Contained

Myself a mime,
Pushing the boundaries of my world.

An extrovert trapped,
In an introverted nightmare.

Escape me O Lord,
From this bitter place.

Free me my white washed walls.

Walk among rows of the sick and the dying

Find each of us in a corner

Silenced screaming sanity unhinged

Scrambling symptomatic soliloquy,

End this madness. Or end me.

Dear Mom,
I am your child
Your flesh and blood
The one you birthed and carried
I carry your DNA and I part of you
I am not an object
I am not your punching bag
Dear Mom,
I am not a problem
I am doing the best I can
I work hard and do my best
I do what you have taught me to do
I keep my head down and do the work
I stay out of the way and don't become a problem
I speak when spoken to
I remain silent and let my actions speak
Dear Mom,
You raised me to not act without thinking
Every decision i make is not made blindly
Mother I am not stupid or slow
Mother I do try and I do my best
If it is not done in front of you please don't assume it isn't being done at all
Dear Mom,
I know life is hard
I know things are changing
I know I'm leaving the nest
But that doesn't mean make things harder
That doesn't mean fight me the last few months we have together
Dear Mom,
I am not an object
I am not your punching bag
Your verbal abuse affects me more than it would affect anyone else
Take your verbal blows and put them in a journal
Take your frustration and vent to a friend
Love,
Your daughter who is pleading for you to stop

the frustration I had
after failing
to bring myself to ******
for the
tenth
time this past week
makes me more
furious
than depressed

seriously
my *** drive
has always been high

as soon as I
got over
the shame
society places on women
for enjoying
their sexuality
I have always used
*******
as a release
relieves
stress
leaves me
relaxed
and
content

or should I say,
left me
feeling that way

usually
it was once a day
fairly frequent
but, it
matched
my *** drive's
needs

what the **** is wrong with me

I have tried
imagining,
watching,
reading,
looking at
every form
of erotica
that exists

I have searched
through everything
I can find
from
****,
******,
stories,
comics

and my search history
will let you know
that I've searched
everything
from
****
to
******
to
interracial lesbian forced *******
and things
worse
than that

e v e r y t h i n g

used to take me,
oh, I dunno
maybe three minutes
with my *******?

after
around an hour
is when I give up
now
I even bought
a different
*******
NO
RELEASE
NO
PASSION
GONE
what is
WRONG
WITH
ME

oh yeah -
depression

I mean
I knew it was bad
when video games
no longer
had appeal
that was enough

games
have been a passion
and a hobby of mine
since I was five

the other hobby
I started a bit older than five
but
you stole that one, too

after depression
beat the **** out of me
on Tuesday
I thought that was it
thought
since the next morning
I awoke
without the urge
to **** myself
it was over

nope

you have robbed me
of the simplest
things
in my life
that give me pleasure

no more
wriggling
moaning
spasming
the tingling
sensation
that starts in my toes
and makes its way
up
the length of my body
the warmness
that follows
with it
the
satisfaction
slight smile
snuggly
sleepy
post ****** me

I miss her
give her
back

I miss my life
give it
back

this isn't
ME
for ***** sake!

I am a ******
witty
humorous creature
full of passion
looking
for opportunities
to get myself off!
not this
depressed
apathetic
vessel
without soul.

you won't stop
until you have
everything
in my life

you won't stop
until you
put
my soul in your mouth
chew
grind
crush it

your saliva
breaks me down

spit me out
please
I am fighting
for you to cough me up
regurgitate
the essence
of me
let me put myself
back inside this body
please
please

no
you won't stop
you will eat my soul
until
ever fiber
protein
ounce of health
I had
is now
inside of you,
depression

cold-hearted *****