It's been 20 days since we fall apart
and it has been 20days since i started to lose sleep
since i began crying every night
since ive been regretting my actions
20 days felt so long
but it felt just like yesterday
when everything went downhill

i wrote you letters
that you'll never see
i've written letters
that you don't know existed
from reasons why i love you
to daily letters of how much i miss you
it's not much of a secret letter
since it was sent out to you
but i'm unsure
if you will ever see them
so i'll call them secret letters
because you are not aware of it
and maybe will never know

Isn't it amazing?
How a picture
Could bring back all the memories from that moment.
Just take a look at the picture
And all the memories come rushes back
All the little details
Let alone videos,
Both stores memories on its own way
Both painful
And happy memories

My eyes are tired
From all the tears
That I'd fall asleep
With watery eyes
Painfully shut close
To stop any further tears

To the boy i loved,
But never had.

You were my love at first sight.
Or maybe you weren't.
But i was attracted to you
From the moment I've met you.

I didn't know i would end up falling for you.
I wasn't expecting you to make the first move
But every memories i had with you
Were the happiest of my life
Because your presence
Have brought my life
A meaning again
So to the boy that i love
I will always love you
Even if you weren't mine to begin with
I may not have you in person
But you will always be mine
In my dreams

My love for you was like the tree
Trees loses their leaves eventually as time passes by in the fall
But will grow them right after
Similarly to my love for you,
Despite of all the bad times we had
And all the fights
Despite me falling out of love ,
I'd still have so much room to love again
And it'll just keep on growing stronger

You said you love me
Do you no longer love me now?
You'd say you miss me
Am i no longer the person you're missing?
You had feelings for me
Have those feelings fade away when i left?
Tell me.
Am i still in your mind?
Am i still the one that you love,
You miss,
You want?
Or am i just in the past now.

I used to be scared
Of what will happen to me
Whenever a guy touches me
A touch that will leave a scar
That's unseen to the world
A touch that will end up a disaster
Forced ****
It begins with a touch
Then a kiss
So I fear when someone touches me

But when you touched me for the first time
And kissed me on the lips
I was prepared for the worse
Yet you proved me wrong
Your touch was gentle
And your kiss was loving
It was a touch
I wish would last
So touch me again
Because I know I won't end up broken again
Touch me again
Because I want to feel your gentle side once more

Give me a chance
To prove to you that I'm worth it
I'll show you that we can work it out
That we can be together
But you have to trust me
Because if you cant trust me at all
Then theres no way for you to see it
So please
Give me another chance
That's all I need

Weeks ago when I tried to leave
You refuse to let me
You told me you weren't ready to let me go
I guess this time when I left for good
It didnt bother you
Since I no longer have any worth or use in your life

Our relationship was confusing
We act like couples
But we are just friends
I was tired of thinking
Thinking of us
Of what we are

So I asked you a question
A question that will determine our future
But you were too scared of me
Afraid that you are not able to handle my mental state
So you said we were better of as friends
And I can never be friends with you
Not with someone I love so much
So I decided to leave
To end us
Our friendship
To no longer talk to you anymore
It was at 9.45pm
When I sent you the goodbye text
You didn't reply to me
You just left be on seen

It's the next day
And it's 9.45pm
A full day without you
Is a sad day alone
And I'm sure
I will have to go through this everyday
Until I'm able to let you go

I'll remember
9.45,
Is the time I said goodbye

"... sent you a message"
"... tag you in a post"
"... sent you a direct message"
"... mentioned you on twitter"
"... tag you in a picture"

Those notifications were the best to receive
knowing that you were thinking of me when you came across something
Knowing that you'd text me without me texting you first

I'd do the same thing too
Because you're always on my mind

But now with you gone,
My notifications are empty
And I can no longer send you posts that reminds me of you.

We were connected by strings
Tied around ourselves
Making us inseparable
But when you left
Those threads were cut off

I thought you'd be gone forever
But there's a string still holding onto you
Impossible to be cut off
Making me hang on to you
Making it impossible for me to move on

I miss you
Everyday
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
I miss you so much
That it hurts
There's nothing I can do
Other than missing you

How do I move on
When I'm not ready to let go?
How can I live my life
Knowing you're no longer by my side

I ignored all other messages
Because none of them mattered
I didn't need the other guys in my life
When the only important one was you
But now with you gone
All I'm left with a silent phone
With no notifications with your name on it

You gave me your Tshirt
And it smells just like you
I didn't want wear it
I didnt want your smell to wear off
So I kept it,
I kept it by my side
But what do I do?
When your smell is fading away.
I no longer have you by my side
And the only thing left,
Is that tshirt of yours

I didn't like him at first
But something about him made me love him
Something about him made me want him
We got so close
And I thought I could finally call him mine
But as the time past by
The closer we got,
The more distant I feel we have become
And that's when I fear,
Him leaving me,
When I thought I could fall in love
But end up falling in isolation

We are just friends
Friends with a special bond
We kiss
We hug
We meet almost everyday
We can't go a day without talking to each other
We miss each other the moment we part ways.
We only behave this way towards each other.
We are "just friends"
Weird how everything we do,
Are what couples do,
and yet,
We are only friends.

So one day, i might fall for someone new.
Someone who will love me and call me his girlfriend.
So do not blame me when i leave,
Because you just wanted to keep me as a friend despite loving me the same way as i have loved you .

A year ago,
You ruined my life.
Like a mirror when dropped,
It shattered into millions of pieces.
It can never be fixed.
It will never be the same again.
But thanks to you,
I've become stronger
In ways that I have never been.
I'm prepared
To not repeat the same mistakes again.

Whenever you didn't text me, i wonder...

Have you eaten?
Did you have enough sleep?
How is your day treating you?
Are you back home safely?

I love you and i miss you
It worries me when you're away.

Whenever you feel like giving up,
Stop what you're doing and think.
Think carefully and look for a reason.
A reason to move forward
To keep on going

It's not the end
If you look hard enough,
You'll find the reason and will to stay.
Even if it's for a short while,
It's still a reason