Before,
I was not in a hurry
I always keep myself buried
And usually emotions are safely hidden

Before,
I dont wish for you
I dont do things for you
and especially I dont love you the way I do

Today,
I am longing for your smile
Loving who and what you really are
For reasons still undefined

Today,
I crave for your forehead kisses
Back hugs and conversation that is endless
That I hope I would have 'cause you're so peerless

After,
I dont know how to end
This feelings I can't even bend
For you I can always send
My messages of feelings I can lend

the taste of disappointments
i never thought i'll have.

Even though my vision aren't clear as before
But when it comes to you, I can see you clearly for sure

As my man I can see from afar
I could also say that I am looking onto a star

I wonder what you are thinking
The way you look at me since the beginning

If only I can have the chance
Seeing myself through your eyes

In that sense I could understand
**That you can or can't be my man

The moment you
arrived and
stayed here
inside my dreams, within
my reach,
along with my old past broken stitch,
I no longer
feel alone, deprived
unloved,
everything that un- could
be attached.
But
time became
my greatest enemy that weakens
the wall built by my army.
I found you there.
Far away from me filled of all the thoughts and feelings
that are unclear.
Now,
I got back to the time where everything is an un-, can't, dis-, not, and
then won't.
I am lost.
lost
in the moment that
turned
into memories.
Lost from
the track to
my genuine happiness.
Lost of courage to
take
a step towards
love again.
Lost
in pain. Lost
in thoughts. Lost in everything
that I thought
we were.
Lost in everything that you made me feel.
I was here but you escaped to be there and left me lost in the universe filled with hatred and despair.

how
could something end
even if
it doesn't have the chance to start?

After those heartaches that has been done,
I never asked and rushed a sense of love to come.

After those painful stories and poems I wrote,
I never imagined how could this happiness be my thought.

After those series of "I" that I had.
You've came that I hope for it to last so bad.

If only I got the chance
Just to tell you everything in a single glance
I would probably be feeling and making sense
Talking and having all out this hidden chaos inside my chest

If I could just hold back what I feel,
I'll never be living this difficult and painful, my dear.
It'll not be this miserable and filled with fear
From this unbearable dilemma that caused me a million tear

If I didn't fall in love with you,
I possibly not have what I've been going through
*I may be a fool with nothing to gain
but surely there's no more efforts, no more pain.

EXPECTATIONS, what are expectations?
It was a 12-letter word that I’ve set as a standard
Where anything way below, acceptance is just too hard
It was the moment I kept myself away from freedom,
Freedom of doing what I want to do
Freedom of not having fun to what I love.

Am I still the person who is willing to win this battle?

Now that I think of it,
Your opinion affects my system as it greatly matters.
I lose self-reliance because our belief prominently differs
Your words direct my capacity into incapability

I lost myself,
I lost my long-term built confidence, just so yours be followed.
I believed I never made the right choice,
The moment your opinion kept the majority’s mind closed.
I was never person I ought to be.
I was blinded by the pressure you form inside me
Letting me consider I wasn’t doing enough,
Luring me into what our society want,
Persuading me that in all things that I do, I can’t.
No, I am not a loser but. . .
I’m tired.
Set by high expectations
Labelled by your opinions
and
Filled by Pressure
Can I survive this battle?
These three just consumed my positivity.
All I have wasn’t enough,
my fighting spirit reached its limit,
I think I’ll be losing the battle.
I think I need to quit.
I quit.

I quit reaching your expectations
I quit on becoming a puppet of your opinion
I quit being a slave of pressure.
I’ll quit just so I could win this battle.

I’ll stand on my own standards and expectations
I’ll do what I think is best for me even though failure would arrive and teach me a lesson
Societal standards are up but I’ll set my own
I’ll be the queen of my freedom, where positivity overflows and life continuously goes on

Your opinion may somewhat matter
But you can’t have the compass to my journey of becoming stronger
I’ll be learning to eliminate
Just for my self-choices could dominate
I’ll turn pressure into power,
Power to survive, power to become better
I will win this battle.
No more expectations,
No insignificant opinion
No more peer-pressure to stop this motion.
No more stops just rest.
Victory is in me, all I have was the best.
I am a quitter on quitting.

I wished upon a shooting star
Yet, I never thought we'd come this far
Letting the past go,
Allowing the present to flow.

And the doors were shut,
Leaving me in dunggeons
of love's secrets, pain, and such.

I am a poet's poem
but was never a choice to be taken.

seeing you wanting her,
seeing myself again wanting for repair

NEGATIVITY is a part of your life
But can you consider losing it this time
For you are not born to have the highest pride
to prove everyone that everytime we can win this fight

Negativity is what brings you down
But what if it is the apetizer to your meal?
Or the balance equation to your formula?
Can you still accept it ?

Life's negativity
Is what brings you happiness.
Why?
For negativity and failure lets you appreciate positivity and success.

It is made to build foundation
To stand and be proud of our own
Let us view each other's perspectives
For we do not know it is just for our own sake that is given

When she cries,
She usually hides.

When she smiles,
Her happiness will fade in a while

When she's alone,
Her thoughts will be flying like a drone

When she's afraid,
Her mind would definitely be in rage

When she's in love,
She would really treasure what she have

I've been through raindrops and rainbows
Happiness and sorrows
Keeping you and letting you go
Yet, what remains is that I love you.