Ana, Ana
my best friend
i'm sorry to say
we've come to an end
you see I loved you
alot more than I should
you always stayed
when no one would
it was very hard
we've been through thick & thin
our golden rule
eating is a sin
on my knees
fingers down my throat
whatever's in my stomach
the toilet it'll coat
the number on the scale
decides what you'll say
whether I get to eat or not
usually I starve everyday
you know my family
but they don't know you
they'll never see you
in my point of view
you're beautiful & amazing
everything I want to be
or so I thought
why couldn't I see
you weren't who you said you were
you were a wolf in sheep's fur
I was fragile & insecure
did that ever occur
I was 16 & 80 pounds
but you didn't care
when my ribs started showing
you continued to dare
skinner & skinnier
I was so sick & small
I couldn't even stand
I used support from a wall
but I no longer need support
you see my coffins closed
I never knew I was perfect
from my head to my toes
Ana I let you win
there is no more me
I finally got  thin
but i'm dead can't you see
our friendship is over
you finally won
but you don't even care
you're on to another one

Bad men around the world, like to prey on little girls
he says everything will be alright
he takes me away
out of sight.

I've been told that i'm not fixable
That when I smile it's not believable
The human race is so unpleasable
I'm not sure what to do...

It's been 2 years
Thinking about it now,  I can hardly believe it was real
I was drowning inside with pain: while on the outside I was drowning in tears.
My emotions were eating me alive... all i knew was I no longer wanted to feel.
After another family argument I rushed up stairs to the bedrooms
quickly I grabbed the first orange bottle of pills I could find in my aunts room.
Hiding beside my bed with my sister in the room unaware
Desperate for death I force all the pills down my throat.
Once the deed is done , my aunt calls us down to talk
during her lecture, I start to wobble
she asks if I took something but I insist I didn't and that I was just tired.
After a while she realizes what I have done..
though unlike most she found it funny and recorded it on her phone
Finally once I stop responding to things she calls the police...
only one officer showed up
realizing the situation wasn't a joke he gets back-up and medics
I am rushed to the local hospital.. then moved to a more advanced one
As the  doctors and nurses try to save me
I continuously rip out my IV's refusing to live

They are able to put me down.
I wake up 3 days later with dry blood on me and cry because all I wanted was to die .. and I failed.

" Neither do I"

See that blade?
imagine its smooth edge kissing your skin
allowing lovely scarlet blood to
drown away every sin.

See that mirror?
imagine loving your reflection
having no flaws, you'd never be
swarmed by rejection.

See that girl?
imagine being that size
you could shop freely without
being criticized.

See that lighter?
imagine it's hot flame sending a sensation
of tingly pain through your body
releasing any stress and tension..

See that toilet?
imagine purging that meal.
forcing all the food out till strong shivers
shake your spine; think of how good being thin would feel.

See your family?
imagine them always being happy
their lives can be great even if yours is a living hell
keep it all a secret, you don't have to tell.

See those pills?
imagine them really working
no more depression, anxiety, or tormenting dark thoughts
imagine all you could be
take them all, it's sure to set you free.

...? Can You Imagine ?...

I'm a ghost with a beating heart
trailing the earth, alive but dead
others viewing my dark mind as art
though i perceive it as a quilt sewn together
by the weakest thread.
So much is expected in the world of living
constantly pressured to be perfect
and if you fail it's not very forgiving.
The thing of life is that it's based on a society
this society sets the standards of your worth in life.
It is not known for its wide variety
I roam alone... not living by society but by me
I prefer to be an inspiration.
Everyone is their own individual
no-one should feel pressured to change.
Your soul should roam freely
not locked in societies cage.
The ones similar to I and are making their own path
are unaccepted, because they refuse to do
what is expected.
Typically the living world will
drive them to madness
and creating wounds on themselves
some wounds however
are not visible by sight.
Other wounds are created with weapons
during the night.
Many paths were started but never finished
because many had wounds
that couldn't even be fixed with stitches.
I however never breathe
i fill my lungs instead.
Join me in creating new paths
don't allow societies travelers to
lead you to self destruction
ending with you living under the flowers.
Finish your path
make it great , and do not quit.
The life form you have is lovely.
I started digging my grave, but instead
made a pond for the fishes.
Nothing is worth leaving your path unfinished.
Once you make it to the end of your path
the right way... then you may rest beneath
the stars, under unique flowers.
If it's your desire
you can finish another's path
and set their fears left behind on fire.
Society may be considered life's instructions
but life itself has none
so make your own and start constructing.
For I hope when you're done
the path was worth the trip.

I told you everything
we bonded and became one
To you did it all mean nothing?
I knew you had a long past of girls
Why did I think i'd be different?
the thought of you now makes my vision swirl
We kissed and laughed
I even gave you my innocence
God I'm such a stupid girl
One night gazing at the stars
I shared with you the story of all my scars
Since my  first love I built a wall
it stood tall for so long
I still don't know why I let it fall .
I gave up so much for you
risked too much
Of course you don't care though
I wish I never let you in
But i did
so now once more I must move on
my new wall will be a hell of a lot stronger
cause my heart may burst
if it has to endure another game
It's not like I don't know that
not everyone is the same'
but thus far  any attempt of love
has  put me to shame
Throwing my trust and hopes into the flames
leaving no-one but myself to blame.

Bless your soul
and mangled mind
there's someone in your closet
but don't look behind
the door.
For you'll be screaming no more
and you'll get a surprise
when he sits down and dines
on you.
Now there's two.
What should you do?
They have you strapped to your bed
with your hands behind your head
they take your mind
to search
to see
Now there's three.
You're screaming more and more
Now there's four.
and they want you to feel the pain
so they make sure you're alive
then they take that knife
now there's five.
...THE END...

Tears, Tears
pouring from my eyes
drowning all my fears

Words, Words
so many souring through
my mind like a flock of birds

Scissors, Scissors
slicing my skin
until I cannot feel anymore

Blood, Blood
flowing freely from my cuts
creating a crimson flood

Pills, Pills
the bottle now empty as time
begins to go still

Black, Black
is the last thing I see
before I realize there is
no going back

Im uninterested in writing cliche love poems
Though I struggle to find the right words.  
Nothing is ever good enough
His love is so perfect
I could write forever about him,
Perhaps I did
It may give an idea of how he makes me feel
There isn't a thing that could explain this.
This insanely overwhelming sensation
That suffocates my heart and soul
Just by the very thought of him
It's an emotion known as love.
Love however is commonly misused
So it's power has weakened
Even at its fullest
I don't believe it would be powerful enough.
His love is so much more than love.
•>❤️<•

I stitched my cuts with flowers
so I could be lovely
I put on my best dress and flowered crown
before I set off for the sky
I tied my noose upon the edge of the crescent moon
now with the stars i'll never be lonely
I left the world I found unpleasant but now up here it is quite fine
for upon all the beauty around me, before my leave
all I could say was " oh my"
Finally i'm one with the universe dangling from the crescent moon
I appear fragile , lovely , and free
Everything I was and wanted to be...

I barely recognize her
the girl in the mirror
I see her  pain
how she is so tired of rejection
no one ever wants her
neither does she.
The girl... she's me
she'is my reflection.
I am a walking life form of flaws
I break inside
wanting nothing more than to be beautiful
my skin resembles my inner wounds
i'm never enough
never beautiful
never smart
never funny
never loved
never wanted
I know others have it worse than I
but that doesn't mean I wouldn't say good-bye.
I've been abused, used, lied to, hated
i get passed around from different places
getting tormented by new faces
I want to belong
but my reflection shows
that a beast as hideous as I
could never belong ... anywhere
I have accepted the fact
that I will never  be lovely
but nothing hurts worse than the pain
of looking in the mirror.

I'm mentally ill
so i'm given more than one pill
to change how I feel

My mind a porcelain sculpture
the hollow inside containing all my thoughts
A gentle hand created its unique structure
every fine detail expresses strong emotion
My mind, a lovely work of art
beauty at its finest, with one exception
Thoughts, questions, memories, dreams all
may be formed inside, but can never leave
No big deal right? it's not as lovely as it seems
I'm forced to remember...everything...
every nightmare, every cut, every time I was hurt
It creates a piercing pain
making me wish I knew nothing
with every moment my lungs fill, every heart beat
the more it aches
My mind, crafted from porcelain, fragile yet strong
All I ask is for it to stop
I know what to do, to destroy what it makes
I write my final letter, knowing what i'm about to do will be a memory that i'll never forget.
Laying upon the bathroom floor
I cry in pain
screaming for the thoughts to leave me be.
As tears flood from my eyes
I press the cold metal of the gun to my head
I clench my fingers, pulling the trigger
The bullet rushes out shattering my mind
I am free and in the moment I feel no regret
My world now forever dead, and black
nothing else matters
and even if I were to come across regret
oh well... I can't go back.