i envy the stars,
the way you would stare at them and smile
how you looked so longingly toward them
you wanted to join them
and then you tried.
in your trying, you did not reach them.
you stayed here, on this rotting rock, stuck with me.
your smile has gone away forever. you dont laugh anymore.

i wish i had never let you envy me.
like i envy you
and envy the great shining lights that surround us.

"im lonely, so lonely."
the saphire cries.
"the moon is dark, gone frome the skies."
she glistens and sharpens in her hue.

"if only, if only"
the gemstones reply
"you would be moved, we could see your eye"
they believe a change is due

yes only, if only, the change would come

The sweetest of confections
The dearest of affections
Sweet nothings to the ear
A  symphony you will never hear
Spindly drawings on the wrists
A horrid mural with a twist
Shattered wings that cannot fly
Turn around and say goodbye
Close your eyes and wish for love
From a supposed deity up above
Hope for tomorrow
Live for today
There is still so much left to say
Soft melodies in the harsh, humid air
But no one listens or seems to care
Take a breath and rest your head
Fall to the ground, an earthy bed
Taste the comfort and feel the warmth
Hear the music and go forth
Learn your lesson, seize the day
Forge The path
Pave the way.

i lost a friend today.
not to death.
almost to death.
i called the police as they attempted.
they have stopped talking to me.
they are angry

i lost a friend today
i wish i had done better.
they almost left.
without a word.
i wish they hadnt told me.

i lost a friend today.

If you were to ask her friends what she'd say
They'd reply "I'm going to conquer the world today."
not conquer as to take over, more as to overcome
she wanted to save the worlds, rid them of all ****.

When she is manic, she tends not to panic, realities altered and all thoughts vanish.
She would look at you and happily say,
"I want to conquer the world someday."

She walks with a bounce, her steps all over the place
a plastered smile never leaving her face.
Her music is loud, revolting, and proud.
Her smile is contagious, her mood seemingly outrageous.

Risking everything, she lets them in, protection made out a sin.
A single mistake, is all it could take, and it would be over.
She should panic.
But she doesn't, for she is manic.

She smiles at you, lazy eyes.
The world leaving her mind with no goodbyes.
She smiles at you and you know what she'll say;

"I conquered the world today."

I'm probably not going to **** myself.
lose myself into the void.
fall asleep in silence
in my eyes emotions devoid.
I'll just take a bunch of pills or cut my pretty wrists
distract myself from the sirens and ball them into fists.
im probably not gonna **** myself
theres not enough reason to
no one who can help me
nothing at all

i know ill upset someone
i know people would be mad
but this overwhelming sadness
this numbness
this emptiness

the voices getting louder
the people screaming in my ears
the stupid stupid noise

i know i wont.
im too scared.
i dont want to die.
i just want to feel again

In case we don't meet
For a very long while
I'm glad the last thing I did
Was surprise you and smile

In case I am gone
And I can't come back
You'll make a new friend
Make up for what I lack

In case I go away
And I cannot go home
Ill know now that you have someone
You aren't alone

In case I don't see you
Pretend that you do
I ruined my life
And I hurt you too.

In case I never see you again,
Good afternoon, Good evening, and Good night.

I saw a dog
He reminded me of you
He walked the same, would've talked the same
An he had red ish hair too.
He reminded me to Text you
I hope I made you laugh
You have all of your limbs
Of one he had only half.
He looked over
He smiled
I swear, I promise its true
I saw a dog the other day
He reminded me of you

Isn't it so funny
as soon as you get back with him
the truth bites you in the ***
again
isnt it so funny
as soon as hes gone you crawl right back to us
i wont let you hurt her again.
if my body is made of tiny broken stars
yours is filled with the trash discarded in the void of space.
isnt that funny f?

As

I know a boy who sits under the bridge at night
Looking dead inside such a gangly sight
He told me he wishes he could sleep but it never comes,
And the bridge at night is where he runs
"Its nothing new..."

I wait for you.

I know a kid that smokes and cries in their sleep
They get high and then cry themselves to sleep
Told them "you should quit or you'll never heal"
He said "I hope that one day I can feel real"
"Its what I do..."

I wait for you.

I want to feel you
To sit in your skin
I want to wear you
To hide within

I want to be you
To let people know
You're an amazing person
wherever I go

I want to feel you
to hold you close
but now you're gone
like a ******* ghost...

(I wore blue)

It was spring, I remember.
2022
My mother didnt wake me.
left it to the Sun's golden hue.
When she awoke, "why must you forsake me?!"
Thats when I knew.
We parked in a garden of stone,
So many things to do.
As she rested her grey head,
dressed up in red,
while I wore blue.
Would grammy have been cross?
She was always the boss.
I honestly have no clue...
But for all who may have wondered,
this much I'm sure is true.
No one as sad as I that night,
the night that i wore blue.

For every one of your tragedies
I will write happy endings

For every one of your bad days
I will help make good ones

For every one of your break downs
I will be there to pick you up

For every skipped meal
I will treat you to comfort

For every forgotten memory
I will make new ones with you

For every forgotten line
A daisy for the courage to try

For every tear shed
A smile shared

For every scar
A star

You are gold
And I, yellow.

It is dark
I cannot see
I didn't grab
The complimentary

People only look for what has been lost, when they remember it is missing

love is like a wild fire.

not in the way that it spreads and is warm making you so enamoured in someone

no

love is like the stinging heat of the blaze surrounding my home

attacking

unforgiving

love is the flames of heated passion that devour and encapsulate entire families in destruction

love takes everything you hold dear

everyone

and tears them to shreds.

love is not kind to everyone.

love sometimes looks like hatred.

i will do anything
just to feel everything
that anybody can
that everybody can

i would do everything
just to feel anything
i would cut i would burn i would crash
i would be the tray for your ash

cuz now i cant
feeel your toouch
without it stinging
and i cant heear youur voice
with my ears ringing

i drop the knife to the floor
run straight to the door
and i scream
"i just want to feel like my life aint a dream"

(anything; everything) ©Sunny Semloh 2025

You say, "I hate you," you mean it
And "I love you" sounds fake
It's taken me so long to figure that out
I used to love the taste, I would do anything for it
Now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth

when i was sad
i put on your playlist
now all i hear is
you
singing along
to that same ******* song
repeat

id listen
just to see you smile
now its empty
a husk
a shell of the thing i held dear

music feels distorted
out of tune
too
much

i dont want to listen

i want the world to go quiet
so i can hear
music
the same
way
i
did
before
you

Your eyes are a pretty green
I know you don't like looking into mine
I don't like looking into others
Your eyes make it easy
They don't cut into me
They aren't mad
They look sad mostly
Even when you smile
But they are the prettiest green I've ever seen
When I came over you and I didn't need to talk
We did, because that's how people should communicate
Not with faces
Or with hand holding
With eyes
Your eyes said everything
Have I mentioned? I love your eyes.
I'm glad you caught on to my hand so fast
No one else did it right
Only you.
I wish I could do the things you want together
Listen to you talk about your loves
I love hearing your interests.
I love you
And your pretty green eyes
That only I am able to notice
☀💜🌙

Garbs woven of silken stars and leather sewn in with gold
Stories of the past and future stories new and old
Stories tell of green laiden pastures those stories never told

I'd been said to rest but why shouldn't I go out and put it to the test
A dress, stitched with star dust, comet on my neck
I will go out there.

I cannot stay up here.

Gardens evergreen and fields lain with soil I thought that I would be keen
But now the fields are empty, barren, and the ravens scream.

I run home to the moon and sky begging to come home
But when I attempted to return
My comet was gone

Et tu, Domine, iam non es sacer.

nicotine
touching me
crushing me
its
hard to breathe
hard to see
im
screaming please
come help me
you
look at me
start to leave
what a ******.

youre always so hard to please.
yet i always want you when youre gone...

"I love you"

I love you more

"I miss you"

I miss you too

"We need to talk"

What did I do?

"It's me, not you"

Is it really?

*no response

"Oh"
that is the sound I made when you told me you liked me
the sound I made when you asked me out
when you said "I love you"
when you touched me
when you said you felt i was distant
when you left me
when you ripped my heart into a million pieces and left me for dead
when you told me you were getting back with him
when you told me he was so much better
when he left you
when you stopped talking
when you left

you didnt like me. you liked the idea of being liked, loved.
you knew i was a rebound.
You said "I hate you" and meant it, but "I love you" felt fake
you felt like him. i hate you for that.
i was closer to you than anyone. i left everyone for you.
you chose to leave
you hurt me
god it hurt.
i told you i was proud of you and him.
he finally realized how awful you were.
your silence filled my ears
and then you were gone.

they are disgusted by my blood
yet they yearn to see me bleed
they listen to my screams
and watch as im torn by the seams
i lie awake in bed
thoughts slicing through my head
less than
more than
i am no more than
a silly naiive little girl
trapped in this body
on display to the world.
a basket case
lost in haze

I sometimes think back in time
To the story of the Odyssey
The age of Greek Gods and Goddesses
When a woman named Penelope loved Odysseus.

Her husband had been gone
Twenty years long
Everyone thought him dead
Sent suitors to the head
The queen of Ithaca
Had another idea instead

When all seemed hopeless
Twelve axes and an unstrung bow
The queen made a challenge
Let the suitors know
If they were to fail then they would go

Sat behind the axes
Let the arrows fly
Cheat on her lover?
She would rather die.

period period go away
i do not need you
for i am gay

period period back again
why are you here
i am a man

period period my stomach doing twirls
i cant get pregnant
i **** girls.

red is the blood that pours down his arms
red is the flush on her cheeks
red is the flower that they wear on their charms
red stains my carpet for weeks

wine and women
power hungry; driven
red controls life.

red is the heart
hurting the boy
pumping too hard and fast

red is the truck
that took them away
the world speeding past

red is hungry
red is power
red is strong.

orange is sweet
orange is sour
orange is the pretty tulip flower

orange is loving
orange is kind
orange is someone with a steady mind

orange is humble, orange is lonely
orange is wild
orange is homely.

yellow is bubbly
sour and tasty
yellow is bright
yellow truthful

yellow is *****
yellow is oily
yellow is lonely

yellow is unfortunate

poor little bunny boy
locked inside your cage
didnt you hear
theres nothing to fear
your death will be staged
this sticky gross flesh will stay on your bones
nobody to love you
your ears trapped in cones
sweet little bunny boy
all alone in this cruel world
everyone is leaving
you have no time for grieving
your soft hair turning frizzy and curled.
dumb little bunny boy
you thought they would stay?
we did too
they all lied to you
youre still the one to pay.
my little bunny boy
stuck in your skin
your small broken voice
lost in the din
my baby bunny boy
everyone is gone
all alone
you stay at home
no one notices youve left
maybe
its
b
e
t
t
e
r
this way.

i am the strength, the saftey, the fear.
i stay close, always near.
the one they call when things go wrong
the silence hurts, their screams a song.
the body aches, battered bruised
couldve been simple, had he refused
you
all those nights ago.
but he didnt know.
i keep them alive.
let the body thrive.

I don't think a single thing could bring me down from my high.
The rush of learning, I'm going to be seen!
Published
Known
Sure only a select few may even care,
But I do.
That's what matters to me.

dear reader
youve been up for hours
you seem so tired.
staring silently while you're crawling quietly tracing reality quickly devouring all of the star dust beyond.
you slip violently
ducking beneath rabbit holes and roots
the water rushing up to meet you
a harsh reality greets you.
fresh palm air ghosting through thine whispers of hair and the seagulls they blare a snappy tune
a cookie to grow
a potion to shrink
honestly a story
to make you think
nonsense!
you cry you bemoan you scream
where are the jokes
there wasnt meant to be any
it was ment to have a point
to make people think
the end is never the end is never the end
your twisted mind starts bickering
two cheshire cats? tweedle dee tweedle doo
tick tock
stop that clock
the small blue bunny runs far away
children with screens
implanted in their tummies
oh so yummy
so delicious
so impure
the rapture of the gods
the magic of beyond
sweet candy houses
tall angry mouses
a dream or reality
who is to say
forced joliety
joy
thats my policy
:)

some people will
tell you
to act your age

a being
who is ageless
in a temporary body

crying
because
she got lost

some can
go back
in time

to a place in their mind
when life was easy
when it didnt hurt

when they were happy

I am a child of God.
I am human.
Made in 'His' image.

If this is true, than why go by 'she'?
Why am I confined to this body?
I wont change, for it is not my choice.
I have strayed. Led by a voice.

If I am 'His' child, than why
Why o Why God
Why have you placed me on this forsaken planet?

I wish to be with You.
I wish to be free.
Free at last.

;

wasnt any reason for me to lie.
the scars and bruises where they lie
why on earth do you doubt
why do you push and shove and shout

selfishly sick is what i be
the trauma fake? oh honestly!
i let it happen
i hurt myself
i do it all
and don't ask for help

i am failing critically
i am sick, selfishly.

i let you laugh
i let you lie
i kiss my "normal" life goodbye.
i let my thoughts
dissipate
let the next person take my place

if i lied for over a year
wouldnt that make the truth everclear?
foggy memories swirling endlessly

we are sick, selfishly

-yjp

just one more time
then we can stop
pick up the blade
watch as it drops
two or three couldnt hurt
drip drip drip
just a few more
****
too many
how can i hide it?
drip
drip
just wear hoodies and thick pants
stop itching at it
im so tired
did she see it?
just one more time
just two or three more
drip
hide it
itchy
they know
one more
drip
itchy
hide
help
one
more
time

drip drip drip

"huh? no im ok! my cats are vicious this time of year."

Shadows waltzing across my ceiling never seem to fear the future.
They come when called, enthusiastically enthralled.
They kiss and trail
Every night without fail

My frail body lays awake
I lie and ache
Fear a constant, leering foe.
I yearn to be the soft, sweet 6 year old.
She was scared and alone
But she had been safe.

The shadows have no worldly fears
Their care is only the forever dance of night
When they intertwine
Together
Instil fear into the hearts of young
And bring hope to the future generation

I've heard that drugs send you to early tombs
So I sit and get high on sharpie fumes
I burnt myself on purpose but hey
No ones going to see it anyway
The light has three modes and the sounds only one
I lay in my bed instead of having fun
Is this what you wanted?
(Now you got it)
For me to hide and forget
Be forgotten, body rotten, reliving regret.

ive never understood why it happened
maybe i was misbehaving
maybe i was bad
maybe he just wanted to
to hurt me and make me sad

wheather it was my misbehavior
or his ***** second nature

i grew up mature
never a child
always an angel
never able to speak out

using my own words against myself

"i was too young to ask for that."

i never would have anyway.

-LJS

I came to your house that day
My first sleepover since that may
My mom was upset
But let me stay
I slept over at your house that day.

We played games on pixilated screens,
You weren't upset when I accidently screamed.
Your dad called me by my name, and I almost cried
Your mom hugged me and my tears dried.

Your brother was sweet, one of a kind
You sat there stuck
Trapped in your mind
I pulled you into me
We cried

You told me you were selfish
I didn't think so
I don't

We told each other nearly everything
Our sadness and woe
I wish I had told you everything
Before she made me go

You showed me your songs
Your sweet poems
Your stories
I loved to listen to you

Then you stopped talking.
Asleep
While I lie silent
Holding your shaking body

I don't know if you remember that night
You had a panic attack
I held you while you cried
You told me I was like her
And I think inside I had died

We aren't allowed to have sleepovers
I keep getting myself in trouble
I miss your house and your welcoming family
I miss your smell and your snuggles.

I hope that you aren't mad at me
I wish I could re do it all
I hope that your happy
I wait for this fall

September 9th, 2001
Gary and I were skating at a hospital on top of a huge hill, overlooking a valley
An ambulance came and took out a dead woman
Gary asked me why she wasn't moving or blinking
They hadn't closed her eyes yet
She must have died on the way

A car full of family and friends came in with the ambulance
They were all crying and hugging each other
One woman screamed hysterically
And grabbed at the woman's body asking her to wake up

I had to tell Gary that her soul went to heaven
I didn't believe a word of it, but I knew it'd be easier for him to understand
Two days from now, at 9 a.m., the planes will hit the World Trade Center
Killing over 3, 000 people
I will tell Gary that there is no God, and all of this is meaningless

But today, there is a God, and He has a plan for him

He doesn't know it, but a year from now, our family will be torn apart
And I will move far away and won't see or talk to him for five years
And as we sit on the hood of our car, the sun goes down
And he asks me what I wanted all my life

I tell him, "I don't know"

On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid of
On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid of
On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid

I don't tell him about the dream I had the night before

Where I'm riding in a car full of strangers
And singing to some song I've never heard and smoking a cigarette
We swerve off the road and hit a tree
I go through the windshield and hit the edge of the fence
Dislocating my jaw and flipping me into a wall
Where my neck is broken, and my skull is fractured
I bleed to death in excruciating pain

I will have this dream periodically until I meet all of the strangers one by one
Introducing them all to each other until we are a close group of friends

I will set these events in motion and I will die
But today in the warm light of the sunset
I don't see it, I just see the sunset
I smile back and shake my head

I have absolutely no idea, I am afraid.

It was the night of the concert
My very first one
My lips were cracking
From being bitten and chewed on

I was excited, you were too
You loved the band
And I loved you

You lent me the ChapStick
It smelt like ****
It tasted like you
It filled me with need

Need to be closer
To hold you
To taste you
Gods you tasted good.

I kept it
I'm not sure why
Maybe I forgot
Or my lips were still dry

Maybe it was conscious
I stole the **** thing
It tasted like you
I ignored the sting

We realized our feelings
You're my best and closest friend
I dont have that ChapStick
I lost it in the end

It smelled like ****
Tasted like you
I hope you still know hon
I love you too.

when you were close
your voice would drown me
your hurtful words
the silence crowns me
i stayed quite because i knew
thats the only way i would keep you
i wept
i barely slept
i stayed awake
every stupid decision id make
i did it for you
for your praise
your time
i wish youd stayed
called us "mine"

Listen... I know you're upset-

Upset? Darling I'm far more than "Upset" with you.

If you would just listen-

What reason does she have to lemon? You've started blocking them all again. We can't go back to what we were.

Alex I'm trying to get better.

Getting better means getting rid of us then?

That's not what I said.

Liam, you do realize over half the system is gone? Merged, dormant, fading away. We can barely keep up now.

I've tried to take on responsibilities. As has Sunny and Eclipse. But we can't keep doing this. We still need help. YOU need help.

I'm sorry.

Your apologies are worthless.

Nicole, don't send him spiraling again. Ares just got us let out.

Hey, you wanted help.

Look, I have to watch littles now, Liam just... Stay close to front.

I'll have willow watch you.

...

that feeling.
you know the one.
all emotion is drained of your body and all worth is ****** away.
When you're so numb you can't be real, yet you feel every little thing that grazes your skin.
you feel tired, yet so overwhelmed and awake
and it hurts.
you cant escape
and it hurts.
that feeling of overwhelming upsetting forgetting and regretting.
your mind isnt your own, yet your body is undeniably so.
you cant even decode your own thoughts, for the mess they spew out is only to be just that, a mess.
your words come out as delirium, your heart racing and genuinely not functioning
everything
everywhere all at once.
like you have no mouth, yet must scream
have no control
incessantly and unequivocally continuous
that visceral, inexplicable feeling remaining, restraining
not just disorder, complete discord, chaos, absolute anarchy
inside the mind
and again this body remained still.

you couldn't possibly imagine could you?
of course not.