I sit in the waiting room, tap tap tapping away with my foot, my brain simply incapable of slowing down. I have been in here for days, weeks, hours really, my body sinking deeper into this uncomfortable chair. I bite at my thumbnail, chewing it raw until it breaks skin. The room without windows and only two doors, one to go away and never be helped, and one for the doctor, who doesn't exactly help anyway. I sit there tap tap tapping away with my foot, waiting, waiting, waiting…
“Next!” calls out the only staff I have seen since arriving, she scratches notes into a paper, the ink seems to bleed like a ****. I stand and walk up, I am the only patient left, perhaps it is my turn? She looks up apologetically and begins the torrent of questions.
“Have you filed your paperwork weeks in advance?”
Yes.
“Have you made an appointment, and traveled the four hours out of state to see the one specialist close enough to drive?”
Yes.
“Have you filed with insurance that hardly covers anything you really need?”
Yes, can I go in now?
“Not just yet dearie, wait a little while!”
I sit back in the chair and wait, wait, wait, my foot tap tap tapping away.
Hours, seconds, minutes, the room fading away.
“The Doctor will see you now.” the nurse says, with a smile. I walk right past, into the second door, though my heart is screaming for me to run out the first.
Sitting at his desk, the Doctor barely glances at me as he waves to the chair.
“What seems to be the problem?”
I try to remember, to muster up the words, to pick and choose the worst of the problem. I want to mention how my brain is too fast, never ceasing to sleep or eat or stop at all, I must mention how my foot never seems to stop tap tap tapping away when I sit with nothing to do, I should tell him about the hours becoming days weeks months in the blink of an eye and then they are gone, I will explain to him how the way I talk doesn't seem to make sense to people, I want to show him my fingers, all snarled and chewed from my biting and worrying.
Well Doctor, it started like this;
I was normal once, like you and the others, I used to be able to sit for hours without tap tap tapping away and chewing my fingers, and losing all time in the blink of an eye. I used to be perfectly normal and everything was ok.
Then for some odd reason, I started to do all these silly things, affecting my life and ruining myself. Doctor, I used to be perfectly normal.
I remember once, i was ok, able to sit and not fret or fray, Doctor I promise I don’t mean to rhyme, it’s simply something that happens sometimes.
The Doctor sighs “It's plain to see, I know what's wrong with your memory. You have the mind of a poet, a heart filled with pain, your veins redirected it, it's now in your brain. There isn’t a cure, you’re stuck for a while” The doctor gave me a notebook, a pen, and a smile. “Write down your thoughts, your words everyday, you may not remember but I think that's ok. Take these home, and you will find, it might just help with your poet's mind.”
I took the notebook, the pen, and tried to smile, I walked out the first door and stood for a while. I got in my car as the rain started pouring, I took out my supplies and started my story:
“I sit in the waiting room, tap tap tapping away with my foot, my brain simply incapable of slowing down.”
Anxiety