it amazes me how
the frontiersman had to
survive without cellphones
and internet
I can't stand a minute when I
go down in some
hole driving
and my phone
drops the call
then I get home
chatting up my babe
sending wild emojis
and smiley faces
and get message not delivered messages
I couldn't ever be
Buffalo Bill

When I moved away down to Billups creek
a tributary flowing into the Mississippi
and saw unmown wild fields of golden grass
tall trees everywhere
and  the dawn on a horizon
for the first time
saw country girls as
wild fillies,
oats and hay as fun
blue jeans
and got my first buzz with a knot
of 'bacco
I came along real quick
got the slang down tight in seventh grade
and my four-wheel drive pickup
at seventeen
got used to no rock stations
on the radio
ridin' country roads
and BBQ
and sassy lasses
and extended family's
and time spent
and golden
fields of nature's

the sun is
down south
for a damn

  man of her dreams
I said to the mirror
   with a contented hint of a smile
looking sideways
   trying to see how I got
so lucky

Walking down a wooded path
tall flowing trees all around,
I came upon the river’s edge
and sat down on the ground.

Sitting at the edge of the river
I stare at its ongoing flow,
I start to give it all my pain
a release with each little throw.

My hardest pain is fear
that I’ve had from so long ago,
of never feeling good enough
that’s dulled my inner glow.

It eats at me like a cancer
each and every day,
the fear of never being good enough
and again being thrown away.

Years of disappointment and abuse
only being property, nothing to love,
but always trying to make things right
so everyone else could rise above.

I throw this fear out into the river
sit back and watch it pass slowly by,
I wrap my arms around myself
feel the release, let myself cry.

I throw out all the other pains
betrayal, heartache, loneliness and more,
I watch them drift gently way
these last tears will be left on this river shore.

Noticing as each and every pain
slowly floats down the river away,
I observe at a distance
as they fade into the suns sparkling rays.

Walking down a wooded path
tall flowing trees all around,
I came upon the river’s edge
and was surprised at what I found.

© 2017 Brianna Love/SA/DBMA

This goes out to AnolikeAkau
Never give up, what you feel now will pass. Life holds so much beauty, so many amazing things and people, so much love. Just look at the love shouting out to you right here on HP. There are so many that have known the same pain and they are reaching out to you. Just take a hand, any hand. Throw your pain out into the river, let it be washed away.

in free verse, the words will mean more….

and with my love
       for you
i will always forever kneel,  
            for on my knees
the purity of truth will rise
with honesty
     nothing hidden
in darkness can remain.
    for it’s in the most sacred
           depths of my words,
in my soul
and in my love
is where
i have always found you,
the most precious
     i have to give,
is my heart, my trust.
      there lies
my reality, my truth
this is where my happiness lives.
      and with this
i will never
              go to sleep
without asking the angels
         to whisper
in your ear,
         that i love you
   with my whole heart.
with my love
            for you
i will always forever kneel
             for on my knees
the purity of truth  
                        will forever rise…

© 2017 Brianna Love/SA/DBMA

i could not sleep until i wrote this....

Like winds
               blowing from the north
or snowflakes
               sheltering the earth,
like the crystal clear skies above
[your heart]
sparks my life with love.

Like homing robins on the wing
or warm raindrops in the spring,
like arching rainbows up above
[your heart]
sparks my life with love.

Like soaring eagles overhead
or roses in a summer bed,
like golden sunshine from above
[your heart]
sparks my life with love.

Like ivy
           climbing on the wall
or the welcomed breeze of fall,
like the twinkling
            stars above
[your heart]
sparks my life with love.

© 2017 Brianna Love/SA/DBMA

I think it'd be better that way
Maybe I should just do it this time
The reason?
No matter how hard I try,
I'm still not good enough
Not good enough for my friends
Not good enough for my boyfriend
I'm not even good enough for my own family
Maybe my brother won't resent me when I'm gone
Maybe my sister will understand that I was trying to help her
Maybe my boyfriend will realize that there was someone better.
I should just do it
Because no matter how hard I try
I'll never be good enough
To make the people I care about

I really don't think anyone would stop me if I did it. No one would find out until it was too late.
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