i wanna be someone you don't yet know
i wanna be your promise of tomorrow
your calm of kisses before the storm
if i could be the first night girl again
i'd never let you in
i'd let you taste the sweetest parts of me
i'd only be your joy
i wanna be the first night girl
id sacrifice being whole
i'd save you from all the ugly parts
to be again your world
here you are.
at a ******* standstill.
sitting on the fence of taking leaps, or going back to sleep
breathing in all these insecurities.
it’s sick because theyre not worth a ****** thing, not a ****** thing.
cry for all the things you wont do
cry for your sick, sad world
cry for the doors you close, for the windows you wont open
suffocate yourself, discourage every spark from turning into a flame.
all the things that give you thrills are gone, and going.
look at you, left behind
alone with your crutches and your boundaries.
i already have a poem named anxiety, but i like this one much better.
by guess and by god, headstrong,
a recklessly charted course.
ruled by intuition and ammunition
we were captains together--but then the weather!
clouded our stars, washed away our vision, tore our sails.
my captain! i was desperate!
for you: i jettisoned my heart, threw overboard my sensibility,
let out all my rope until the Bitter End.
but you mean to abandon ship!
after all we've sailed through, and you mean to abandon ship.
you've left me with the devil to pay,
but instead i'll swallow the anchor, i'll swallow it whole.
forgive my mutiny,
but a dead captain is no captain, and the sea does own my soul.
collapsed into a puddle, i drip into the gutter
can't separate my colors.
past art is perverted, salt-saturated drops have made my vision run
i am the river that i cannot cross
if you won't be my stepping stone, i'll meet you down-stream.
i set you free.
if you love me fly home to me. if you need a love fly back to me.
this town is a cage, but we have the key.
self destruction lies underneath my skin.
i breed it in my bones
it boils in the marrow.
every move i make is against myself
commands from a sickened brain
it rules sadistically -- governed by anxiety
failure pays the taxes,
behold, a wealth of negativity spread throughout the rest of me.
and, what a mockery my teeth have made of me!
they only clench themselves and pretend.
because now -- salty tears.
i drink them up, and my mouth is left dry.
it only waters my self destruction.
feel unearthed doubt
bury anxious tears
seedlings of sadness