This fountain
Started off beautiful
Water flowed gently
All parts working together

But like good things,
Something dark looms
The outside looks put together
The inside is a mess

It takes a lot of work
To make the fountain function
The outcome may be beautiful
The road there isn't

Gears turn
Pumps push and pull
To make the water gush
So majestically

To become what it is
It had to be built
With hard labor
And ugly sweat

Sure the foundation gets attention
Sure it gives so little
Sure it's beautiful
But that's not what it takes
To be so great

Brotherhood
Enhances
Sticking
Together

Festive
Remnants
Imagine
­Everlasting,
Nothing
Destroying

This place
It feels familiar
Darkness envelopes me
I stick my hand out
At arms length is a wall
Four corners
No door
Trapped

I reach above
Right over my head
Is the top
It feels familiar
These wall's surrounding me
On all sides are
Damp

I take a deep breath
The air is dry
Despite the walls
Each breath leaving me
Makes me thirsty

Suddenly, there's a light
Seeping through the walls
It was dim
But just enough
I find it
The way out

A handle
Clearly wan't there
Before
I open the door
And sprint through

SLAM!
Darkness
What happened?

This place
It feels familiar
Darkness envelopes me
I stick my hand out
Four corners
No door
Repeat

I look back
Into the room of black
Leaving it all behind
Out of sight, out of mind
Yet it follows me
Darkness is all I see
Follow the light
Continue the fight
Fading like my hope
The light helps me cope
But gone it will soon be
I will see
Only darkness around
So profound
Running to it
I'll never fit
I did not
Guess I'll sit here and rot

Eyes
They follow me
Even when alone
I can't mess up
I must be perfect

Eyes
They've become lenient
They watch me
But not when I'm alone
I have some freedom
Not a lot

Eyes
They stopped watching
They're gone
I can do whatever I want
With limits from
The outside

Eyes
Hidden
All
Around
Me

I thought I was free from them
But they are my own demons
That will never leave
I can't mess up
I must be perfect
Because the Eyes
They are always watching.

She's there
Watching
Waiting
I can feel it

He's here
Wanting
Dreaming
She can feel it

They bare
Hoping
Trying
He can feel it

I stare
Sighing
Retreating
Everyone can feel it

Yet
Truth is not found
In feelings
But in others

Forever is a long time
But it's what I must endure
What is less known is that forever is not infinite
It only lasts until the memories fade
Off the living Earth
Out of the mind of those who stay
So if you say you'll love me forever,
That may just be a week

Forever is a long time,
But it's short
Days zoom by
One by one
Until there is none
When the feelings are forgotten
Forever is gone
There is no forever
I know this for sure
Because you said forever
Now you are with another
As I'm on the sideline
Watching

Forever is a long time,
But forever is no time
Forever is gone
Forever never happened
Forever
Forever
Forever
Never

There is no forever
Never was
Never will be
But just for now
Let me believe
That is does

Forever seems to be a long time
Gearing closer to the end
I feel my heart race
Took way to long
To escape

It is hot
This feeling
Unlike anything
That has been felt
For I have never known it

What is this odd feeling?
Will I ever know?
The birds sing
I am home

To be home
I must be with you
Nothing has made me feel
As if you are to leave me alone

If I do not act it, know now that
I am not leaving your side
I will act realistically
And want you

If anyone
You ever need
To cry on or snuggle
I will be here for eternity

Dress, makeup
Heels, leggings
Feminine

Too-big pants, no makeup
Oversized shirt, men's shoes
Masculine

Regular jeans, little makeup
Sweater, tennis shoes
No gender

Fancy shirt, tie
Skirt, heels
All gender

All these
But I'm
Still me

And that's okay

Oversized clothes
Dresses galore
Both of them
Fit to one gender

Sports jerseys
Baggy shorts
I want those
but I'm a "girl"

Perky dresses
Lots of makeup
I'm told I must
Because I'm a "girl"

Anxiety fills me up
I need to be perfect
I need to be a daughter
I need to be a girlfriend
a wife
a mother

Why can't I be a child?
A lover?
A ren?
A human?

Why do you have to choose for me?

Going away
Out of this hell,
Older than life,
Death calls.
Beauty is life,
Yet ugly is the
End

Creative Juices
Flowing From the Genius Mind
Haikus are not easy

This ache in my head
Lingers as I stay
Still and silent in my bed
In pain here I lay

I held this thought
Most find troubled
I yelled and fought
The pain only doubled

I held this ideal
That I could love
I fear it never was real
As I push and shove

I held this dream
That I can be happy
Thoughts run like a stream
How life's only ******

I held these close
My heart thumping madly
The pain only rose
I tell, just and sadly

He was a child
Loving life
Enjoying the world
His parents loved him
His peers were kind

He was a teen
Pondering life
Questioning the world
His parents fought with him
His peers were mean

He was an adult
Regretting life
Hating the world
His parents ignore him
His peers were drunk

He was alive
Scared of life
Leaving the world
His parents left him
His peers were sad

He is gone
Loving death
Forgetting the world
His parents despise him
His peers joined in

Jealousy drops
Off the
Yearning

Internal hope
Nesting

Lest
Overcome with
Valuable
Enchantments of life

To whom it may concern,

I will still be here
When nobody else is
Do not give up
Do not give in
Do not forget
These few words;

I       Love       You

Last
Omens,
Venturing
Entirely
Lost.
Yet...

Don't look at me like that!
All the hate
All the time

Who are you to judge?
My hair
My attitude

What is it to you?
My choices
My life

Where did you come from?
From inside
From outside

When will you see?
I am strong
I am brave

Why do you do this?
The scars
The lies

If only that person
In that disguise
Wasn't me

This space
with four walls
one window
and many bars
left alone
to thoughts
in this jail
called a heart

One dies, one stays
One flies, one lays
One sees, one feels
One gives, one steals
One kept, one lost
One love, one way
One direction, one fall
One trot, one gallop
One way, one up

But I went down

Wake up, go to school, get home, go to sleep
Every day, it's the same
At first, it was okay
It was normal
I'm not

Wake up, go to school, get home, go to sleep
It may seem dismal
These feelings
Not leaving
It grows

Wake up, go to school, get home, go to sleep
It's all going to be the same forever
Nothing ever gets to change
It just repeats
and repeats,
repeats,
repeats

I'm lost in this
Will anything change?
This repetition
Nothing ever changes

But
When it does change
Would I be able to cope?
Would I be able to accept it?
Would I be able to move on and forget?

All these questions and no answer
So the only thing I get to do is
Wake up, go to school, get home, go to sleep
Wake up, go to school, get home, go to sleep
Wake up, go to school, leave home, sleep forever

I drew this for you
My dear
To express how I feel
What you mean to me

Are you lost?
I thought a picture was worth
1,000 words
Oh I forget

There are no words
For how I feel
The complete opposite of love
Bitter hatred

You shouldn't said those
Few but strong words
That hurt to this day
If only you had noticed

It was painful
How much you hurt me
But I forgive you
For now

I had my payback
You can see it in the picture
The dead flowers
Sitting beside a nameless gravestone

You know who's here?
I know I do
And I know you'll never read this poem
Because this grave...

It's for my sanity
It's for my pain
It's for a life ended
It's for...

You

Then next is me
See you in hell *****

Sooner rather than later
Ordinary things seem
Really lost in time,
Rationality forgotten like
Yesterday's dinner

Look at her
Perfect in all ways
But that illusion
Is just smoke

Look at him
Number one jockey
But that role
Is just smoke

Look at them
carefree and happy
But that smile
Is just smoke

She is depressed
He is abused
They are neglected
And nobody can see

Beyond the smoke

I can't remember
Any time
That you showed
That I am not
Worthless

Everything I do for you
Pushes me further
Away from
Happiness

I guess
I should say
Sorry mom that
I am so worthless

At least
to you

Withering away
Overruled by life
Rests the pain
****** by
Society

Holding out with
Ununiformed agony
Reaching out
Touching only hate