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xx Jan 2015
I am so imperfect
That I destruct myself
In loving you this much
While you destruct yourself
In loving her so bad
Candide Bailey Apr 2011
How many haunted handbooks
Will I have to read
Before I shake you ghost,
And convince it all to leave?
When will the food I eat
Ever settle in my body?
How can I learn to trust
When I am set on self-destruct?

Read this carefully
Look me up and down
Maybe you will see
Another human being

If I tried to count the times
The thought of you has crossed my mind
And how this shouldn't be
And why you've chosen me

Well tonight I grip my knees
As they're pressed tight against my chest
And I am left to feel alone
But can't go through with it
Tonight I beg and plead
Only to be free
To go back to the life I had
Why does my soul feel so bad?

One more day then one more week
Then why were you thinking you would ever want to leave
Even though it all settles to uneasy
Don't make this your eternity

I'll never learn to love
I'll never learn to trust
Read this carefully
This letter is set
To self-destruct
NitaAnn Aug 2013
This post is set to self destruct
as am I.
I should also warn you
that this is a very insane
crazybrain ranting
that you should ignore altogether.
I, on the other hand,
cannot ignore it,
since it is happening
Oh how I wish it were not so….
I have been sitting here
for 30 minutes methodically
playing with a razor blade
where to make the first cut
where, where
or here and then here
or what about here
Self destruct in 10, 9, 8...
aashi Aug 2014

We’ve killed Humanity.
And don’t remember
What it used to be.

We’re surrounded by fights
And nuclear weapons
We’ve killed it.
We’ve killed Peace.

We’ve turned into murderers
Unknowingly, unwillingly,
But now the habit just won’t

It’s become habit to
It’s become nature to
In a really weird mood.
are built
self destruct

some just
hit the
my finger
Arke Jul 2018
they are old friends of mine
self doubt, self hatred, self destruction
their black gaping eyes
look at me knowingly
their bodies vibrate and pulse like anxiety
blood pours from their mouths when they speak
they whisper quietly that I'll never be good enough
I can't make myself happy, they remind me
how could I ever make anyone else happy?
they smile and show sets of teeth between red
entering uninvited, late at night
screaming obscenities and mocking me
demanding my time and energy
reminding me of all my shortcomings and failures
moments in my life that I was not enough (or too much)
and every moment coming, with premonition
I seat them into my home
though my consent has never been a requirement
they drip and ooze into the carpet
leaving thickened black sludge
and back handed compliments
identifying my worth based on shouldn'ts and didn'ts
         welcome, I tell them
though I don't want them here
         stay as long as you need to
I barely mouth the sounds of a silent cry
they expand and fill the room
until I can no longer breathe and they crush me
underneath their weight, and remind me I did this
to myself -- I welcomed them in, after all
I created them, I brought them here, and they are
Amber Bowen Jun 2015
I am a ticking bomb
Of mass destruction
Chaos burns bright in my eyes
As I pick myself apart
Looking for the right wire
Red or blue
Hesitating, shaking violently
Hushed whispers of pain and frustration
While the pressure is too much
Why would you come near
When I'm set to self destruct
You came and cut the wire.
You saved me.
Kay La Jun 2014
the things you'll do after emotional abuse.
They try to love you, you run.
They try to get close to you, you push them away.
They try to break down your walls, you build them higher.
And when you realize, that you are in fact all alone..
after everything's said and done..
and that emotional abuse from the past shows his face again:
you begin to self-destruct.
Crying, sobbing,, you just want to be held
but to scared to be.
Trust issues and depression begins to define you.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
& you continue to spiral,
dying inside a little more every day
until you're in your dark room, all alone once again,
and that razor blade
pretends to be your friend.
coyote Nov 2014
i spoke to
a stranger
with a
self destruct
button that
they wanted
to push:
and god,
how i wanted
to help-
but when
it came time
for me
to leave,
i left.
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
he's the one that knows everything that is you and he is like half [sunny]days spent inside because he burned easily and you didn't like the feel of the medicine between your fingers when you rubbed it on his skin.

You are tired and shaky as you lie next to him on a bed filled with [half]forgotten ghosts and almost[remembered] stories about when he used to want to stay up late like little kids and just [talk]

He is a deformity forgotten because it doesn't [really] matter that he can't hold you the way you want him to after a long day spent taking care of him. {it doesn't really matter} but it does.

You are almost done with all of this and you wish you could give up, but obligation won't let you leave him all [alone] with himself because you know it scares him more than anything to be without someone.

He is {never knowing what he is} thinking when you stare at him from across the room because he refuses to talk about what is really bothering him and that [bothersyou] but you don't know why. {Because he's supposed to trust you with his weaknesses}
Beau Grey Apr 2016
How peculiar it is,
all that we keep alive with our thoughts.
I wonder,
whether it is as photosynthesis is to the plant
and a flower is yet to bloom,
or whether our faces will become blue
in the name of fallacy.

Think wisely.
i feel you pulling at me
drawing me back to you
with each whisper
my bones react,
your hand on my throat
my blood singing your name,
craving destruction.
you're under my skin. you're in my bones.
MBishop Jun 2014
We're just a bunch of ****** up teenagers

living in a ****** up society

and people wonder why we're all

hitting the self-destruct button
Help me if you can
It's just that this,
this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
you've given in to all these
reckless dark desires.

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, you're pounding on the fault line
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this?
Such a mess.

Why would I want to watch you,
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time?
What's your rush now? Everyone will have his day to die!

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, you're pounding on the fault line
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess.

Why would I wanna watch you...
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time?
What's your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die!

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about, you're pounding on the fault line.
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this?
Such a mess, over this, over this!

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry?
Everyone will have his day to die!

If you choose to pull the trigger,
should your drama prove sincere;
do it somewhere
far away from here!
Hannah Lace Apr 2016
It is incredible how quickly my rationality was lost
and I genuinely considered taking a blade across my skin
for absolutely no reason.

It's as if my progress means nothing to me
and I am just a spoiled brat who isn't getting attention
so I choose to hurt myself.

It's been almost three years fighting this urge
and it seems to be that it literally will not go away
but I won't give in.

Please don't let me find my self destruct button.
I don't want to cut my fresh skin
kelly Sep 2014
This is a story about dante and about him having nothing left with his life forgiving test...
Dantes always been quiet, sticking to himself, finding it quite hard giving his trust to someone else, he's been there, he's tried it.    
No one is exempt from being targets of his riot. But first he needs to fight his own battle from within. A small little issue that caused his anger to begin.
His dad was never there, but he always seen him everywhere. The question that will forever haunt him about why he didn't want him?
Death and iniquities find pleasure in trying to taunt him.
They want me!
everything I've been going  through is making develop some type of sick disease.
What do you demand from God when your favorite word is please when you get down on your knees.
I often wonder if you think of me often.
Memories, I held onto them for years, but then I lost them. Better yet tossed them. Mom, you did your best, and for that you should never frown again. I want to see your crown again.
laughter? You once knew it but you'll never make that sound again. You should've left dad in the same place that you found him in.
Everyone of us are in the same pool that he's drowning in. we help to hold your head up but then you always  let us down again!
Satan's at your door, with presents on the floor. You know you shouldn't answer because he's been in and out before.
Try not answering to his pounding on the door.
He laughs at your falling magnitude, then you can't be yourself because you're thinking were all mad at you.Thinking that way will have you with a self destroying attutide.
Self destruct has been on your mind while I was growing up. Look at our family now, don't you think that we're low enough? Maybe it's my fault for never asking how your holding up. I figured since your old enough that it's given that you know enough.
When your role model doesn't live enough and you know that he is giving up, how can you escape the pain when it's apart of a chain that has you lifted up?
Oh, I kinda get it now! what you do comes back to knock me down when it comes hurling back around.
I realize I'm your flaw, no drug can match me cause im more potent than them all.
It's your call.
you pint me to the wall so you would never have to see me fall. Is that better than having to stay watch you suffer, suffer though the pain while you try to fight back but you're failing to maintain?
What's really on your brain?
I'm a thinking dude, and mainly when I think I only think of you.
I bet if I pick your mind I'll find that's what you're thinking too.
I use to be the best at what I once did, remianing the best artist that is, but I don't draw anymore, all I do is write.
I find myself crawling when I know that i should stand and fight.
It's complicated. Giving up is what I seen from you, it's seemed easy from my point of view so why wouldn't i contemplate it? You taught me how to draw, i dont enjoy it anymore so you can take your teachings right back.
Lying as you left the house, promising you'd be right back.
You hurt me! You hurt us! Woe to your mistrust.
It would've been easier growing up if someone told me that you mastered non fiction. Listen, you'll never understand the cries that your contraction provides. But still I raise, only leaving sorrow in my eyes.
Monica Jun 2016
The clock makes
a sleepy revolution.
The hands are dragging,
moving so slowly.

Agonizingly slow.

Time won't move
fast enough, it seems.
But why
should it move faster?
What is there
to look forward to?

It feels like if
we could just get to
this enigmatic "future,"
we would be safe
and life would be good.

So we dawdle away
the present.
The present that was once
the future.
We just wait.
We don't realize
that we are in control.

We ruin ourselves
with false hope
for what lies ahead.

We brush away the chance
to choose our own fate.

We self-destruct
when life doesn't go
as planned.

We forget
that we never
had a plan to begin with.

We are our own
worst enemies,
but we need
someone else to blame.

So we blame "life."

Yeah, that same one we
Autumn Shayse Mar 2016
when you know, you know,
that's what everyone says
so I think I know, you know,
and now of course,
I am going to run from that
hard and fast
just because
I am on
Gideon May 2015
My heart is life bomb
With a count down timer
And it beats faster now
Reminding me my time is near

I wish that life wasn't so short
It had a lot of bad days yes
But with some good memories too

I see no paradise above
I don't think I'm on fire either
I only see the world
With no fairies in them

As my timer approaches zero
On this life bomb with no reset
I just lie back and wait
Waiting till I self destruct
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2018
Glass ticking like cold plastic

My fingers thrum hopelessly in the hopes of drumming up a solution to a problem with an issue of loss.

This dilemma has found me at the end of my rope and I fear the knots in my stomach are only getting tighter as I squeeze you closer to me now.

Why can't I help me?

I won't let you do it for me.

But must I force feed you the truth?

I'm not hungry for this day any more. Fighting this sickness, I choke back another spoonful of medicine...
--And what am I supposed to do now then?!

Frustration consumes me.
I am bile. The emptiness inside, that fills me with rot.

I'm hollow!!

Somebody save me from myself!   I want to self-destruct and not be okay anymore.

I want to fly a Subaru into the sun on fire.
I'm just so ******.

Just leave me behind and maybe I can decompose into something useful and that actually wants to be here and maybe after that I can finally float away from here...

Wouldn't that be okay?
Why should I have to stay.

I never belonged here any way.
A N Sweet Jul 2010
self destruction lies underneath my skin.
i breed it in my bones
it boils in the marrow.
every move i make is against myself
commands from a sickened brain
it rules sadistically -- governed by anxiety
failure pays the taxes,
behold, a wealth of negativity spread throughout the rest of me.
and, what a mockery my teeth have made of me!
they only clench themselves and pretend.
because now -- salty tears.
i drink them up, and my mouth is left dry.
it only waters my self destruction.
Shanath Apr 2017
I haven't slept for nights,
Waking up in my trials
Mistaking midnights for mornings,
Tired by the lack of dreams
And a need to see the ones I think come true.

I work like a clock now
Going round and round
Rising up only to fall,
Its all a routine,
The ticks follow some more lost ticks.

And I walk through rooms across rooms
Not noticing the doors,
And I end up in places I should have known
But I still don't,
I'm lost in a city I grew up in.

I listen to people as to how they failed
And I convince myself to follow them,
Though I know my ways but I abandon them
Due to my lack of trust in self and I complain of others
Never trusting me.

I sort through the truths
Discarding the unacceptable,
Constructing a few new
And feed them to the ones I meet
Watching myself crave for a confession and becoming a lie.

I ask others of their well being
Making through their masks,
And then they ask in return
I can't trust the words I reply
But they do.

I go out hating my home
And out in the world I see the filth
So I return alone.
The things I could do to better
Instead out there I become one with the guilt.

And I fall in love
And pray to fall out the next second,
I look at us and see how he is better
And then I look at the lovers
And pray that we never become them.

And I fail, I fall
As I stand steady
Grabbing at air for balance,
And I look around for stability
But instead I self destruct!
likeaghosttoyou Sep 2017
would you self destruct, with me?
would you self destruct, for me?
would you. let me self destruct, for you?
would you. let me self destruct, with you?
would you ?
would you allow me the pleasure of unravelling
would you allow me the pleasure of seeing you unravel?
would you unravel with me?
Will you?
Patricia Drake Mar 2013
I always feared
that someday
you would somehow
self destruct
Bassam Mar 2010
I tend to forget to tend to my wounds, forever failure in focus
Self-improvement is out of scope.
You make me feel as if I should have succeeded, that the happiness came under false pretenses.

I tend to forget that laughter cannot be measured, neither the grounds on which they occur,
Nor the amount in which they are manifested.
All the happy times are irrelevant, because the ends don't justify the means.

I tend to forget that everyone, including the mentally disabled, desire to advertise their strength,
Their resolve in the face of the adversity between two people who
Claim to love each other, long after the love is gone.

I tend to forget that no one is as naive as either of us make them out to be, that none will
Absorb the previous problems at face value, and
That there are two sides to every coin, as all life suffers from the conflicts of dualities.

I tend to forget that your constant quest for social acceptance is what
Has made you a person uglier than you truly know.
I see through your act; an addiction to be validated, and your pretty portrayal to the spectators.

I tend to forget the analogies between dirt and flower, but no one stops to think that perhaps
The soil from which nature grows is more beautiful than what it blooms,
As it is the foundation, the core, the element, which is hidden from the pretension of the colorful.

I tend to forget how much I once desired to be the voice of reason, now the voice of rhyme.
Forever cursed to be well-versed in poetry.  And I know the reason why,
It is just a hypothesis, but I truly feel that there is method to my madness.

I tend to forget the discipline involved in making dual voices similar, one in sound,
Other in beat.  Like two hearts in conjoining cadence.  Reason
Does not do it all justice.  This is my way of making sense of it all.

I tend to forget that anything that grows together, flows together, such as the written words in verse.
The flowers may distance themselves from the dirt from which they arose,
I will remain below the sunlight, hidden in obscurity, watching the Heavens of your lies from the Hell of reality.
(S.H.K. 2010)
Luna Grey Jul 2011
Shoot up.
Pass out and repeat.

Cover up and repeat.

Don’t eat and repeat.

Give up. No repeats.
princessv Nov 2015
I can't tell the difference between what's for the better and what's for the worst. At this point everything I do is to self-destruct.
Accidentaly sent texts are the ******* worst, probably just making things worse but whatever and by "at this point" i mean since you ******* broke me
Christin Dec 2013
Everyone has a self destruct button.

Some will never know their own. Some will live

In fear. Some mask it, being a glutton.

However, the most I know will relive

The night it happened. A time of weakness

When they pushed it and drove themselves insane.

Each story has a certain uniqueness.

But please, I beg of you, try to abstain

From acting upon the thoughts inside that

Evil brain. Stop forming your fingers in

To guns, instead of that take a look at

The good things in your life that make you grin.

Because you see, everyone has at least one

Good thing that can make them put down the gun.
My first sonnet.
Patricia Drake Mar 2013
but then I dreamed
that I would
self destruct
Sy Lilang May 2014
Guarded by my self destruction
I tend to fall apart
A hidden seed of imperfection
Lies deep within my heart.

Surrounded by my wants and needs
I know not where to turn
I follow while my conscience leads
But still I never learn.

A broken stranger, lost in time
Not knowing right from wrong
Caring too much, my only crime
I’ve called this love too long.

The words get harder everyday
It’s time for this to end
But I’ve loved too hard to hear you say
That I’m nothing but a friend.

(4/10/14 @xirlleelang)
Aveline Mitchell May 2015
I fall in love with self-destruct buttons.
Those little red ones in films, you know.
Ticking time bombs waiting for the clock to count down.
One day he sobs into the nape of my neck
And begs for me to hold him forever.
The next he sits an inch further away than usual,
Slips into the old routine
Of breaking my heart with too few words.
Silly old girl, pouring my heart into a broken cup.
Pieces of me slip through the cracks.
I’m left to gather myself alone.
You’d think that I would have learned
Not to fall so hard for those little red buttons.
I haven’t yet.
Max Petersen May 2011
Why is it we forget
we get so caught up in each others eyes
we forget to look at the sky
we forget who we are
who we love
scold it.
Whats the price of your soul?
cause you sold it.
To the routine that makes men seem
to like killing everything

You better learn what your doing here.
cause if you don't know
your doomed to be
another phantom in this clustered place
always coming back
no matter how many times the stage dies
it has to repeat the building of this place
cause where else are we going to go
nowhere else can house a lost soul
the universe is the only place to go
anything else is so illogical.
Pauline Morris Mar 2016
I'm in self destruct mode
I'm about to explode
Stand back folks, watch the show

I'll drink like a fish without any gills
Don't try to figure out all my ills
As I swallow down a handful of pills

This self destruction I will not fight
Hell, I don't even remember last night
Needless to say, my head's not right

Slam some Jack and his old friend Jim
I'm seeing double and it's getting dim
I think I just might be on the rim

I'm in self destruct
Please over look my conduct
As more pieces of my being, I must deduct

Parts of me must die
It hurts, so I'll do it on high
Body on the ground, spirit's in the sky

Feet firmly planted in self destruction grind
Like a vampire craving the sunshine
If you look now, you'd be horrified at what you find

Needles in vains
Like pills down the drain
Anything to stay insane

I'm in self destruct mode
I'm about to explode
Stand back folks, watch the show
Kimberly Clemens Feb 2014
Anxiety has a tendency to creep up on you-
It sneaks into memories you thought were worth smiling for
and darkens the scene.
With a crooked smile it pours hatred down your nervous system,
and it sets you off.
The worthlessness you suddenly feel is only self induced-
But you cannot stop the poison from spreading
onto overwhelmed hands frightened and shaking
with your arms desperately painted with blood
breathing in each breath like you're suffocating...

Your body tries to evacuate the venom
through spilling eyes.
As you sit
crumpled onto the floor
feeling like a mess of a creation,
Anxiety quietly stares at you.
It's crooked smile twisted wide across its face
succeeding at eating you alive-
triumphant and satisfied at its work.
syhlent blue Mar 2017
****** is ******

That's physical

Pain is pain

That's physical

But depression is corruption

That's mental

Mentally the pain destroys the mind

Emotionally the mind can't destroy the pain

If you haven't been broken you cant relate 

It's a deep feeling that you can't explain

It drives you crazy

Then the thoughts become your passenger

And before you know it the old you is sitting in the backseat  

Thoughts going 90 miles per hour

You become your darkest moment

Blending in with your shadow

 Opinions start to define you

Overthinking becomes your drug

You are an addict

Lost in oblivion

Overdosing on what scares you the most

You tried facing your fears but ended up looking at yourself

*You are your worst nightmare

— The End —