucky love lasts a life span,
Having friends because we're human,
We can be apart but still together,
See each other through stormy weather,
Yes, I woke up with love on my mind,
Maybe all forms of love are divine!

Of football I was once a fan,
Can't escape it, in lucky land,
The AFL footy finals grand,
Fandom from birth,
To the grave, for what its worth,
Does it only happen here?
Old Melbourne town, fandom cheers!

An open letter to chicks  like thee,
You wait until you're nearly sixty-three,
You'll end up talking like me,
You'll sound like the Dead Grandmas Society,
Fine-thinking women, very snippy,
Got no time for nasties and rudies,
"What's this?" "What's for tea?"
"A plate of good manners from me!!"
(And the Dead Grandmas Society!)
A fact of life, real scary,
When you're nearly sixty-three,
Words appear from the clouds, prithee,
You'll sound like the Dead Grandmas Society.......

In the darkness, extravaganza,
Flashing, blazing dramas,
Sky rockets and sparklers,
So spectacular,
Fireworks in my brain,
Illumination
Catherine wheels,
Is this for real?
The pyrotechnics,
Was it all a squib?
Crescendo
To diminuendo ....

I float down from clouds above
Another little death of love!

Beware! Trump or Hilary are going to win,
Scary! Should middle America hit the gin?
What does this imply for planet Earth?
Any different politicians for dessert?
Scary! Trump or Hilary are going to win!
Now, where did we hide all our gin?

Crocodile tears never last,
Let's have enough of the past,
All these phony crocodile tears,
Show me someone sincere,
My mud-coloured glasses,
Enough crocodile tears to last us......

The tradition of marriage,
Bourgeois blackmail and baggage,
Is it all a bargain for men?
Is this what white weddings meant?
All the love that is lost,
And what is the ultimate cost?
A divorce court pizza,
Magistrate smirks like Mona Lisa,
Four corners, one for each,
Dog gets the crust, if it can reach,
Cats get the anchovies,
Were white weddings for phonies?
When is the revolution?
Blancmange brides for pollution,
Bridesmaids-Little Bo Peeps on crack,
Does society cut us some slack?

We joined the bourgeoisie,
All ends in tears and hypocrisy.

Here's a silly little tale,
I hope  a giggle does not fail,
I was cooking Bok Choy in a tent,
On a primus stove, up she went,
You can guess what that meant,
Dinner was a non-event,
Now known as "The Bok Choy Incident!"

An ode from a peaceful visionary.....
If Trump gets the Presidency,
He'll control nuclear weaponry,
Bombs for that reactionary,
Should we be nuking he?
All that negativity and misogyny,
Yes, let's nuke some reactionaries!
Imagine the peace there'd be,
There'd be nothing left on Earth, you see,
So much for democracy,
Let's nuke all those reactionaries!!!
But, hey, then we'd be the reactionaries!!!!!!

Being a mentor, part of life,
I tutor kids, no strife,
A steady, patient coach,
Their mistakes, no reproach,
It's part of learning, you see,
A teacher creates a legacy,
Literacy and numeracy,
For pupils to achieve their dreams,
Always give some sage advice,
Being a mentor, part of my life.....

Should I procrastinate now?
I really don't know how,
Time to procrastinate later,
Time is our life manipulator,
Yes, I'll write this now out-of-dater,
Plenty of time to procrastinate later.

On bliss and your bulldust....
To talk bulldust,
You feel you must,
Aeons of timeless bliss,
Stemming from a secret kiss,
Your emotional manipulation,
Napoleon and his satisfaction,
Our mutual benefits,
Subterfuge and tacit bliss,
A garden of happy memories,
Daily we plant new love trees,
To talk to me bulldust,
You feel you must,
I don't know why you I trust,
My verse to bliss and your bulldust.

I sit here and fade
Into the woodwork, I gaze
At the passing parade,
Studying people, always a fave,
Some standout in the crowd,
Interesting, people-watching allowed......

This is a window on the world,
Written by a once time girl,
Guidelines for chicks and men,
A new set of commandments,
Take these for what they're meant,
Be yourself, all chicks and dudes,
Let it all go, we learn in life's long school,
Act the way you want to feel,
You can pretend smiles, which are real,
Do it now, procrastinate later,
Ignore distractions, they're to bait ya!
Lighten up, think of funnies,
Do stuff, even if you don't need money,
Be polite, stay in touch, friends old and new,
Be kind, not exploited, all of you,
Less is more of things to do......
New commandments from me to you!

These are our millennial kids,
On them we should not keep lids,
As the future is for children,
Teach them to grow oxygen,
Else there'll be no air to breathe,
A dullton world one day, it seems,
Children grow up too fast,
Which generations shall breathe their last.........

Here's a tale of the future, it's
Big things from small particles, bits,
Called Nanoparticles, new natural,
We'll dance their syncopation as normal,
Yes, "From little things big things grow!"
How far shall we with nanos go?
Duty-free DIY helpful, it's
Our future ahead, Nano bits!

Our garden's masterpiece,
Fairies in each fleur-de-lis,
Blossoms of gauzy glory,
Perennial veils of fairy stories,
Beribboned spangled treasury,
Fairies flitting so flowery,
Our queen of ruby roses,
Posies for all, one supposes,
Flowerets the best cuddle,
Essence of Spring, residual,
There are fairies in the flowers in the garden,
One ruby rose--then a garland!

Here, I dwell in no man's land,
Avoiding an oligarch's strand,
Are chicks alone the happier band?
Alone but never lonely, man,
Quality friends are in my band,
Always been a helping hand,
Serenity and peace not so bland.
Alone, but never lonely, man,
Here, I dwell in no man's land.

I know how to party,
On Friday nights,
I have crocheting, you see,
A stash of yarn, and coffee,
I'd say that's quite a party,
Hope all the crafters agree!

Is there a humour therapist in the house?
Sitting here, chortling, do not grouse,
If you abuse crumpets, men,
You undermine your own best interests, do you ken?
Then you don't get crumpet, men,
Or is men a rude word,
You're reaping what you earn,
You want a cup of tea from me?
Chortle, the magic word is please!
You would not believe this ham,
Feeding the world this spam,
You want fresh vegetables?
Frozen food, not dementiable,
You can get another better than me,
So what's wrong with you, prithee?
Yes, the catering staff is on a sitdown strike,
You'd best find yourself a loving wife,
Chortle, shut up snivelling, you grouse,
Is there a humour therapist in the house?

As we commemorate this Anzac Day,
We shall remember them this way,
Forever asleep, young and brave,
Heroes now resting in foreign graves,
We thank them for our freedom today,
Forever asleep, always young and brave.

National disasters,
Plebs' hollow laughter,
Floods and bushfires,
Natural land afire,
The state of the economy,
A national disaster for you and me,
Still, some people have jobs,
With hiring you should hobnob,
Plebs' hollow laughter,
Our national disasters,
Too funny not,
Whose hiring for jobs?

Decluttering was  my intention,
It was like a holiday detention,
But! I found such lots of things,
I couldn't part with anything,
Rummage and ye shall find,
More cupboards when I've got the time,
Cleaning house, not such a bore,
When decluttering is your chore........

Sizzling day of summer heat,
Requisite hydration I really need,
No rain, no precipitation today,
Brilliant azure, no clouds this day,
I stood alone, poised, impermeable,
Damp crystallisation so feasible,
From this diving board I spring,
Invigorate me, I commence to sing,
But! I forgot I'm way too old,
Man, this water's really cold!!!!!!

Once we were young,
Simple toys we had for fun,
An old stuffed dog was a fave,
A much loved toy, give her a wave,
No eyes, fur all rubbed off on she,
Oh, those old childhood memories,
Simple toys for my sisters and me,
We all made our own toy story,
Once we were all so young,
Guess we made our own kind of fun.....