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the dead bird Feb 2016
the frustration I had
after failing
to bring myself to ******
for the
tenth
time this past week
makes me more
furious
than depressed

seriously
my *** drive
has always been high

as soon as I
got over
the shame
society places on women
for enjoying
their sexuality
I have always used
*******
as a release
relieves
stress
leaves me
relaxed
and
content

or should I say,
left me
feeling that way

usually
it was once a day
fairly frequent
but, it
matched
my *** drive's
needs

what the **** is wrong with me

I have tried
imagining,
watching,
reading,
looking at
every form
of erotica
that exists

I have searched
through everything
I can find
from
****,
******,
stories,
comics

and my search history
will let you know
that I've searched
everything
from
****
to
******
to
interracial lesbian forced *******
and things
worse
than that

e v e r y t h i n g

used to take me,
oh, I dunno
maybe three minutes
with my *******?

after
around an hour
is when I give up
now
I even bought
a different
*******
NO
RELEASE
NO
PASSION
GONE
what is
WRONG
WITH
ME

oh yeah -
depression

I mean
I knew it was bad
when video games
no longer
had appeal
that was enough

games
have been a passion
and a hobby of mine
since I was five

the other hobby
I started a bit older than five
but
you stole that one, too

after depression
beat the **** out of me
on Tuesday
I thought that was it
thought
since the next morning
I awoke
without the urge
to **** myself
it was over

nope

you have robbed me
of the simplest
things
in my life
that give me pleasure

no more
wriggling
moaning
spasming
the tingling
sensation
that starts in my toes
and makes its way
up
the length of my body
the warmness
that follows
with it
the
satisfaction
slight smile
snuggly
sleepy
post ****** me

I miss her
give her
back

I miss my life
give it
back

this isn't
ME
for ***** sake!

I am a ******
witty
humorous creature
full of passion
looking
for opportunities
to get myself off!
not this
depressed
apathetic
vessel
without soul.

you won't stop
until you have
everything
in my life

you won't stop
until you
put
my soul in your mouth
chew
grind
crush it

your saliva
breaks me down

spit me out
please
I am fighting
for you to cough me up
regurgitate
the essence
of me
let me put myself
back inside this body
please
please

no
you won't stop
you will eat my soul
until
ever fiber
protein
ounce of health
I had
is now
inside of you,
depression

cold-hearted *****
I know it is a tough topic. Not a poetic topic. Not a topic that easy to talk about.
But I don't ******* care.
This *****.
Blake Aug 2018
Spasming in life’s web,
Clustering under eight legged dreads,
Watching some rise from its smother,
But only for short pathetic seconds.

I watch many downfalls,
Idle in wait for my own,
Seizuring with a horrible burden,
Fortune telling with no end fortune.

All mere blinded mirrors laying in wait,
Distorting the spidery figure differently,
Mine reflects its harsh fangs and nature,
Others reflects admiration towards the creator.

The web a complex beauty,
But I can’t claim cruelty home,
The ripples of intertwined death,
Some by father...foe...or friend.

The inhumane humanity,
Puppets and the almighty player,
Cloud me from things called prayer,
For that hope must be alive and well.

I’m just waiting for my bones to decay,
Peace in nothingness or so you claim flames,
Free from the *******
And all that it stands for.

I’m an unholy ghost.
Sabila Siddiqui Feb 2018
But the lovebirds turned into ravens and heart warmth into heartbreak. The pain felt inexplicable as I crumbled to the floor, face scrunching up to let out a gasp through the heart-wrenching sobs. It was as though someone ripped my heart out of my chest and bore a hole in my mind and soul with no hopes of repair.The future we painted was tinted and washed with the tears that scraped my cheek, that once used to blush. Our love didn’t have a Disney proof happy ending or of the star-crossed lovers that fought by one another’s side.
Visiting areas where we spent time dragged me through memories, attacking my nerves and ravaging upon what was left of my being. The home we built and leveled with intimacy, trust and love reduced to ruins, crumbling and collapsing. It’s like my heart is dying a slow death, shedding hope like leaves every day until there is none. Our love sailed for some time but only to end up shipwrecked. Fragile like the glass that awaited to broken until the shards fit no more.
Defeaned by the repetition of the melancholiac rhythms that soothe my spasming and scorched heart as the beat resonates with my heart and lyrics echoes in my skull. The wound that was cut bleeds deep for there was no scab to heal; endless anguish and agony. The pain felt like a constant ache, a constant stain on the floor and the pillow. But then it came in waves, crashing and enveloping me in its depths, stealing appetite and sleep. Drifting away from the shore where the people lie, I find myself drowning in isolation. Inhaling the heaviness that made me one with the sea.
The echoes of your words in my skull send pulsating self-doubt questions that make me question my worth. “Was he not the one?”. The world seems like it’s going to end and that I will never find love. But instead live with a heart yearning your name and the broken, hollow vessel that I have become.
You changed the way I thought of myself and now I don’t know who I am without you. The world seems to ripped from my arms for I didn’t have you to turn to. No one to catch me; to caress and to soothe. Your face is engraved in my memory, without you, everything seems meaningless. Saturating myself further in dreaded apathy. In a shattered state, I am further tortured in dreams if I were to find sleep in the darkness that consumes the night.
Plastered on a smile and laugh occasionally, when deep down I am longing, drowning and gasping to breathe with your name on my tongue.I mourn the unspoken words while my head hangs heavy in the thought of you, every fiber and cell missing you.
Elizabeth Ann Nov 2013
High school is like
Trying to breath underwater
__

At first you hold your breath
Thinking that you can make it through
But then your lungs begin to burn
And your body starts to ache
So you let out some air
Just to try and
Feel a little better
And before long
You're completely out
And your head is throbbing
And your chest is spasming
And every nerve in your body is screaming
B R E A T H
B . R . E . A . T . H .
But you know better
So you shout back
NO NO NO
And you swim up
With the last of your energy
With the promise of pure air at the end
But instead
You come across thick glass
And you can see
The sun in the sky
But cannot touch it
The wind in the air
But cannot taste it
The freedom in the sky
But cannot believe it
Because you are pounding on the glass
Shouting
SHOUTING
And at last you gasp
And water pours in to your unsuspecting lungs
And all you're left with is the unbelievable disappointment
For you had the promise of sunshine
Laughing on your face
And the summer breeze
Dancing in your fingers
But you are stuck
Behind that glass wall
Drowning
Because you are trying
Oh, so hard to
Breath underwater
Holly Salvatore Mar 2012
Fifteen uniform clouds
Roll across the prairie
In a neat little line on the horizon
Kicking up dust storms as they go
Hurrying along
Silently
The settlers driving their wagons
Keeping their lips tight
And their eyes sharp
Because there are Indians
Lurking behind every rock
Bandits and thieves
Waiting in the hills
Snakes
Scorpions
Buffalo
Guns
Disease
Separation
Heartache
­ Might surprise them at any moment
Might make them victims and this moment their last
The settler’s hearts are racing
At 120 beats per minute
Pounding out a rhythm
Unlike anything they’ve ever known
Their hands are working at nothing
In the thin dry air
Twirling, twisting, pirouetting frantically
Their jaws are clenching tightly
Spasming, biting, drawing blood from their tongues
Their eyes are wide, unblinking, terrified
Seeing it all as it really is,
Really should be
And secretly, perhaps subconsciously,
Unrealizing,
They hope life will always feel this alive
But then,
In a few weeks
When they’ve made it to the city
To the town
To the shelter and comfort of ease
Civilization opens up her greedy maw
Swallows them whole
And licks her ****** fingers clean
So as not to stain her tidy white frock
And the settlers do nothing
Complacently allowing themselves to be digested
But they are thinking
“This is what I wanted?”
The voices in their heads have reached fever pitch, disgusted, screaming,
“This is what I wanted??”
And still they do nothing
Marly Mar 2014
my vision is black
no twinkling stars
to brighten my night
you never realize
how cold space is
until you're engulfed
in its darkness

lips numb and blue
cold sweat *******
the heat from my bones
muscles contracting
violent spasming
jaw chattering, clicking
noises echoing
in the emptiness

i have been reduced
to a pile of rubble
called 'bones'
if i was human
then where is
my soul?
nichole r Aug 2014
ice water clogs up my veins,
chilling me,
as most rises from my skin at dawn.
cerulean lips that match my eyes
spread over bared diamond teeth,
as I convulse and writhe on the steel table.
ribs crackle and split so suddenly
that not even a sharp gasp
can knive itself
past my throat.
organs fails and shrivel together,
abandoning me,
as gloved hands rip them out
from the incision along my belly.
my once silky tresses
fray and dry
before eventually falling out,
outlining my spasming figure.
grey brain matter numbs and
electrical impulses cease to a halt.
no more thoughts...
no more movements...
just a dead body with a beating heart.
Vanessa Nichols Nov 2011
At the dawn,
The sun sheds her cloak of moon, cloud and starry black skies
And stands naked, bright and shining,
Filled with yellows, and orange, and brilliance.  
And all I can do is wish to be as lovely as she.

Such radiance! Like the Phoenix rising;
Arms turned into wings the color of glowing embers
Stretched as wide and far as the rays of the sun herself,
Bursting with passion and gold and blazing,
Too small and too wonderful to contain it all.

But we don’t believe in blinding flames anymore.
How can we dream of such light?
Wings clipped, the color of ash, bound to earth
Through chains whose links are made of things too solid to break,
Things like gravity and pasts that hurt us to remember.

Women much like any other woman;
Like my mother, my friends, myself;
Women whose light has been diminished,
Who wear cloaks of bruises and broken promises now.
Filled with fear and rage and destruction.

Sweet sisters,
Trapped in cages not of their own making.
Bodies banging and thrashing against bars
Spasming in pain and silence
Too shamed and confused to sing

No melodies are heard here,
But look how pretty the silent bird is.
Muffled by gilded cages
Constructed from hardest of materials
Things we were made to believe.

This is the darkest of places
Closed curtains block out the sun.
No moon or stars to wrap us in fitful slumber.
There is no dreaming in this gloom.

“Sing for us!” they say, “croon for us something sweet,
“Let your voice choke past your rage and sorrow
“Flit amongst golden bars, sing and dance,
“Become our vision; ****, slave and nurturer
“For the cage is large and the sun cannot reach you here
“Let our praise warm you and our approval be your stars
“We will keep you safe.”

But birds such as we;
Like my mother, my friends, myself
We were not made for cages, gilded as they may be.
Our wings and hearts and love cannot be contained
Even by things of the most hurtful construction.

Lift up your wings and soar once again.
Rising like the Phoenix
Filled with rage and destruction and new promise,
From tombs of ash and tears to take flight.
Breaking through golden bars created by those who envied our passion.
We fly like no others.


At dawn
The sun and I will rise again
Shedding the pasts and hurts of yesterday
Like cloaks of moon and cloud and stars .
For I am simply me: a phoenix, daughter of the sun, naked, bright and shining
Join us.
Ston Poet Dec 2015
Uhh..
(baby come through, & come chill wit me..3)..yeah..baby come chill wit me..(come through5)..come chill wit me, Ayee, ( girl what you tryna do,Yeah2)..come chill wit me,Yeah..(what you tryna do girl2)..come chill wit me baby what you tryna do..(come through3)..Yeah baby come (chill wit me5)..baby yeah.. (come through3)..& (come chill wit me3)..come through,..

Babygirl yeah what's good , I know dat you are really in to me & I'm feeling you too,..Babygirl Yeah I see you & you looking cute, your so beautiful, Oooo, boo you got my heart jumping outta my chest beating so fast like I just took 50 pulls from a ****..Ohh, Babygirl you be boosting up my high like a newport, girl your love is so strong, baby your love got me strunged,..Babygirl what you tryna do,..Babygirl come through, kickback wit me Yeah..relax wit me, let's **** & smoke some good ****..I know that's what you tryna do girl..girl (Yeah..what you tryna do 2)...wit me..come through & then  baby we can see.. yeah (come through3)..

Aye, girl what you tryna do..stop playing games & chasing after these **** boys..You need to spray some raid to keep them lames away from ya, because you mines, Yeah girl you my boo, girl I know exactly what you need & want you need a King, Uhh you want a real man to help flourish yo dreams, baby let me plant my seed in you, & I really mean that boo, let's start our own kingdom, & family BabyGirl so come through & hang wit me baby..I'll teach you how to live freer girl,..You that type of woman I'll let sit on my face, Babygirl yeah, I wanna drink you, like tea..,&
I ain't even tryna be a player no I ain't just ryhming game to ya, I really mean what I say, Yeah everything that is written is true..,Yeah boo, for sure..Uhh, so..

(Come through4)..Yeah..Yeah..(girl what you tryna do2)..Uhh,..(come through4)..(Yeah2)..come through & come chill wit me,Yeah..chill wit me,girl
I'll show you how a real man suppose to do you so come chill wit me Yeah..(baby come through2)..(come through2)..Aye

Babygirl bring yo **** *** over, & let me undress ya, I wanna hit it from the front, I wanna hit from the side, & I wanna get the back to..**** I'm feeling really freaky girl, I wanna caress you girl I really care for you..Yeah
, I might just lick yo *******, Imma ******* so good, Imma put you in a coma,,no ruthies,Uhh..Imma blow that good kush up in yo nose in the morning, & I bet you'll wake up from it, girl I know yo back hurting, & legs so sore to ****, I got you have spasming,baby just let the good smoke relax ya,Aye..Uhh..

Yeah that's what Imma do to you when you come over, boo, baby so come through..Oooo, I wanna *** you up girl, Yeah that's what Imma do..to you..Uhh, Imma ******* so good, Yeah girl, Imma ******* so good..Oooo,yeah I wanna please you so baby..(come through3)..Yeah come through..(girl what you tryna do2)..Yeah what you tryna do,..(come through, Yeah3)..(come through....3)..Ooo,

Aye baby, Imma call you , to come through & when you get to me girl, don't be shy at all Noo, baby I wanna see what you all about, yeah girl, show me  what that mouth can do Ooo,..Uhh, baby let me be that *****, I said let me be yo *****, yeah let me be yo best friend, no friends wit benefits, I want you to be my wifey,..Yeah I want you forever & ever baby..
Yeah girl let me be yo man, babygirl..tease me, Yeah dance & strip for a real *****, yeah show me what you all about, Yeah I wanna see what you about, Yeah..so baby..(come through11)..Ooo
Yeah girl what you tryna do, girl what you been up to..baby..(come through
3)...

Oooo,what you tryna do Yeah..girl what you tryna do yeah..what you been up to..BabyGirl.. (Come through4)..Yeah girl, what you tryna do, let's make a move now,..
Yeah let's make our own movie baby..just..(come through
3)..Babygirl..Yeah..(come through8)..baby Yeah..(come through3)..Yeah come through.. Girl, what you been up to, baby what you tryna do..,
(girl Yeah, what you tryna do3)..
Just (come through..
3)
Ooo..Yeah..(come through..*3)
stonpoet.tumblr.com
Meg B Nov 2014
Love is so complex;
too grandiose to comprehend,
too intricate to explain,
lost in some ulterior realm,
in a universe that is foreign
where the only thing of which I am certain
is that I am in fact
lost in you.

My body goes on autopilot
as my hands grip the sterilely frigid steering wheel,
speeding 20 miles over the limit,
body going through the motions
as my mind slips back into love,
into the all-consuming mesmerization,
grasping at song lyrics like straws,
searching the vowels and consonants for the
y - o - u
that I hear in them.

Reality comes and goes,
but you remain,
even in the moments most mundane;
sipping the koolaid slowly,
injecting your poison deeper into my veins
as I struggle to prevent the come-down.

What I feel buried deep inside...
it dries out my mouth,
creates craters in my stomach,
esophageal spasming,
I fight to catch my breath at the sight of your name on my phone,
the sound of your voice as you speak my name.

A thundering tsunami bursting at the seams of my
pale skin, my rosy cheeks,
the ferocity of my burning love
scraping against the bone and cartilage
to rip through me and
devour you...

And the only way that you
allow me to love you,
it's so small, it's so
momentary,
you only able to drink one
drop
at
a
time,
an entire hydraulic system,
streams and tributaries,
rivers and oceans,
forcefully squeezed,
funneled into daily droplets.

Dreaming of the last time I tasted you,
the times you used
to intertwine your body
with mine,
lost in incomprehensible ecstasy,
I can now only love you
through the simplicity of
conversation
and
of sitting by your side;
however,
even in its relative infinitesimalness,
I anticipate, yearn evermore for the stillness,
for I know that if today were to be my last,
if my hands were to slip off the steering wheel,
my body becoming sterilely cold,
your name would be the first word I would
speak
in my survival,
the last thought I would think
in my demise.

And though those moments
do exist
where I grow impatient,
frustrated with the walls you've built,
the dams you've constructed
to guard against my love's roaring riptide,
I would rather lose myself,
drop
by
drop
to you,
love you in the most minute way,
if it means I can
love you
at all.
Martin Narrod Apr 2014
Kiss me in hallways and backyards,
in barrooms, and back rooms and in basements,
enslaved with the treatment and easement of lips
twisted which time ceases to be with
and be of, to believe of lease treats of the Grand Paradis,
trysting bright lights of the night.

Give me a center to move around,
a dance to take my hands into, a wall
to build a fortress on, a body to move
motionless inside a shadow upon, fending off tides,
embodied in touching, this turnstile of heavy whetted emotions churns a fuse,
burns loose the moment that time has lead us to produce.

So cute. Impeccable,
irrevocably festive with all of the pyres night's desires
iron onto our wrists, lifting up each other's shirts,
flirting with our fine twilight dessert.
Sewn by such estranged Earth's involvement, our arms
wrapped, chests spasming with deep breaths and ripe
peddling. Pampering first chaste grace of the soul, whether
our bodies entwine or fast in the hours of this world.

How conceived of delight, the moments effervescent reproach,
like Apollo's gold wing's flying from his chariot's coach. The mien
of publicly idling in two, what seemed like an hour happened
in only sixty seconds times two. A year passes, entranced with
shining infinite lust, with a cornucopia of different kisses that
began with just us.
SøułSurvivør Jun 2015
rust and ichor

veins are lacerations
and ruptured
seams

no idyllic countryside
sinkholes and lava
from the skin
to the bone marrow
from the ribcage
to the deepest
HEART


the earth is bleeding
edged with scarlet
a septic wound

her nature spasming with
her groaning
whales die from their
weeping
sea life washed ashore
in their hundreds
of thouands
birds fall from the sky
white doves become
black as ravens
oily and ravenous
mass extinction
honey bees
will be
no
more
to
pollinate
anything

the earth is bleeding
war's bitter wine
seeps from every pore
of mankind

hatred the cup of
the world
the grail to be drunk
deeply
til tomorrow is
sated and
there is no longer
any blood
to
be

spilled**


soulsurvivor
(c) 6/10/2015
I've been off site

A friend does research on the
animal die offs and the other
plights of our planet

Only my faith in the Lord
keeps me from being extremely depressed

The fact is that we will never be able
to heal what we have done to
this planet. Wars are escalating.

Is there anything that can be done?
Well. I have a suggestion.

PRAY.

---
blues man, man of soul,
writhing in my forearms.
a heart too calloused to pump,
eyes too full, fading to chalk.
thin wooden fingers, whining joints,
sagging biceps splotched with bleach,
a broom mustache solid in sweat.
it hurts, blues man, to feel you fade.

your sax bleat against the sidewalk,
the dry reed snapping on impact.
your canned bank spilling nickels into the storm drain.
i felt your shattered muscles shiver against my chest,
your spine spasming back and forth, pounding against your lungs,
blocked by all the **** you’ve eaten in your seven or so decades.

your shoulders sagged and your chin wilted to your wheezing heart.
i laid you down against the wall of Mother’s and searched for a payphone.
looking back, you seemed like an old black Atlas,
i stuck a few quarters in and yelled at an answering machine for four infinite minutes.
looking back, i saw people looking anywhere but your face,
dropping change in your saxophone case.
your fingertips stopped shaking,
and with it, my old earth sank into space,
and you ****** me into a new one.
it hurts here, blues man, man of soul.
it hurts here, and everyone’s got a rasp in their voice.
© David Clifford Turner, 2010

For more scrawls, head to: www.ramblingbastard.blogspot.com
cr Jul 2015
ink scratches appear on skin in the
morning as the sunrise falls
into the streets. cars are
screeching and
smoking is rising and
screams are echoing off of the graffitied brick walls -

there's a woman dancing
on the ledge and
she nearly
trips, nearly
dies, nearly
cries out, but her hand grasps
the gate holding her
to the concrete cracked beneath her
feet. sirens are blaring and people are yelling till their lungs
burst and she is laughing because she -

the lines separating happiness and paranoia are faded
when the brain chemistry of a human being
is constructed of hopelessness and oh god why'd he leave me
and the kisses from people who
slowly ruin our bodies, our hearts, ourselves, and -
and -
and -
there is no such thing as black or white; merely grey,
and paintings have no colour when
chemicals in our brains are exploding
chemicals in our brains are spasming
chemicals in our brains are murdering us.

and the woman laughs as she
dances off the edge, the blood
orange sunrise bleeding into
the highways as
black
and
white
and
grey.

everything grey.
inspired by la dispute.
Alex Apples Oct 2013
When I went to bed I was 17 –
plumes of raven hair and cigarette smoke
wreathed my head and I coughed,
tamping the embered end before kissing
him goodnight -
soldier’s cap a tilt to one side
muscled chin blemished by lipstick
as the screen door flags between us, and
summer makes its last sweet
serenade to the dancing aspens
while momma chided my lackadaisical
entrance and
fairy flight to bed.

At ten o clock I wake now
the aspens stand still, bare, black.
I look down to see
withered fingers writhing in tubes,
ugly blue veins, a strange
woman sponging my lady parts,
calling me “sweetie” like I was a child.
I scream for momma,
I look for him -
my love, my soldier -
starved for familiar faces, as
panic ropes its tendoned grip
through my ribcage, around my trapped
spasming-butterfly heart.

What have you done to me?
Strangers, monsters, *******.
I groan...no words come out, but
squeals and shrieks like a strangling
rabbit, my neck caught in a wire.
What’s wrong with me?
Where are you, my soldier?
Where are you, momma?
Why are they keeping me from you?

You see…when I went to bed I was 17.
When I woke,
I was on my deathbed.

It’s not fair, momma.
If I could do it over, I...
I never would have left him
on the porch, I
never would have passed you
in the kitchen, I
never would have slept
not one hour
not one **** minute
would I have willingly succumbed to
slumber with the faint hush of
summer’s overtures
fading
to the blank slate of
                               a white,
                                             white
                                                       winter.
Kristen May 2013
In that moment
I truly felt you for the first time.
Your breath rolling over my neck,
your hands grasping my waist,
I wanted to keep that still-frame forever.
It felt invigorating,
as if you were bringing life to the dead.
You offered pulsating veins
and hyperactive breathing
in contrast to a world
that only desires
to watch its victims suffocate.
I stole and absorbed every moment,
like oxygen to spasming lungs.
I became a maddened catalyst
with an insatiable craving,
driven by my new found ability
to feel this breathless seduction.
I tried memorizing
every pore on your skin
while I took you in.
Inhaling as deeply as I could;
I held you there
in my lungs.
But now that the end has arrived
I only feel distance
and empty space
the product of reality,
and carbon dioxide flooded veins
Too afraid to breathe out
in fear the air
will have disappeared once again.
Possibly forever.


You are ******* unforgettable.
katewinslet Nov 2015
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Paul Morgana Jan 2013
My red hot passion over the top it boils,
Our bodies entwined, like DNA coils.

Can't tell where I left off, and you begin,
Loving you so, the world it does win.

Makes us better to our fellow man,
Helps me to be the best that I can.

Loving you makes me soar above,
Take flight on the back of a winged dove.

Touch you again, your heart burning with fire,
Desire uncontrolled, reaching higher and higher!

Sweating and dripping, the sheets are a mess,
Still half on your beautiful, silk laden dress.

I love the feel of the dress on your skin,
Consuming my soul, I'm placing it in.

Frenzied love making, my ardor it burned,
Around the bed, new moves I have learned.

Finally placed you under my spell,
Your spasming body, turned into gel.

The madness is passing, get closer and hold,
Give me you body, your soul you have sold,

I have the contract, you've signed on the line,
Let's have another go, I'll make you feel fine!

Visit poemsbypaul.com
Dominique Feb 2019
The sky rushed down to meet her
Embrace her slow decay
The roots of Terabithia
Wind round her to this day
The mountains she created
Shrink down to kiss her feet
And everywhere she ran
The soil tastes bittersweet

That day, she cracked her being
Against the sharpened *****
Her fingers gently spasming
Still stuck around the rope
And all the world was emerald
It watched her fade away
The birds could barely look and
The sunshine dropped a ray

While seeing this was frightening,
So grim it took my breath,
Who knew I could be jealous

Of Leslie's perfect death?
The Bridge to Terabithia makes me cry every time
Something about the cold.
Always makes me feel alive.
Even when otherwise,
I am dead inside.

Oh somewhere in the chill,
Is a will that hits the air,
A subtle sweetness, a fair
dream resounding here.

In my mind...
Blank spaces fill the gaps,
oh the universe is infinite, and nothing,
withing my synapses.
Hiding here, the greater fears,
of many people, many cultures,
many wordless wonders,
the newborns eyes look up,
blankly, oh yes, the void,
waiting, patiently,
calmly, emotionlessly,
just destiny. Hungry.
Ever fed, ever full,
every growing, ever receding,
cycling, spasming, living, dying.
All truth, all lie. All residing in here,
The darkest corners of my mind...

And then the cool breeze comes in,
Softly, sweetly, laying on,
those silly electrical currents upon,
nothing really exists anon.

Neither here nor there,
now nor later, just ok.
Just fine.
I feel less like Legion and more like one.
And it feels good.
I feel, alive.
Drops of blood splash on my shoe,
Making the puddle spread.
I've learned to love this self abuse,
Numb fingers tingling and dead.

I feel the pain, but how I love it,
Such satisfaction as I suffer.
Arms tremble with each new hit,
As I force myself to be tougher.

Tightly clenched within my right,
The tool I use to shred and slice.
My left trembling and flashing in flight,
Spasming as it pays the ****** price.

I lose myself in the death melody,
Loving the tension and the thrill.
The riffs I tear are all I see,
Honing this painful new skill.

I'm blinded to the outside world,
Surrounded in my own new sound.
Satisfaction with each lick and curl,
With every drop that hits the ground.

The strength I feel wells up inside,
I am so completely in control.
I've found a rage in which I confide,
Where my frustration takes its toll.

Slashing down, sliding, bending,
Power chords of self abuse.
Flashing frets, fingers rending,
I love it, no excuse.

So many came before my time,
Lost to the ******, steely rush.
I let the pain continually remind,
They too paid for the touch.

The puddle spreads, yet I won't cease,
Cutting and shredding my own new scars.
Playing into this agonizing release,
Leaving blood stains on my guitar.
Jessie Sep 2014
I live in constant fear
of the goose bumps on my skin, waiting,
expecting the hair on my arms to stand on end.
Pinprick needles
pushing up through my skin.

2. My mother can’t sleep through the night,
constantly checking for some visual sign
of telepathy, her cheek permanently frozen
to the screen of her cell phone as she lies in the lightless room.

3. My sister’s habits habituate
into those of a lightning bug in the daytime.
Unusual and unexpected, five toe touches
on this carpet’s edge, seventy-two
fingertips on her own eyelids.
Idly fidgeting until it is time
to zip around in blinding light.

4. Day after day I am weighed
down by mountains beneath the ocean’s surface,
chained, hovering just above the break,
gasping for dear life and
screaming for salvation.

5. I can’t control my thoughts
(my thoughts control me).

6. Thought bubbles in my head
only float for a little while, clouding
my vision and crying for their lightning,
as thunderbolt after thunderbolt stikes—
anxiety sounds like the color black.

7. I lie on cheap sofas spasming and sweaty,
skyscrapers of disappointment
looming over my miniscule banged up
Toyota of a body. There’s a dent on my side door.

8. When I sit, still as a smudge of black ink
left over on my thumb, I pray that the vending machine
won’t steal my money—I only have two seventy-five in my pocket.

9. I call my dad. He is the messenger.

10. Any two words can spearhead a revolution; my eyelids always lose and the floodgates break down, the people in the streets scatter for safety.

11. If I think about the future, the sky becomes one gigantic storm cloud, the world becomes a tornado, and everyone survives but me. The heavens turn dark and I am thrown
into a world made up of a computerized font. Courier New.

12. Courier New is very monochromatic. An angular typeface. My face is pretty round.

13. When the storm ends, I am black and white with exhaustion, a pressure washed pane of glass, waiting
to again need a thorough cleaning. The pressure washer comes every few days.
Panic disorder.
Rj Aug 2014
I used to like fishing
It was such a joy to catch a fish
And boy were they good to eat
Fried fish fresh caught
Right outta our bayou!
But today... I got a different look
Today a baby swallowed my hook
The metal device stuck inside
I saw te terror in his eyes
Twitching awfully, worm still attached
Flicking it's fin's, trying to breathe
The gills forced painfully open
Trying to breathe even if it meant
Forcing the hook deeper into an *****
Body occasionally spasming,
While I frantically look for pliars
Pliars to work out the hook
But of course I couldn't find any
I squeezed two finger nails
Into it's dime shaped throat
And pulled on the hook
I couldn't wiggle it out.
So I did the only thing left
I cut the line
It had been 5 minutes
I knew it was too late
The baby fish was limp now,
I still slid him into the water
He floated on his side to the surface
His gills twitched open,
Trying desperately to breathe
Soon the small gill twitches got sparse
And the baby's eyes turned foggy
I sat there, helpless, as I knew
I just took a life away from this world
It was ****** in my eyes,
And all the torture the baby endured
The pain, only to get a slim snack
The deaths for most of the fish,
Are too slow and tortuous..
I do not fish anymore...
I'm so so sorry.
Darkling Aug 2015
There is a sweet pain in mapping the history of our coupling.
     meter by meter, each grassy
     embrace and sand-filled kiss
     charts a curious and comforting record.

Stolen moments, a theft
     of space, a conquering
     of body and mind.  Dying leaves
     cover a multitude of our sins

That copse of trees
     my birthday gift, my knees
     quivered and felt
     barely tethered to the ground

Stars wheeling above
     us and behind my eyelids
     as I came, shuddering
     my pulse the steady swift thrum
          of a deep cello chord, velvet-rich
          against the muscle of your tongue
     my spasming thighs, reluctant
          to let you go
                         always.

By daylight cars
     come and go
     oblivious to the chapel,
     the consecrated ground we made

Desire, our religion
     lust, our communion.

I baptized
     the upholstery of your truck
     sweet abandon - my satisfied
     cries a catechism.

Sing Hosanna in the highest
     for every delicate sigh
     you've wrought from my naked body

This, then, is Eden -
     every inch I survey I see
     us naked, worshipping, with
     greedy hands and mouths
     by silver moonlight

The grunts and moans of
     our ******* a hallelujah,
     a psalm.

My temple, your body
My pulpit, your ***** **** -
     your salty skin
In this worship, I am
     perfect - my sermon
     most holy -is an entreaty

Love me,
     Heal me,
          Make my weary body alive again.

Amen.  
     Amen.
maybella snow Oct 2013
i'm more ****** up than I thought
this ******* urge to cut won't leave me
alone, I'm lying in bed shuddering
twitching and spasming  
night one, and I know
I'm not strong enough
to last, it hurts
wordvango Mar 2017
stir circuses out of the whirlpool
lakes of sky reflect on you
tangential yellow downy snow flakes
flutter down around
sounds make fools of ears the echoes
round round vibrate
then time stands still reality is and
it is all horrid ashamed
we you I grip our ankles
fall over into
the abyss
chasm spasming
petrified
life has caught up
they see everything
I am caught
a serious fraud
the Freud to your ego
Let me touch your body and make love to you slowly
Where wild romance sigh makes us heavenly
Let tears of love flow as the feeling ran so deep
So our love be an endless rendezvous

Spasming charms of rhythmatice flow tore by ****** pore
Where my first ******* breaks the lore
So my lips **** yours fusing endless breath
As i kiss you goodbye and awake you in a virginity purity as my wish death

Let me see star in your face and heaven in your ****
As i surrender to your sacred sigh
You awaken my deep sleep of ****** ignorance
As it begins to burst like brilliant luminance

Please touch my face kiss me so lovely
My tears of joy swell so gently
I am but human to feel love and dare
With you alone I want to get my fair share

Martin Ijir
AD Snail Mar 2018
Locked behind caged ribs,
Left to destroy just the inside,
Left to be my secret; mine to hide.

Buried in but tearing at its prison walls.

Lied for my pride,
Not wanting to be supplied with aid,
No need for some peace of mind.

Little ripples of discomfort,
Form spasming as it slither under my skin,
Leaving a sensation that brings agony in its wake.

Little creature that lives within my chest,
You bring me to my knees and curling into my own frame.

None shall know of this little being,
It cannot be seen by another eye.
All that is known is the sensation and state it leaves me in.
The little being that ripples underneath my flesh, and lives in my delicate form as it tears at it home for no real purpose but just to leave its reminding mark within in my heart.
None can get rid of it permanently, it already has festered deep within and cannot not be extracted, it will be with me till the very end.
Jessie Sep 2014
Last night's storm woke me up in the middle of the night, and I don't know how but I think the lightning struck through my entire body. I felt my every muscle spasming with pulses from high-energy electric waves and I heard the omniscient thunder echoing between the cliffs inside my head. I can still feel the reverberations but all I can hear is emptiness; I don't know how the thunder found a way out but I'm going to keep scaling the walls until I find a door. I don't want to be enclosed in this box anymore.
Hanna C S Jul 2019
My love,
You wove words into wool;
A spider, you strung sentences into works of art;
While I, blind and blundering,
Tried to find solace in the stitching;
Thread webs into safety nets.
Yet there was perhaps a fatal flaw I forgot to mention:
I don’t know how to weave,
And I’m really ******* scared of spiders,
And time, and loss and love and you and me and most other things.
(But mostly spiders - like heart-stopping-body-spasming scared)

So, my pretty Baby blue,
I wish you and I, a doomed arachnophobe,
Could exist between the lines of love poems,
Could spend mornings in bed with tea from our favourite mugs,
Could spend nights walking home from our favourite pubs,
Could be everything I wished for us.
But life catches on and time catches up,
So for now I’ll dip my tongue in sugared coatings,
And try to lick your wounds clean.
I’ll etch your voice into vinyl, and put your track on repeat,
An album of day-to-day complaints;
Awkward stories; and the reasons you’re always right.
I’ll sit content, and sway to the rhythm of your tune,
And watch you, my friend, my baby blue,
Move, and bloom, to the unique beat of you.
And maybe you in turn, if you wouldn’t mind of course,
Could teach me not to run from spiders,
Like I always seem to do
ghost queen Dec 2020
Brighid walked off the escalator at La Gare Montparnasse and headed straight to a ticket vending machine, entered her destination, Quimper, inserted her EMV chip and pin debit card, and took the dispensed ticket.

She walked into la grande salle, her roll-on in tow, as she passed a group of African teenage males. One stepped out of the group, walking up to her with a grin, and asked, “hey chérie, quel est ton six.” She smiled, having played the game before, flipped her hair, walked away, and said, “dans tes rêves petit.” The boys laughed, mocking their friend’s in vain attempt.

She walked to quay 5, found the blue and gray TGV Alantique, and boarded coach number 3. She wanted to be left alone, so found and sat down in a no-table solo chair.

Tomorrow was a full moon, and Brighid and her sisters were to meet as they did every equinox eve.

The train slowly and smoothly pulled out of the station. Brighid was always amazed at how smooth the ride was, remembering a TF1 documentary that the TGVs used Jacob’s bogies to achieve that smooth ride.

Once outside Paris the train hit its maximum speed of 250 km/h (155 mph), briefly stopping at Rennes, Vannes, and Lorient before arriving at the Gare Quimper terminus.

Brighid waited till the coach emptied of the few passengers traveling to Quimper this time of year, pulling out her phone, opened up the Uber app, and typed in “72 Chemin de Tregont Mab, 29000 Quimper, France.” A driver responded, already waiting at the passenger pickup at the front of the gare.

She got her roll-on, walked off the coach, and out the gare. It was typical Quimper weather she thought to herself: dark, wet, and cold. She saw her ride, a blue Renault Kangoo minivan. An Algerian driver got out, opened the door, taking her roll-on as she got in, and closed the door.  

“Manoir Tregont Mab Madame,” the driver said in a thick Marseille accent. “Yes,” she replied relieved to be home. She leaned back in the seat, closing her eyes, not wanting to chit chat with the driver. She could feel her body relaxing, her pulse slowing, her anxiety ebbing.

The Tregont Mab, built after the French Revolution, was 6 km southeast of Quimper, in a secluded forested area, and was owned by Madame Gwen LeCarvennec, a member of her tribe sworn to serve the Druidesses of Enez Sun.

Madame LeCarvennec was 12 when started working at Tregont Mab, and had become chatelaine in her 50s. The house mother, responsible for the care and protection of young druidesses as they came and went from Quimper.

The car turned off the paved road and onto the long winding dirt road to the manor, finally reaching the crushed rock courtyard and stopping. The driver rushed to open Brighid’s door. A young apprentice girl greeted her, instructing the driver to where to carry and drop off the roll-on.

Brighid walked into the house, relishing the smell of baking bread, stewing chicken, and the slight pleasant musky smell of an old French house. She loved this house and the many memories inside. It stirred deep emotions within her, remembering vividly her coming of age and deep and lasting bonds built with the druidesses. She laid her coat on the foyer chair and walked down the beautiful intricate blue and beige ceramic tile to the kitchen.

Madame LeCarvennec was in the process of taking groceries out of a wicker basket when Brighid walked into the kitchen. Madame LeCarvennec looked up and her face lit up, smiling. “Ah me petite biche,” she said, putting down the groceries, and kissing Brighid on the cheek two times.

“Come, sit, tell me what has been happening with you since the last time I saw you, cherie,” she said. Brighid sat down at the table and Madame turned to the cupboard and pulled out some peanuts, chips, and Pernod, then to the frig for a pitcher of cold water and freezer for ice cubes, setting everything on the table. She put the peanuts, chips, and ice in separate bowls. She poured the Pernod in two glasses and gave ice thongs for Brighid to serve herself the ice and pour the desired amount of water to dilute the Pernod to her taste.

Brighid had never stopped being awed at the Ouzo Effect, Pernod turning milky white when diluted with water. She savored the anise smell, picked up the glass, and sipped.

Madame sat down next to her and placed a hand on hers. “How are you doing,” she asked with a frowned expression. “I am tired,” replied Brighid, putting the glass down on the table, “and afraid of what is about to come.”

“Have the others arrived,” Brighid asked. “They have and are all on the island preparing for tomorrow’s equinox,” replied Madame getting up, opening the refrigerator, pulling out eggs, butter, and ahead of Bibb salad. Brighid watched her in silence prepare an omelet and salad for dinner. She took another sip of Pernod sliding deeper into her thoughts.

Madame placed a plate of omelet, salad, and a big piece of fresh bread in front of her. She thanked Madame and ate slowly, thinking through what had and might happen.

When she’d finished. Madame called the girl to take her up to her room. She followed the girl up the winding green-carpeted staircase to the master bedroom. The girl turned on the main light, turned down the sheets, threw open the floor to ceiling drapes, revealing two all-glass french doors, then turned around, turned off the main light, and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving Brighid in the dark.

The bright silvery light of the waning gibbous moon lit up the room. Brighid opened the doors, cool cold air flooded into the room, as she took off her clothes, rings, earrings, and bracelets , placing them on the chair by the window, leaving only her torc on her body.

She knelt on a sheepskin rug. Next to her was a tray with a carafe of wine, a chalice, a bee’s wax candle in a holder, matches, an athame, a scrying mirror, and a bowl of salt.

She carefully took the items and placed them between the sheepskin rug and the open doors. She took a handful of salt from the bowl and from the center of the sheepskin poured a circle around her. She picked up the athame in her left hand, pointed it down at the circle of salt, slowly turning left, and softly whispered,  

“Earth, Air, Water, and Wind, blessed be Awen, you who are of me and around me, guide me through the night, show me light in the darkness, so mote it be.”

When she had closed the protective circle, she sat naked on a sheepskin rug facing the outstretched forest below. All was quiet, tranquil ‘cept for the occasional eerie, forlorn hooting of a strix owl.

Brighid placed the scrying mirror in her lap, lit the candle, and drank the wine. Slowly she began taking deep belly breaths, breathing through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, releasing the stress in her body, and calming her mind.

She softly began chanting A-I-O, A-I-O, A-I-O, allowing her consciousness to shift and receive the flowing spirit of Awen, the wisdom of the trees, and the life force of Mother Nature.

She was no longer a Gallizenae, a ****** priestess of Enez Sun, but her power of sight had not totally faded. She still could see, albeit hazily, into the near distant future.  She knew the older she got, the more it would fade, and eventually, she’d lose her ability. Her Second Sight

The ****** priestesses were chosen because of their gift of Second Sight. As a priestess aged out, the remaining eight, would look and find girls coming of age who had Sight. Former priestesses from the mainland would fly to her, test her, and if she passed bring her to Tregont Mab for training. Of the handful, only one would be chosen.

A girl’s Second Sight started at menarche, which was starting earlier in modern girls, which made training harder as the girls didn’t have the emotional or intellectual maturity to understand what was happening to their bodies or the responsibilities of being a priestess.

The girls were taught the history, language, and customs of their people and given a new Celtic name. Then they would be taught the ways of the Druidesses, incantations, flight, command of the sea and weather, shapeshift into whatever animal, heal the sickest, and foretell the future. But most of all, they were taught devotion to the pilgrims seeking out their counsel.

When the Honored One was chosen, she’d fly to Enez Sun, and in a ceremony, a brass torc was permanently wrought around her neck, never to be removed, as a symbol of holiness, a protector of her people, a Gallizenae of Enez Sun.

As one of the nine Gallizenaes, and a Sacred ******, she could not be touched by man, and no men were allowed on the island of Enez Sun.

A Gallizenae loses her Sight at 25, the same time the human brain stops synaptic pruning and reaches full maturity. During a ceremony, she retires, flies to the mainland, where she is bathed, washed, and scented with oils. She is led to the center of a circle of her people, laid naked on a bed of flowers and herbs, and given a young ****** man to have sacred *** with. A druidess at their feet and a druid at their head, the young man’s throat is slit during *******, allowing the blood to spurt and spill on her, giving her his vitality. The druidess spreads the blood all over her body and hair, painting her in red from head to toe.

A feast is held, and the body of the young man is burnt in a wicker man, releasing his spirit to Awen as naked women danced ecstatically around the fire.

Brighid vividly remembers looking into the eyes of the young man when he ******* and his throat slit. It was that of ******* ecstasy then horror, as he realized he was dying. It had turned her on, feeling his **** spasming as he came, the sound of the knife slicing flesh, his last breath hissing from his cut throat, his body deflating, and his **** going limp inside her.

She remembered being painted in blood, the frenzied dancing, and going into a trance around the burning wicker man, then nothing else, except waking up the next day, no longer a ******, a priestess, a Gallizenae, and sobbing all day.    

She was still a druidess, and her new responsibility was to protect the nine Gallizenaes and her people. She would be sent out to live in French society, and listen for and report back any threats.

Brighid continued chanting, slowly going to a trance, and looking into the low yellow glowing candlelit scrying mirror. “Mother, maiden, crone,” she repeated, while never blinking or breaking eye contact with her reflected image.

A blackness slowly flooded her visual periphery, till all she could see were her eyes staring back and her. She stilled her mind, taking slow deep breaths. The eyes in the mirror morphed from her brown doe eyes to seductive sapphire blue cat eyes. The face slowly came to light and focus. A woman with shiny raven black hair, alabaster white skin, full lips, and stunning long-lashed sapphire blue cat eyes.

Brighid stared, enthralled by her beauty, her face forever burnt in her mind. She didn’t know who she was, but she knew she was dangerous.
pitch black god8 Jul 2020
“leave ‘em laughing when you go”^




it appears that Ogden Poet and Joni Songster
have ganged up
on poor Pitch Black
to remind
that he who laughs best,
is he who laugh hardest
at himself,
and their vanity fair

the bathroom mirror chips in
with a
chiding chortle,
spasming him so hard,
mirror cracks!
right about where
the smiling mouth
and laughing rolling tears intersect,
under the nose,
landing in an open braying mouth

“Laughter is the corrective force which
prevents us from becoming cranks”

just a most excellent reminder that
gods come and go,
taste in deities is
just another fashion item
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2715955/among-the-gods/

keep your admiration in check!
the people you praise
still put their pants on
one leg at a time...
onlylovepoetry May 2023
Things Worth, Or Not, Remembering:
T.S. Eliot,  O.L. Poetry and the Passage of Time

<>

“Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present

All time is unredeemable.

What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden.”

T.S. Eliot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<>

Only in a world of speculation, but what if,
There was no such world, one speculates,
Where safely looking in both directions as
We cross the alleys and boulevards of now is
NOT required; living in series of moments,
a steady spasming of venturing, and always,
something gained, something lost, but never,
additive, cumulative and more sensational
than experiential and we have no memory,
and thus no prejudice for or against!

Living with constant aspiration, not reckoning what are
Things Worth Remembering, is that not more than
no footfalls, only footsteps, to new love, renewed love,
possibilities of all doors opened, and we take each day
as it is given, banishing longing, jailing regret,
believing round every turn is a new fragrant, radiant rose garden,
or not…but perhaps means eternal, forever looking.

O. L. Poetry
5/28/23
Untitledheart Feb 2019
I woke up today.
Wow I'm proud!
Texts "goodmorning, I hope you had a good sleep and have a good day"
I stretch my body to the point where I hope every bone breaks out of place and ligaments do not bounce back
With failure, I step forward, put on my best skirt and shirt, wishwashing my hair around in the mirror until I realize I need to tame my mane
I gather my tools and proceed groggily to plug the straightener into the outlet
Hoping an electric shock may find me spasming on the ground
With failure, I brush my hair, parting ways through the sea where Israel could pass through but Pharoah would perish
I watch as the numbers rise to the temperature I like to bake brownies at
As it reaches the high, I hope for a malfunction which will set me on the bathroom floor, fried as if someone forgot the brownies in the oven
With failure, I begin to make straight my crookedness
I watch as with each pass I burn my hands searching for hiding waves
I slowly run through piece after piece hoping for the cord to strangle and burn me around the neck so I am left for empty
With failure, I look in the mirror and smile, isn't she beautiful!
I wrote this very passive aggressively to myself. It is true, I don't have the best relationship with me. This is actually a very funny poem once you get about halfway through and everything just seems ridiculous.

— The End —