what does it mean to 'continue'?

a doe wandered into the clear path of the starry forest. three shots had rung out.
a buck lay flat on the clovers and tall grass.
a fawn beside him pawing the ground.
three frogs hopping in the trees.
down down down.
the doe lay beside the fawn as it denied the inevitable, inescapable truth.
he was gone.
she was here.
and the frogs sang a sappy tune.
"ohhh cry out sweet sorrow, the dragonflies skitter away! the cats are out and the mice are at play. whistle sour melodies and harmonious truth, the deer have crossed over, behind stayed their youth."
the young doe shooed away the silly frogs before the hunters heard.
poor fawn.
no mama in sight.

1: when i was 4 i was a model. my mom starved me for a lot of that time. i quit when i was 5.

2: when i want to cut myself, i make myself read three books.

3: im hyperlexic. ive been reading since i was 3 1/2.

4: i have osdd 1-B but us "I/Me/Myself" for things so people dont get weird about it.

5: i love music

6: my family has 5 generations of teen pregnancy by ****.

7: my bio grandma was shot at 15 after having my mom.

8: ive been stabbed 3 times.

9: my dad fed me **** gummies on accident one time.

10: im using a kindle to write this. yes a kindle. black and white. meant only for books.

cerul wasnt an average child.
they were smart
kind
charming
elegant
sweet

at least thats what adults told them.
cerul didnt lack much
save for... inspiration. cerul wasnt one to be inspired easily.
cerul looked at all the other colorful children and then looked down upon their dark grey hands.
they felt ugly.
one fateful day, crimson happened to walk up to cerul and they sat together. crimsor took down her flowing, bright red hair and put her tie into ceruls hair. a flow of red went through their pale hair.
crimson smiled and left.

cerul was jealous.
to them it came easy.
they never lost color.
or inspiration.
they didnt lack talent.
colorful children were always favoured.
they would never have a home.

cerul talked to all kinds of people.
sage
aqua
prussian
even prune and azure.

none of them had advice.

cerul sat against the floor one day and cried. for many hours they cried.
they cried until the grey smudged into black.
until the red rushed from their hair.
until they were numb again.

cerul waited for something; anything to happen.
and nothing ever did.

a girl
oddity
out of time
wrong place
no reason
no rhyme
wasting space
a rich commodity
unfurl

Hurting people is easy.

like throwing a *Rock

into a still pond

the glass *-breaks-

r i p p l e s

and
                             down

              sinks
                                  the
                 *Rock*


but...

youll never know.

                                             how deep it went.

when the people come
to steal your hope
bare your teeth
don't give up

when the people come
they take your things
sink in your teeth
make it sting

when they come
to take you away
put up a fight
sink your teeth in
don't let them leave
without knowing
who
you
really
are.

You've ruined the color blue for me,
I'm surrounded by your lies.
You made me smile but honestly,
You ruined the color blue for me.

You took your dagger and stabbed it through,
jabbing it into my heart.
Tearing my
Itty
Bitty
Girl
Brain
Apart.

You infested my dreams,
ruled in my night terrors,
stole my peace of mind.

I can't believe there was a time I thought that you were kind.

YOU TOOK AWAY MY SANITY,
Ate away at my skin.
I itch and scratch and rip out chunks,
yet you keep filtering in.

You ruined the color blue for me,
I see it everywhere.
Your eyes,
Your fists,
Your bruised and strangled lips.

The blue is always there.

Not saying I don't like you.
Your skin, your hair, your eyes...
I'd just love to see your blood,
to taste your sweet demise.

I love your pretty teeth,
shiny, sharp, and red.
But oh they'd be so much sweeter,
tasting them while you were dead.

Darling, little Moon Beam...
shining so wonderfully 'Blue'.
Let me see your Bones.
Let me finally taste you.

I am drowning in the bubbles that my father introduced me to.
sipping on things I never should have known about
at such a young age

I am genuinely scared about my very existence.
I am so, so exhausted.

I drink until my eyes blur and the world spins.
Then when I wake up
I am still tired.

bubbles.

what a funny concept...

tiny little spheres

floating

in the sips of drinks I should not have.

stop wallowing in your sorrow
no one is garunteed tomorrow

I wanna hear you say it
Don't want to need to rephrase

You love to feel this way
So you scream, could it be?

You give it all away
Admission free, could it be?

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

I want you to write it down
It's not you, it's me, why I keep coming around

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

Abdicated, celibate
More than had enough of it

I can hear but I cannot see
Crybaby.

i want to cut again
make pretty little lines
i want to take the razor
and make it my demise

i want to cut again
watch the red pour
i want to cut my legs
behind a closed door

see, i used ro cut daily
before my friends found out
i made another promise
"what was that about?"

my parents used to yell at me
my friends used to try
the worst reaction that i got
was seeing Moonbeam cry

i want to cut again
now that moon is gone
i want to hurt again
its really been too long.

healed scars litter my trashed body. my skin a mural, a testament, to my battles. i used to do it to punish. now i do it to feel something, anything.

oh to continue to cut
deeper and deeper
until i am no longer human.
but bones.

humans are no more than their secrets.
cutting into them reveals how disgusting or beautiful they truly are

i am a horrible person

i know its not healthy to dwell on the pain
to dull my knives
just numbing my brain

we know its unhealthy to push people away
to isolate
then beg to be saved.

broken ship
on the sea of wide eyes
broken glass
taken lives

"taken from us far too early"
oh if only they knew
jumping on the cut trampoline
the poet finally flew

its unhealthy to write poems
of only sadness and regret
the awful sad truth is?

you have seen nothing yet.

Dear dad,

when you left, it broke mommy.
you hurt her
an then as soon as she tried to get better you tried to take me away
you hurt me deeply too you know
not only me
not only her
you hurt nana, poi.
you hurt us all
as soon as i was "old enough" i was used
and you defended your brother
because of course you did.
you chose him over me
i hate you.

i dont really.
i dont.
i love you
because im supposed to.

Love,
Holly.

dear mom,

when i was born to a 16 year old, do you think it was my plan to hurt you? to ruin you? i made your life hell, i know. but this was out of my control.
mommy i love you
mommy look im reading
look how smart i am
look how good i am
look how nice i am
look how kind i am
see how tired i am
see how lonely i am
how alone
how sickly
mommy why wont you answer me
have i done something wrong?
i did everything for you.
no matter how hard i tried it was never enough.
when daddy came back to get me
you fought
you genuinely loved me
and i never wanted to see him
i loved you
daddy had left
hurt me
hurt you
but as soon as you won
didnt you cry?
wish i had been taken?
i remember that night you prayed to god for me to go away
how i was hurting you
you were my age when you had me
nearly an adult
adult enough to go to that party
to go find your man friend
to lie and say you coud drink
but what happened?
daddy forgot he hated condoms.
forgot he didnt like consent
yet it was my faut after
im sorry mommy
im sorry i wasnt good enough.
fast forward me 2019
taking it out on my grades and never happy
put on a mask for the parents and bottle up my sorrow study and work til i see the light of tomorrow
suddenly im 13
hardly 3 days clean
picking up scraps and taking pills i cant seem
to pronounce the names of
my grades are slipping
my life crumbling
im turning fifteen in 3 weeks
its like you dont even know me.
like you kept having kids to fil the void
stopl hurting me
i didnt deserve it
i was always good
i did everything to make you happy

love,
Holly

The world doesnt care that you exist
hide your pain and slit your wrists
cover the scars and let them bleed
black out at school filled with greed
get home cut deeper and dont let them see you cry
so pathetic
you dont get it
dont look me in my eyes

hurt yourself
your hurting others
but do you even care
stupid little sunshine
if i hurt you its only fair.

lace and distaste
affection and addiction
obsession and possession
the pain without gain
the rotting of the brain

the parents pride and prune and preen
you've finally turned 15

lack of sleep
little to eat
just take more medication
if that doesnt help, review it on yelp
and theyll say you just lacked dedication.

the adults find you fit to be seen
"you're not actually 15?"

the brain shutting down
systems start to drown
you're  not  in  the  best scene

welcome one
welcome all

another fool turning fifteen.

-Ajs

I sit on the cold tile
outside my class
people walking by
cold digging into my ***

the squeak and buzz of basket ball boys
girls laughing around the corner.
I work on my project
my poems
my life

and somehow it doesn't get any warmer.

in my native language, this is my name.

it means "Cannibal Woman"

it is well deserved

I am chickasaw.

we talked about everything
and nothing at all
be it in bed
or a bathroom stall

going to sleep
staying awake
we did more
than we thought we could take

m
o
o
n

and i


he liked my poems
and i adored his
words from the heart
sealed with a kiss.

i miss his poems
the sun and the moon
our sunlets

he likes my poems
and i like him.

when people get hungry
they eat
when anorexics get hungry
they starve
when bulimics get hungry
they binge
when i get hungry
i...

i want to rip open your torso.
tear out your heart.
eat your very soul.
drink up your tears.

i want to feast.

yet i lay here.

hunger
boiling
up
slowly
getting
worse
over time.

if i were to close my eyes
take away the pain
i could fly
like a bird
not a plane
id reach the moon
the stars
the sky
i close my eyes
and i can fly

"im lonely, so lonely."
the saphire cries.
"the moon is dark, gone frome the skies."
she glistens and sharpens in her hue.

"if only, if only"
the gemstones reply
"you would be moved, we could see your eye"
they believe a change is due

yes only, if only, the change would come

The sweetest of confections
The dearest of affections
Sweet nothings to the ear
A  symphony you will never hear
Spindly drawings on the wrists
A horrid mural with a twist
Shattered wings that cannot fly
Turn around and say goodbye
Close your eyes and wish for love
From a supposed deity up above
Hope for tomorrow
Live for today
There is still so much left to say
Soft melodies in the harsh, humid air
But no one listens or seems to care
Take a breath and rest your head
Fall to the ground, an earthy bed
Taste the comfort and feel the warmth
Hear the music and go forth
Learn your lesson, seize the day
Forge The path
Pave the way.

i lost a friend today.
not to death.
almost to death.
i called the police as they attempted.
they have stopped talking to me.
they are angry

i lost a friend today
i wish i had done better.
they almost left.
without a word.
i wish they hadnt told me.

i lost a friend today.

I'm probably not going to **** myself.
lose myself into the void.
fall asleep in silence
in my eyes emotions devoid.
I'll just take a bunch of pills or cut my pretty wrists
distract myself from the sirens and ball them into fists.
im probably not gonna **** myself
theres not enough reason to
no one who can help me
nothing at all

i know ill upset someone
i know people would be mad
but this overwhelming sadness
this numbness
this emptiness

the voices getting louder
the people screaming in my ears
the stupid stupid noise

i know i wont.
im too scared.
i dont want to die.
i just want to feel again

Isn't it so funny
as soon as you get back with him
the truth bites you in the ***
again
isnt it so funny
as soon as hes gone you crawl right back to us
i wont let you hurt her again.
if my body is made of tiny broken stars
yours is filled with the trash discarded in the void of space.
isnt that funny f?

As

I want to feel you
To sit in your skin
I want to wear you
To hide within

I want to be you
To let people know
You're an amazing person
wherever I go

I want to feel you
to hold you close
but now you're gone
like a ******* ghost...

(I wore blue)

It was spring, I remember.
2022
My mother didnt wake me.
left it to the Sun's golden hue.
When she awoke, "why must you forsake me?!"
Thats when I knew.
We parked in a garden of stone,
So many things to do.
As she rested her grey head,
dressed up in red,
while I wore blue.
Would grammy have been cross?
She was always the boss.
I honestly have no clue...
But for all who may have wondered,
this much I'm sure is true.
No one as sad as I that night,
the night that i wore blue.

love is like a wild fire.

not in the way that it spreads and is warm making you so enamoured in someone

no

love is like the stinging heat of the blaze surrounding my home

attacking

unforgiving

love is the flames of heated passion that devour and encapsulate entire families in destruction

love takes everything you hold dear

everyone

and tears them to shreds.

love is not kind to everyone.

love sometimes looks like hatred.

i will do anything
just to feel everything
that anybody can
that everybody can

i would do everything
just to feel anything
i would cut i would burn i would crash
i would be the tray for your ash

cuz now i cant
feeel your toouch
without it stinging
and i cant heear youur voice
with my ears ringing

i drop the knife to the floor
run straight to the door
and i scream
"i just want to feel like my life aint a dream"

(anything; everything) ©Sunny Semloh 2025

You say, "I hate you," you mean it
And "I love you" sounds fake
It's taken me so long to figure that out
I used to love the taste, I would do anything for it
Now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth

when i was sad
i put on your playlist
now all i hear is
you
singing along
to that same ******* song
repeat

id listen
just to see you smile
now its empty
a husk
a shell of the thing i held dear

music feels distorted
out of tune
too
much

i dont want to listen

i want the world to go quiet
so i can hear
music
the same
way
i
did
before
you

nicotine
touching me
crushing me
its
hard to breathe
hard to see
im
screaming please
come help me
you
look at me
start to leave
what a ******.

youre always so hard to please.
yet i always want you when youre gone...

"I love you"

I love you more

"I miss you"

I miss you too

"We need to talk"

What did I do?

"It's me, not you"

Is it really?

*no response

"Oh"
that is the sound I made when you told me you liked me
the sound I made when you asked me out
when you said "I love you"
when you touched me
when you said you felt i was distant
when you left me
when you ripped my heart into a million pieces and left me for dead
when you told me you were getting back with him
when you told me he was so much better
when he left you
when you stopped talking
when you left

you didnt like me. you liked the idea of being liked, loved.
you knew i was a rebound.
You said "I hate you" and meant it, but "I love you" felt fake
you felt like him. i hate you for that.
i was closer to you than anyone. i left everyone for you.
you chose to leave
you hurt me
god it hurt.
i told you i was proud of you and him.
he finally realized how awful you were.
your silence filled my ears
and then you were gone.

they are disgusted by my blood
yet they yearn to see me bleed
they listen to my screams
and watch as im torn by the seams
i lie awake in bed
thoughts slicing through my head
less than
more than
i am no more than
a silly naiive little girl
trapped in this body
on display to the world.
a basket case
lost in haze

period period go away
i do not need you
for i am gay

period period back again
why are you here
i am a man

period period my stomach doing twirls
i cant get pregnant
i **** girls.

red is the blood that pours down his arms
red is the flush on her cheeks
red is the flower that they wear on their charms
red stains my carpet for weeks

wine and women
power hungry; driven
red controls life.

red is the heart
hurting the boy
pumping too hard and fast

red is the truck
that took them away
the world speeding past

red is hungry
red is power
red is strong.

orange is sweet
orange is sour
orange is the pretty tulip flower

orange is loving
orange is kind
orange is someone with a steady mind

orange is humble, orange is lonely
orange is wild
orange is homely.

yellow is bubbly
sour and tasty
yellow is bright
yellow truthful

yellow is *****
yellow is oily
yellow is lonely

yellow is unfortunate

poor little bunny boy
locked inside your cage
didnt you hear
theres nothing to fear
your death will be staged
this sticky gross flesh will stay on your bones
nobody to love you
your ears trapped in cones
sweet little bunny boy
all alone in this cruel world
everyone is leaving
you have no time for grieving
your soft hair turning frizzy and curled.
dumb little bunny boy
you thought they would stay?
we did too
they all lied to you
youre still the one to pay.
my little bunny boy
stuck in your skin
your small broken voice
lost in the din
my baby bunny boy
everyone is gone
all alone
you stay at home
no one notices youve left
maybe
its
b
e
t
t
e
r
this way.

i am the strength, the saftey, the fear.
i stay close, always near.
the one they call when things go wrong
the silence hurts, their screams a song.
the body aches, battered bruised
couldve been simple, had he refused
you
all those nights ago.
but he didnt know.
i keep them alive.
let the body thrive.

dear reader
youve been up for hours
you seem so tired.
staring silently while you're crawling quietly tracing reality quickly devouring all of the star dust beyond.
you slip violently
ducking beneath rabbit holes and roots
the water rushing up to meet you
a harsh reality greets you.
fresh palm air ghosting through thine whispers of hair and the seagulls they blare a snappy tune
a cookie to grow
a potion to shrink
honestly a story
to make you think
nonsense!
you cry you bemoan you scream
where are the jokes
there wasnt meant to be any
it was ment to have a point
to make people think
the end is never the end is never the end
your twisted mind starts bickering
two cheshire cats? tweedle dee tweedle doo
tick tock
stop that clock
the small blue bunny runs far away
children with screens
implanted in their tummies
oh so yummy
so delicious
so impure
the rapture of the gods
the magic of beyond
sweet candy houses
tall angry mouses
a dream or reality
who is to say
forced joliety
joy
thats my policy
:)