the waves are over my head
but i don't even want to hold my breath

There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
1.) Vicodin for the pain, the agony that comes in the night, the suffering.
2.) Prozac for the numbness, the void, the grey space in my brain.
3.) Ativan for the insomnia, the late night tears, the constant thinking.
4.) Xanax for the panic, the racing heartbeats, the walls closing in.
I'm working on a couple more.
There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
All of them are almost empty.

You smell like cologne and formaldehyde.
With your Day-Glo eyes, you knew I’d lied.
Green lights under ******, red skies.
No more cash in the bank, no more time we could buy.

i bit the bullet and threw up the shell.
your high is like heaven and your  love is like hell.

they say that time is money
going bankrupt on you, honey
i might have to pull a loan, maybe
you got me going broke, baby
sorry, i'm broke(n)
sorry, we're broke(n)

my world is flipped upside down.
the blood is rushing to my head.
i can feel my face flushing.
you're next to me, right side up,
as if nothing even matters.
my stomach's hurting a little,
and i'm holding on for my life

our knees are over the back of the couch.
and my hair is brushing the ground.
and we're hanging here,
falling in love a little,
and laughing like absolute maniacs.

You like to gamble.
I am the Queen of your heart.
You're risking it all.

loose change and my
real name
we can say whatever
cause it's all the same

you run your fingers along my fault lines
and watch everything crumble to pieces,
unaware that we're both in a dangerous place
as the world falls down around us.

my promises are, at best, overcommitted lies.
your words are dull and mean less than before.
we are aesthetically pleasing and so we stay.
we both think we're the one
and so we are.

are you somebody's late night?
are you somebody's hold on tight?
are you the 3am, at my window,
throwing rocks because you've got no other place to go?
are you the where it starts?
are you the where it ends?
the getting back together just to fall apart again?

i wish that i could get as high
as your expectations.
i guess we're both disappointed.

Let me start by saying this:
Relationships are anchors.
Sorry in advance.

I run through boys. Quick.
They just never really click.
They like the way I talk.
They like the way I walk.
The way I look.
They way I’ve shook
Them to their core.
Even then, they’re all a bore.
They don’t think I’m basic.
They know I’ll make them headsick.
They like that I don’t just fall at their feet.
They like to have to take the backseat.
Numb is beautiful, apparently.
I guess they dislike transparency.
They don’t want a girl that’s a doormat.
So, I guess, let’s run with that.
Oh, and I’m sorry is you were the last,
But sea of fish that’s waiting is vast.
Get running.

whipping hair and stormy blue eyes
not as innocent as she implies
child of the chaos, ruler of the skies

Summers of baseball fields and
Decaffeinated Dr. Peppers.
Volunteer work because we had
Nothing better to do.
Meaningless crushes and
Unabashed flirting in the
Sweltering heat.
When July bled into August I thought
I would never see you again.
But tonight I saw you again.
My shame burned behind my eyes and
My memories brimmed, threatening to spill over.
Suddenly, I didn't want the bubblegum ice cream
We used to share.
I remembered your laugh and the way your eyes looked in the hot sun. I remembered how we played hide and seek with our friends for hours on end just to have an excuse to escape. I remembered the tan lines we collected and the times we had water gun fights just to have something to do.
All at once, I remembered how I left.
I remembered how I hurt you.
I remember how we yelled until you left.
I knew I was sorry
And I knew that you were the one who got away.
The one I set free by leaving.
The one that I would never forget.
I'll always want you back.
I'll never get over you.

you're walking on the edge even though you can't really walk.
i'm walking the line but i know we can't talk.
i just wish we could bury this before your casket.

how the hell are you about to hold it down
when you can't even bother to hold up

I'll find a way to escape this, too.
Whether it takes me until the sunrise.
Whether it takes me until I'm at the end.
I find a way to circumvent your feelings.
I know you've got your heart set on love,
But I have to say, I'd really prefer your trust.

you said you wanted to be next,
but you'll never be unless you learn to put me first

i've told pretty lies and made fatal mistakes.
i get what i want, no matter what it takes.
but in the end, the worst thing i did was
you.

lately, i've been hearing that you wrote
someone else's name on your heart
but lord knows that all the sharpie in the world
couldn't cover up what i carved there

it's better when you whisper it
even though we shouldn't
be talking about it at all

Somebody asked me if I would give
Something... everything to feel nothing
Suddenly I didn’t want to lie
So I said it was too late

But there comes a point where the truth
Bleeds into the lies and the lines
Become blurred with tears and the peace
Breaks away from the people that advocate it most

Answering that question changed the
Advocation of everything that mattered
As our surroundings grow dim against the brightness of
All of the things that need to be said

Whoever wants redemption needs to
Wage war against their emotions and
Want freedom enough to pull the chain on the light
We blindly rely on to lead us to the end

i lock it down, can't let that go.
it can't hurt you if you just don't know.
things lose power when you say them out loud.
there are things i can't let go. guess i'm too proud.

Don't make me watch you,
Falling out of love.
Watching you fight,
It makes me miserable.
Just give up already.
You've got your rings,
And it's still not real.
Just admit it,
It's over.
Sign the papers, please, and
Cut the tie that binds.
It'll set me free, too.

you say i'm an angel.
you say that i'm good.
you see me in a way that i wish that i could.

i'd tell you to leave
but then i'd have no one left to stay

i'm on a one-way street
playing a game that takes two.

i'm so cold i can make your blood boil.

Sometimes it seems like my nightmares last longer than my sleep.
Then I realize that I never slept at all.

he moves in the moonlight
weekends, never all right
swerved and hit the curb
know better than to disturb
don't bother to watch his tone
got mad and shattered her phone
god, she wishes she was alone

because you're the whole reason that i'm not around

they never really last...
fake chains and pretty boys, that is.
i like to keep them both wrapped around my fingers regardless

we can’t play tag with time forever.
it’ll catch us soon.

we know i can do both.
i just got to figure out how to do both of them
at the same time
and keep them seperate.

somehow, you have a really nice way
of blowing things to pieces
and then finding a way
to piece them back together again so that,
with your eyes closed,
you can't even tell they were broken.

now you and i are nothing,
which is at least something,
because they say nothing lasts forever.

and all i ever wanted was forever with you.

i can't always be
whatever you're wanting
and
whatever you're needing.
especially when you're needing
me.

if you can't stand to look a little deeper
you don't deserve to stand by me.

Because Of You, All Of LA Is Grey,
And I Know You're Wearing Red.

i want to roll my eyes so hard
that someone who likes to gamble
as much as you could
use them as game dice.
i hope you like snake eyes

heavy is the crown, but only for the weak.
i suppose that i'm weak, then,
because without you i can't keep my head up.

when it rains it doesn't just shower, you know,
just like pain's a requirement for power to grow.

grey skies and bold lies
our waves cut shallow and quick
dear god, we're drowning

feelings fade and seasons change but
the question is did you

I swear I hate you.
I don't love you, too.
Amen.
Beyonce to the Black Parade.
Friendships badly custom-made.
Amen.
Empty walls and a mirror.
Lies've never seemed clearer.
Amen.
Lipstick and split ends.
Broken bottles and fake friends.
Amen.
A m e n.

i wish you messed with me
and not my mind
but at least you ***** something of mine

you slipped through my fingers like sand
but my hands weren't anywhere near you
i was on a totally different planet
you on the other side of the world
suddenly you weren't the only one not feeling so good