so let us play hide and seek
in my maze of mind
or the labyrinth of my heart.
you can try finding me
or try to find me.
but only if you care enough,
or maybe
only if you're lonely enough.

through the looking glass i see.
i know right, im that girl
whose life is far from the word perfect
and no one wants to be me.
cracked, bitter, gloomy, broken ?

and im dealing with my own self.
hiding under my blankets, dark in my own cave.
introverted soul trapped in an extroverted personality.
they tell me im emotionless,
but im just not good at expressing my feelings.
they say im neglectful,
i think they just cant dip into my world.
they say im freaking out,
for me im just me

but whose life im living now?
oh for God's sake!
imma live my own life,
not other people's life.
im gonna go a hundred miles and live my dreams.
i will be who i wanna be.
im gonna scream, im gonna sing.
i will write hundreds of poetry, thousands of poetry.
i will free myself.

i will heal myself.
im buying new pillows, new cute glasses,
i will paint my nails blue and green,
i will dye my hair.
taking sick days and letting myself fall apart
but just then i will buy myself some candies and i will be okay again.
i just wanna be alright again and i know i will.
im gonna laugh till i cry,
im gonna skip classes to study at the library.
imma be disgusting and cry into my wounds.
going on a walk by myself
and tell everyone they look gorgeous.
i will dress nicely,
and make others feel alright about themselves.
imma read books, drink a cup of tea, and buy myself succulents.

i wanna love hard, i want an extraordinary love.
im gonna love the people i love.

i wanna be mad, passionate, going insane.

i dont want mediocres,
my love is not a mediocre thing.

i will live my life and i'll be okay.

hey little tough one,
i know right, its not easy to be you.
everyone bestows their everything on you,
yet you already have a lot on your shoulders,
that i can see when i stare at your back.

hey little tough one,
im sorry i could do nothing about it.
but He could.
so i will close my eyes and kneel,
asking for stronger knees for you.

no one should ever take you for granted.

hey little tough one,
your smile is strength.
so please dont let go of your smile.
let all the obstacles stumble,
for you radiate the strongest smile.

my favorite.

holding onto every pieces of the broken heart.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even stare at your face.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even cry aloud for you in front of everyone.
i even hid my tears.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even be there, kissing the soil where you belong now.

but here i am,
holding onto every pieces of my broken heart.

i miss you.
i miss your smile.
i miss your voice.
i miss staring at your back,
or even just sitting there beside you.

i miss talking about everything with you.
i miss the laughter we shared.

i miss the coffee stain on your morning cup.
and the smell of the hot chocolate you really like.

i miss all the time you were nagging on me about everything im unaware about.

i miss calling your name.

i miss the buzzing sound of your nebulizer.
and the smell of your inhaler.

simply, i miss you.

and here i am, holding onto every pieces of the broken heart.

i was standing there
in the dark
in silence
lost in thoughts.

i couldnt even stare at you.

but its okay now.
i have Him
and the promises
saying that everything will be alright.

and i wont ever stumble down.

so tell me, dear, what game are we playing?
would you open your card to me,
or are we gonna pretend and playing heart?

so tell me, dear, what are you gonna do?
would you give me a hand,
or are you gonna leave me building 3D puzzle?

A month.

I am a nightingale.
Living a new beginning, on a new sky.
New days, a rainbow of hope

That one second.

And I realize that
I shouldnt be afraid of anything.
And I know I can shoo the storm away of my sky.

     The stars' twinkle,
     And the moon's beam.
     The sun shines brightly,
     And the world keeps spinning round.

An eternity.

And I believe.

i am sorry

        *is that all i could say?

yes, my fault

being insensitive is my fault.
bleeding is.

being careless is my fault.
checking the locks twice is.

being too happy is my fault.
crying is.

being ungrateful is my fault.

the slamming door is my fault.

my existence is my fault!

don't you see?

                        *nobody cares

And every time I think of you,
I think about an unfinished dream and not knowing
whether to fight for it or just leave it like that
and forget it like it would just fade away like
morning dew.

And every time I think about that unfinished dream,
I think of murmuring your name
on your ear while
we're lying on a field full of sunflowers
and kissing the spring rain and summer air because
our love is in the air all over and
again.

And every time I think I will fight for it,
fight for us,
I think of your sweet lips and
your radiant smile you'll show me everyday.
But then I think that maybe you don't feel
the same way as I do,
maybe it's just unrequited and
I'll bury myself in a wallow of shame and broken dreams
Or maybe you love me too?
But then, we will stand against the world
with your palm fits in mine
with thunderstorms and mother nature
try to tear us apart
when forget-me-not blooms among the gentleness of dandelions.

And every time I think I will just leave it like that,
I think of those nights I will spend regretting
the missed chances to hold your palms and
to stare deep inside your pupils,
my favorite objects in this whole universe

life is simple, yet it is complicated.
it's like planting crops. you were the farmer, and the things you do were the crops. your maturity will affect the way you treat the soil, and the soil was your life itself. your faith in God will affect the way you plant the crops, it was the way you do things for others. your heart and conscience will control the growth of your plants. your experiences will teach you how to take care of your plants. tests and difficulties were the things that make farmers stronger. and the yields were to be reap.
but there are a lot more than the mentioned things above about this life, find them by yourself. appreciate what you have in your life and you'll love this life even more. have the better quality of life:)

Avoid me,
I am poisonous

2. Hate me,
I am the sunshine for your scars

3. Forget me,
leave me and slam the door, scream my name to the storm and tell me how much you hate my existence

4. Fake your feelings,
I am the stupid girl willing to hang on the trapeze for you

5. Hurt me
till I can't feel anything anymore

Today I survived another blue day without you
but this cold wind chills me and whispered
"It's getting cold, it's getting worse"
Then I woke up from that nightmare
                             to another nightmare
I saw your shadow trying to leave me
You left me
You didn't close the door
It was raining
You didn't close the windows

And now I miss you more than I miss you before

Wishing on the stars
"I wish we had another time and space
I know you can't love me here"
Nothing's gonna work between us
But I've already fallen in love with the back of your head

But I was the bloodstain on your shirt
you try to remove

What should I do?
       What should I do?