how many tears can i cry
mourning the death of God
who is nonexistent
as I lose my soul and faith
realizing i am an orphan
a man without a Father
i pray that You are real
and not a figment
of our collective imagination
don’t forsake me
as i have forsaken You
i want and need to believe
there’s meaning to my existence

how can i trust and make myself vulnerable
when love is the most dangerous game of all
the suffering inflicted and endured in pursuit of romantic bliss
romeo and juliet were martyrs and a myth
foolishly chasing a fantasy inventing by society
what do you need, what do i need to feel loved and safe
fully knowing the fragility of a romantic relationship  
alone in bed crying craving wishing to be held
wanting so much to surrender to a lover
and feel their hands and lips upon my body

how beautiful
and filled with sorrow
as we held each
that last night
of summer
crying, whispering, “i love you”
as we said goodbye
sitting on my chevy
at dairy queen
hoping
to be together
forever
knowing cruelly
we were just
summer lovers
minor characters
in each other's diaries

i forget everything
slowly slipping
into a trance  
melding
becoming one
as i’m being held
in your arms
feeling safe
in your embrace
surrendering
physically
emotionally
giving myself
to you
for this tanda
you are
my master

the days are finally growing shorter
and the temperature has begun to cool
i can hear the change in the air
and feel the hecticness of summer slowing
mellowing becoming fall
i am looking forward to sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes
snuggling and kissing you by the fireplace

angry is the sun burning the sky
baking and pummeling all that is living
to cry or pray to a god who doesn’t listen
i fear we’ve been forgotten and forsaken
we see it now the apocalypse
we can no longer hide or run
i have made peace with what is about to come

the moon casts no shadow
in this realm where owls wink and stars scream
how long this journey on a starless sea
where time forgets but fate remembers
our lives ephemeral as a child’s tear
i remember our first kiss
and your last breath
while holding you, in my arms
as we both died, that day in june
the bloom withered, died, and was blown away
how long ago was yesterday
as i sit alone with your ghost
how cruel is winter when I remember spring
as the first snow falls
covering the ruins and ashes of regret
i light the last candle, no longer afraid