smart went crazy
truth went trendy
must admit im missin you like crazy
just getting by as I keep tellin all these lies that im alright and aint fucken up no more
cant say when I last felt like myself
just know im checked out the day I had to let you go
didn't even have you but ya know
we know what it was when it was
and what it wasn't when it wasn't what it was
some **** that twist your tongue
not exactly sure what just know it went something like that
in those lines I wrote there above
really wish I knew what the **** it was
cause it drives me nuts
im losing memories of you
not going away, just fading away … place to the end of my brain
im tryna cope with not hearing your voice or seeing your face
**** just getting worse
must have a type of curse \all was better when you were around
know it was hell but you put up
and am not something great probably someone you hate
but ya wont speak my name
whenever you do it taste like something you wouldn't redo
im cool just wanted to say im missing you

Here we are again
Just laying in bed
With these thoughts in my head
It seems to never end
I'd just like to rest
Escape the stress
Feel nice in a dress
And look the best
It's 2am here
And these thoughts roam my head
As I'm laying bed
Wishing for them to end
These scenarios fill my head
Of what could always be
All the possibilities
Never ending
Wishing they could be
I question all things
Like it's suddenly 215
& I feel nothing
Or feel something I know nothing of
I'm wondering why
Wondering how it is
I feel like
I'm out of place
And shouldn't exist
Too fat to wear a dress
If love is even real  
What's the possibility
Of running into someone who's just like me
We'll at least with their thoughts
But I'd never know
Cause I do not share
What thoughts fill my head
& the scenarios that play
All up in my head
When I'm awake at 2am
Laying in bed
Wishing to get some rest
Escape my stress
How to feel nice in a dress
& look like some of the best
See,  these words a pointless
As they can not explain
What's going on in my head
And what I feel inside
So why do I even try
There's more to say
But it's best I'd go away
Not to annoy anyone
Coming to this page.  
But i'm just a girl
Who's heart is a mess
& this is my daily vent
So God bless
Get some rest & don't stress

Take a glance
I bet that view from the front
Makes you think
Oh **** she's cute
Curves and short
What cute little thing
Take a glance
But this time from the side
What do you see
I am no longer cute and small
This lower buldge of belly
Changes your view on me
You see the rolls
That Fat pushes out
From the waist below
My tummy can't compare
It's like it's hardly there
Now go back
Turn around
Take that glance from the front
Stomach not much
And below the waist not bad
Titts so big
Curves so nice
You'd think **** she's nice
Then you get that glance
From the side
You see my waist below
Hangs low & pushes out
Your views are no more
You're unsure what to think
Now imagine that
Imagine how I feel
Glancing in the mirror
Front view I look great
I should pull some guys
I turn to the side
And I'm put down
Negative words fill my head
There's no way
There's no how
This hanging fat, pushed far out
Has me hating myself
Giving me doubts
There's two views to me
One is great
The other isn't so
It hurts so much
To have let myself down
This lower buldge
Won't go away
If only I could stay
Being face forward
So no one could see
Just how big small I am

This memory of us which I do not share
Hold onto beyon depths of all ruts
A moment that felt of sincere
The most secure
About what you mean to me
And remain a place in heart
Honestly didn’t expect , so this memory I’ve never shared revealing my moment of true care for you removing years of doubt I always felt
Everything changed
What was always said, the real meaning of true friendship was no longer just words
But something that I felt and now understood
Cause we always mistook things that weren’t even spoke
Giving us a taste of the sandyhook
Remaining alive , center of the disasterous path it weaved
Leaving speechless on how to rebuild
Attempt to heal things not meant
     Hospital bed, coming to side ; squeezing in as I lean at your chest
Then began a quick rest
You never spoke , not even a sound
Remained still though cramped in that tiny patients waiting bed
Time going by
Still no sign of you even being real
You remain still
I assumed you were in own zone
Don’t know if you felt some wave of what i consumed in something of so many things that were all too real and hard to reveal Cause it had feels
A friendship I never believed
Disregarding your words of expressed care and love that you shared for the bond we built a friendship that be constantly stalled in building up.
I ****** up and thought too much
Made myself think I was Trippen on what I felt
It wasn’t real
Something in Munich head
Cause you weren’t really all there
You were no where near
And silenced vibes no physical motions
Made me feel I was honestly on my own
Just with physical feel cause the owner mind and soul were off seeking some guy and struggling its own mind of so many past nights
I killed my feelings of real and moment of love in the doing at being to my side cause there’s never been such type of cool connection in relating to us .
Exsistent in present time I’ll never know
Nor do I wish an answer to provide clarity of mind
Whatever it be
You there with me and all
Or simply gone out in another realm
Doesn’t matter at the end
Cause was I cherish to the most
And never exposed
Means so much to me
Not even this of what I write can really
Tell how I feel and felt
What change it made
The vibe of friendship once filled of doubt and thoughts of lies
Now washed , given little trace and
Added feels of a bit more to be some home
Knowing the battles we will fight
Won’t diminish our care and love
We will always remain great friends
Even when things are not said
Or if we go dead
But that I added as a last minute joke cause well I don’t do closings to my feels all great and ****
But that’s how you know it’s real
A random close to something meant to be forreal
So swoopesdela- ooomf

MGK Love Overdose 551am
Septa 4 2018
      MGK love overdose just one of the very fuxken many songs I am so deeply in love
      They got me all thinking , reminiscing all kinds of everything featuring you
       Swear **** should grow old but it don’t and as much as I’m told “gotta let him go “ it doesn’t seem like so
      See now, hear me out right now
      Been a whole year almost since I had to go and leave you , not wanting it despite the life I had going on
       Knew it would most likely be the last time I’d see your face
         Some days I think the memories start to fade ; sort of makes me insane
         I ain’t want it that way , wish the memories shared would forever stay in brain  
          But life ain’t a blunt to rolll like that
        You drove me insane , made me this way
You’re not at all to blame ;
In fact I praise your name and the gains that came from all types of pain you made me face
          Don’t mean this all as you made Cause I too chose to go along and keep it the same
Though I lost my sane , went partially insane and had to move states
             Love you anyways
            Nothing so the same ain’t planing on it to change , gotta keep going this way till next sun come up
              Pull a chair up , this just started
A year last now , just about can’t let you loose
Wish you were near or magically appear
A year that I haven’t argued
A year with no joking and insults
A year no long drives
A year of no laughter
A year no real feel
A year no busting missions and late night talks till dawn
No hikes up the hills to see the views and just chill
No sneaking around or tryna keep it down
A year of no stares , glares feeling of little no care
Those eyes have not met mine in a year
And I don’t *** to cope
The *** is almost a year since we last had a bit of a blast
Making it all last
Wish it could not be the past
Hoping it was all never my last
A year since I heard your voice
Heard stories of your children and family , the fun and dumb things that have gone on
The times we spent , see not all great not all hell
We never felt the same or maybe we are insane
And couldn’t every admit and only commit to games of playing no same
We had to lie our feel or share and deny
Either or
For whatever
Doesn’t matter cause those eyes
Those eyes met my soul
I recognized it all too well
Felt good to be home
And now it’s s year since I felt
Your souls isn’t matched with mine
Actually in a fight I feel
And if we shall make it
Overcome this year of not speaking
This year of our separation
Baby I promise things could get great
Promised I’ll do my best to make it back
For you with you or not
Doesn’t change s **** thing
Ima ride for you till I ain’t got none left to run on
I know it’s dumb
But your my flame
We aren’t meant to forever separate
We’ll reunite , maybe not today
Just some day
Okaye
Latez .

Living life
Just doing me
Not worrying about a thing
As I proceed my life
Without you by my side
I've moved on
Sure it took long
But at least now
I can say I'm finally happy
With life and myself
That's all I've ever searched for
And I'm not sure if I I'm to thank you
Cause if it wasn't for you
I wouldn't have grown
To be this person I'm slowly becoming
That's loving life
And achieving my goals
That once meant so much to me
I've opened my eyes
Realized my worth and meaning
All thanks to you
The hell you put me through
With love unexpected
Never meant to stay
Was the best thing
And worst thing
That's ever helped me grow
I'm finally me
I am free

Learning to live once more
Learning to love again
How to share my thoughts
Trying to understand why,
Why it is I feel so lost
Discovering who I am
That sounds so lame
But ain't it the truth  
A new life I've been give
A new beginning,  how lucky I am
A life without drugs or alcohol
Who would have ever thought
That'd be the life I'm living today
Seems like I'd struggle
To stay clean and sober
To my suprise & everyone else,
It's been so easy
Sobriety isn't a issue
The real struggle I've had
Has I've been living this life
Is finding who I am
I know nothing about me
My likes, dislikes in anything
At least not as I'm sober
So sad to say when having that first date
"Tell me about you"
When I know nothing of me
Coping is different
Sad, mad, or stuck inbetween
I can only scream
No drugs to remove what it is I feel
No alcohol to block the memories
Everything is so real
All the pain I feel
From years of being blocked
All ganging up on me
How I wish I could just
Just turn to drugs
I've come so far
I must stay strong
But can these thoughts
Can these thoughts just leave me be.
As I'm just trying to find me .

Drunk drunk drunk
Drunk I am
All because of a punk
He said he'd stay
And wouldn't break his word
But here I've been
All on my own
Remembering the days we shared
Questioning why he left me all alone
So I've turn my world
All around once again
Sobriety went down the drain
Once he walked away
Nighrt awake
Paranoia knocking on the door
Drunken days
Proving my life is just a waste
Cause when he walked away
I lost myself
All over again
And what shame
It is to say
My sobriety has gone to waste

Do you know what it's like
To see hate in your own eyes
As you stare into the mirror
Or get a glimpse of your reflection
That feeling you have inside
Of how much you just want to die
Your insides screaming
As they continue starving
All cause you hate how you look
Mind shouting
You're so **** fat
You don't deserve a man
Trying not to cry
As these rude remarks
Are shouted from your own mind
You'll have to smile and laugh
At just how **** fat you are
Tell yourself you're not really hungry
As you slap your belly
Wishing it would vanish with each slap
This fat I see
This fat I have
This fat I am
This fat is me
Even though I'm not even
Just that Fat anymore
Once you've been fat
There is no going back
As I stand and stare
Observe & compare
How much my body has changed
My conclusion still is
I am so fat
I do not deserve a man
I hate this view of who I am fat

thank you
you helped me find the truth
you were the life of me
whole life beautiful

when the fire burns out , I know it ain't pretty
but baby ima gone be okaye
they say things fall apart
I know in my heart we'll come back
and have a good laugh when we looking back

im just hopin we'll meet up some day
talk about where we been
all the ******* we been put through
how we always stayed strong
remember after all
im gone be here, no matter how long

take a step back
skip ahead if that's what you want
know we are young, and that we're growing old
but ain't a thing gone change
youll always remain, number one flame
how I see it even if we are completely broken
im willing to work with it
promise ill always be strong

youre the one that helped me make it through it all
know you don't exactly see it
no one elsse really gets it
I don't give a ****
if looking insane as I remain wherever you stay


whole life so **** beautiful
know you cant exactly see it
but you're the reason Im stronger then before
finding truth in whoever I am
you became most of life to me

let me just say
I know you claim to hate
but that's not in my way
cause you've been part of this great change
know there was lots pain
that why I write to remember
how far ive came
and who ive got to give thanks
for making me feel better about this life I don't wish to remain ',

got me wanting to stick around
watch the flames burn down
cause it is its own beauty
we may have fallen apart
but baby one day we're gone be back
have good laugh about all this
cant believe we met up again

honestly im fucken blessed
you don't know why I always claim this
cause you never saw more of  yourself
but honestly you made me who I am
stronger than before
I have you to thank for this
whole life beautiful
wished we never had to go own ways
in the end we will meet again
cause I aint given up that soon
youre my whole moon
reason I bloom
so im gunna always be there
even if that flame disappears
i'll stay near for when you give me the clear

we had fear from this journey
but thank yeeuus
I had you there
helping me through
just hope
I didn't mess your plan up
from us meeting up
always wanted the best for both of us
if it meant going opposite ways
I wouldn't be okaye but know ill be able to fight
keep myself upright ; least pretend im alright

we gone meet again
gone laigh at this **** one day
life has it amazing ways
to keep the flame from running to the ground
we're gonna rise from this
it worked out for both routes

take care now
ill be here , hmu when you like turning out
cause I cant lose you now
youre already far out
try not to completely disappear
I care

Sitting along the curb
Sun shining bright
I await for my drug delivery

Wondering why
It's taking so long
Oh right
They're on Tweaker time

Texting my guy
Asking how much longer
I'll have to wait

The sun is bright
It's heat getting to me
Thinking to myself
Ill be late to work
***** getting ready
I'll pack a bowl
Light it up
Only 2 hits
Then I better get ready

Phone buzzes
My guy explains
He's sent another
To do this deliver

I don't ask why
Or who it is
Just for him to get to me soon

Pace back and forth
Along the curb
Stressing
I'll be late to work
Why's this guy taking so long

I hear the car
Look up fron the ground
Finally this dude has arrived
But to my suprise
It's you inside

Frozen
Thinking is it really you
Unsure
How could this be
It's been a month since I last saw you
I question why
You're the delivery guy
Call you an ***
For not hitting me back up

I ask for the dope
Give you the money
Step out the car
Not saying a word
My hearts filled of hurt
I rush back inside
Text my guy why

He replies why it's a problem
I explain
We spoke about the situation
That delivery guy
He's not just anyone
I didn't want him to know
I've been using dope
Plus he's the reason why
I do more than I can handle
To void the memories
To void the thoughts
Of everything we once were

It's not fair at all
One month passed by
No replies from you
But Instead
I see you
To my suprise
As the new delivery guy
Of this dope
I don't want it anymore

But I must not cry  
And must not think
Pack a quick bowl
Light the flame
Watch the smoke fill
Inhaling and twirling
Exhale, cool
What was it that made me so sad ?

Smile curl
Phone buzzing
Let's go to work
Rush everything
I'm ready to pretend
Like nothings ever wrong

This friendship is real
You mean the world
To me at least
I know it's sad
We have to say goodbye
We'll promise not to cry
Say we'll still talk
Keep in touch
That's what everyone always sadly
But I know how it will go
The same as everything else
It wont work out
This is the end
You don't know it yet
But this is it
Our final good bye
Please don't cry
When you realize
Even real dies.

I'm a ****
You're a ****
She's a ****
& that **** over there
He's the biggest **** of all
I give a ****
They take that ****
And say who the **** cares
Take my *****
And you guys just don't give a ****
So what the **** should i do
When all my *****
Are taken and
Not any ***** are given back
But I guess **** it
Cause **** me
No one give a ****
And **** it
I'll make it
And I'll be alright

Fat fat fat
Is what I used to be
spent most my life
Taking diet pills
starving myself
Working out
Anything to lose this weight
I've gained from the poor choices
I once made from younger days
Listened to the whispers
From all around
Of how big that girl is
She could lose a few pounds
Jokes and rude remarks
Of who I was
Destroyed the person I was inside
I'd cry and cut
To remove what I felt
I'd try so hard but never went anywhere
Here I am
Alive and well today
About 40 pounds down
Still unhappy with myself
Everyone sees it
The weight I've lost
All I see is this flat blob of me
Everything I eat makes me think
I'll blow up from just that bite
I'm doing everything right
Once you've been fat
Your life's been destroyed
There's no such thing
as too little to eat
Everything to me
is too much to eat
I'll continue to starve
And swallow endless diet pills
I'll sit on the curb
Hoping to be as beautiful
As all the girls I see
Cause to me
I'll always be that
Fat fat fat girl

Alone so long
Makes me question
whats so wrong
Is it how I look
The way I talk
Do I feel
And can you tell
It's all way to strong
Glaring at these stars
As streams run down my cheeks
I just want to know
What the hell I did wrong
Cause last I checked
I've given everything my all
Putting up a front
To get the Job Done
Making it seem
like I have it all
When really down deep
I'm falling to pieces
Begging the Lord please
To help me get some sleep

Can't sleep
Nothing new
So you try everything
To get some rest
Starting with the  
Counting of sheep
Saying your 123's
Maybe try the abc's
Silence your phone
Turn down every light
Lay still
Hands on your chest
Close your eyes
Listen to the nothing roaming your room.
Feel your heart beat
Maybe do a light hum
And hopefully soon
You'll be in deep sleep

What a fool
To love you
Be attached  

What a fool
To love your
Think you're my human

What a fool
To ignore the signs
And believe it was fate

What a fool
To follow my heart
Ignore my mind
Follow what I feel
And not what I'm told

You told me not to,
It wasn't right timing
Even pushed me away
I didn't care
Still i tried
Giving you my love
Showing you my soul

I knew what you said was true
It's not the right time to love you
I ignored every word
Each action you made to prove
You were no good for me

My heart would break
We both knew that
But still
We never stopped speaking
I'm not sure why
If you knew
My heart would only die

I'm not the same
I've been destroyed
I've gone insane

The struggle I have
Figuring out why
I've become this way
How did I allow this

It was somewhere between
Each different heartache
That removed every bit of me

Those no longer in my life
That easily walked away
Without a good bye
A reason why
They robbed me
Pieces of my heart they stole
That day they walked away

I've gone insane
I've been destroyed  
I am not the same

These thoughts can't be mine
They're way out of line
Smile during the day
Crying at night
Yelling why

I don't know to get by
Each day I struggle
Questioning why
Begging for it to end

Smiling is no longer easy
My laughs are short
I don't speak anymore
Sleeping doesn't help
Neither does eating

Drugs are a remedy
But only temporarily
Even those
no longer help

Laying wide awake
Remembering why
I've been destroyed
What's made me go insane
To make me not the same

The answers vary
There are so many


I'm not the same
I've been destroyed
I've gone insane
There's no way back

Can’t complain
Feeling lame
Having this pain
Wishing I could have stayed
Wondering about your day
And if you’re okaye
Did you eat today
Or forget to rest
Be over stressed
Underdressed
Like you getting pressed to impress
Become a version of success
That doesn’t express
What you wish to address

When it's late at night & you're unable to sleep  you can become delusional from the thoughts you hold inside. And when theres no one by your side for you to let it all out,  Remember that your stuffed animal friends have always been there whenever you needed to cry it out... I think I've gone mad, oh how I do believe I'll die from the thoughts I hold deep inside.

A child i acted, you say as if you knew
But in fact you had no fucken clue
To talk when you weren’t ever near
Never did you get a chance to hear from my side of my own mind
You declared left and right
About my obsession with your ex
Like you knew the thing flowing in my mind
But ya didn’t
Ya didn’t fucken no the thoughts inside
The things I always had flowing my mind
Hunny you’re so heart over mind
That ain’t the care when it comes to who I’m sticking by
See from my side its mind before heart
Only a fool and not to come at you
But only a fool will let the heard lead the mind
That’s just plain wrong
Hunny you gotta let your mind tell your heart
Then you’re really there
The game really is
You fake that your heart leads your mind
In reality your mind leads your heart
It’ll be easier at getting on when you’re aware
But hunny you still ain’t there
And I don’t think you’ll get unstuck from the middle of the path
It’s really fucken sad
You feel sorry for me ?
Oh please
I don’t feel feel that way for me
My mind is leading the path I take
I only wish you’d be able to see it that way
I’m going the opposite way
Suggest you the same
Or you’ll forever hold pain
For the child’s sake
Give y’all a real break
Get the **** away
Stop living in the past life of what once upon a time
This life isn’t a fairytale
Ain’t no happily ever after
What type of lie you been going at inside your head

Expectations set so high from everyone you know. Doesn't help when a ***** stay feeling so low, you know? It makes em feel deeper in the hole and no hope to accomplish their real goals. A lost so all wandering the world all on their own and more where to go, to lay their head & have some type of little escape. With so many people setting their goals of what they should be and when to be done by raises the anxiety extremely high. Ending nights with feelings of wishing to just die or maybe be a little high. Set for failure from start when you'very always been told "you'll be the one who gets far, making your life the most" but that's what is not realized when they're telling em they'll reach all these goals. Everything you do, ain't just for you and it affects more than just the life you live. WI think everyone's expectations of you, you're not longer just one. You're all of them, all of the goals they've created into a list. Doesn't matter what you've already done or how far you've come; it'll go unnoticed if it's not from their lists . You'll be left, stuck in your head struggling to really live. Praying to just succeed already so everyone will be pleased and your soul could be set free from things you never wished to even achieve. Finally you can go and be the person you dreamt to be, do the things that make you feel pleased. Your soul is free now go out and finally live. Who knows how long you have before your time comes.

2 am
A lot on my mind
Not a bit surprised.
Body aches
Eyes heavy
Can I rest already?
Thoughts roaming
Memories flowing
Mind wide awake
How do I sleep tonight?
Brain hurting
Sleep deprived
Yawning more & more
Slow breathes in
Exhale out
Thump, Thump, Thump
My heart makes
Only sound I hear
Laying perfectly still.
Shadows forming
Darkness becoming darker
Am I awake
Or staring into space .
Unsure of what I know
Dreaming of what will be
Why is it hard to let it all go ?
Body at ease
Perfectly still
Eyes closing each min passed by
Mind wide awake
But empty inside
Looking for my far away land
Journey extended
Next thing I know
Daylight is what's to be shown
Alarm buzzing in my ear
Thinking do I have to awake
Wait....
Did I even really sleep ?
Was it all my sleep deprived mind
Playing tricks on me again?
I don't know
But truth be told
Overthinking
Can destroy ones soul
I just want to sleep
When will my mind be at ease

These love poems are all making me sick
Wanting me to go jump in a ditch
Love isn't ****
Why can't you see that
A hopeless romantic I am
But a heartless ***** I show
Love is stupid
Love is a myth
Time to grow up
Open your eyes
See now, love isn't **** .

I'm not sure why
But it seemseems like
Whatever I write
Is only of you
I don't know why
Maybe I've gone insane
Or is it cause I'm just that hurt
I don't know
And no one else knows
Maybe you know
It's not on purpose you see
I try hard , very hard indeed
To write more than just
Whatever I had with you
But that seems impossible
Whatever comes to mind
Revolves around you
It kills me daily
Drains me hourly
I've lost my mind
Don't know why
Love does that
If thatshe what it is
But it could be
The devil in my head
Cause just that
The devil will stay
Drowning me from ever being
The free bee I'm meant to be
Happy as could be
He's haunting me with you
The thoughts and memories
He feeds to me
As a reminder ,
That will never be
Not again
With another human
Will I feel so close to love
Cause I've left the drugs
So it's over now
I'll never be loved
By another
As true as it was
Whatever I had with you .

About once a week
Since I've been clean
I know not what I think
Or how I should
I shut down
Almost as if I'm I'll
Nothing is wrong
Nothing is right
These thoughts
Thoughts of nothingness
They come,  and stay for the night
Driving me insane
As I strive to stay clean
I don't wish for the drugs
Or to be drunk
I wish I could just , just understand
Why it is I am feeling
This nothing , as I'm empty or dull
What is it I'm missing in my soul
Have I killed the heart inside me
From the last use and abuse of drugs
Why is it once a week I suffer
From this nothingness insanity inside me

I was starting to feel a little grey
And then I met your face
You started to brighten up my days
And I forgot what's his face
I didn't think this day would come
But looks who's happy
Look who's recovering
From all the damaged you've done
This guy is good, this guy is sweet
I hope he'll stay
& stick through my troubled heart
This connection is great
It's almost frightening
But feels Oh so great
I hope we can make this last
He's brightened my days
Makes me feel wanted and loved
And makes me forget what's his face
He's given me hope
In the game of love
Where I thought it was all lost
And no where to be found
Oh I hope he stays
Cause this connection is great

It seems to me
There isn't anyone like me
But I'm nothing special
I mean, I used to think
No one would get what I think
Or understand how it is
To feel like the only one
Always put to the side
Left and forgotten
Wondering why
I get no love
What I have to do
To just get a hug
And if I'll ever be loved
It had seemed to me
I was the only one
Who thought so much
Of what could / would come
Of who Im meant to be
Or that I felt so lost
With no luck at the end
Till I saw a glimpse
Of what seemed to be
My awakening call
Saying & showing me
I'm not the only one
I'm not alone
With these thoughts in my head
That I leave unsaid
Hoping for them to end
I put a smile on my face
And feel less stressed
Knowing someone, somewhere
Feels and thinks how I do
That I'm not a complete ****** mess.
In this judgementl world
And to remember, we are blessed.
We'll make it through this battle
Just get some rest
Hope for a better tomorrow

Piercings and tattoos
They replaced all the *****
Out of spots to pierce
Not enough to money for tattoof
Whatever will I do
If I don't get off this edge soon

I don't know what it is
Well not exactly what it is
That makes me feel like I
I sort of want to die
Crawl under the rock
Bury myself deep under
Cry a thousand tears
Question whybeg to have you near
Find me ato least
We'll actually
That, that's all a lie
I know a little
Little of what it is
That makes me feel less
Less enough to just die
That is
Well it's you
You've damaged me
So much it's the ultimate struggle
A struggle to be me
Like just
Genuinely me.  
And it hurts
Not being me hurts me most
Not you
Not you being away
Or the lies you fed to me
It hurts I can't be me
That's what
That's why
I feel like I
I just want to die

Yo
I think life’s pretty fucken neat
I wish you could think the same,
See the reason I don’t believe in a thing as hate
Life is faint but it ain’t
Faint is life but it ain’t
(((Repeat
Betweeens (((-except when it is is & when it ain’t it just ain’t
You know what I’m sayin’n
Or shall I try to explain it a bit more
Some more words;personal experiences to which relate in at a variety of ways expressing it to each in your own unique way for the other own mind which doesn’t perceive things the same , hardly close to even just alike
I hope you feel me and the words I’m tryna say with the words I’m speaking in paused uttering words
We all have one way to millions of ways
And millions way to just one way
Why hate but not appreciate
Appreciate but not hate
It ain’t so complicate except when it is
Just fall in love with that
Express it your unique way
Try to relate and express the reason it is
Expressing the way you see it, tryna explain and find a means to the others knowledge understanding, expressing what how it seem
Haha
Wait, tf I say right there
Tf do I even mean
I’m not even sure it makes sense
To others or even just myself
I don’t even really care anymore
Bout what I was tryna say or tryna remember what it I was I was tryna make relate
It’ll come together later
Or maybe it ain’t till 68years later , in outerpace, between the lines of two lines of five
Lol jk but you see what I mean
Later

Keep your cool
Put that smile on
Play it straight
Keep your head up
Let out some laughs
The sun still shines
Go ahead & cry
The moon settles your mind
Soon everything will be alright

Lately I don't know what to think
You make me not okaye
But you make things really great
How I hate you like so
But wishing you were near
As my head becomes clear
No one stands near
I'm left unsure
Is this reality or my little fantasy
I'll wish you the best
Cause this love has got to go
For all the miles between us
Are for the better
At least, I think.

You're on my mind
Not quite sure why
But I feel like I want to die
With you inside, corrupting my mind
There's no where to hide
From what I'm feeling inside
Trying my best not to rest
Until I'm the very best
Making you mine
Reclaiming my mind
Proving to the rest
That I'm nothing less •••
God bless

Stay great, stay smiling
feel like frowning ?
Just call me up
I'll do my best,
To turn it around
miss you much,
Take care
I love you
goodbye dear
-r.se

You make me insane
Like maybe I should blow my brains
Maybe I'm not okaye
But I know
Someday I'll make through the day
With no tears pouring from my eyes
Or feeling like I want to die
You make me sane
Like everything will be okaye
But I knowill
Someday this will all fade away
With no more laughs
Soon it will all just be my past
You make what I wish not
But what I know not of
Cause this feeling is odd
This feeling is all at a loss
To what pain is caused
And the love it brought
You make me insanely sane
If that's such a thing?  
I know not of
Cause these words
These words don't go
& are nothing but scrambles from my mind
Showing what you've left me with
To piece together
what's left of the broken
It's all a mess
Maybe soon
I'll have it pieced perfectly together

To think I'd let myself die
If it meant saving your life
Ha, i probably lost my mind
If it ever came to that
Cause I'd be better off
If you weren't around at all
To make me feel like hell
Acting like you own a crown
& better than anyone in this town

She went insane
No one knows why
Unsure how
She lost her mind
They didn't dare
Ask her how
She never cared
To tell them why
But deep inside
She wanted to die
People walked by
Ignoring all the signs
Silent screams for help
Unnoticed, & ignored  
She lost hope
To each by stander
She became
Just another
A broken soul
In search of who she really was
And what it felt like to be loved.

Much of a given ****
Not here very much
You ***** and *****
She’s twisted and sick
Still you run back so quick

Life you have always wished
Blinding your clear sight
Of the truth that lies
It ends the same each time

Man left all alone
Picking up the pieces
Of his worn-out heart
She shattered towards the floor
And wrecking his souls once more

much of a given ****
Not here very much
You ***** and *****
Still you run back so quick
So my given *****
Are not here very much

a mind that can not ever feel right
heart that does not even fight
body that becomes light
remember everything will be alright

you gotta keep in mind
you must fail to achieve
easier said then done , we all know
but don't lose hope

its a world of your own
don't forget that
what you want , you can have
just cause its not great so society says
**** it , they can talk
so man up and walk
don't talk , just go handle it how you want
don't let other knock you off
you gunna be great
hell you already are

never forget that
days seems long
nights don't even come
always stuck in your head
don't let it change your ways
cause that **** can become a mess
and none the less you got this


your mind is fine
that heart that hold hurt, it will heal
body gone light becomes extra fine
stop that frowning
man it up , pick your head up

life a fucken mess
we all been there
less than or more
we can all say , we spent some time down the dark maze
getting lost
losing ourselves beyond  
talking of sane insane
life is just a game
thought the maze corrupts your head
you will find the light

learn from the daze
feel amazed
those dark days , thought you were better off gone
now look at you my friend
you standing tall
going at it as it comes
at a pace , this is no race
don't let society rush your moment
its all gunna take some time
cut yourself a little slack

life down the drain, feeling shame
change that frown
pick up your head
fix that crown
youre gunna make it out
doesn't seem so now
but promise my friend
this aint the end
not just yet
youll find the better
and love the pain when you reach that end

see now
that light is getting bright
youre doing alright
it was one hell a fight
may have lost yourself
but gained a new view
life couldn't be better
you own this world
its yours to do as shall wish
don't let it be anything less
or youll hold it in pain throughout your veins
making insane be insane
not like you wont be able to regain
just gets harder each fall
might have to even crawl
so take charge of your mind
see your new sight
given the mind a feeling of right
heart of gold , body that grows

you got this
your doing great
don't lose hope
it will be better just remember
rise back up after each fall
take your time , its not a race
then youll feel great
like a new dude
so very few
cant translate this write
and have better sight
but all will be aright

stay up ;