Silver, one...two...blue,
As the cars go by my mind wanders to you.
How your eyes turned amber in the light,
How your smile cut through me like a dagger,
Never the matter,
It was all for you.
Future talks and past traumas,
Highs, lows and all the dramas.
Back and forth in our ruthless endeavors, we thought we were clever.
Maybe one day we'll get better, but not together,
Because you broke the girl who was made from glass, crash.
Now she's too sharp for you to hold her.
Shame.
She fell for a boy so lame, even though everyone told her

Would you forgive me if I close my eyes?
I’m oh so tired of my demons feeding me lies.
And if my parents happened to see, would they believe I was just asleep?
Would they rush to my side and kiss me goodnight or hold my hand in panicked fright?
You see, I’ve a hard time keeping all these emotions inside of me at bay,
The demons twist them up, they spit them out and present me with a tape to play.
Every doubt I’ve ever had, over analyzed and placed on repeat for me to constantly see.
I don’t know silence, she isn’t a friend, but maybe when I’m dead she’ll finally love me.

No more chances. If you wanted me around you should have held on tighter, loved me the way I needed to be loved, and taken the time to understand me better. You were selfish with me...and I have nothing left to give you. I’m okay with being the villain this time around, that’s all I’ve ever been. But I’ve nothing to apologize for and I have every right to never pick up that phone again, even if everything inside of me is screaming at me to. I really wanted to get it right with you, and god how I ******* tried. But you can’t make a puzzle piece fit where it doesn’t belong, and I don’t think I have the energy to mold myself into a new shape for you when the space left for me to fit is so small... if you really loved me you’d have been proud of my growth, you’d have stopped to admire my flowers in full bloom instead of plucking me away to shove in your pocket.

I do care for you, something inside of me always always will. But I also resent you. We tried for years,  years and it has come to this. Strangers. We don’t act like friends, we don’t talk like friends, it’s like I was never even a blimp on your map, never a chapter in your book. Which is fine. But don’t you dare sit there and paint me black when I put up with years of sneaking around, years of lie after lie after lie. I’ve had to sit there, knowing the truth and have the one person I’m supposed to trust, the one person who is supposed to care for me look me in the eye and lie. You’ve crossed your heart on words of betrayal one too many times, and I’ve crossed our bridge and set it aflame in hopes of shedding the weight of our past. I know you never really loved me. You may care for me, but I was never your person. I never could manage to set your soul ablaze and light that fire in your eyes. But you’re not my person either, because if someone can consciously make the decision to do things they know will pain their partner, that’s not love. You stopped calling me beautiful, you stopped admiring, you stopped telling me you loved me all the time and stopped giving me the attention and affection that I so desperately needed. You stopped being my boyfriend a long time before we broke up, so don’t you dare sit there and paint me to be the villain because I tried. You may have broken me every time you lied to me but I will not let you break the little bit of trust for the world and sanity I have left. I’m nobodies victim. Not even yours.

What am I to you? If not a priority than what? A time filler, a toy to be played with, someone to occupy your company when you get lonely? I fear I’ll never truly know the answer, or maybe I’m scared to face the answer I’ve already been given. My brain constantly telling me I’m nothing but a waste of space, a piece of *** who was born for nothing more than your enjoyment and yours alone. The flickers of pain I feel are simply the cards I have been dealt, and there is no arguing with fate. A stake to the heart would hurt less than this poison you’ve spilled into my mouth by the presence of your tongue, is it love? It flows through my being with so much warmth I don’t think I’d be able to tell the difference. And how dare I care or feel anything that involves me, myself and I alone, when I’m only meant to feel for you. You remind me constantly of your needs and wants and put to shame my thoughts, how invalid they must be. You trace the scars on my body with your talons, never letting me forget how deeply you are attached to me. I’m tired of fighting a battle that simply cannot be won, of fighting the army that is you, and how much destruction you have caused in your wake. I’m tired, I’ll rip the white dress from my body and lay bare for you in surrender. It’s tattered pieces like a white flag waving.

So hear my words and take them in,
I promise you'll see me soon.
On one cold nigh I'll come to you,
My skin reflecting the moon.

I love you so much. And I wish more than anything I could put into words just how much, but words just are never enough. I think of writing about your eyes, the shifting colors of a deep sea with drowning stars that twinkle when your looking at me. I think to put into words the way your laugh plays my favorite songs, how I wake up every morning longing to see that smile, the one you made special for me. I think to write about the sandy landscape of your waves that fall perfectly around that face I so much adore. I think to write about the edges and hollows of your body and the way I love to trace my fingers along it, in fear I'll one day forget it's perfection. The way I feel when you touch me, when I no longer have a care about the outside world but rather the world we have created inside our small apartment, together. You are more a poem than anyone could ever write. Please stay forever by my side so I can love you every day of this life.

It’s been obvious for awhile now that we’ve gone our separate ways.
But I can’t help but bring you to the front of my mind every day I wake.
The urge to check up on you, make sure you’re okay, is unbearable to say the least.
To know if you look the same way you did nearly a year ago, or did you change?
To hear that laugh that used to make me sing.
To feel your touch graze my arm, caress my cheek.
All that keeps me going is the saying that everything happens for a reason.
Maybe fate will bring us together once again, even just as friends.
I look up at the sky and smile knowing you’re seeing the same as I.
The perspective might be different but you see the same moon, see the same clouds, feel the same wind.
Even if we have no future, we are all connected, whether we want to be or not.
And maybe that’s enough for me.

I was born for extraordinary love,
A prisoner to a heartbeat,
Seductive, captivating, mine.
Never flatlining in the outline of us,
A hidden agenda filled with time stamps of you.
Two stars never falling away from each other.
Powerful, guiding, free.

Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask.
It hides the grief, it hides the strife.
I wear this mask to escape my life.
You say my heart must be a sight.
It's bruised but beating, black as night.
It's not just my heart, it's in my soul.
You're killing me like it's your goal.
You're getting close, I hope you know.
You really don't have far to go.
But you don't know, you never ask.
You never look, beyond the mask.

I wonder if you think about me as much as I think of you.
If I cross your mind in the dead of night.
If I creep into your dreams and if you wake up to my face in the front of your mind.
I wonder if you think of me when someone speaks my name, or if you can pass the letters over your lips without them quivering.
If you look over at your passenger seat as the sun sets and glimpse my smile.
If you recall all the memories we shared and hold them as close as I.
I wonder if you pass by someone on the street and question for a second if it’s me, if you hoped for a moment that it was.
If you miss the warmth in your hand where mine would me.
I wonder if your lips miss the familiar taste of mine, if you miss the presence of my body laying beside yours.
I wonder if you ever think to call or text, to send a letter to the girl you made a mess.
I wonder if I still mean something...anything, to you, or if I ever did at all.
Because you were everything to me.
I see you in everything I do, everywhere I go, because I miss it all, I miss you.
And I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed.
I’m sorry...
But I needed you too,
And you left.

I haven’t had much to drink since you left.
At first it was just to spite you, but I realize now I don’t need it.
I tried to drown my demons instead of face them.
I looked them in the eye and realized they were the same eyes that captivated mine.
Yours.
I no longer drink to drown them or fight them.
I welcome them with open arms because they are the closest thing I have to your embrace.
I’m now comforted in their company.
They ease my mind because they wear your face.

He was the one who held me in his arms while I was curled in on myself, weeping. Literally gripping my heart, trying to keep myself from completely falling apart. Watching it seep through my fingers like the sand in our lifespan hourglass. He was there to wipe away the tears that never stopped pouring. He was there when I believed myself to be utterly alone; at my worst when I was cruel to anything with a beating heart because I was oh so tired of mine getting broken.

Maybe it’s because I felt I owed you something for giving me all that happiness,
For you to never slip my mind, though I’ve tried to drown you out.
Intoxicating thoughts of you lingered as the toxins took over my being.
As if your hands warmed up my body and heart once again.
My veins a map you sketched to life, but I’m merely a rough draft of the love I thought we were.
Though I gave you everything I was equipped to give, I still couldn’t make you whole, even as you left me empty.
Pieces of my heart were forged to make you anew, but it wasn’t enough.
And neither were you...
I settled into my sober thoughts, no longer drunk off fake love; fake words.
Affections molded to keep me quiet, this happiness I crave wasn’t true.
How could a heart truly love when it’s as cold as you?
A glass heart doesn’t beat, only breaks, as I do.
Yet I can’t seem to slip you out of my mind, by force or gentle persuasion.
I’m condemmed to this loop, hoping you share the same fate as I.
The shattered pieces that remain here hurt, I hope the ones you took do too.
We can bleed together, you and I. Maybe then I’d be enough for you.

Staring at the girl who used to be innocent and pure,
Now just a mannequin of hated nothingness.
Dressed in the color red, a representation of love,
Now representing only that of which she lost.
The tears running down a perfect porcelain face,
Smudged makeup smeared upon its appearance.

I am beginning to realize I was nothing more than a burden, a bother, a mirror reflection.
Mocking me as my world comes crashing down,
My heart now unknown and forgotten.
The perfect picture you painted me to be was not even me at all.
Dolling me up, and puppetting me around, to follow your every will and whim.
You pressed me into this mold of a person, you taught me who I should and shouldn’t be.
So now that you’re gone, which me, is me...?

My relationship with you was like a plant,
That blossomed into a rose.
Beautiful from afar but if I got too close,
Held onto it a little too tight,
The thorns would hold on tighter,
Sink in deep within the skin.
The roots would grow, deeper and deeper.
Even when the roses had been cut from their stem,
The roots remained with me, deep within.
What once was beautiful, left behind a trail or scars.
Much like the rain hitting my window,
On the nights I miss you most.
They evaporate and fade,
much like the love you once had for me.
Once upon a time that ended in tragedy.

I'll drag myself out of your bed, and through the door,
I heard you didn't want me anymore.
Isn't that what you said?
That you didn't want all of these skeletons?
Hiding in your closet, when she came home.
I'll throw them in the fire and watch them turn to ash,
Watch them burn with the rest of the trash.
I only ever aimed to make you smile,
Honestly I haven't seen it in awhile...
Will you take my hand and burn with me?
We could get rid of all the bad things,
Erase all the thoughts with band aids.
I wait for you to come back to me,
But then I see our fire burning,
And realize you won’t be returning.

And as I stare out at the water,
With it's eerie dark grays and violent blues,
The heavy currents disrupting any source of gentleness it may hold,
I think in my head about running and running,
Until it's time for me to jump,
And once I'm submerged, surrounded by black,
I will ponder the thought of not coming back up,
Of just letting the water have me,
For I am already captivated by it's beauty.
A beauty that has already taken my breath away.

Fearless, hateful, focused only on ripping others apart.
At least, that's the reputation.
But underneath that warlike facade, gentleness, justice.
Those deserving of a wrath so beast like, so morbid.
The wolves will tear them apart,
The owls will feast on their eyes.
Bloodshot, terrified, knowing all too well the story.
Behind the mask she puts on for the world,
Merely a girl, following orders, bringing the deserving to their knees.
Their lips forming words that beg her please,
Passionate as war, fragile as glass,
The girl with the fiery hair and paper mache mask.

I roasted marshmallows over our burning memories
The pictures caught fire like the love we once had.
I covered it in the only thing that tasted sweeter than you,
And smashed it between our opposite barriers.
I devoured our love in all it's sticky, false goodness...
And at the end of the day, it was the best smores I'd ever had.

Sometimes you have to put that mask of a smile upon your own face, you have to believe your own happiness.
But what is to happen to the scars you just can't seem to erase, that are supposed to make up who you really are.
Sometimes I day dream about the before. About how things were up until we were told who we are meant to be, how we are made to act.
Who each of us would be individually instead of which piece we play to make us all a whole.
But at the end of the day some things you just don't say, and I can't say I'm a believer or that I end my days on my knees to pray.
I don't really understand how our lives happen to go by so fast, no wonder we end our days out of breath.
Some of us are meant to be in the light of day, easy lives but easy prey.
And some of us are meant to stay in the shade, hard teachings to make us strong, but who the hell cares if we die one day anyway.
I can honestly say I don't know what I'm doing with my life or what my role is in the grand plan we all take a part in.
I can't say I enjoy putting on this front every day to just get by, by hey, it's great to be alive...

Hope you didn't see,
The look in my eyes,
When I realized,
I was in love with another,
And no longer in love,
With the ocean that is you.

The first time I blacked out I was with you.
I'd never drank in front of you before and I only had a few, but you brought me more.
My intentions were only to forget the **** going on inside of my head.
So three because twelve and the room began to spin,
But not at first.
At first I was light, my body was not my own, I felt this power and you called me beautiful.
I was in total control...
Then, I wasn't.
I laughed loudly and I shouted to speak,
I talked about nothing's and got caught up in the sheet.
I could not walk so I started to crawl, to check my phone, if I'd missed a call.
I started to repeat myself, over and over again.
You realized I was done for and took me to your bed instead.
You laid me down and cradled my face, you shook me to snap me out.
"I'm in control, I've got this, I'm in control, I've got this" repeating, pouring from my lips.
The lips you leaned down and tenderly kissed.
My mind reacted but my lips could not move, they kept talking about control and about you.
"You love him, but he doesn't love you, you love him, but he doesn't love you" repeating, flowing from my mouth.
You left the room, left me alone, you couldn't handle my doubt.
A whole hour later you came back to me, I was still talking, repeating, repeating.
"Nobody loves you, just die, nobody loves you, just die" catching on the breath that left as I spoke.
You sat next to me and on my words I began to choke.
You shook me really hard and smacked at my face lightly.
I came into consciousness and then fell into sleep silently.

Innocence follows her, but inside she's wild,
She thinks of things that shouldn't be thought.
Her mind plays tricks while her heart ceases desire,
A fiction of its own, a lesson never taught.
And as she lays in bed at night, her eyes never truly close,
Seeing the colors in silhouette form, the painful memory shows.
The pitter-patter of a heart, beaten and broken yet fixed,
The silent screams in the dark, yet not a sound, transfixed.
A rage trapped beneath her light, she refuses to become what she hates,
The river that flows within her veins, a poison left to manipulate.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, she sings the melody again,
Paper bags and plastic hearts, a tune for only the insane.
"Each one has a color" she points to them all "some light and some dark"
"But those colors change in life when that person changes their mark."

Cannot sleep, all these memories are haunting me; purple and blue, a gift from you.
Will they stay? When will they fade?
To die like the happiness that seems to have left me, oh so heavy.
Take this heart, stomp out all the little pieces you created, all the pieces that you hated.
Hide my face away from the hidden, show me only to the blind.
Trust is not something that is easily given, especially from this heart of mine.
Lying on the ground, where you struck me down; battered, betrayed, I pray for the day.
Someone save me, for I am too shattered to do so myself, someone save me from this life that is my hell.
Help.

And the worst part about letting you go is I had to let go of everything you ruined. When I listened to my favorite songs I could no longer enjoy the rhythm or get lost in the lyrics, no. Instead I got lost in the way your lips sang along with the words, the way your eyes lit up when I decided to join you. I could no longer just drive down the road because every time I happen to glance at that passenger side, I could see glimpses of you. I could hear you from a distance laughing at the jokes I told. I could no longer walk down my hometown street without feeling your hand in mine, or go to the grocery store without relieving those moments in our favorite late night spot. I couldn't bare going to the park and listening to the leaves in the wind or watching the stars at night because you took that away from me too. You ruined the things in life that made me smile, that made me happy. My sheets are in the form of your silhouette and reek of your soul. I cannot wear my favorite top, I cannot view another sunset... because of you. I don't wear my hair the same way, I don't speak the same way. I cannot bare the loss of you. But I need to.

We all have secrets that we wish to keep but let me take a moment of your time to tell you mine.
My skeletons are simple, they are the ***** laundry that piles all the way up to the top where I wish my esteem could be.
I barely have the energy to get out of bed, take a shower, eat, something.
I can hardly go about my day to day casual living, so the pile just keeps on building.
I push my skeletons away when company is coming, and only then am I aware of how bad it has gotten.
It's not just my skeletons that are gathering dust and withering away, no.
It is I, sitting there all full of decay in the middle of the day, wasting time being sad rather than happy.
It is I, becoming one with my skeletons, my fragile ribs poking through my paling skin.
It is I, laying in my bed wishing it were a coffin, as my laundry sits untouched in my closet,
Because we all know that's where skeletons like to hide.
Sitting inside your very flesh waiting for you to rot and die so they can finally be found and come alive.

No one sees the real thing.
Demons dance for her and sing.
Ashes of flesh coat her skin.
Bones of darkness lie within.
The game she plays, a trick of mind.
The beauty she is will make you blind.
Once you allow this temptress near.
Your heart will be only that of fear.
Her lust to **** is all she seeks.
Her words will end you as she speaks.

Who cares how high I fill the bath water when I'm already in over my head. I don't remember what it's like to sleep no matter how often I say "I'm going to bed". And don't ******* touch me because I'll probably shatter, and for god's sake don't ask me what is the matter.

You never cared, you didn't dare.
I was a storm with a temper,
You, an ocean with barely a wave.
When I came in on a roar of thunder,
Your gentle surface unable to save,
You crashed and darkened, the ships all sank,
I caused you all this destruction,
But you caused me a great ache.
You truly cared, and here I dare,
To love something so peaceful when I was untamed.
That I broke the heart of an innocent girl,
Because she ruined a boy with a perfect frame.

I don't really know where to start with this. I feel like I need to write and express, how I feel.

I was forgotten, maybe even hated but I spent days trying to search for you.
I spent days loving you when you forgot to love me back.
I spent months after crying to myself at the foot of my shower.
I spent months pounding fists into my pillows, screaming words of bitter vile at those who actually cared for me.
And the hardest part was accepting you didn't.

You left and I didn't know what I did wrong but all I wanted to do was fix it! Fix me!
You somehow became my anchor to this reality without me even knowing.
We had created a world I could survive in but without you it all just fell apart.
My heart, my mind, I wasn't me.

Maybe you'd love me now because I do things I never did back them.
I smoke a joint with my friends and get drunk everyday but the weekends.
I sit in my room trying to think about something other than you but my cold heart is frozen on the subject, it refuses to beat away from it.

I no longer eat. My diet consists of a 32 glass of H2O and a hand full of pills that's supposed to make the fat go.
I'm worthy now I promise.
But somehow I'm never enough for anyone even me.
And if you could look in the mirror and see what I see you'd have taken your life long ago.
But don't.
Too many people end up hurt over the loss of someone that they don't really know.

They say I'm so happy and that I'm doing fine
But they don't even see what I don't let show!
My world is insanity and my mind won't stop thinking!
My heart just stopped beating.
Not physically, just emotionally.
I decided if I can't really die I'll just die in another way!
Let me tell you death is a funny thing.

People claim to love you and people claim to care but the whole ******* time they were completely unaware!
Of the thoughts that literally eat me alive and the loneliness I constantly feel inside, this ugly ******* shell I'm left to take care of because the girl that I was is gone.

I can't handle the fact that I let myself down, I let myself drown.
Because you were my anchor and you wrapped around me as I struggled to breath.
You disappeared into the depths of my tears that created this sea, and then you were gone and I was left drowning, because you still had a hold on me.

The water froze over and I couldn't break through, I just watched everyone watching me there, acting like they couldn't see me or that they didn't really care.
And the girl you built died, I watched her sink to the bottom in an attempt to join you but you were lost where she was found,
Because in that moment she let you go, she learned to grow from all these mistakes.

She forgot what your laugh sounded like, what you looked like in the dim lighting of your room.
She forgot the words you swore by but never held to, she forgot your touch and your smile.
She forgot about you and the girl she was.
And she smiled with tears in her eyes as the old her died and the new her began to rise.

She was free,
Finally.

It doesn't matter how many times you save me, if you only build me up to break me.

Does your heart still yearn for me?
Did it ever yearn for me at all?

The monsters under my bed came out to fight the monsters in my head.
They were tired of me losing sleep over my battling demons.
They could never truly have me because the voices in my head already did.

Destory me in a way I won't come back from.
Beat me like I deserve it.
**** me like I'm worthless.
Take my heart, and make sure there isn't anything left when you finally decide to leave.

I am the pen that is out of ink.
I am the gum that has lost its flavor.
I am a car that is low on fuel.
I am a Barbie with matted up hair.
I am the spoiled milk in your fridge.
I am the unexpected rain on a sunny day.
I am the stain on your favorite shirt.
I am useless.
I am undesirable.
I am an inconvenience.
I am a mess.
I am forgotten.
I am unwanted.
I am a burden.

When you left, I thought about you every ******* day.
I thought about you when I woke up in the morning, checking my phone for an apology text, but there were none.
I thought about you in the shower, how the warmth of the steam felt like your breath on my neck.
I thought about you in my car on the way to work, how if I happened to glance over I could see vague fragments of you in the passenger seat.
I thought about you while my music was blasting, singing along to tunes I could only listen to, to remember you.
I thought about you at my busiest moments of the day, where you were, if you were happy.
I thought about you in the grocery store, you pushing the cart and telling your jokes, going about our day.
I thought about you when I cried on the couch, your hand rubbing my back, telling me you missed me and that you're so sorry.
I thought about you on long walks, hand in hand with you, all of your thoughts.
I thought about you while I lay in bed, how you'd caress my cheek and tell me I meant the world to you.
I thought about you before I went to sleep, how you'd cradle me and how you're cradling her the same.
I thought about you for a whole ******* year.
I thought maybe...just maybe. You thought of me too.

I don't like being called "good girl" anymore.
Not because I don't like the way you say it, or why you're saying it. No.
I don't like being called "good girl" because of a man.
I met him at a party, my friend ditched me.
I was watching everyone around me relax and have fun, but I was so tense.
He must have picked up on my weakness, like a predator to prey.
He handed me a drink and kept me company, he said I looked nervous.
He told me to relax and to take a hit off his joint.
I didn't want to be there anymore, but I tried to take his advice.
We sat on the floor near the double doors and he told me I still looked nervous.
He said I had no reason to be that he'd never let anything happen to me.
I just laughed because he only just met me.
Next thing I remember I wasn't feeling too good, my head was dizzy...no cloudy, and the floor was the ceiling.
I remember his eyes on me, so hungry.
I remember his hands on me, whereas mine were incapable of moving.
He couldn't meet my eyes and I couldnt remember where we were or how we got there, but it wasn't by the double doors anymore.
I remember noises, the dim lighting around us, I tried to focus on anything and everything else.
I was screaming, but I don't actually know if the noise came out.
I remember the hot tears that slid down my face as he slid over my body.
I was a toy, I couldn't do anything, I was a puppet to his whim.
He stoked my face occasionally and said I was a good girl, that I didn't need to be nervous, that I was a good girl, to just take it.
I remember wailing, his hand covering my mouth, my lips bruising, my body throbbing.
I haven't seen myself the same since, there wasn't anyone I felt safe with, not a hand that didn't feel like his.
I get sick at the thought of him, at the thought of that act he forced me to commit.
I didn't know his name but I knew his face because it haunts my dreams.
I scare easy now, I want to hide but sleep can't even save me.
I didn't want to be a good girl, I never wanted to be a good girl.
So please...please.
Don't call me one.

I can still feel your hands on me,
The way they took, the way they gripped at my skin until I screamed.
You liked hearing me scream but you held a hand over my mouth just in case there were ears nearby.
You bruised my lips with how hard you held my face in place, I could barely breath.
Your hands they took, savagely, selfishly
Your eyes trailed my body with a tenderness that you couldn't possibly possess.
They humiliated me, for I was open, helpless.
Weak.
You took and took, and you ******* took!
I cried, I kicked, I begged, but you were all about finishing what you started.
I can feel your hands, everyone who has ever touched me has your hands.
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying, somebody help me, please stop, no more!
I want to feel pretty but not like this.
I flinch at the unexpected embraces.
I awaken in fright when I should be at peace in the night.
You took.
And you couldn't even look me in the eyes because you knew.
You knew
...
But you still took.

It's not worth it, but you are worth everything.

I don't hate anyone, it's not in my nature.
I hate me, but I'm nobody really.

When you leave I'll cry myself a river and drown in it, I promise. Because never again will I build a bridge to cross it, they always burn...

I'm drawn to you...
Not like fish are to the sea, or fire is to the wick of a candle,
No, I am drawn to you like a moth is to the flame, like a viking is to a ****** war.
I am drawn to you, despite the danger because I know in my heart that is where I belong and where I need to be, even if it ends up killing me.

And one day you just woke up and forgot about us, forgot about the moments that stopped time for me, the moments where the dark thoughts stood silent. You ruined me, and one day I hope it will be effortless to hate you for it.

I want the last thing I see to be the stars, so I know my soul will finally be going somewhere beautiful.

And your brown eyes are still the brightest part of my future, even if they do not rest upon me but instead continue looking.

I'm so tired of fighting the demons in my head, but how long will it take before I realize you're controlling them.

I will not fall to my knees and beg for your attention, but I'll gladly get on them and show you some of mine.

Tell me that you still look for me in a crowd out in public. Tell me I live in your mind, that I don't just cross it.
I wrote down the times that you were eating me alive. The times I couldn't breath the times I did more than cry. I wrote about the passion, the love, the hate. I wrote about sidewalks, the movies and cake. I miss the moments we would meet eyes, I miss the moments we went on nighttime drives. I think about details like the curls in your hair, the way you stared. Your eyes lit a fire I have yet to put out. A fire that's destroyed me So just tell me you understand, this way that I feel. I need the closure so maybe I can heal.

You make me breathless, but please put your hands around my throat and choke so I can at least enjoy you slowly killing me.