from binkies to blunts
i watched my world change
around me
like little watercolor swirls
dancing in the sky of my memories

from binkies to blunts
swingsets and playpens
seemed ever so distant
in the rearview of childhood

we traded barbie dolls
into ***** bottles
wondering why
smile lines
seemed so hard to come by

we had always missed the times
when things came easy;
naturally (almost).

from carousels to learning
how *** sells
we began to draw parallels
of who we are and what we should be
the definition of me
never seemed to have
the stability
i had long to see
ever so constantly

from closet doors to liquor stores
feelings became trapped
in the constellations of thoughts
instead of the web of words

i wish to go back
(sometimes)
to the days
with the little teacups
filled with the tinkles
of warmth and laughs
of bliss past.

mind tied
like two lines
shoelaces
twisted and knots
straight like the cigarette
and ******* lines
snorted up the nose
into the brain
of such detached minds
the pain they hide
comes up to the surface
bubbling like liquid acetate
they have accepted
their inevitable fate
it is all but too late
to save the hearts
of those who
remain
*loveless

click click*

i was bound to your
love
like chains on
a dead corpse

you held the gun
to my forehead
as i adoringly
fell in love with you

so hypnotised
drawn by your
kisses
my invitation

(shåi)

the sun
in its ineffable
glow

casted a effortless shadow

crackle pop
goes the background
of the summertime scene

two lovers
both alike in mind
were now perfectly
aligned

they were spitting
reflections
(a living mime)
become whole

their love
was beauty

in which

beauty had been
their love

a tragic downfall
of souls so similar
could be hardly described

in words too little

and

too late

(shåi)

her soft lips
were my pillows
to keep me safe
cushions of
the night

her eyes pull me in
ever so alluring
enchant me
lost forever in her
changing world

im the words she wishes
to write
i am the pain she feels at night
alone in the light

i am the melodies
she wishes to hear
the love she wishes to
feel
the lust her heart
keeps
the infatuations
she seeks

i am the daydream
she live in
i am her alternate realities
she creates
i am the thing she wishes
to have
and the ones she never had

(b.d.s.)

you drain all my energy
the light in my eyes
watch me bleed
as my cheeks fade

forgotten dreams
fills my despairing corpse
with unending pain

you drain all my energy
life flashes before me
moments pass
rose petals fall

tick tock
goes the clock
as the time says too late

your love has me
on my knees
my bitter dream
defuses the life from me
(b.d.s.)

ultraviolet waves
across my face
as you stare at mine,
a feeling that i have always
longed for

translucent serenity
set me free again
my denial runs through
my veins
keeps me from desire

eternities wasted
waiting and wondering
did i do what was right
or is it too late?
(b.d.s.)

his words
clung to me
as if it was

sticky maple syrup

i loved the
way he
mixed his words and

sentences

and
the way they blended so
effortlessly

i loved
the warmth
his syrup drew

the slight hint of happiness
in his words

his word-filled
syrup
used to be my rarity

before it had
become my continuity


(b.d.s.)

my tan warm
brown skin
child of the earth
with its deliberate undertones

from birth,
it had been something
i had grown to love,
to adore,
all with its imperfections

growing up,
i realized something i had adored
some despised with their inner being
a threat that they
had grown accustomed to hate

they did not understand
the gentle, quiet beauty
of this delicate covering
how calm it was

they feared what
they could not understand
like a child
afraid of the darkness
and what it hides

ignorance was their
bliss
but sometimes
knowing what is not meant
to be known

can bring undesired presumptions

they taught me not
to love
my perfection
as my flaw was
now the world's spectacle

delineations strawn
like wispy lines in
the tumbling sand
of my skin

imaginary concepts
with such flawed
meanings
of destroyed beauty
i lost a part of myself
while growing up
that i could never get back

something this world cannot ever back to me...

education was meant
to be the answers of
the questions
of our own
incoherent thoughts
but,
it fed me
knowledge that attacked my innocence

this dreary
hateful world
took my spirit
and my soul
away from my rotting body

my spirit is broken
and i can hardly tell
if i am human anymore

i rather just
live in stupidity
like a sheep following its master
my perfect fool paradise

those who are fools
remain fools
if they do not learn
otherwise,
or if they do not know the
true state of their
unfathomable condition

(b.d.s.)

the lion stands proud
on the edge of the abyss
with its increasing prowess
it is never the same

its flaws
infect
an unwritten tapestry
waiting to be written

sinew woven
delicately
in his hard eyes
a pain of the past

( b.d.s.)

i stand trembling,
as i hold a gun
to the forehead
of my fears
grasp unsteady-
breathing calm
waiting and waiting
each precious second
as it slips away

a mirror
appears
a cloak of safety, so clear
i am not human

my reflection
dares me to shoot
teases me with
its echoing laughter
its voice tantalizes
me
it knows i am weak
it chuckles because
it knows my
every move

forever
its servant of image
reputation and impurity
meek and humble
like a mouse

i cant do it
i let the gun slip
from my hands
my clumsy doing


i am the girl
who cried wolf
into the darkness
i was only screaming

about the wolf of my own thoughts.

her blood
drips lines of poetry
how she never saw how much she meant to me

her blood
drips lines of poetry
right beneath the shards
of shredded glass next to me

the fat sulking raindrops
of red soaks me
will she ever finally love me?

her blood drips
lines of poetry
i dont think ill ever
be so complete

(b.d.s.)

damsels
in
solitude
terrified, wait
restlessly
as
cheating husbands
turn
in
others' bed
now under the midnight sky
(b.d.s.)

there is a girl
who's dark skin glistened
like stars in the night

her eyes
flash crazy
like the dazed sun

she craves attention
and love
feelings strong-
a hungry wolf inside a docile sheep

she wants to be understood---
heard--
loved upon-

her expressions like
sand
ever changing
in the turbulent wind

her hair cascades
on her back
like a sea of
fluttering moths

she seeks to please
such self-sufficient desires
what shall be her remedy?

her eyes remain
hollow
like gaping wounds-
a scab undone

her forehead,
a canvas of ash

a dark horse
of old
conceal a heart
of time's own

she is empty
in soul
her body
a pristine cat

she wishes to please
but how can she?
if she remains
the servant of her past

(b.d.s.)

'what do you
want to be when
you grow up?'

'what do you plan
to do with your life?'

'you can't make money
doing
that....'

this age old question
acts as
the intersection
between dreams
and reality

people ask this question
and i am rendered speechless
a voice lost in the
howling wind of promise

their piercing,
expectant gaze
like paparazzi
cameras

i put on a mask
my own shadows
loom in the night

'oh maybe,
i'll be a nurse
or a pharmacist'

i am safe
as warm approving
nods beckon

'oh i want to be
a writer'

nods turn
to disfavor
like a star
falling out of the sky

when has
authentic happiness
become a servant
to dishonest disinterest?
(b.d.s.)

the moon is pink
a hallucination 
of spring-time beauties-
forever serenade my soul

the moon
with its lovely
lavender & white hues
adored like a bouquet of roses

it was my illusion,
a dreamer's fantasy
my lamb in the
darkness

it served as a guide
in a world
without much beauty-
enveloped in madness

the stars
gather around
like angels on a
distant heaven on earth

my dream
had only been
an accidentally
fatal glance

the moon could
never be pink
just a myth
i tried desperately

to believe

(b.d.s.)

love is no longer
in words
unspoken desires
behind concrete statements

i talk to you
in the quiet nights
as if i was the
child of darkness

but you were my light

all ive ever known
is the darkness of love
born in its nothingness
my pen like a guide

let me feel again
i wanna love you
like i should
you deserve the best

and i want you to know that

you are my everything
and my anything
making me drift
into my fantasies
(b.d.s.)