"You look familiar",
a whisper said.
I turned around
And your saturation hit me
like never before, your
Blessed light, intensity;
Misty fog and a smile
I recognized your face
Of course, I always would
Ran over to hug you but
An arm suddenly grabs
My shoulder, a tight
and dark grasp; and
it's owner
Says:

"Little one, you do
Not belong here, now.
So why don't you
Come with me, where
You belong?"

Never have I ever
Belonged anywhere, and I
Just wanted to be
In your arms

And suddenly, I realise;
You are dead.
As dead as it gets.
And I couldn't go on
Without you, so now...
Now I believe the tales,
Now it's my turn to go
Now I see that
You belong
Here.

And I?
I realised.

He said I belong to that one place
Where people go, according
To these tales
When they miss
Someone too much
And do the sin.

The deep underground.

And I realised,
A few decades couldn't
Measure with
Never seeing
you again.

And despite all, I
Ask myself, will I
Ever belong?

Lady Universe, please,
i stretch my arm out
in hopes for but one sign;
i am begging,
for you to overshadow me,
bury me with your knowledge,
if even for a second,
and show me just one sign --

is this really how it's supposed to be?
is the hole in my chest
written somewhere in the galaxy?

do i continue writing cheesy lines,
or do i take the knife
with my ever trembling hands
and cut off the limbs that connect me
to the reality that is now?

я катаюсь в грязи
пожалуйста, дай мне один знак.

the sunset brings me comfort,
will this life give me comfort?

моя маленькая красавица,
я твоя сияющая звезда?

i love you so much
and this feeling can never end
you are my home
so please,
stop tearing me apart.

is this ever going to go away?
Lady Universe, please,
i am but a slave of your mind.

all i'm asking for
is just one sign.

i'll watch the sunsets
in hopes of finding your beauty there.
maybe one day,
i'll finally know.

maybe one day,
i will understand.


With love,                                                        
jus­t a girl.

tired,
traffic;
dark circles under eyes
i ingest caffeine
and far too little sleep,
yet you still visit me
in my dreams.

i am a sword
that acts as a shield
and, thus, falls apart.

"Everyone's a protagonist of their own
story. That's what I thought", he said,
turning to face me:

"Until I met you.
Deliberately ruining
everything you succeed in.
Making destruction of yourself be art.
And allowing nobody else to learn it."

Unprompted,
he kept walking towards me.
After a few steps,
he stopped in his tracks.

"Are you not tired...

...of being the villain,
in your own story?"

I left out a single sigh,
and turned around.
Then I kept doing
what
I do best,

And stabbed myself in the heart.

i write empty words
with a lot of emotions in me;
hidden meaning only i see.
it's the only place where i can hide
from the slick voice that
makes me leave others behind.
the voice, it says
it's just my nature
but i'm not so sure,
though it can feel like home;
i'm not so sure,
i want to hurt anymore.

the ground is shaking.
a needle pierced my heart.
my lungs are ripped, too.
bleeding through the holes.
bleeding out of my mouth.
bleeding out, i'm bleeding out.

please, don't make a sound
as i lie on the ground
because everything familiar
is now disappearing
and i'm left like a stray dog
here, on this shaky ground.

the ground is shaking.
the earth is trembling.
the ground is shaky.
the earth is heavy.

don't leave me alone
in this pool of tears
as my world burns down,
as my temple for you
crashes down.

I thought he was perfect.
He's got the cutest smile, a handsome face; yet not too hot so other girls would steal him.
Smart, aces the exams without studying, too.

Clever, cute, loyal to death and loves me, too.
What more could I possibly ever wish for?

The thin layer of sweat covers his body, glittering in the last dusk's breath.
Sparkles of silver are in his eyes, as if God himself got down on Earth to pour galaxies in his wooden eyes, which are prospecting me.

So, what's the missing puzzle?
You love him, don't you?

Then look at you.

Gazing at the reflection in the mirror, quietly standing.
I look at the dark circles under my eyes which are expanding, following my nose line by the parallel.

Then I look at my nose which I've always hated; the uneven line, like the messy sea in sky's rage.

Then I look at myself.

And I rage, too.

So where's the missing puzzle?
Why does he care?
Why do I?
Ah, youth - well you wore me thin,
And, by the skin of I teeth I'd almost felt something.

So there's the missing puzzle.
Me.

I even showed him how I look without makeup. I showed him my madness and my crazyness which would shoo any man away.
Why's he here?

I'm not perfect like him.
And I can't stand, oh, I can't stand the pressure.
I look at my curvy body and stretch marks, lining my legs and showing me my fight with life I'd quit from for another reason.

Why me?

And now,
The mirror's smudged with blood
And I'm sitting on a lonely chair,
A lonely soul, in a lonely room,
With a lonely mind in this lonely world.

I don't know love no more.
How could I?
I take out the mirror bits from out of my fist, silently observing.

Then I look at me.

The face of a disappointed warrior with a long past of fighting her own life,
And it might seem dramatic to you,
But I've had a lot of things on my mind
Which you wouldn't find on the normal silver plate.

I'm not perfect, nor I plan to be.
I see through the lies caused by the love veil, and I choosed to rip it off, but it's not falling down.

And I'm afraid,
I'm afraid if I stay;
When will he
Take it
Off?

they told me the sky was my limit,
then they dragged me through the mud.
they beat my brain up to dust,
flipped me upside down.

but, with dirt in my eyes,
i stared at the clouds
and my breath suddenly stopped:
the golden clouds, kissed by the sun,
stretching across the blue, blue sky,
brought me peace;
even for just a single moment
with the breeze softly brushing against me
their soft voices convinced me,
"You will be alright."

i know when you're not yourself
your eye colour changes;
it's like looking into a stranger's eyes,
but into someone i know too well

i know when you're not yourself,
your tone shifts and raises;
you blabber twist all the words,
you commit a sin against yourself

it's an army i've watched,
and the general and the innocent
a sick wheel killing itself
a sick wheel turning on itself
and being hunted by itself
and the sick wheel turns,
time passes by, nothing changes
it's a tragedy written in our veins

the wheel turns on me,
but i don't turn on my kids
i turn on myself
i'm killing me
and all the generations past
are killing me

Well God help thy soul
you did what was wrong
unlocked the forbidden chambers
and ye shall never find thy spirit
thou lost it underneath
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
.
.
.
Look at thy mortals' sky
The stellar dust long dead
Feel the tingling of fear
the calling of the gone
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
.
.
Thy spirit is wandering like
Seagrass in the waves,
Like leaves on the cold,
colourless wind
Amongst the Sun and the Moon
The silver dust and rain
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
.
Have you ever been
Lost
Yet?
Now,
There is no such thing
As an escape
Thou
Have been
T r a p p e d

Love is blind.
For so long, I thought
That I must love someone,
That a lover is fierce,
That the love's easy and obvious.
But, I realised with time;
That you can love, not just a person
But a whole world out here
--To love the small things--
The way leaves travel on the wind,
And the way that
A rose petal is discovered
By a ladybug's love.
For so long, I jumped to love
But I didn't feel it
I didn't quite catch the hang of it
And with years, I
Felt love towards
My own flesh and blood
But I didn't realise it's importance.

One day, I have awoken
From a terrible nightmare
Just to see how you can
Love without feeling,
Not appreciating your life.

After that day, I soon
Learned to love my own tears
Because I could feel
At least something
And when a day came
That I felt my soul
It soon fell apart
Burned, crashed, washed out,
Smashed, killed, used,
Tortured, made fun of, bruised,
But I learned to love love.

I unraveled the confusion and
Accepted my flaws and merits
I felt the warm blood throughout my veins and the beautifully sounding beat of life

As I finally realised, I was alive

After that day, I appreciate
The small things
Learning
How to
Love, is loving
Life
---------------------------
[nim]

i'd like to tell you
that i'm fine
but I'm
too torn apart
to talk

and in that moment,
i am 17 again
swallowing liquid flames
just a little girl
getting all the blame

in that moment,
i am re-reading the messages
running my fingers over
their icy, stone tower,
searching for a crack
in which i could drown in guilt,
which would bewray me as a liar
and a stake to be burned.

but,
my fort stands still,
for it is built on the truth
which does not yield
nor does it easily shatter.

it is wonky, it is ugly,
but the truth has never been pretty.
i break my nails on the strong wall,
cursing my own only merit.

for i am just a little girl,
perhaps,
about to be alone again.

I just needed someone to stay.

traces of you
are left in my poems
like a sneaky ghost
that quietly haunts me

like coffee stains
on a white tablecloth;
like a desire path
that leads to a cliff

i could delete my poems,
throw away the rags
and jump off a cliff

but i can never delete you
or the love i had for you

so, long live in my poems
amongst these empty halls
cheers for the good times
i hope i won't remember them at all

enjoy being a ghost
in the name of the love
that once was

"take my hand", I said
but you couldn't catch me
because I've already
turned into dust
and now the only way to get me
is to salute the wind
and I never wanted you to know
but that's why I lived;
the only reason was
the hope that one day
you'd see what I see,
miracles and beauty;
that you'd love life through nature
I put my soul into making it better

but yet, I never thought
you'd never salute my migrating grave
I never expected you didn't care
never saw you don't think of me
never saw, never saw
you don't love me

maybe it's better,
that I've turned into dust.

there's a calm rage inside of me
and a furious gratitude

what a big writer you are,
with tears serving you as ink
in the end, always
leaving nothing behind

You can learn to love,
But
You'll never learn how to fall in love

tonight, your aura shines
the moon enhances your light
and our love gets intertwined;
your gasps fill my lungs with awe
as you lay there, more beautiful than ever
to your angelic energy, i surrender
even though i may be the devil

your darkness swallowed me
your magic tangled me in wires
your fingers with black nails shut my eyes closed
your knife pressured my larynx
your ways left me confused
your energy left me tired,
your life left me dead.