I'm the cigarette--
glued to your hand.

I am the soft
flick of your thumb,

dripping ashes on your hand
like snow.

To be an assassin dispersing
into the crowded city street,
to blend into the masses
with a finger on the trigger—
simply because it’s your first instinct

somehow—
the glint of the moon
on the crystals that dangled,
turned the fog
to fireworks.

bullet in my brain,
even before you shoot me
i’m already dead.

who cares!

you’ll never understand
the pure bliss that is
being loved by you

woven through fingertips—
gleaming tendrils of light,
a hundred lives woven
in the darkness of night.

stitches of amber
sewn through time,
with time itself sewn
through the ethereal divine

am i that smile?
or did serendipity
make me a hero?

is this all that is?
all that ever will be?

i will never be his...
so i fade as you see

and just like that
the buildings fall,
hundreds of hours put into
their walls...

so illegal was it
to meet in this place
the one we spend hundreds of hours
and effort can't find a trace

i brought my flowers
into the market square,
but when they all met the frost
they withered and turned bare.

i ran out of bread—
snow blocking my path home,
so i sold the last flower i had
and to god i must atone.

Me,
Deep through
The brush
The leaves, dust, dirt—
Stains my breath.
The sweetness
Opening arms.
I let out a smile, my body
exhales as well.
Grounds, nature
Buried in
My bones made me
Run and be free,
As long as I wish.
Again
I will never be
So happy,
There with you
And still stuck
Imprisoned
I could never return I am
Free.

the sun flew down
just to hit my bare feet,

they stung from the cold
and the rocky beach.

i built a rock tower today.
on the edge of the lake,

and before i warmed up
the wind blew it down.

that same wind that blew hair from my face
and air deep into my lungs—

and i smiled.

it should never have been there
in the first place.

Good morning!
It’s tomrrow now,

I’ll leave the to-do list
Written on your arm.

It won’t be numbered,
There’s no need.

distance between our graves
spacious and airy—
leave our kids to sing
“vivere volumus permanere”

i am sweaty,
dripping from the suns rays
casting on my brow,
and i don’t seem to mind—

just look!
i still don’t move
as i drench.
so be it.

im taking breaths but i still cant breathe
reading bottoms of bottles like tea leaves
and i can't see past my nose

so what if i'm a mess
who cares
face down in the sand

so what if im a mess
who cares
i can still feel your hands

im taking steps but not with ease
pulling at the strings of my own disease
and i cant even move my hands

running and scheming my brain
always leaving impossible feeling of dealing
and playing childish games of gaining grins
shootung guns of gifts giving garbled guidance

so what if im a mess
who cares
hair spun up in knots

so what if im a mess
who cares
i cant stop being lost

i love the blood
pounding in my head,
as you dangle me upside-down—
lips turning bright red.

a man crested his hill, he viewed the world around him. never before had he seen such ferociousness.

he was viewing something no souls had ever encountered. he was, for the first time in his life, the first.

he fell to his knees— water crashed below, as the tangles of pine closed in on his frail form.

he believed the world built this view for him, and only him. only— the world built this view for no reason.

the serendipity of the hill he collapsed on was marveled by the man. he wept. alone, in a world only he would ever see exactly as is.

cries to the heavens were silenced. his own drive to rise again fell off the cliff face. he simply watched.

vines creeped up his torso. snakes nestled under his legs. his hair melted with the spring thaw, then washed away with the rain.

his eyes never faded. his mind never dulled. he simply sat and waited. he waited for god to extend His hand.

what else should one do in front of the sublime?

You’ve left me
as empty as that pit,

why not
fill both up at once?

Efficient both in life
and death,

We wander into death,
drunk and stumbling.

Just as we wander through life,
eyes closed with no plans of opening them

And quite honestly—
With no plans at all

one with the rust,
trickling into the soils--
one more sip i just
gotta watch the smoke coil...

be warned,
you do not want to
see me grieve.

Confidence and cowardice
Which is your path?

One of righteousness
Or one of wrath

One lets you live
One lets you live on

A fine line between
Old age and long after you’re gone

The only difference I see
Between brain and brawn

Is the motive you have
And who sings your song

It’s the hunger that drives the Wolf and I
out— all across the icy expanse of tundra.
We stop at the edge. Just for a moment.
One look into each other's eyes, both of us
knowing the other doesn’t taste very good.

And so it begins.

You stain my skin
like the indents on my wrist.
The hair-ties from my weary day,
unused and painful.

Luckily, I employ you.
The indents fade and the angry
red marks vanish,
while my vision clears with it.

The crack of my wrist,
hyperextended like my patience,
I bring back feeling to my fingers.
Time to get to work.

If you knew I was coming,
you should’ve run faster.

I’m using your gun
so you know that it works...

Bring the bad guy foreword!
I’ll always right behind

I stumbled through the haze,
my feet searing with each step.
I couldn’t collapse
or I’d lose my skin,

Mumbles, from women dressed heavy,
“Looks like the bear got her…”
What bear?
Why didn’t the buildings cast a shadow?

No more sun. That’s all I beg,
no more greetings of warm smiles
with “She sure is a-beaming!”
flooding the desert.

The barn was up in flames.
I reach my hands out to the red
and feel a chill roll by me,
with fire giving me the shade I needed.

Lizards roasted in their pools,
horses sweat off saddles,
and here I meander all through town
practicing for my time down below.

One day you’ll get tired of me.
The chase will me done,
I won’t tag and run
for the chase is over and won.

I feel your arm around me,
like the skin in my teeth
the cold sheets beneath
and the water just out of my reach.

Is it only to me you share this laugh?
Brighten your smile,
just for a while—
ignore the taste of bile!

When you done with tag you’ll toss me aside,
but my heart flutters,
soaked breath stutters,
And my exhale mutters—

“I’ll love you when I’m sober.”

I’m woven in your veins—
tracing circles on your lungs,
draping shameless over your brain.
all through your blood i am strung.

with blood red eyes you met mine,
shone blue from the water and the moon.
mine faded to a deep and dark wine
as we drank on the shore with the loons

Yesterday,
I stole your drink.

At least now you can hate me
stone-cold sober.

Dirt flying like rain
With feet forever churning,
Grass and plants uprooted
His muscles moving and burning

Stop for a much-needed drink.
The only chance for him,
Look up from the water
As he goes for a swim

Rabbit runs from me,
I move slowly to not scare
But my dropped blades are too loud,
And off goes the hare!

Ripped grass from my hands,
He meets me as he coasts over the ground.
He glides in my direction,
He feet slap the earth as they pound

Fur to dazzle a crowd
Browns as the eyes of few
And streaks of red, with power he fled,
While I was left to stew

I saw his tracks
Detailing his run
He strives only for warmth
But was blinded by the sun

each scrawling night,
i stumble to my cave.
moss walls dripping—
the ocean kissing the lip.

i scratch my voice
into the bare rock,
with the sunlight trickling
in with the tide.

i poke my head out
when the night seeps
over the horizon...
i watch the cave flood.

Optimism, a fun game
for children and the bored.
I keep my goals tame,
while I shake in the cold.

Afternoon… night.
My goal only for life.
A future of delight,
good job and good wife

See, “I am no pessimist”,
that, while brushing a future away.
Forever claiming I’m a realist—
we know all good things never stay

Don’t get hopes high,  
and there you will never feel surprise

i want a love that is selfless
a love that make you hate yourself
because of how good they are

i want a love that is warm
that you can sink into
where getting up is a foreign concept

i want a love that is an orange
split between two without thinking
deep under the tree it grew

and lastly i want a love that is easy
a love that happens slowly
and a love that is unnoticeable

Cold morning dew
Dirt sticking to each ridged side
It was all so damp
Illuminated in something plusher than a sunset
The moon quickly disappearing
Gentle streams of light touch the ground
It was still cold
Cold enough for my hands to lose feeling
But warm enough to wear shorts
Smells of grass
Smells of flowers
And leaves
Nothing stirred except for the assorted bugs
Cicadas buzzing in the brush
No wind
But the air was not a bad stagnant
A chill swept through me
I rolled my sleeves down
My knees were wet and covered in tiny bits of grass
All stuck from the dampness
I placed my excavated carrot in the bin
It left my hands damp
I leaned back on my knees
My teeth were exposed rather quickly
I didn’t bother rinsing my hands
Too chilled
I rinsed off my fresh carrot
The frigid water brushed my hands clean
Ice cold from sitting in the hose overnight
The sunlight trickled down
It offset the chill seeping into me
I breathed in the air, eyes closed
Sun tickled my nose
The chill felt good as the sun rose higher
It slowly disappeared
The damp dew turned to sweat
I yearned for the peace of the quiet mornings
Busses roared, children yelled
No cicadas
I rolled my sleeves up and pulled the next carrot
My skin turns red
The heat seeps into my blood
Until it turned to a chill I can never break
The skin is much too thin
To keep any sort of heat in
I guess the morning sun is more forgiving
And embraces me in her warmth
Seated on a throne
Right next to the chill
Ruling over my fleshy expanses of land
A pair of monarchs
Deeply in love

Let me speak your name,
tune birds sung for centuries—
my morning lullaby

clutching your shirt,
as i melt away
through droplets on your arm
that’s just out of reach...

you were the one who
smiled at me from across the room
just to keep our secret.

you were the one who drove
and drove and drove endlessly just
to show me your favorite song.

you were the one who held my hand
under the blanket we shared
in a room full of people.

you were the one who got excited
when you thought that just maybe
i was excited too.

you were the one who held me as we woke
and would do things that
showed me you felt like yourself.

you were the one who showed a small bit
of who you really are
and left me scrambling for more—

and now you are the one who never calls,
the one who never looks,
and the one who never happened at all.

who are you to me?

you’ll sit there—
smoking your cigarette by the window,
blowing smoke out your lungs
that drifts back in through the window...

and as that icy chill sweeps
your dizzy body all over,
you put your cigarette out on a quarter
and use a dead plants *** as an ashtray.

break me—
as much as you will.
so long as I
will always still
drift away
off my window sill.
my life of joy,
I shall wait until...

Deep to your soul
Why do you help?
Is it for your own gain?
Maybe for emotional wealth...

You lift others up
But do you get love?
You may not think you deserve it
Because you’re so above

Are you really yourself?
You haven’t been a Self in ages,
That all that’s left of yourself
Is on weathered written pages,

You discovered you were kind,
You made that your forefront.
But you realize people like that
And that you were a prize won,

That got swirled in your head,
That you were needed,
Always being used—
Your fields were seeded

The plants grew tall.
The plants of your egos
Because you were crucial,
And helped with all woes

You took their pain.
You took their burden.
But they took things too!
They stole your person.

when you realize you don't care
that you're going to get wet,
you'll never need a jacket again.

Today, I had more calories
in my beer,
than in my meals...

But who’s counting, right?
(me)

sometimes the trickle of
words to my own self
seeps into my veins
and leaves my heart beating

“Why are you still here?” They ask me,
when I say life bears me no intrigue,
“It’s simply all I know,” I say—
which is just about all I can manage today.

painstakingly human—
with tears like a noose,
wrapping of tethers
begging to choke me,
with their tendrils of ice
that fade into the pillow.