Fingers to wipe the tears
Flowing from my river of fears,
A warmth of a tight embrace
As i struggle to win this race.

I long for a single soul
To help me cover each hole
That constantly drained me
Til i could no longer be

I haven't seen a hint of light
Not even a rescue in sight
The pain struck like a dagger
That i've even forgotten anger 

I beg for someone to hear
Someone brave to come near
To see what is within
Buried in this devilish skin

I wish someone could understand
How i got this bloodstained hand
I wish someone would dare
To clean my wounds with care

A single voice to speak,
A gentle touch of a hand,
Ears ready to listen,
A heart to weep with me.

And right in that corner i cried aloud,
Where i knew no one could hear the sound.

The warmth of His embrace
Erased the wrath of those days.

It is He.
Him that i cannot see
Who calmed the storm in me.

As my heart kept losing over my brain,
I am rather more tempted to feign.
To act as if i do not feel much,
Though sometimes i long for your touch.

But be still, my dear.
Through time you'll finally hear.
For these words to which my lips are sealed,
Are feelings need not stay forever concealed.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
If i said i miss you,
Would you miss me too?

I have three words to say,
words that echoed in my mind today.
I'd like to say them now,
But i don't know how.

Would it be too much to say it again?
I don't even know if i can.
Should i should say i love you?
Or just resist the urge to talk to you.

My ankle is chained.
I gripped on the railing of my sinking ship, hoping i could pull myself out of the water.

As i waited for rescue, rain poured down and waves grew bigger.
The chain attached to my ankle was too heavy that my hand was already slipping. I had to let go since it felt like i was being torn in two as i was being anchored down the depths of the ocean. I was sure my ankle bled from the chain's tightness and the weight that was pulling me down but i couldn't feel the pain. All i felt was the freezing cold water and my heavy chest.

It was as if my heart carried my whole weight.

I never wanted to drown but i felt like i no longer had enough strength to resist. I gasped for air one last time and yet even the air felt like poision.

Now i felt the physical pain. It stung.
My throat was on fire as i allowed myself to be dragged further down. I closed my eyes as tight as i could and clenched my teeth while my body trembled in pain and my chest felt tighter.  

This. This was the only time i hoped my heart would stop beating. but no matter how i hard i wished or prayed, it wouldn't stop. It felt like an hour of drowning and yet i was still conscious. It's my fault. I built it like this. I built it with hope and faith for years. Now i couldn't understand whether it was for good or bad. To hold on to life or hold on to the pain?

Slowly, i was being pulled deeper down the ocean. I tried to open my eyes but i couldn't see anything anymore. There was nothing but the color red.

I never knew i had this amount of blood. Enough to build an ocean which only God can make.

I'm still alive. I can move.
But i am stuck underneath this ocean of blood with my chest still tightening, unsure of when the pain would stop or if anyone could find me at this depth.

You said you'd come visit. So I left a note on my desk hoping you'd find it. I went cruising even if i hated the waters. I brought an anchor and a chain with me but i left its key on the desk too. I had no idea what it was for or why i brought it. All i knew was i was watching the sunset and it was suddenly chained to me when darkness came. I didn't know how my ship sank or how i got in the water. Maybe it was not in good condition. But then again, i knew you would check it everyday because you told me so.

Where are you? Have't you read my note yet? Did you come visit? Are you on your way?


I'll be here waiting, holding on, and hoping that your hand would be the first one to pull me out of my misery. Even if i know you'd never read the note in the first place.

Last month, i dreamt of you.
You painted me into a bright yellow when i was completely colored in blue.

Last week, i dreamt of you.
You made me smile and suddenly it was you who i always wanted to talk to.

Last night, i dreamt of you.
We walked hand in hand under the pink skies of a nearby avenue.

Tonight, I might dream of you.
Will you dream of me too?

They tell me to either write or say,
Whichever would best light the way.
But there are words that i can neither say nor write,
As if my brain, lips, and heart are in a constant fight.

I yearn to say such things i feel,
Then i realize i could not reveal.
My heart screams out your name,
But my lips could not do the same.

I sauntered towards the alley of my ambitious hopes;
And trusted my instincts in the course of my venture.
But as i carried my way out through the distant slopes,
I found myself wounded by a string of doubts in the fear of failure.

On the other side of the tracks, you smiled.
My train arrived before i could return the gesture.
I decided to stand by and just wait for another.
To see your face once more before we part ways again.
But the moment the train moved, yours arrived.
And you, you took the train and i missed mine.
All for the sake of you, here i am waiting again.

I stood by for your return but it seems as though the prolonging agony of holding back has prompted me to discard more relationships.

I've lost a thousand and still there was no sign of you.

Here I am again in my place of solitude.
Here I am confined within four walls and a ceiling.
I look around and it's just me again,
Just me and a room full of white tiles.

Here I am in my tiny space,
Here I am thinking it's a massive room.
My breathing echoes and the shower **** creaks;
As I turn it on letting the water drip.

Here I am turning on the heater at number three,
Here I am with the heat burning through my skin.
Yet my heart is still ice cold and frozen,
And I wait to feel the pain again.

Here I am with the water at full pressure,
Here I am feeling nothing at all.
All it takes is a few minutes,
Until the pressure breaks what feels like glass.

Here I am again with my knees so weak,
Here I am with my wounded feet.
Here I am bleeding from the shards of glass,
The glass that encloses my pained heart.

Here I am again with my head leaned on the tiled wall.
Here I am sitting on the wet bathroom floor.
And while I sit here bare naked,
Tears continually flow down my cheeks.

Here I am staring through empty space,
Here I am thinking about everything.
Hot water sprinkles from the running shower;
And I watch as it forms circles like tiny raindrops on the floor.

Here I am feeling everything too much.
With the sound of water silencing my cry,
I let myself release all the pain once more.
The pain and sadness I keep underneath my joyful facade.

Here I am again catching my breath,
Here I am suffocating from the steam.
I focus on my breathing and turn the heater off,
I let myself forget the pain to try and save myself.

Here I am turning the cold shower off,
Here I am again fresh with my frozen heart.
I put a smile on my face as i walk out of the room,
To face the world again until it's time to change the glass.

I've always believed in signs.
I've spent way too much time waiting for signs of where to find you.
Give me a sign.
A hint on who you are or where you might be.
A sign on whether you are happy or sharing the kind of loneliness that i'm feeling.
I want to know if you're still out there waiting for me as well.
I need a clue on who my future is.
I need someone i can write about.
I need a name or maybe just a glimpse of what you love, what you hate, or what you look like.
I need to know.
Because i'm sure you're out there somewhere.
I just don't know if it's too late or if i may be chasing after the wrong person all along.

Could it be that our souls have already stumbled upon each other in another existence? One which sets no boundaries and requires no certain standard of love. For there is a sweet familiarity in the flow of your sentences and the heavenly scent of your perfume which lingered even when you’re not around. Maybe too familiar. That even the slightest touch of a hand in the most unexpected moments sends a feeling of connection as though i’ve known you for so long and yet the heavens forbid us to recall.