Please be there.

It's dark here sometimes,
When I can't see the end of the tunnel,
When my sparks are so dim--
They don't have light.

At least let me know that you are waiting,
Call out to me:
I'm here! I won't leave!
Even if you think I can't hear.

I can't hear,
Sitting here crying,
Trying to find the light,
The right way out.

Are you the way out of this?
Do you know the way?
I have forgotten...

Help me.

What is wrong with me?
I love you
Just as much as I hate myself.

Maybe--
I know I shouldn't love you anymore.
But I need someone to live for.

Still.
Have you ever wished on me?

A picture is worth a thousand words:








You're a library.

I'm missing you,
A warm presence,
The only time I dare to be myself.
And yet,
Better than I am
When I'm around you.

Did I walk away
Or was it you?

The feeling that someone slammed the door in my face. memories…echoes…

Rejection was never
Easy. even for me… so many times.
and Always because you.

Why let you in more?
Why do you even care—
—you don't. Right.

Don't worry. I'm easy to get over.

Wouldn't it be better if
I was forgotten,
Just like I planned all along?

The others easily have.
Months and months,
No words, no calls.

Alone in this silence
I distract my tears,
Dancing with my imagination.

"I'll be fine" I say,
But we both know
I am wrong again.

Right now, just waiting,
For someone to find me,
Who makes me feel like
I'm worth remembering.

But I doubt you remembered that.

Will you join me?
There's a party on the moon,
A dancing of the stars,
One by one they call out,
Singing to the midnight light.

Everyone is invited to
The party on the moon,
Dreamers dreamt the decorations
Creating the scene for
The perfect dance hall.

So why don't you join me
At the party on the moon--
You can dance all night
And I might save a dance for you,
A dance at the party on the moon.

When...
The door closes,
Alone in the dark,
Lost for words,
Without a hope.
I wait for the reassurance
I am worth more than a text.

When...
Dripping down,
Water comes too fast,
Streaming from my eyes.
I am too vulnerable.

Is it sadness
                        When I feel
                                                Nothing at all?

Invisible I,
Nothing to do with
Victory over anything but
Inconsiderate and inconsistent things.
Slowly I slip from memories
Isolating myself from the
Bullies of my own creation,
Letting my own thoughts of myself slip through
Eternity.

                I want to forget myself too.

Nobody's honor
Should include brutality.
A heartbroken people
Fighting for a forgotten cause,
Shrieking children
Running from guns,
Running from fathers,
Defending themselves against the
Electrifying terror of
Torture.

Yet we hardly bat an eye at war,
Creating a vanishing sympathy for
Pain and destruction.
People hardly remember what it was like to be a
Human.
Just watch the news.
Just go to the movies.
War is now entertainment.
Destruction is now praised.

I hate war.

I am the repetition of many stories.
Death,
Heartbreak,
Anxiety,
Mistrust,
Isolation,
Vulnera­ble,
Repetition.
Is it okay to hate myself,
If I'm just like every story that
People hate?
Dreaming too much
With too little accomplishment?
Anticlimactic?
Insensitive?
Destructive?
Rude?
Wa­steful?
Bratty?
Never getting it
Through my thick skull?
I do too many things wrong,
My good will never outweigh my bad.
I trust and love people
More than I should.
More than I trust and love myself.
If you knew who I really was,
Could you see my mask?
Would you hate me for it?

Sorry.
I said too much again.

Would you be the person who
Willingly pulls my heart out
And turns it to dust?

Or would you be the one
Who is tender
Handling the fragile, breakable
Pieces
And fit the shards back together?

I will willingly surrender
To the greater part of my heart.

Looking in the mirror,
Who is that one
Staring back?
It isn't me.
I do not recognize
Happiness,
Talent,
Beauty,
Grace.
Was this who I once was?
Is this who I am?
Time and time again,
Staring at cold expressions,
Meaningless smiles.
Putting on a face so no one would see
Me.
Why would they want to?

Maybe this is the reason why.

It hurts.
Pain,
It's ice cold and devours.
Frigid hands grip,
Clinging to the edge of the cliff,
Not knowing how long they can hang on.
Hot tears burn their way down clammy cheeks and
Through the soul.
Knowing that falling was eminent to fall--
Why was it caused by
Trust--
Trying--
Now it comes to a short and sudden
End.
The silence-- Life now,
It ticks by,
Painstakingly
Slow,
But faster than the rest. I feel my grip slip...

I'm looking for a
Guardian angel,
Someone who could be my
Crying shoulder,
Who would never try and change me
Or think of abusing me.
He would have me forget the person
I once was--the one I hate.
I'm still waiting for him,
Someone that loves me,
Not only that but would miss me,
Deeply so.
Like how I would miss him,
Like a flower in the snow--
Missing the sun.

I don't know if he will understand
How I internalize everything,
Or how I don't let my secrets go
Without a fight, a struggle in my mind.
But he would understand that he loves me
With a love that will never go away.

I need
         Hands to hold,
                 Arms to hug,
                       Words to comfort,
                                  Smiles to lead,
                                              Tears to cherish,
                                                        ­Ears to hear,
                                                           ­   A heart to care.
What about
                                                           ­                             **You...
...?

Time after time,
I might love you,
Until the time I let go:

Until I die.

Will it be OK when I can't feel my heart anymore?
Could I still love the harsh cries,
The deadly, lovely words
Meant for you?

Would you call it love
If I wrote you
A thousand poems?

Were we meant to be
Tonight,
Alone with only our thoughts
And the knowledge
We did it the same as yesterday?

I can't take anymore.

It's the moments that
I reject contact
That you should be worried about.

This emotion of flying,
Falling...
I'm not use to it.
It's against the rules,
My silly rules,
To trip into someones arms.

And it's against the rules for
Someone to catch me.

Why did you?...

Like the last burst of a storm,
The last stroke of a brush,
The last detail added...

More than I could have asked for, more than I could ever dream...
Kisses with you,
Your hand in mine,
Kneeing with you,
Exchanging rings.
I will never give this up for anything.

I'll tell you what I thought about when I was gone and so alone,
Secrets with no one to tell--
Every action in this world has a consequence,
And I don't talk like an open book.

Don't tell anybody about the things we have planned
Or how you turned me around:
They just want to push us down,
But I will muster every ounce of confidence
To promise not to promise anymore.
I will take the chain from off the door:
It's not too late to apologize.
I went as far as I could,
I'm not afraid to fall, I might just learn to fly.
We learned so much about ourselves,
But did you know how much you moved me?

My world is not everything I hoped it would be.
It's a little bit scary;
I am lost for words.
I feel alone in the unknown,
All I want is to be in the light.
Please get me out of here,
Wash away all my tears,
Let me know that I'm not alone;
I am scared:
They are trying to figure out what I'm all about,
But it's not easy to be me--
I try my best.
You know I'd fall apart without you.

I want to see you be brave.
If you're still waiting for the breakdown,
I just hide it away--
Throw it away.
I feel like a problem girl,
And you are more than I deserve.

You want to know more about me?
It seems like there's always someone who disproves,
So I built a concrete wall.
Please be there through it all--
Everybody has a dark side.
Will you love me?
Will you love mine?
My hair looks dull,
My shoes are wrong,
They laugh at me,
I don't belong.

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got until it's gone?
I'm tired of hurting,
But I'm slowly learning that
Tomorrow may be one day too late.

Even the best fall down sometimes,
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme,
But when the time comes,
Don't run,
Set me free.
Here I stand,
Just the way I'm suppose to be,
But I'm going to make that change.

I will dance if you ask me to dance,
But right now I'm sitting here praying for reason.
You don't know a thing about me,
But I threw a wish in the well:
Be my escape--
I need someone who stands beside me,
Not in front of or behind me.
Please listen closely to everything I say,
Otherwise you will never know me.

Backing me into a corner–
No way of escaping.
Worth this trouble?
No– not I– but I knew it would turn in this way.
That it would become this,
No matter the original innocence.
My innocence.
Soiled by others' hands and lips who strayed too far.
back me up,
chiding, chastising,
Cornered.
With my trust compromised…

I know the real reason
You have forgotten
All the little things we talked about,
Insignificant dreams of mine,
Troubles I wouldn't tell another person,
Because they wouldn't listen.

But I know the reason you have forgotten...

I wasn't important to you
Until now.

Remember that elementary game?
The one that you say you love someone,
Then avoid each other constantly?
Like how the sun and moon
Chase each other,
Yet never meet?
Let's play that game.
You can be the Sun;
I'll be the Moon.

The Moon envies the Sun:
He shines bright, giving life to all.
The Moon's beauty is dull,
Reflecting only what she captures
From the glory of the Sun.
On the night where he runs faster
Than she can chase him,
The Moon cries,
Lost in the darkness,
Haunted by the emptiness.

Does the Sun miss the moon
When she falls behind?
It's not noticed if he does:
He shines bright either way.

Sometimes
The Moon wonders,
"What would it be like
To be the Sun?"
All bright and glorious,
With many envying him.
Remember one time that
She stood out,
That she proved herself.
That never happened:
She was only ever the Moon.

She shines,
But in no way is that
Good enough.
She wants to be with the Sun,
To learn,
To grow,
Just like everyone else.

But when the Sun
And the Moon
Meet,
Everyone is silenced into
Terrible and terrific wonder.
Is it right to be together?
Is it good?
Is it safe?
Panic sets in the Moon,
And they part as soon as the
Moment came.
Does the Sun love the Moon as
The Moon adores the Sun?
Does the Sun
Ever Miss the moon?

The Moon will never know.

Things are better now.
My other half, my dear,
When you stay, when you hear,
I know you are with me.

I'm scared.
I don't want either of us to leave,
I would fall apart
Because I am in love with you. Forever.

I will stay here with you
As long as I am allowed to linger.
Hold me closer,
Hold me tighter,

The way that you cherish me.

it seems to me
I've been doing much of the reaching
in all my relationships.

Not that I meant for that statement
To come across self-righteously.

I just don't know how to voice all these words.
Or if I should even try
When it feels like I'm talking to a
Concrete wall.
Grey,
Like me, but no chance of falling down.

I knew everyone would leave though...
Forgotten.

Run.
Faster!
They're catching up,
They're almost here.

Crashing through the woods--
You can hear their spies
Buzzing through the trees,
Right beside you,
Keeping up easily with your dragging.
You feel too tired to keep up with
The fast pace.

Pick up your feet.
They're on your tail!
Get up.
Run!

The spies--
Some darken the sky,
Now a hazy gray,
Their black wings overtake the slower pace.
You can hear their gleeful laughs and cries.

Don't give in.
FIGHT!
Run.

You feel your feet uselessly pulling,
They refuse to go on.
They need to!
You let yourself fail,
You can feel yourself fall from exhaustion.
The exertion was not enough.
Crash--
Fall--
Down.
There's no one here--
No one but the enemy.

No one will save you.
You didn't run fast enough.

Shadows--
The dark that brings the light,
A grading that shades the tones of life,
A graying tone of black and white.

The hopeless hide here,
Invisible to all:
They themselves concealed from their eyes,
Here, a shade of gray,
Nothing to stand in the way of being gone.

How? Why?
Days, weeks, months, years,
The trusted One...
... A lie?
Closing the door--
Bolted, nailed,
Anything to prevent it from opening again.
Does the One remember the promise?

But the door is shut,
Again alone,
In my world of gray.

I gambled with fire,
Gave my mind away,
It turned my heart to dust,
And now it turned way.

Left alone again,
After he took my words and
Broke them to pieces.

Everybody does it.

I could never dream
Without wondering what someone else was dreaming.

I cannot speak
Without hesitating at another's thoughts.

You ask me what I'm afraid of.
Maybe it is
Bullies,
Offenders,
Liars.
Maybe I'm afraid I'm seen that way.
Maybe I'm afraid of what they say,
What they'll do,
What it will mean.
As to my fears escalating,
I'm more convinced
The world is a better place when I hide in my room.
Their opinions will change the world.
I don't want to be changed.
I don't want to be told
Or to be scoffed at.

I fear
         Judgment.

I feel like I
Love the idea
Of being in love.

I can't call this love,
But I want to.
I want to hold a fragile heart,
A gift,
For me to treasure.

Some say I'm a gem,
Sparkly in the light,
But I know in the end
I'm just a rock--
Not anyone's crown jewel.

Maybe if I knew what love was.

Maybe if I didn't love my dreams
More than reality.

Everything that is built comes down eventually
But how can you tell when something falls
If it is lost in the fog?

Does a tree sound when it falls
If there is no one around?

Yet I've already fallen
And you are standing,
Staring at the wreckage.
Still--
You never know how high I can reach:
I topple too easily.

Even if you build me up again,
I will collapse,
But this time I may remain alone.

Dive into the deep unknown
Blue
Of the darkening night sky.
I will be frigid in the emptiness
Floating alone,
No one left to hang on to.

I am the one they call beautiful,
Left in the glittering dust.
I wish I was still flying,
A bolide in the black.
I would be an angel.

Dreaming of the invisible,
Sightless,
Soundless,
Vivid images pouring from my heart.
I am too weak to handle,
But meek enough to learn.

I was once flying,
Now my heart is in the starry night.

Don't judge me.
You don't know my life, my circumstances,
My heartbreak.
It seems like people only care about
How they measure up to others.
They are disgraced by people who can't measure--
Disgraced by me.
But no one knows.
No one knows its me.

Sometimes I hate my name.
It happens when I hate my self.
Called out in shame,
No one had time to listen,
Time to hold me,
Time to care.

Do they know what they are doing?
Do they know the difference between put downs
And let downs?
Do they know that the pain they give me
Is worse than any physical pain I have endured?
If they do,
They don't care.
They live to measure;
I can't measure.

But,
How sweet it is
When I get called beautiful.
Who knew I could be beautiful?
Me, the blandest and saddest pretender in the world--
Beautiful?
I'm feeling of worth,
My world is changing.
What he says is worth all the heartbreak in the world.

She hates me,
He's left me,
I am alone in the
Emptiness of my mind.
Alone with my memories of breaking others
And remembering every time ive broken..
Would it be terrible if i broke more?
he said i wasn't special enough.
i agree.

You should've known my greatest fear.
Funny, I don't recall you asking me after
All our time.
Time.
Tick tock tick.
Before the clock strikes midnight
I know I will be left alone again.

It rolled down the stairs...
                thump,
                         Thump,
                                  THUMP
Gaining momentum until it crashed at the bottom.

It was glass.

They should have known,
They should have felt the crystal, its fragility,
Evidently they didn't care.
They never did,
Did they?

The scattered remnants were left on the pavement
To sparkle in the sun.
Even though it was broken,
It was beautiful to passersby.

Sometimes I wonder...
                                    ...Are people the same way?

Not the absence of God's high expectations. Rather, the presence of His power.

Work, bear testimony. Christ will cover the rest.

Expensive handbags,
Pensive listening,
Nothing I say is ever worth
Mentioning.
Swing on this
Hinge-- a see-saw of
Heartache
Bruised on the *** by
The frozen snake--
Never to thaw
And never to break.
Exquisite lampshades
Hide the luminous
Color,
Now a dingy
Dim of disrepair
Order.
Visit a fairytale
Where honey flows in
Waterfalls,
The smooth will soothe the
Heartless work and
Falls.
Tangled cloth again today,
Moth eaten and angled,
We ride in the dark
Convinced our little playground could save
A heart.

In the silent clouds,
A dream-like story is told.
Like a river of silver,
A heart of love can travel the world.
In the blink of an eye,
The moon blushes as the sky fades to gray.
The dark of life now
Alive in starlight.

In the silent clouds,
A promise is waiting.
Sway away to the masked music,
Feel the soft petals falling faster
Than my trust forgotten.

In the silent clouds,
Shoot my wings with misery and heartbreak.
Frozen imaginings plummet from the sky,
Simple tears slip silently away.

The wind calls to me again--
"Come," it whispers,
"O're the meadows,
Better days will surely come,
Play with me,
Your imaginary friend,
Don your dress of scarlet and gold,
Put down your work,
Find a reason to be."

Back I call to the longing breeze,
"The days grow cold,
The others say I'm too old
To play in our meadow.
They tell me
You are not so.
My dress too thin, I shiver beneath,
The scarlet is faded
And so is the gold.
I cannot be,
No, not today can I be."

But if my heart stops beating,
Who would be the one who saves?

But if I should die,
Who would be the one who cries?

It's like quicksand in the desert:
Some relish the attention,
The thrill,
Daring to get closer,
Finding a way to prove themselves,
But finding themselves in a place
They would never want to be.

It ***** them closer,
Pulling them away from the safe ground.
They forget who they once were,
Only living up to what others expect from them--
Want from them.

Plaguing every living heart and
Preventing pure friendships from being made.