Have you seen the missing persons sign?
The one with the pretty girl with wide smile
and sparkling eyes.
The one with a girl who was a honors student
and wouldn't dare disobey her parents.

I think I've seen that girl before
Where?
I last saw her at the bottom of one of the many brandy bottles lined up near the door.
And in the mirror before she took her first fix
But, why?
Because, she couldn't handle the stress anymore, the thoughts of not being good enough and facing the never ending disappointment.

I used to be that girl in the missing persons sign.*
I'm not anymore.*

(a.d)

i have never been in love
and i don't want to be either
why would i want to be constantly confused and love sick all the time?
why would i, give up my heart to be played with when i could keep it safe and guarded?
i have never been in love
and i don't plan to be either.

(a.d)

I quote people everyday.
I live by the words of a stranger.
I hold onto them like a lifeline.

Their words make me feel like I am not alone.
Like perhaps I can make it another day.

(a.d)

I am not entirely happy
I am not entirely sad

                                                            ­                             I smile sometimes and
                                                             ­                            I laugh at funny things
                                                          ­                               I can crack a joke and
                                                                ­                         Be around people.

But at night when I am alone
Is when the thoughts start coming
When the tears escape my eyes
And when I start to feel the worse about myself.
This is the time when I just want to disappear.



(a.d)

Oh honey, you can't break a broken heart
                 you can't wipe the eyes that won't cry
                 you can't stop the memories that pass you by
              
(a.d)

I deleted the old messages.
I kept on rereading them
And I couldn't stop thinking about you.
You moved on,
I need to move on too.
It ***** 'cause I would've loved to see it through.

(a.d)

everything that falls must be broken
for i fell for you and now i am made of broken parts.
for i cannot fly
and our love had no wings.
so when i fell
i had nothing to hold on to
and i became
only a shadow
of the girl
you once knew.

(a.d)

Dying flower
Broken heart

Crying eyes
Missing parts

Feeling lonely
Slit the wrists

Close your eyes
Plea the fifth

(a.d)

I am not some math equation.
I am not something you can solve
for in a math equation
you need all the parts
and I am sorry but
I am made up of
broken
parts.

(a.d)

i want to be alone
so please don't pick up the phone.

i love you but i just need time to breathe
trust me please.

i ask that you put your love on hold, only for a second or two
i promise you, my heart will always be yours to keep.


(a.d)

R.I.P
        to those times when I cared
        to those times when I used to love
        to run my fingers through your hair.

R.I.P
        'cause I can no longer bare
         to continue to care.

(a.d)

Happy*
Happy
Happy
H a p p y*
Maybe if I say it enough times
Or if I crack enough smiles
I might start believing it
And stop spitting out so many lies.

(a.d)

I was so scared
of someone getting too close.
I was so scared
of someone getting close enough to break me.

I was so scared
of being broken so badly that I could never be fixed.
I was so scared
that I closed myself off.

                                                                    And I ended up breaking myself.

(a.d)

"This is our little secret my dear."
The little girl looks up at her mother and smiles adoringly
"I won't tell if you won't."*

(a.d)

We haven't spoken in a while.
                                                                ­                                 ✔️Seen 2:30 am
I miss you.
What happened to us?
Do you ever think of me, the way I think of you?
                                                            ­                                     ✔️Seen 2:35 am
No you probably don't.
You moved on.
I should too...
                                                          ­                                       ✔️Seen 2:36 am
HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ANYMORE? Especially after EVERYTHING we've been through.
You heartless *******.
Everything was a game to you, wasn't it?
                                                                ­                                 ✔️Seen 2:40 am
I'm done.
Have a nice life.
                                                                ­                               ✔️Seen 11:30 am
                                                             ­                                                    Wait.
                                                                ­                                         I'm Sorry.
✔️Seen 12:00 pm


(a.d)

It's coming again
I can barely hold this pen
My hands are shaking so hard
And I can barely think straight.
What's wrong with me?
I don't know anymore.
It could be my anxiety
Or just my lack of self control.
What's wrong with me?
I should be able to keep my thoughts in check.
Cause those worrisome thoughts
Are what has brought me here.

Blame it on my anxiety.
Blame it on my lack of self control.

(a.d)

Silence
is
Bad

Because
then
I
have
time
to
think
about
how
I
am
not
good
enough

About
how
I
am
unwanted

In
the
silence
is
when
my
thoughts
are
loudest
when
my
monsters
decide
to
come
out

And
with
silence
comes
violence

(a.d)

will you still love me when I am old and gray?
stay by my side 'til the end of my days?
will you still care?
look at me with adoring eyes?
will you laugh with me?
and tell me not to cry?
will you still sing with me the lyrics to our song?

or will you say bye as time continues to fly?

(a.d)

Sometimes I feel like
         I am not good enough
         that I am not worth all the trouble
         or the promises.
Sometimes I feel like
         I am too far gone to be
         saved.


(a.d)

The most beautiful words
Come from the most ****** up minds
So tortured and sorrowful that you begin to wonder where the enemy lies
Is it inside
Or somewhere beyond?
Can it be stopped from causing so much harm?

(a.d)

I'm sorry I can't be more metaphorical and compare you to a summers day. I just don't write that way.

( a.d)

If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears
You'd see all my flaws and all my fears.
The deeper you go
The darker it gets
You'd see how twisted my mind really gets and all of the coffins
that I had once layed to rest
You'd know my suffering
and all of my regrets.
You would know the truth and how deep my mind gets.

(a.d)

The world is just a book
And each page is a new day
And each chapter is a new year
And I am just a measley character out of billions of others

I have a life that I am not fully living
And I'm supposed to be happy and I'm not
I play a small, unimportant part in a huge book
And when I get to my last chapter the book will continue on without faltering.

This world is just a book
And with each page comes a new day
And with each chapter comes a new year.
And I am just a character out of billions of others.

(a.d)

They don't know
That I cry myself to sleep
That I am constantly sad
That I feel like I am drowning
That I cut myself
That my smiles are fake
That my laughs are forced  
They don't know.

They don't know anything at all.


(a.d)

i.
I care about you.
I honestly do.

ii.
I didn't plan for it to happen.

iii.
I swear I didn't.

iv.
I had no intention of falling for you.

v.
I didn't even want to.

vi.
But then something changed in the way I saw you.

vii.
Your smile became the only thing I could see and I began picking out your voice in a crowd.

viii.
I didn't even notice until it was too late.

ix.**
And now I'm ******* and it's all because of you.

(a.d)

this is not a cry for a help

this is a story

the story of a girl who used to smile a lot and laugh at the right times. the story of a bright beautiful girl with pretty soft skin and freckles on her nose. this the story of a girl with vibrant black hair and sparkling blue eyes.

this is the story of a girl who worked hard in school because she wanted to go somewhere. this is the story of a girl who pushed herself to be the greatest she could possibly be. this is the story of a girl who cared and cared and worked and worked...

until one day she stopped.

this is the story of a girl who has had enough. the story of a girl who had been pushed too hard to keep on going. this is the story of a girl with no way out. this is the story of a girl who can't cope anymore.

this is the story of a girl who can no longer smile without crying, and whose laugh is cold and void of emotion. this is the story of a sad girl with bumpy red skin that is covered with scars and cuts. this is the story of a girl with dull black hair and empty eyes.

this is not a cry for help

this is a story

the story of a girl who no longer cared.

(a.d)

I hate when
the silence becomes
too much.
When I get thoughts
of what used to be us.
And
When it all becomes too much
and I start to cut myself.


(a.d)

I am trapped
in a pit full of
sad smiles and
broken promises.

(a.d)

I tried to fix you
I swear I did
there was just too many
broken pieces
and I couldn't grab
them all
before I began to get cut
and pieces of myself
soon joined yours
on the floor.

(a.d)

"You have such a bright future ahead of you young lady."
Yeah, college then working until you die is just great!

"A young girl like you has nothing to be sad about."
Am I not supposed to feel?

"You're such a beautiful young lady."
Yeah, but the scars on my wrists aren't.

(a.d)

Do you think it's bad that i don't want my scars to heal?
that I want them to stay as a reminder of the years
that I tortuted myself with the blade of self harm
never forgiving myself and constantly doing harm

(a.d)

Just thinking about what lies ahead is getting me stressed.
I am being put to the test
and all those requirements and deadlines
are seriously getting to my head
I think about all those times when
I could've fled
and now only one thing can be said --
I made this decision and now I have to stick it out
and hope for the best

(a.d)

I used to love
but now
i don't.
too many
broken records
and too many
missing pieces
of my heart
are gone
and charred,
wasting away
'cause everything
just got too hard.

(a.d)

Your presence here is voluntary
But is it really?
You aren't forced to be here
But leaving is a sign of giving up isn't it?
Leaving is a sign of cowardice
                               of weakness
I don't think I can take it
You wouldn't want to disappoint.
You have to make it.
You've made it to this point.
This is what you wanted
What if it isn't?
I don't even know what I want for lunch
It's an opportunity of a lifetime
Yeah, an opportunity to feel stressed out and overwhelmed.
You should be grateful.*
I am grateful, really.
But I just really want to go home.*


(a.d)

"It'll make you happy darling. Aren't you tired of being sad all the time? Just one whiff and you'll be on a roller coaster that only goes up."

"It'll make you feel alive darling. Don't you want that? All it takes is just one sip."

"You won't feel a thing darling. Aren't you tired of feeling? Just one slit on each ****** wrist and it'll all be over."

Which will you chose to destroy yourself, darling?

(a.d)

I dreamed that you didn't remember me
And it hurt me to see how easily you could live without me.

(a.d)

i write more than i should
maybe i should talk more
so that i am not as misunderstood.

(a.d)