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Jenny Jul 30
seeing you wanting her,
seeing myself again wanting for repair
  Oct 2018 Jenny
Meera
Some poets write with pen
And others with pain
Just a random thought...
Jenny Oct 2018
EXPECTATIONS, what are expectations?
It was a 12-letter word that I’ve set as a standard
Where anything way below, acceptance is just too hard
It was the moment I kept myself away from freedom,
Freedom of doing what I want to do
Freedom of not having fun to what I love.

Am I still the person who is willing to win this battle?

Now that I think of it,
Your opinion affects my system as it greatly matters.
I lose self-reliance because our belief prominently differs
Your words direct my capacity into incapability

I lost myself,
I lost my long-term built confidence, just so yours be followed.
I believed I never made the right choice,
The moment your opinion kept the majority’s mind closed.
I was never person I ought to be.
I was blinded by the pressure you form inside me
Letting me consider I wasn’t doing enough,
Luring me into what our society want,
Persuading me that in all things that I do, I can’t.
No, I am not a loser but. . .
I’m tired.
Set by high expectations
Labelled by your opinions
and
Filled by Pressure
Can I survive this battle?
These three just consumed my positivity.
All I have wasn’t enough,
my fighting spirit reached its limit,
I think I’ll be losing the battle.
I think I need to quit.
I quit.

I quit reaching your expectations
I quit on becoming a puppet of your opinion
I quit being a slave of pressure.
I’ll quit just so I could win this battle.

I’ll stand on my own standards and expectations
I’ll do what I think is best for me even though failure would arrive and teach me a lesson
Societal standards are up but I’ll set my own
I’ll be the queen of my freedom, where positivity overflows and life continuously goes on

Your opinion may somewhat matter
But you can’t have the compass to my journey of becoming stronger
I’ll be learning to eliminate
Just for my self-choices could dominate
I’ll turn pressure into power,
Power to survive, power to become better
I will win this battle.
No more expectations,
No insignificant opinion
No more peer-pressure to stop this motion.
No more stops just rest.
Victory is in me, all I have was the best.
I am a quitter on quitting.
Don't quit, just take a rest and continue life.
Jenny Mar 2018
The moment you
arrived and
stayed here
inside my dreams, within
my reach,
along with my old past broken stitch,
I no longer
feel alone, deprived
unloved,
everything that un- could
be attached.
But
time became
my greatest enemy that weakens
the wall built by my army.
I found you there.
Far away from me filled of all the thoughts and feelings
that are unclear.
Now,
I got back to the time where everything is an un-, can't, dis-, not, and
then won't.
I am lost.
lost
in the moment that
turned
into memories.
Lost from
the track to
my genuine happiness.
Lost of courage to
take
a step towards
love again.
Lost
in pain. Lost
in thoughts. Lost in everything
that I thought
we were.
Lost in everything that you made me feel.
I was here but you escaped to be there and left me lost in the universe filled with hatred and despair.
Jenny Mar 2018
Not
Not perfect but authentic,
not expensive but expressive,
not in fame but I want to shout your name,
Not jealous of attention but innocent of pure admiration,
Not helpless but brave,
Not fearless but peerless,

Yet all you see that pass through your heart
is still
Not me but her at the end
Whatever try that you could do, if the person you thought was meant for you wasn't really the one you ought to have, you'll be left dumbfounded by feelings you could hardly resolve. Let's keep dwelling and grab the chances!
Jenny Mar 2018
You did not know but I hope someday you'll know

The thoughts running in my mind,
the feelings inside my heart

As your sparkling eyes, your genuine smile, your unique personality, your amazing capabilities became my weakness
I started to contemplate whether to tell you this:

I already fell for your heart and soul,
Yet I do not demand for you to feel the same way, too
I just want you to be aware
These feelings that burdens me, the pain I could no longer bear.


It is the only thing I hope to happen
To lighten this heavy load of thoughts that I carry since then

I badly want you to know
not now, not this very moment
but someday, somehow

You make me happy
But I know that we could never be


You brought me to a place
I could never find the best exit way

I knew I have a selfish heart
Because I wanted to keep this to myself
and at the same time tell you everything that I felt

So I settle for less,
*Just because you did not know,
But I sincerely hope that someday you'll do.
I got stuck to the moment where I don't know if you already knew or you just dont have the idea. I got stuck onto the moment where I thought my dreams about "us" is real. I got stuck to hoping that someday you'll know.
Jenny Jan 2018
If
If only I got the chance
Just to tell you everything in a single glance
I would probably be feeling and making sense
Talking and having all out this hidden chaos inside my chest

If I could just hold back what I feel,
I'll never be living this difficult and painful, my dear.
It'll not be this miserable and filled with fear
From this unbearable dilemma that caused me a million tear

If I didn't fall in love with you,
I possibly not have what I've been going through
*I may be a fool with nothing to gain
but surely there's no more efforts, no more pain.
Live not just for worries but also with possibilities. Start the year and take a risk!
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