I'm wrapped around your fingers.
Your fingers are wrapped around my neck.
Choking the life out of me.
Breath by fading breath.
The Killers playing in the background.

i spend too much time on my makeup
to let you mess up my mascara.

we built empires in our minds that no one else could inhabit
we had never seen the world that's outside of our walls
we hadn't ever let go of anything that we created
we couldn't have controlled ourselves after
we started something that wouldn't end
we hadn't had the chance to run
we were running out of time
we hadn't had any options
we were afraid of what
we had become
but after all...
we tried being what
we weren't and all that
we thought that we wanted
we slow danced in mcdonald's
we explored abandoned buildings
we had photo shoots in parking lots
we stargazed on the hood of your vintage car
we lived as much as we could because we knew
we wouldn't last much longer than the last ones but
we were at least willing to try and love before we ended

we both knew that we were in deep.
we knew before it even started.
actually, we're not even that deep.
only six feet under the ground.
prematurely dead and overly tortured.
both feet in the grave.
both with one hand over our eyes.
both with one hand over our mouths.
by the time we saw, there was nothing left to see.
by the time we spoke, no one could hear.
we were just that deep.
just deep enough that we can't go back.

bodies in black in white
eyes in technicolor
we were picture perfect
but everything good fades
in time because
the vivid fades away
and vintage is simply
old and worn and used

all i want is to live in the space between your hands and
be undone by the way that pretty words fall from your lips
like rain from the sky.
one day, sometime soon,
i'll have stolen the color from your eyes
and the letters from your name
and dissolved the very fibers of your being,
along with everything that made you what you were.
that is exactly what you get when you give me everything
and ask for nothing but me in return.

i'm tired of washing the scent of you out of my hair and being afraid i'll never have to do it again.

in that case, i'm glad i'll never forget the way that you taste

the blood in my veins
is pumped by a heart that's in chains.
i'm bound by your love,
in a world that's devoid of
every color except for you.
and i wish that i could redo
the first day that we met.
i would've stayed in until the sun set.
to stay away from you and your
relentlessly
restricting
love.

the pounding in my head only stops when my head is resting on your shoulder.

It is nights like these,
When I stand and look out at everything,
That I know neither moderation or mercy.
What am I to do when the stars painted on the ceiling tell me that I Control every game and every play made?
What am I to do when the neon lights on the slot machines tell me
That I am the house, and I always win?
Resistance is unbecoming,
And I can't just ignore what the they tell me.
So I slip my legs over the balcony railing,
Watching and waiting for my time.
All the while,
I feel no sympathy
And I regret no choices,
For, tonight, I do not care about mercy.
No one will be spared.

i've always wanted to introduce you to all my friends
we sacrifice ourselves just to break ends
we're abused
we're confused
and maybe feeling a little used
welcome to hell as you've never seen it before.
it's under new management.
we hope you enjoy your stay.

I don't want anything from you.
I know that it sometimes seems like all I do is use you.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
You're so much more to me than that.
You raised me, for god's sake.
No one could ever replace you.
I need you so much, and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you.
The doctors can't get it right, and it keeps getting worse.
We fight all the time but I can't live without you.
I'm scared that those could've been the last words that I said.
I know I went too far, and I can't go back.
I can't apologize my way out of this one.
You think that I want to replace you.
I know that I act like I do.
I love you so much.
I'm sorry.
I rarely cry.
I am now.
Please.

and there's weight to this gun
and i don't mean the mass.
and i number my days,
don't know which one's the last.
but when it comes down to it,
you can't break unbreakable.
when everybody's pressed
the fake is unmistakable.
it's sunday night.
you call me when you're drunk.

to my favorite infatuation,                                                     ­                           

you told me that i was holding on like it was my lifeblood.
i said you weren't wrong.
right before i left, scared of what might happen next,
you told me that my voice gave me away.
that there was a certain naivety to it.
i hadn't yet been tarnished by the harshness of the world,
and that's what you thought was most beautiful about me.
i will never forget your words.

                         with love,
                                                                ­ the stranger you said was perfect

"why don't you talk to me anymore?"
"why do i need to?"
"i can't live without you."
"then die."

you're the only person i know that says my name in texts.
the only person that says my name at all, really.
in the end, it's the least meaningful thing that you say,
and that's really saying something.

i drink cause i keep it bottled up

I vogue with a tearstained face, but you'd still **** to take my place.

saw you facing God in spite,
saw your face and got inspired

my lipstick matches
the color of your blood on
my manicured hands.

i learned to live without you
but that doesn't mean i wanted to

You're committed. What's your crime?
I steal hearts, but I've done no time.
You guard your heart, but don't mind mine.
You let me in and now walk the line.

your boyfriend is a dog, so what does that make you?

i know who they say i am

a picture of Debbie Harry (by Andy Warhol).
a Stoneman Douglas awareness sticker.
a red Supreme sticker.
"favor" written in blue dry erase.
the queen of hearts from a pack of Aviators.
"still waters run deep and *****" in Sharpie.
and me. except that it's not me.
it's you. and it's not erasable.

one day, i hope that i'm so good at writing apology letters
that i never have to write another one.

you are the soundtrack to my life.
your breath is the rhythm to my walk.
your heartbeat is my refrain.

I've always thought that love was more like water than anything else.
It evaporates so fast, invisible to the untrained eye.
It changes with the moon, depends on the night.
It crashes so fast, eroding like the waves.
It stays unreliable, currents pulling hard.
It changes hands so easy, used by everyone.
It drowns you quick if you're not careful.
I guess that's it's sad that I'm afraid of the ocean.

in chlorine soaked clothes
we take our highs with our lows
you'll know when it shows

but really,
you've just never seen me not in love
with you.

your smile is sweet like ice cream,
but people like us have sensitive teeth,
and all of our words are just too cold

There's always beauty in the most insignificant thing.
The way your voice sometimes shakes when you sing.
The way the falling snow always collects on your lashes.
The way your face looks in the rain after lightning flashes.
I know this is cliche,
But you're most beautiful when you're not trying to be.

i love you more over text.
i just can't love you in person.
i love you when you don't talk.
i love it when you don't say a thing.
i only love you in the silence that fills in the gaps
of everything i'll never tell you.
you can't love someone if
you never want to talk to them.
so i guess that means i hate you

We blew up over
Bomb Pops.
The red, white, and blue kind.
Our tears pooled while in
Swimming pools.
The chlorine kind.

you asked me why you would leave,
when i'm all you could ever ask for.

isn't it sad when
there's more equality
in the math on my paper
than there is
in the society of our country?

i'd rather stay lost than have to be found.
i can't feel my pulse or my feet on the ground.
but i don't want to die today.
i have bridges to burn and things to say.
and you're sure as hell going to hear them.

you keep asking me "what's the move"
when all i'm trying to do is make moves on you

i love you now and i'll love you forever
i just hope that i'll have the chance to love you again.

let me go.
i want to hold you close.

i'm only honest when it rains
and all the rain did was help
you slip through my fingers

i bit the bullet and threw up the shell.
your high is like heaven and your  love is like hell.

maybe this time
you can figure out a new way
to flex your way out of this

you taught me what it felt like to lose myself.
but now i'm bound to lose you too.

You like to gamble.
I am the Queen of your heart.
You're risking it all.

Let me start by saying this:
Relationships are anchors.
Sorry in advance.

I run through boys. Quick.
They just never really click.
They like the way I talk.
They like the way I walk.
The way I look.
They way I’ve shook
Them to their core.
Even then, they’re all a bore.
They don’t think I’m basic.
They know I’ll make them headsick.
They like that I don’t just fall at their feet.
They like to have to take the backseat.
Numb is beautiful, apparently.
I guess they dislike transparency.
They don’t want a girl that’s a doormat.
So, I guess, let’s run with that.
Oh, and I’m sorry is you were the last,
But sea of fish that’s waiting is vast.
Get running.