Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean I wont miss you
Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean Im not crying
Just because Im leaving
Doesn't mean my hearts not breaking
Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean I care about you any less
Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean I don't think of you everyday
Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean I don't want you to stay
Just because I'm leaving
Doesn't mean I want to go
I'm leaving because
I can't live in a world where I never know
We fight and you leave and it breaks my heart every time
Were only happy for 2 weeks at a time
That's why I'm leaving
My feelings for you hasn't changed  
I just hate feeling like my life is out of control

Its not healthy the way I cry for you
Brownies and swings remind me of you
My heart aches for you
My stomach turns when I think of you with another
You calling someone else baby girl
Holding them calming them down
Cuddling the way we use to
Calling them out of the middle of nowhere
Writing silly little poems just to make them smile
Showing them your favorite songs
I wish you were still doing those things with me
And the worst part is I don't know where we went wrong
Was it you scared of your feeling
Or me being to clingy or to obsessive
Or a little bit of both

Stay never leaving
Its confusing
Never knowing where you're going
I feel like you don't want me anymore
Staying just because I need you
Just because I asked
Not because you want to be here
I don't want you to stay somewhere you don't want to be
Just for me
I feel like its time to let you go
I wish we could last forever and ever
But now I know nothing last forever and ever
Feeling fade and your feeling for me has faded
Im not gonna make you stay just for me
Im gonna say bye because that's what you need
You need me to give you the ok
To leave

It hurts it hurts
It hurts to know its over
What we were
What we are
Nothing last forever
I wanted us to last forever
Tug pull tug pull
I can't take it

She's a beautiful disaster
Pale skin blue eyes
Dark messy hair
She wants to be someone else
You can see it in her sad eyes
The way her smile curves a little at the edges
The way she talks
Not what she says
But the tone she uses
She wants to be someone else
Someone prettier
Someone calmer
Someone someone other than me
    
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I can never tell when you're staying or leaving
Slowing or going
You got my mind going crazy
Heart not knowing where you're going
Just knowing one thing
What my heart wants
Staying going never leaving
Green light red light with my emotions
Never know where to go
But I know how I feel
But where do I go with it all
Go fast Slow down
I never know

I have this same recurring dream
And you are always in it
Mostly its us cuddled together
Legs over legs
Fingers laced together
You holding me
Sometimes Im crying
Sometimes were laughing
But all the time Im happy with you
I talk about my life
My childhood memories
I want you to know every part of me
Sometimes I want to give up
Because loving you this much hurts
But I can't imagine life without you
Because without you
I couldn't imagine
And that's why it hurts so much

I feel this way
You feel this way
Im scared to feel this way
Just to let it all go
And be with you with no worries
It scares me
It scares me that I need you
That you are the only thing that makes sense
That you're the one
I feel like I'm diving in ice water blind folded
Not knowing what will happen
Trying to find something wrong
Where everything is right
Driving us both crazy

I'm sorry you fell for such a selfish girl
I wish I knew how to show you that I care
Because I care I do
I think I love you
I wish I weren't so selfish
So I could show it
Because my heart beats for you
I want to be that girl for you the one you need
The one that knows how to show she cares
I wish I could be that girl for you
Because your that guy for me
You give me everything and more
Even when I dont deserve it

I treat you badly because I'm thinking about myself
Im trying to keep you and thats all I think about
Instead of you and your feelings
Its not that I don't care because I do
And I do think about you
But I let my obsessiveness over take that
I guess Im saying I care in a different  way
I worry and obsess that's how I show I care
Through the same questions over and over
The more I ask the more I care
I obsess more when I care more
Its something I need to work on I know
I worry that I worry to much
And its killing me and its killing you
And I'm sorry for that I am

I wish I may
I wish I might
Have you back tonight

I wish I may
I wish I might
Feel your touch tonight

I wish I may
I wish I might
Hear your voice tonight

I wish I may
I wish I might
Be in your arms tonight

I wish I may
I wish I might
see your smile tonight

Won't you come back tonight
I want you back tonight
I wish I wish I wish

Call me bitter call me broken
Call me whatever you like
Im just a girl trying to survive
Trying to keep her pieces together
Trying not to fall apart and lose myself
Just a girl trying to protect her soul
Not bitter
Broken maybe just a little
Im just trying not to completely fall apart
So call me bitter call me broken
Call me whatever you like
Im just a girl living her life
Not bitter
Broken maybe just a little

You come and you go like we're a game
See how far you can push me until I break
And when I break you pick me up again
Just to break me back down again
What game are we playing here
See how hard your words hit
And how your sudden silence kills me
If you ask me its a sick game we play
But like you said its a two player game
You play your part and I play mine
I just lose every time

Love comes at a cost
The cost of your heart
You will be broken after
It will leave you on the floor with nothing
Nothing but memories  
Memories that breaks your heart over and over again

Your kisses are whispers left on my lips
That tells the story of us
What is the story of us
Somewhere it got confused
Jumbled up in time
Were we real or just a dream
A dream I dreamed up
Or maybe you dreamed it up first
Because you were the one that said all the things
I dream of

When you feel like dying keep living
But why for what just to get hurt again
Just to break more
Just to die a little bit inside
What's the point
Ill be ok and be ok
Until what until I'm not
Why even feel it if it is just gonna go away
Why even breathe to be just ok
We live and live
Give and give and give
And were ok were always oh ******* k

I wait and wait
For you to come back
While I'm waiting do you think about me?
Do you miss me
Because when you do this to me
I feel like I'm dying
This is not a game
You break my heart every time
So why do I stay
Why do you leave
And why do you come back
Even more why do I let you
I know the happiness we share doesn't last
As soon as it gets good you leave
And my heart breaks over and over
So why do we do this to each other
Why do you stay and why do I let you
Somethings got to give
We can't keep going like this
So Ive made the decision
Not to let you stay this time
Im sorry baby but I can't do this anymore
My heart breaks and breaks
Now one big break and the tiny breaks are gone

Pieces everywhere
Take what you want
Take her smile and her laugh
Take her happiness
Hell take her sadness
Take it she is practically giving it away
So why not take it
Pieces and pieces
He has a piece
And he has a piece
So why not you take a piece
Take her kisses her hugs and her love
Her shyness her innocents
Take it piece by miserable piece
Why not take it?
She is giving it right?

Catch my tears with your heart
Hold my hand and tell me I'm worth it
Glue my broken pieces back together
Hold me tight and don't let go
Look into my sad blue eyes
Like you adore them
And never let me go

We all think if we were the pretty girl with the pretty face
We would be more
Having long shiny perfect hair
The perfect shaped eyes
Perfect cheek bones
Perfect skin with no freckles  
Nice body
Perfect perky *****
Nice shaped *** not to big or to small
Im not that girl
Im the girl with untamable curly frizzy hair
With eyes that are set to far in her face
Cheeks that turn red when I'm nervous
The girl with freckles all over
With a flawed body
The girl with tiny *****
With a big ***

It piles on and on over the years
Until one day it breaks you
And it all falls apart around you
And the aftermath is unbearable
A girl like me isn't something to break
Im easily broken
So take my shattered pieces and spread them around
Im not picking it up anymore
Its broken and falling out
Im just going to sit and watch like the rest

Isn't it funny that I got hurt because of the hurt in the past
Isn't it fun you left me because I was scared to get hurt again
That I was trying to protect myself and pushed you away instead
Isn't it funny I broke and you swung the hammer
Isn't it fun That I'm crying because I never wanted to feel the pain of losing you
Its so not ******* funny I lost you because I didn't want to
So not funny
If you cared you'd understand
You would get that I was glued back together many times
And didn't want to hand you the hammer
For I knew if I broken again that there was no more glue

You asked me why all my poems are sad
Why they can never be happy
And I looked at you and said I don't know
But you know what the day you left
You were getting your happy poem
I was in the middle of it
So to answer your question
Happy doesn't last long enough to get a poem
I get glimpses of happiness
But never enough to form words
You see a poem takes time
It has to brew inside of you for a long time
Now the happy poem is just
Broken pieces of something that could be
Now its words drips with sadness
Drip Drip Drip
Like the blood down my wrist
Drip

Shy blue eyed girl has your heart
She looks so innocent with her baby face
And pretty blue eyes
When her hair falls in her face
You push it away and kiss her
When you are laying there you hold her tight
She is the kind that people can't help but take care of
It's the face the way it turns red
Her pretty sad eyes
It pulls you in
You can never be mad at a face like that
Some say its a gift she knows its a curse

Carefree pretty faced boy
His smirk gets her every time
His smile melts her heart
Even his voice is cute
The way he calls her baby girl
He makes her feel high just with his smile
Everything about him gives her butterflies
He helps her thoughts make sense
She can say the craziest things
And he can make sense of it all
The way he smells like cigarettes and something else
Drives her crazy

Are they ready for it
This crazy ride that's about to happen
What we have is weird
But I know it's true
I don't think its possible to fake something like this
It drives me crazy the way you make me feel
How did I live without you
But even more how did this happen
Im falling for you slowly
I want to go as fast as I can
But we need to slow down
To make it last

Im not strong enough
It's not gonna be ok
Im broken
Im not saying that one day
I just shattered
I broke piece by piece
I felt every painful piece
Fall to the floor and then shatter
Im not saying that I'm special
Or that my problems are worst than yours
Im just saying I can't take it
You can call me selfish
Tell me I throw fits
I don't care
You don't understand me
And you never will

Just kiss my haunted lips
And now you're haunted too
With my haunted thoughts
Darkness engulfs my mind
But you're the only light coming through
But now it haunts you too
How does it feel to share my ghost of the past
To know wherever you go it's there to
You can never let it go because it haunts your mind
When you think its gone
It haunts you even more
If you let it consume you
It will become you
And we cant conquer it because we don't even know what it is
All I know is it haunts me and now it haunts you to

Im scared to drown
And be left there on the bottom
While you are floating on the surface
Would you jump back in to save me
What if I drown you trying to save myself
And were both left there gasping for air at the bottom
Because you would try to save me
It's who you are
And I would try to survive
That's who I am
And when our lifeless bodies float to the surface
Were still holding hands
Because you never let go and neither did I
It's not fair
We died because one didnt want to get hurt again
And one just wanted what he felt

The knifes to her wrist
The pills in her hand
The tub is full of water
She is a terrible person
Never should of been born
So she's just righting the mistake
Right?
No wrong done here
Just fixing the problem
Without her you'd all be happy
So don't mourn her
Forget her
Like she was never there
Erase her from your memory
That'd be better right?
So she takes the pills
She drags the knife across her skin
She sinks down into the water
She is gone
No more wrong

She's the girl that doesn't know how good she really is
She thinks her freckles are to much
You think they're cute
She thinks her hair is to messy
You think it's ****
She thinks her **** is to big
You think it's perfect
She thinks your biggest mistake was falling for her
You think the best thing you ever could have done was to fall for a girl like her
She doesn't believe it when you tell her she is amazing
She doesn't see it
All she sees is the improvements she could make to improve herself
She doesn't see the girl you do
She sees a blue eyed freckled faced awkward kid
She doesn't know how good she really is

You look into her pretty blue eyes
And you lose yourself
You get caught up in her weird personality
And she forgets that she is supposed to be the shy girl
Because around you she is out of control in the best way
Your like her drug
A happy pill so to say
You make her feel alive

I grabbed the happiness
And choked you with my obsessiveness
My desperate attempt to keep you
Just pushed you away
And now I'm obsessing over the fact that I obsessed
I grabbed on to the only happiness in my sea of sad
Now I'm left here drowning
I guess I'm saying you were my life jacket
But I sunk myself trying to keep afloat
You wanted to stay and save me
Instead I just kept pushing myself under
With every obsessive thought
Every second guess
Every time I freaked out and sent you text after text
Asking the same questions over and over
I pushed you away as I pushed myself further under
And now I'm left in my sea of sadness
With only the memory of you

We might be sister's
But I don't have to be like her
Just because were sisters
Doesn't mean I understand her
Just because were sisters
Doesn't mean you can use me
Just because were sisters
Doesn't mean I know her
Just because were sister's
Doesn't mean Im disposable at the chance to have her
Just because were sister's
Doesn't mean Im the second best to her
Just because were sister's
Doesn't mean you can ***** me and then her
Just because were sister's
Doesn't mean a thing
Just because were sister's
Means she'll choose me over you any day
Just because were sister's
I love her

One day I'm gonna be more than
Just a blue eyed small town girl
Living in a broken down town
Longing for more
They all think I won't go places
Little do they know I'm well on my way
Of leaving this place
I don't know where I'm going
Or how long it will take me
All I know is I'm going

Silly girl what are you doing
You're doing it again
Silly girl you're gonna get hurt
Letting someone in
Silly girl put your guard up
Silly girl what were you thinking
Crazy girl slow down
Your so intense girl
Take a breath girl
Put on the brakes
Girl
Fall and fall and fall
That's all I ever do is fall
I fall for the smile
I fall for the kisses
I fall for the cute face
I fall for the way you make me feel
I fall for you
It doesn't take much
It could be any
All it takes is the right words
And I fall
Nothing but a silly girl that falls to fast

I'm reaching and reaching
But never finding what I need
I'm grabbing the wrong things
Love and ***
Alcohol and drugs
Self harm

Those things wont fix you
If anything they leave you more broken

Love and ***
Is just a temporary feeling
That leaves you with a broken heart
Alcohol and drugs
Don't fix a broken heart
It just leaves you with a false sense of happiness
Self harm
Might  help in the moment
But it leaves scars deeper than the skin

I don't need any of that
I need to start grabbing
Love for myself
Self confidence
Self acceptances

I need to stop reaching for the wrong things

It's midnight and I'm still up thinking about you
My mind is flooded of memories
Trying to figure out what went wrong
But was it ever right

I want to leave it unfinished because then no one will get hurt

I wanna delete you from my memory
So I won't know how much I miss you
Because when you aren't here with me
I feel like I'm dying
I didn't know you before
So why does it hurt so much
When your gone
Why do I miss your smile
I was fine before I knew you
So why am I falling apart without you
Why do I miss the things I never knew before
Why do I want to feel your lips on my lips
Why do I want to feel your body against mine
Why do I crave your smile
Why do I miss everything about you
I count the days until I see you
And when I see you again
Ill feel your lips on mine
Ill feel your body against me
Ill see your smile
And ill take in every part of you

I wish I could write a book
It would be about me and you
It wouldn't be perfect no book is
It will have fights
And arguments
Love scene that will make your heart sing

I wish we were a song
The lyrics would be cheesy
Because the way I feel
About you is so cheesy

I wish we could last forever
Our pages and lyrics grow and grow
If we were a book
We would have a happy ending
If we were a song
We would be that cheesy happy love song

But we aren't a book or a song
So its unwritten
I don't know where it will go
Or how it will end
Im just going to let our story write its self
And hope you feel the same

I want to be the lyrics to a song
My words flow and relate to peoples thoughts
The lyrics people listen to when they are sad
The lyrics they listen to when they are falling apart
The lyrics that describes their thoughts
I want to be a song for people like me
The sad. The angry. The broken. The confused.
I want to be a song
That makes sense
Right?

I want to go away
Go away
Go away
Help I want to go away
I want to escape myself
Help!
I'm gonna go away
I'm losing myself
Help!
I'm out of control
I'm almost there
Almost gone
Help!
I'm gonna go now
Help!

My puzzle pieces are mix matched
Theres missing pieces and some that doesn't fit
And some that just doesn't make sense
But someone once told me
You are made of many  puzzles
And sometimes the puzzles get mixed up
Theres this part of you
And this story
And sometimes the pieces get scrambled together
And they don't make sense
So you have to put it back together
Fix your puzzles
Fix yourself

I want to go back to the innocent girl I was not the one that knows hurt. Not the girl that knows how the world works.

I will miss these walls
They've been apart of me
They've watched me grow
And let me go
Its gonna be sad to see it go
But its time to go pack
It's time to say bye
Not a see ya later
or a come again
Its a permanent bye that I can't handle
And then I look back
I see the jumbled up mess its became
And I know I have to say bye
Its time

Dark haired girl
White skin that doesn't match
Blue eyes
Surrounded by black
Heart shaped face
Smile so fake
Hides the fact
She wishes to be a memory
She takes her razor and drags it across her skin
To know she is still there
When she's alone in the dark she falls apart
It's became her routine to cry at night
And rip her skin apart
When the red drips from her wrist
And the pain shoots through her
She's alive

They all seem so disposable
It hasn't always been like this
I once was the disposable one
The one that didn't matter
The one trying to keep her composure
I used to care to much
And now I care so little
I used to get head over my heels so easily
But the words coming out of their mouths weren't real
And I learned not to be the foolish girl
The one standing there looking like an idiot  
So instead I leave before they can
Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out
Running away like this