My mind is my prison
I count to four
Everyday all day
Don't ask me why its four
Or why I count
You feel my fingers counting 1 2 3 4
I have to kiss you 4 times before I go
I have my routine of 1 2 3 4s
I replay conversions in my head 4 times 4 times
One it haunt me in my sleep
Two it haunts me all day
Three it takes me
Four it drives me crazy

If I were a little white pill
You'd search for me
If I were something you could snort
You'd pay attention to me
If I were a drug dealer
You'd never leave me alone
If my lips were a crack pipe
Your lips would always crave me
But I'm not any of those things
I'm just a girl that loved you
And that wasn't enough for you

I need you like a drug
I thought one more hit
Wouldn't do any harm
So I took another
Thats all it took to get hooked
You made be feel so high
The withdraws was always the worst
Late nights craving you
Wanting you feeling like I needed you
You have your drugs and I have you
I don't know which one of us is more addicted

Your kisses are whispers left on my lips
That tells the story of us
What is the story of us
Somewhere it got confused
Jumbled up in time
Were we real or just a dream
A dream I dreamed up
Or maybe you dreamed it up first
Because you were the one that said all the things
I dream of

Im all alone in this world
No one to share my tears
My love My pain
I have all these secrets
Parts no one will know again
I shared them before
Ive learned thats a mistake
They will leave
He will take his hammer and shatter your heart
Your secrets spilling out where everyone can see

I watched you drive away
With tears in my eyes
I missed you the moment you left
I wanted to tell you to come back
To take back the fight
To right what was wrong
But now after many tears
And sleepless nights
I know that the moment you left
Was the moment everything fell apart
Even though you aren't truly gone
I know that you will never be mine again

This is how it starts
Palms sweating
Stomach tightens
Face gets hot
Cheeks turn red
Heart beating fast
Mind racing
Can barely breathe
Embarrassed by the fact it was all caused
By a natural human interaction
Anxiety controls my life
It smothers me
It takes my mind
Obsessing over all the words
Trying to escape my thoughts
Don't talk to me
Don't look at me
I'm not rude
I'm just a shell of an anxiety ridden person

Ill follow you down even as I break
Ill hold on to you as long as I can
Its dangerous and uncontrollable  
My love for you
Its something I hate and something I love
I let you wear me down
I don't care what it does to me as long as I have you

Im giving up on love
Because the only one my heart wants to love is you
I ripped out my heart just to give it to you
You handed it back broken and cold
Sad and old used up and put back together
Turned my world upside down
Took my love without a care
No thought behind it
You didn't care
As long as you had want you needed
Didn't think about the girl behind it just about the love that made you feel whole

You made me a bitter broken soul
But my stubborn heart won't let you go

One day I'm gonna be more than
Just a blue eyed small town girl
Living in a broken down town
Longing for more
They all think I won't go places
Little do they know I'm well on my way
Of leaving this place
I don't know where I'm going
Or how long it will take me
All I know is I'm going

Im afraid we will always be a book with the ending pages ripped out
And you know what its called
The never ending story
I love the book but sometimes it leaves me crying
Which all good books do
You could read it or you can write it
But there is two writers
Writing two different story
Leading up to different endings

When did it change
When did we break
What made you leave
What made me stay
My heart is broken
And you're just fine
Im waiting on you
While you're moving on

With eyeliner running down her face
The world weighing heavy on her shoulders
With her heart breaking
Her light fading
With tears in her eyes
She speaks the words I'm fine
And they believe her

You don't abuse me but you confuse me
You never leave but your not here
Your not mean but you aren't sweet
Im not ready to let you go
Even if that means I'm gonna break my own heart
I feel like Im ripping it out and throwing it on the ground
But either way I feel that way
With or without you
So I might as well keep you
Right?
Just to have you

I wanted to break you
And then put you back together
I wanted you to need me
You to tell me I was your world
That you couldn't breathe without me
I craved to be the one you loved
The one you called yours
I wanted you to love me like I love you

She was innocent
Never had her heart broken
He made tears flow from her eyes
And kept air from her lungs
She made her mistakes
In the past
But she doesn't deserve this pain
She feels like she is dying
And apart of her is
Who she was will always be his
The girl she is now will never be his

I guess you could say I loved you
I guess you could say you broke up with me
But baby we were already broken
You and I both knew when it happened
It wasn't your fault or mine
Both of us broke each other
We both made the same mistakes
You can't blame it on me
And I can't blame it on you

Sun burnt skin and broken hearted
Confused heart and more complicated
Chasing love and wanting more
In my dreams I'm over it
Am I over it or am I Jaded
All my energy into chasing you
I could of spent it getting over you
I told you I'm over you I'm not
But that's a step closer to getting past you

Call me bitter call me broken
Call me whatever you like
Im just a girl trying to survive
Trying to keep her pieces together
Trying not to fall apart and lose myself
Just a girl trying to protect her soul
Not bitter
Broken maybe just a little
Im just trying not to completely fall apart
So call me bitter call me broken
Call me whatever you like
Im just a girl living her life
Not bitter
Broken maybe just a little

Catch my tears with your heart
Hold my hand and tell me I'm worth it
Glue my broken pieces back together
Hold me tight and don't let go
Look into my sad blue eyes
Like you adore them
And never let me go

I needed you where are you
I needed you who are you
I love you where are you
I love you who are you
Im yours where are you
Im yours who are you
Who have I fallen in love with
And love where have you gone
Your no longer here by my side
Where are you
Im yours I need you
I love you
Where are you

Shy blue eyed girl has your heart
She looks so innocent with her baby face
And pretty blue eyes
When her hair falls in her face
You push it away and kiss her
When you are laying there you hold her tight
She is the kind that people can't help but take care of
It's the face the way it turns red
Her pretty sad eyes
It pulls you in
You can never be mad at a face like that
Some say its a gift she knows its a curse

Carefree pretty faced boy
His smirk gets her every time
His smile melts her heart
Even his voice is cute
The way he calls her baby girl
He makes her feel high just with his smile
Everything about him gives her butterflies
He helps her thoughts make sense
She can say the craziest things
And he can make sense of it all
The way he smells like cigarettes and something else
Drives her crazy

Are they ready for it
This crazy ride that's about to happen
What we have is weird
But I know it's true
I don't think its possible to fake something like this
It drives me crazy the way you make me feel
How did I live without you
But even more how did this happen
Im falling for you slowly
I want to go as fast as I can
But we need to slow down
To make it last

When I was a kid
I used to really dislike you
But now that you're broken
I like you
That's not the reason why
I miss you
I've always loved you
I blamed you
For all the things
That was wrong
But now without you
I wish I had you
Broken dad, why don't you
Get out of bed
Get up I want to scream
I know you would If you could
We didn't ask for this
None of us would
That November night
Changed my life
Were all broken now
All a little different
But you most of all
You got the short straw

She's the girl that doesn't know how good she really is
She thinks her freckles are to much
You think they're cute
She thinks her hair is to messy
You think it's ****
She thinks her **** is to big
You think it's perfect
She thinks your biggest mistake was falling for her
You think the best thing you ever could have done was to fall for a girl like her
She doesn't believe it when you tell her she is amazing
She doesn't see it
All she sees is the improvements she could make to improve herself
She doesn't see the girl you do
She sees a blue eyed freckled faced awkward kid
She doesn't know how good she really is

You were dead when I met you
The person I met was just a ghost
What you turned to,to take away your pain
Took your soul
Your living as a empty shell
I kissed the lips of a corpse that night
I can't help but think
If I would of met you before the drugs did
That I could of saved you
You died the first time snorting it
The pain of it running down
Was your soul dying
When you felt yourself slipping away
From your problems
You never came back

To much drink
Brought up old memories
She couldn't remember
Buried deep forever forgotten
She remembers her countless lovers
Who loved her body but not her soul
She remembers who she used to be
He remembers the stories she's told him

Broken was how you met me
And broken is how you left me
When you should of mended me
You could of been my knight in shining armor
Instead you turned into my enemy trying to **** me

I want to go back to the beginning
When our love was fresh and new
And we haven't hurt each other
Back to when you were a mystery  
Before I knew all your demons
When our story wasn't written in pain

Stay never leaving
Its confusing
Never knowing where you're going
I feel like you don't want me anymore
Staying just because I need you
Just because I asked
Not because you want to be here
I don't want you to stay somewhere you don't want to be
Just for me
I feel like its time to let you go
I wish we could last forever and ever
But now I know nothing last forever and ever
Feeling fade and your feeling for me has faded
Im not gonna make you stay just for me
Im gonna say bye because that's what you need
You need me to give you the ok
To leave

I no longer think that ill always love you
But I will always remember what it felt like
And there is no one to blame but yourself
I didn't want to fall out of love with you
Im not heart broken anymore
Im just over it
My heart no longer beats faster when I hear your voice
I don't panic when I feel like Ive lost you
Im tired of loving you
You took a heart and made it ice cold
Took a innocent girl and showed her darkness

You left so I moved on
And in your eyes it was easy
But if you seen me break and cry
You would see I had no choice
But to let it go
I remembered all the memories of us
I went through them like a movie
When you first left
I thought it it would never be ok
That it would be this way forever
But the day I moved on
Was the day I knew I could live without you

Forever mine
Forever yours
With every heart beat
With every flaw
Every minute everyday
Every thought every dream
My heart beats your name
Forever mine Forever yours
Forever intertwined

There's a emptiness
Where my heart should be
There's a ghost haunting my memories
He comes late at night
I can almost feel his lips against mine
His face is blurry
His voice is muted
But I know it's you
Am I a ghost to you or am I just dead
Do I visit you or am I something that never crosses your mind

There's a girl with sad eyes
And a cigarette between her lips
She's thinking about old memories
Finding there's more pain than happiness within
So she sits there smoking her cigarette
With sad eyes and a broken heart

He's a gypsy soul
Known for leaving
If anyone ever made him want to stay it was her
But his gypsy soul wouldn't let him go
So he let her go instead

You asked me why all my poems are sad
Why they can never be happy
And I looked at you and said I don't know
But you know what the day you left
You were getting your happy poem
I was in the middle of it
So to answer your question
Happy doesn't last long enough to get a poem
I get glimpses of happiness
But never enough to form words
You see a poem takes time
It has to brew inside of you for a long time
Now the happy poem is just
Broken pieces of something that could be
Now its words drips with sadness
Drip Drip Drip
Like the blood down my wrist
Drip

Just kiss my haunted lips
And now you're haunted too
With my haunted thoughts
Darkness engulfs my mind
But you're the only light coming through
But now it haunts you too
How does it feel to share my ghost of the past
To know wherever you go it's there to
You can never let it go because it haunts your mind
When you think its gone
It haunts you even more
If you let it consume you
It will become you
And we cant conquer it because we don't even know what it is
All I know is it haunts me and now it haunts you to

If you break my heart ill call it fair
I broke yours every time you saw a scar
Every time I cried a tear
Shared all the things from my broken past
So if you break my heart don't worry about me

Ill break your heart and I won't think twice
I have a sweet face but a dark heart
Is this what you wanted
I used to be the girl that matched her smile
And you left and I broke and I started breaking hearts

I want to go away
Go away
Go away
Help I want to go away
I want to escape myself
Help!
I'm gonna go away
I'm losing myself
Help!
I'm out of control
I'm almost there
Almost gone
Help!
I'm gonna go now
Help!

You run and hide
Playing hide and seek with my heart
When I find you
You keep hiding in darker places
Its not fair
You are much better at this game than I am

I will miss these walls
They've been apart of me
They've watched me grow
And let me go
Its gonna be sad to see it go
But its time to go pack
It's time to say bye
Not a see ya later
or a come again
Its a permanent bye that I can't handle
And then I look back
I see the jumbled up mess its became
And I know I have to say bye
Its time

I'm crumbling
Underneath all this pain
Like a historical building
After a hurricane
The devastation so dramatic
It's hard to rebuild
What you destroyed
Your words hit me
Like 150 miles per hour wind
Salty tears like ocean water
Taking over everything
Your hatred drowns me
My life completely changed
You destroyed something beautiful
In the matter of minutes

If I could write our story
It'd be us happy together forever
No leaving no drugs
There would be more laughing
Less fighting

Do I know you do I truly deep down know you
Are there parts of you I don't know
Parts that would give me chills
Make me cry
If I knew your past like a movie
Would I of fallen
If I knew your soul your heart
Your thoughts
Would my heart love you

Our love is like a bubble bath
I needed you to wash me clean
But now our love is going down the drain
I watch as it swirls around and around until its gone
Wrapped in a towel
I watch whats left of us seep away
With tears in my eyes
I try to save us
To save anything left over

I loved you even with your mistakes
I loved you through your addiction
I loved your soul
I loved your body
I loved your messy hair
I loved your heart
I loved you when you weren't lovable
I loved you when you didn't love me
I loved you when you chose something over me
I loved you when drugs were your best friend
I loved you when you didn't love yourself
I loved you when you were being hardheaded
I loved you when love wasn't enough
I loved you with a broken heart
I loved you when you were the one that broke my heart
I loved you when you let me down
I loved you because I loved you
I loved you because I saw the man you could be
I loved you because you made me feel alive
I loved you because you're you
The point is I loved you

I say I'm fine
But inside my heart is breaking
At night I lay in bed crying
Tears so strong I feel like Im shaking
When will this end and I be whole again