click click*

i was bound to your
love
like chains on
a dead corpse

you held the gun
to my forehead
as i adoringly
fell in love with you

so hypnotised
drawn by your
kisses
my invitation

(shåi)

darling daughter, dad has left us
he says he won't be coming back
it's not your fault or burden, dear
a spell has made him lose his track

my dear mother,
the pain lacerates my heart
his leftover ***** rips my soul
and forever empties my heart of love

love is a concept
a figment of imagination
but does it truly exist
when i am here?

my heart's tearing too, my sweet
but i'd nimbly endure its double
if i could shield you from its cause
to spare you all grief's trouble

let's not give up on love, my girl
these aching holes in us are proof
we're made to seek its filling warmth
and to nest beneath its sheltering roof

your daddy's soul is broken too
like a well that's leaked all its water
plagued with a thirst he can't ignore
and demons he's out to slaughter

but mother,

is it so when
our hearts are ripped
from every corner of our soul,
we turn into unforseen beasts?

the pain seeps
into me like
some sort of poison
i can't control

my walls are broken
how can i ever mend
against a resistance
intent on pursuit of troubles

you weep with the spirit of asaph
who lamented in psalm seventy-three
of emerging a beast in his grieving
embittered by frail men's iniquity

he learned that the path to his healing
was sufficiently wrapped in God's love
that when all on the earth had failed him
perfection reached down from above

the spirits of lost winds
plague him
as he's filled and perforated
with fury

i've pleaded with his spirits
but they've forsaken him
continuously receded
and left his body

he shook hands
with the innermost depths
of his cold heart
and can't be freed

so maybe his leaving us is his love
to protect us from his deep torment
i know it's not right, but in his own way
feeling without him we'd be more content

i pray he'll find solace in God's grace
and the power that sets free a captive
for there's nothing of mortal persuasion
to redeem fallen souls unadaptive

if not for Christ's paschal atonement
no man could escape hellish rage
and except for His Spirit's blowing
we'd all be locked up in death's cage

no man has encountered more fury
than this One who was torn for us
marred beyond human recognition
to bear sin and shame on the cross*

i guess, mother
it's now time to leave
who he was
to what he has become

the path has been
divided into two
as if it were separate worlds
but the hell is all but subsided

(b.d.s.)

there is a girl
who's dark skin glistened
like stars in the night

her eyes
flash crazy
like the dazed sun

she craves attention
and love
feelings strong-
a hungry wolf inside a docile sheep

she wants to be understood---
heard--
loved upon-

her expressions like
sand
ever changing
in the turbulent wind

her hair cascades
on her back
like a sea of
fluttering moths

she seeks to please
such self-sufficient desires
what shall be her remedy?

her eyes remain
hollow
like gaping wounds-
a scab undone

her forehead,
a canvas of ash

a dark horse
of old
conceal a heart
of time's own

she is empty
in soul
her body
a pristine cat

she wishes to please
but how can she?
if she remains
the servant of her past

(b.d.s.)

i stand trembling,
as i hold a gun
to the forehead
of my fears
grasp unsteady-
breathing calm
waiting and waiting
each precious second
as it slips away

a mirror
appears
a cloak of safety, so clear
i am not human

my reflection
dares me to shoot
teases me with
its echoing laughter
its voice tantalizes
me
it knows i am weak
it chuckles because
it knows my
every move

forever
its servant of image
reputation and impurity
meek and humble
like a mouse

i cant do it
i let the gun slip
from my hands
my clumsy doing


i am the girl
who cried wolf
into the darkness
i was only screaming

about the wolf of my own thoughts.

'what do you
want to be when
you grow up?'

'what do you plan
to do with your life?'

'you can't make money
doing
that....'

this age old question
acts as
the intersection
between dreams
and reality

people ask this question
and i am rendered speechless
a voice lost in the
howling wind of promise

their piercing,
expectant gaze
like paparazzi
cameras

i put on a mask
my own shadows
loom in the night

'oh maybe,
i'll be a nurse
or a pharmacist'

i am safe
as warm approving
nods beckon

'oh i want to be
a writer'

nods turn
to disfavor
like a star
falling out of the sky

when has
authentic happiness
become a servant
to dishonest disinterest?
(b.d.s.)

the lion stands proud
on the edge of the abyss
with its increasing prowess
it is never the same

its flaws
infect
an unwritten tapestry
waiting to be written

sinew woven
delicately
in his hard eyes
a pain of the past

( b.d.s.)

damsels
in
solitude
terrified, wait
restlessly
as
cheating husbands
turn
in
others' bed
now under the midnight sky
(b.d.s.)