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2.3k · Apr 2021
paris balcony
nim Apr 2021
cigarette ashes
fly on the wind,
as i stare at my black coffee,
it gazes back at me.
black sobranie,
and i debate;
of all the people,
i find it hard to see
is there something
worth seeking.
just like dust,
i let them go
i never looked back
let them think i'm bore.
you may be
a world unseen,
yet i am so tired
no words flow well enough.
i'll just go lose myself
in paint and doubt
while i stare at my coffee,
and flit around.
2.0k · Nov 2017
Then look at you.
nim Nov 2017
I thought he was perfect.
He's got the cutest smile, a handsome face; yet not too hot so other girls would steal him.
Smart, aces the exams without studying, too.

Clever, cute, loyal to death and loves me, too.
What more could I possibly ever wish for?

The thin layer of sweat covers his body, glittering in the last dusk's breath.
Sparkles of silver are in his eyes, as if God himself got down on Earth to pour galaxies in his wooden eyes, which are prospecting me.

So, what's the missing puzzle?
You love him, don't you?

Then look at you.

Gazing at the reflection in the mirror, quietly standing.
I look at the dark circles under my eyes which are expanding, following my nose line by the parallel.

Then I look at my nose which I've always hated; the uneven line, like the messy sea in sky's rage.

Then I look at myself.

And I rage, too.

So where's the missing puzzle?
Why does he care?
Why do I?
Ah, youth - well you wore me thin,
And, by the skin of I teeth I'd almost felt something.

So there's the missing puzzle.

I even showed him how I look without makeup. I showed him my madness and my crazyness which would shoo any man away.
Why's he here?

I'm not perfect like him.
And I can't stand, oh, I can't stand the pressure.
I look at my curvy body and stretch marks, lining my legs and showing me my fight with life I'd quit from for another reason.

Why me?

And now,
The mirror's smudged with blood
And I'm sitting on a lonely chair,
A lonely soul, in a lonely room,
With a lonely mind in this lonely world.

I don't know love no more.
How could I?
I take out the mirror bits from out of my fist, silently observing.

Then I look at me.

The face of a disappointed warrior with a long past of fighting her own life,
And it might seem dramatic to you,
But I've had a lot of things on my mind
Which you wouldn't find on the normal silver plate.

I'm not perfect, nor I plan to be.
I see through the lies caused by the love veil, and I choosed to rip it off, but it's not falling down.

And I'm afraid,
I'm afraid if I stay;
When will he
Take it
A simple love story.
1.5k · May 2018
nim May 2018
Lately, I've been more depressed
Than ever, this feeling
of destruction has been
getting visible over the day,
instead of just at night

Lately, this black hole
Has been swallowing me,
slowly tearing me apart
and I don't know how do deal with it.

I don't feel real
Time passes slowly yet vastly fast
and lately, the thunder's
been scaring me
instead of giving me warm comfort
in the dead silence of my room

the colors don't seem very alive anymore
nothing feels important, to me
...and I don't know
how much longer will it take
before the abyss swallows me whole.

And I mean every single
word that I tell you,
and my every emotion is tangled
and all I'm left with is this mess in wires
so light in my hands,
So easy to throw away

Lately I've been more scared
About death, about existence
And this familiar feeling
Is slowly writing the melody;

A perfect harmony,
Yet so monochrome and monotonous
So devastating, subdoing hope
and lately,

I don't know
What to do
Lately, the things that once
Gave me joy,
Gently swiping though
Pages and pages of books
bring nothing
1.2k · Jun 2018
nim Jun 2018
i'd like to tell you
that i'm fine
but I'm
too torn apart
to talk
1.2k · Oct 2017
»I know the unknown!«
nim Oct 2017
Ever been happy so much,
You cried?

Ever been sad so much,
You laughed?

I love so much that I hate
I hate, so I must love
I'm a living mess
Who am I, wandering this place?

And know that I mean what I say,
I say what I know
But I know that not knowing anything
Is what I know the best.

A mess, tangled in wires
Of unsorteable emotions and
Unrecognized behaviours
Unknown thoughts,
Uncommon, just another head in the clouds.
Who are you to change this world?

A living contradiction.

To be or not to be?
To live, or not to live?
I know the unknowable thoughts

Because everyone knows what they do not know.
Everyone has their reason to live,
Or not to live.
So I said let it be!

So you can proudly say,
»I know the unknown!«

So you can always say,
»I know the unknown!«
| Living contradiction|  |Hamlet|  |To all the confused|
1.1k · Jun 2017
Magic eyes
nim Jun 2017
I can sense the magic
Tingling in his eyes
When I look at him, I see
Magic blurring his eyes
His intense gaze guarding me.

But that's not what I want.

Oh, and I know
I hold the power to
Control him
When I'm sad, he
Seems sad about it, too
Yet, when I laugh
I see the sparkling in his eyes
Magic, awoken.

But that's not what I want.

I know, I could
Be the puppet master
But that doesn't seem right,

But that's not what I want.

He brightens up my day
In a completely different way
We were born to be together
Magic pulled us closer
But not in that way,

But that's not what I want.

His eyes are like the deep underground
Filled with emotions
I stop and take a breath
Try to hold it in
I could be the center of his world
Yet I'm afraid I'd
Hurt and be hurt
But I'm trying to be careful,

But that's not what I want.

His eyes
Filled my heart
With magic
His touch
Brought me closer and made me stay
His magic
Possessed me and made me whole

...Maybe that's what I just want.
This is a poem about a girl who tries not to fall in love with a boy because she's afraid. Yeah, she pretty much failed.
1.0k · Jun 2017
nim Jun 2017
I confuse people
And I filter things
I breathe in
The silver dust of clouds
And breathe out
Golden rays of sun

I take in myself
The bad words and
And out of my mouth
I spill the poems
Of the Earth
And the songs of peace

Nobody understands
How I work
How I filter
Into a daydream

Years pass, and
Filters get *****
Nobody understands
I keep everything
In myself

Nothing lasts forever
More time had passed
Before I
Was ready to be thrown

I took my
Final breath
Held it in
And as I was looking in the sky
I breathed out
And watched all the
Black, negative energy
Pollute the
Dying sky
963 · Jul 2021
nim Jul 2021
i am a sword
that acts as a shield
and, thus, falls apart.
828 · Feb 2018
'Seeing you again'
nim Feb 2018
"You look familiar",
a whisper said.
I turned around
And your saturation hit me
like never before, your
Blessed light, intensity;
Misty fog and a smile
I recognized your face
Of course, I always would
Ran over to hug you but
An arm suddenly grabs
My shoulder, a tight
and dark grasp; and
it's owner

"Little one, you do
Not belong here, now.
So why don't you
Come with me, where
You belong?"

Never have I ever
Belonged anywhere, and I
Just wanted to be
In your arms

And suddenly, I realise;
You are dead.
As dead as it gets.
And I couldn't go on
Without you, so now...
Now I believe the tales,
Now it's my turn to go
Now I see that
You belong

And I?
I realised.

He said I belong to that one place
Where people go, according
To these tales
When they miss
Someone too much
And do the sin.

The deep underground.

And I realised,
A few decades couldn't
Measure with
Never seeing
you again.

And despite all, I
Ask myself, will I
Ever belong?
788 · May 2018
nim May 2018
he is
simply perfect
he's my universe
and I can't help but loving him and nobody else
768 · Nov 2017
My cup of Universe
nim Nov 2017
"Write a poem for us to understand".

Why would I?
My poem's my heart and my ribs,
The galaxy scarf that's been strangling me for years;
My lover and companion,
My cup of tea that I enjoy in while hating it.

I enjoy my smooth ride in my imagination,
Where I do things I want to do here,
But which my mind itself does not let me do.

It's my sacred temple and the saviour who the temple is for.

Why do you have a need to understand it?
I'm the one jealously holding it,
Yet trembling to explain it.

My daily dose of galaxy.

My daily dose of hedonism.

Daily dose of suffocating.

Every day, closer to death, the closest to madness.

Welcome to the cup of my universe.
Enjoy it and hate it.
Explain if you can.
740 · Jul 2017
heart mist
nim Jul 2017
everyone thinks I'm heartless
but the thing is
it's just broken
so nobody tries to heal
the mist unseen
even though
affection and pain
are about to swallow me whole
684 · Jul 2017
a man in my dreams
nim Jul 2017
there is a man
visiting my dreams
every night he
makes me realise
it can be simple
it can get better

there is a boy
in my dreams, he
tells me everything
i needed to hear

there is a soul
in my dreams, it
makes me complete
makes me hope

there is a man,
in my dreams
he comes in
various shapes
every time, reminding me

of that one day
when i knew
i met him
and i knew that
the same life is
experienced through
different pairs of eyes

we are not so different

there is a boy,
in my dreams
and he makes me wonder

there is a soul my dreams.
I tried to keep it simple, because there's no need for it to be complex, right?
674 · Apr 2021
the call of the void.
nim Apr 2021
i write empty words
with a lot of emotions in me;
hidden meaning only i see.
it's the only place where i can hide
from the slick voice that
makes me leave others behind.
the voice, it says
it's just my nature
but i'm not so sure,
though it can feel like home;
i'm not so sure,
i want to hurt anymore.
661 · Jun 2017
One diabolic thing
nim Jun 2017
The only thing known to me is,
I need her.

I've been lost
I had wandered some places
No man wanted to hear about
Oh, and I've sinned
Gave my soul to the devil...

But, my devil was
In a black cocktail dress
Untamed hair falling across her back
Diabolic sparks in her eyes
I knew one thing.
She had to be mine.

Listen to my tale, and
Don't do the things I've done
Committed crimes
Against myself,
Against love.

There was this thing
About her, that drove me crazy
She was stubborn, yet gorgeous
Beautifully catastrophical
She really was a daughter
Of a man with an ancient lamp
From the myths and legends,
The fallen angel who brings the light.

She once told me:
"Count your sins, and add up
Your own very flaws
And look at the skies.
One star for a sin of yours,
One for a bad act
One for your flaws
But the stars still shine bright
Because they don't care
What've you done.
Immerse out of your nightmare
Because everything you held true
Is a pure lie.
You don't have to be perfect
Because, look up and tell me
Does one star make
Such a big difference?"

She embraced me
And I embraced her
Pressed my lips against hers
As she pulled out the worst in me.
She was a rebel,
She was out of line,
She was stubborn and direct
Purely fierce.
Oh, but I wished she was.

No man should survive
The living collapse of Heaven and Hell
Should I quit from her, my soul
Will be soon dead

If I tear her apart from me,
I won't last long.
Oh, what a sin of yours
That you've given your soul to the devil

I can't help but remember her eyes
Following me silently
My heart hurts when she's not around
I'm addicted to that
One thing she has
In this poem, a man tells a story about how he fell in love with the devil's daughter and gave his soul away.
596 · Feb 2018
lie after lie
nim Feb 2018
lie after lie
tell 'em I'm fine
lie after lie
and they start to

lie after lie
and you start
to believe
lie after lie
but the blade
couldn't be tricked

lie after lie,
tell them you're fine
lie after lie,
glass is now
in your veins
lie after lie,
you tell yourself
"That's not deep enough."

lie after lie
rose petals on the floor
lie after lie
one poem burned down
lie after lie
your blue eyes staring
at the hole where
lie before lie
my heart used to be

lie after lie
and soon
you don't know,
lie after lie,
you're not fine

lie after lie,
and soon,
lie after lie,
it's not
a lie.
573 · Jun 2020
poetry, my little fairy
nim Jun 2020
poetry, poetry;
my little fairy,
i cut open my wrist
and lovely daisies blossomed!

poetry, tiny pretty ghost,
is it a good sign?
would you heal me, please?
i feel their roots in my veins...

poetry, you silly phantom,
it isn't pleasant anymore!
they're ******* my blood,
there's vultures in my bloodflow.

poetry, silver fanged wraith,
your roots are in my bones,
it's a temple crushing down.
the past is hunting me down.

poetry, my little fairy.
i'm nothing more than dust.
i love you, but i fall apart.
you brought my old demons back.

poetry, my little fairy;
i cut my wrist open,
and lovely rotten daisies bloomed!
551 · Nov 2017
The same.
nim Nov 2017
one year has passed
everything changed

but you?
you stayed
the same.
532 · Jul 2017
To Love Love
nim Jul 2017
Love is blind.
For so long, I thought
That I must love someone,
That a lover is fierce,
That the love's easy and obvious.
But, I realised with time;
That you can love, not just a person
But a whole world out here
--To love the small things--
The way leaves travel on the wind,
And the way that
A rose petal is discovered
By a ladybug's love.
For so long, I jumped to love
But I didn't feel it
I didn't quite catch the hang of it
And with years, I
Felt love towards
My own flesh and blood
But I didn't realise it's importance.

One day, I have awoken
From a terrible nightmare
Just to see how you can
Love without feeling,
Not appreciating your life.

After that day, I soon
Learned to love my own tears
Because I could feel
At least something
And when a day came
That I felt my soul
It soon fell apart
Burned, crashed, washed out,
Smashed, killed, used,
Tortured, made fun of, bruised,
But I learned to love love.

I unraveled the confusion and
Accepted my flaws and merits
I felt the warm blood throughout my veins and the beautifully sounding beat of life

As I finally realised, I was alive

After that day, I appreciate
The small things
How to
Love, is loving
494 · Jun 2017
Life escaping
nim Jun 2017
I want to live
yet I'm slowly dying
God I know I sinned
wishing the day
of my death
would hunt me down
faster than
would make it.

yet, I'm here,
feel it stalking
as a piece of my soul
slowly fades

I tried to catch it
the glimpse of life
colorful and
my hands turned transparent;
my legs were stuck deep in the ground,
my voice couldn't be heard,
my eyes didn't believe what they saw.
my soul cried.
my life was escaping.

and when it turned around,
I saw death
taking it away
and a final laugh
echoed through
my mind
until the rest of my days.
This is the poem on which my "yesterday" one was based. Both were inspired by the same thing.
490 · Sep 2017
Thou Have Been Trapped
nim Sep 2017
Well God help thy soul
you did what was wrong
unlocked the forbidden chambers
and ye shall never find thy spirit
thou lost it underneath
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
Look at thy mortals' sky
The stellar dust long dead
Feel the tingling of fear
the calling of the gone
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
Thy spirit is wandering like
Seagrass in the waves,
Like leaves on the cold,
colourless wind
Amongst the Sun and the Moon
The silver dust and rain
Now there is no such thing as an escape
Thou have been trapped
Have you ever been
There is no such thing
As an escape
Have been
T r a p p e d
Mixing the old English word with the nowaday speech is, I believe, giving poems a special spark to it. My attempt was to create a mystic poem, giving away a post-life feeling. The point is, we don't live long, and it's time to wake up. You're here, trapped. And now there's no escape, not even death. But this piece has a special, hidden meaning behind it - if we are trapped here, why not make the most of it? [V.J.]
481 · Nov 2020
your aura
nim Nov 2020
tonight, your aura shines
the moon enhances your light
and our love gets intertwined;
your gasps fill my lungs with awe
as you lay there, more beautiful than ever
to your angelic energy, i surrender
even though i may be the devil
480 · Jul 2018
nim Jul 2018
I'm feeling
Like an empty shell
But the core
Of nothingness
Is made out of
Pure sorrow

Is that the word?
It doesn't describe me
Hell, nothing does...
So I'll just
Keep doing
What I know best;

It's pretending
That I'm normal, even though
I am well aware that I'm not
And I was never near being normal
And I cannot be described by normal words

Nostalgic. Melancholic. Sad. Depressed. Abyss. Apathy. Darkness.
Pretending to be
All that I'm not.
But, I don't know, what am I?

Empty words can describe me.
But I cannot choose them myself;
If I could, what would I choose?

I'm tired.
Empty, inside.
Dead, inside.
Unable to be
The real me.

And it's wearing me down.
Every time I disappoint you.
Every time I'm empty.
Every time I'm not what I should be.
When I'm not enough.
And when I'm too much.

Empty words, empty head, empty promises, empty purpose, empty meaning, empty feelings.
Is that what you bring me down to?
Is that how you see me?
Empty, of humanity?

The words are echoing in my ears.
That's the room I sit in.
That's the life I lead.
Maybe that's me.
Perhaps it is, when you don't see what I see.

Happy, joyful, worryless.
Perfect, pretty, shallow.
Skillful, amazing, badass.
Crazy, mad, fun, reckless.
...but empty.

It's a mark you've made.
Are you happy?
That I'm empty?
That I'm turning into you?
Are you empty?
But am I?

A lot of people see me differently,
Like I just wrote.
Each line for one me.
Wait, I write?
Why didn't you write it down?
Because I had to write, EMPTY, twice?

So are you looking
At this empty moon tonight?
Are you staring at the starless sky?
Are you partying in your empty house?
Are you crying, in your room, or in  your empty soul?

Have you been feeling empty recently?
Is it contagious?
Do you feel sorry?
Did you mean everything you told me?
Did this world mean to hurt me?

Am I empty?
Is the world empty?
What's my empty purpose?
Is it to be empty?
Is it to be me,
Or is it to be you?
425 · Nov 2017
lost love by your footsteps
nim Nov 2017
wherever i go
i see your footsteps
marking the snow in my heart

a silent whisper, your voice
sends shivers down my body
while i'm losing everything in your wind

once you have taught me how not to love,
how can i
ever love

so how can i fight if
i'm not whole?
so how to fight if

wherever i go
i see your footsteps
marking the snow in my heart
quietly telling me,
"You can never love again".
418 · May 2018
Now let him know
nim May 2018
You break.
He's the reason.
You fall apart.
And that's okay.

Now you're stronger than ever, you have learned on your mistakes and your weak points.

Now let him know that you've woken up the side of you which is uncatchable, the liquid flame which blossoms in the desire to devour anything you want it to, that you have asserted utter harmony with the knowledge of what are you capable of.

Now, you're strong.
After breaking and rising from the dust, who could stop you now?

Now let him know.
417 · Jun 2017
Crying Sky
nim Jun 2017
Staring at the ceiling
I hear raindrops
As they fall to the ground
From the gloomy ocean
When they once used to be high
As they break
And as the sky cries
It's nice knowing,

That someone is crying with me, too.
This is a metaphorical song, and the main meaning is that whoever rises high can fall down in life. It also talks about sadness etc.
414 · Jul 2021
nim Jul 2021
a leaf falls onto the bench,
completely mute. you pick
it up, begging it to make a sound.
i wonder why, it won't work wonders;
i wonder why, has it fallen down,
i wonder why, are we all
just leaves, now
on the ground?
411 · Jul 2021
a phase
nim Jul 2021
face after face,
i put an X on your face.
cross out all of you wonders,
one wonder after another.
drown you in the spine fluid;
blend you in with the memories.
do not miss me, for i
was just a little phase.
408 · Feb 2018
{Illusions always break}
nim Feb 2018
He stood on the hill with his cap turned backwards,
And it made no logic at all
Since the sun was hitting his eyes, but he didn't seem to care
For the orange line, over his face

And yet, when I approached closer
He seemed further away, and the galaxy was spreading across his face
It looked like a magnificent burn
Which he got
From dreaming
Too much

The sun turned black and the boy was no more.
Now, the only thing I could see in front of me was a shade...
Not like I could describe it, since it was a shade of fear seen from my eyes.
I wasn't looking with my eyes, yet with my soul alone.

A discovery far more greater than what I've known my whole life.

So I, naturally, search for Hope and Dreams
My Ideals, too
I only found Illusions
Lying broken on the crimson floor
As the Life and Thought beat it up

But then a darkness far greater than all of the others came.
Really, it can't be seen with your eyes, so you need to look with your soul.
Blacker than the venta black.
Just a deathly black.

It was Him, for sure. Not Him as the God, but the one who takes your hand at the end of your suffering.
And so, Illusion's hand was taken
While Life and Thoughts spit on the ground and disappeared,

Death embraced me and him.

It was far more comfortable than I'd thought it would be;
An indisputable peace found only within your heart.
It's an irony, but it shine so bright
With it's darkness
That we both knew we were finally safe.

And the boy?
Oh, well he sat on the ground.
Took a sip of time
Like he always does, from time to time.

He looked at me, absorbing
All of my questions
Changing his form to however I
Had imagined him at that moment

And just when I thought I had caught up with him, he'd transform yet again.

Then it hit me.
He was Illusions himself;
And just when I wanted to
Embrace him and make him confirm,

Just like Hopes, Dreams, and
All of my Ideals...

He broke at that moment.

And all I'm left with
Is this blinding darkness
Sparkling with it's sweet venom;

I realise life is more and less that I had ever guessed.

Illusions are not to be trusted.

Because Illusions always break.
Illusions always bend and twist the way we want them too, but they always break at the end. Be smart.
402 · Jan 2019
nim Jan 2019
soft cries
in your arms
silky layers
covering our secrets
murmuring words of
affection and love
let's be together,
your hand in mine
until the world is gone
386 · May 2018
nim May 2018
and i had no knowledge
of how to fix the hole

so i just jumped into it
nim May 2018
The eclipse lasts shortly,
And the moon shines
Merely because of the Sun's rays.
The moon may be gorgeous,
But everything it got
Was a gift from Sun.
Without it's gold spreading across the sky,
The moon is invisible.

That's why a Moon
Could never compete with a Sun.
This poem was a respond to Sky who wrote Eclipse, hope you like it. ♥
The moon shines only because it reflects Sun's light, remember that.
361 · May 2019
Cupid doesn't pick
nim May 2019
pretty, pretty
what a pity;
they say it's pretty stupid,
but i got hit by Cupid

pretty silly,
and i like it, really
343 · Jul 2021
first glimpse
nim Jul 2021
i admire him.
from the first moment
i caught his glimpse,
i've admired him.
a will so sheer and strong.
no armour would resist.
it's just that, when our eyes meet,
i feel a connection that runs so deep.
intelligent, benevolent and true,
these words are for you.
the loyal friend, the genuinest soulmate.
all i do, is for you.
i hope you get the meaning
behind all of the things i do;
i wish we'd already meet again,
so that my lips would never
feel so lonely again.
so my empty gaze
would have something to look happily at.
so you and i could
be together, forever,
as we'd promised each other,
time and time again.
334 · Jun 2018
sight of you
nim Jun 2018
the night was starless
your face blank
and your eyes like
the galaxy was alit

a dangerous mix of colours
the most attractive danger
i have ever seen

it was beautiful, like you;
the sight of your golden hair
being tingled by the wind
while you were leaving

and you left me,
you left me
323 · Jul 2017
l a u g h
nim Jul 2017
it is
the best
to distract
the others
p a i n
322 · May 2018
counting backwards
nim May 2018
I see a silver glint
on your wrist, the
blood merely falling
off your lips

dropping a drop,
  one, two,
falling at the floor,
   three, four,
your eyes gazing at mine,
   five, six,
-do you still hate me,
      ...even now?-

when you opened
your skin
a trail of
quicksilver ran
and I heard the sound;

  seven, eight,
your brown, golden and green eyes,
  nine, ten,
I don't feel very
real, right now

   nine, eight
you once were happy
   seven, six
could we go back in time?
    five, four,
you put the blade back down
    three, two,
I love you as much as I do now,

   one; I am still alive.
319 · May 2018
nim May 2018
and you feel so lonesome
you're always cold
want to, but can't go bold
you don't feel so awesome

your nails grip your tights
and you hurt yourself, so it will hurt less
can't handle all of this stress
can't seem to find the lights

and each and every day it hurts more and more
you lock it in yourself, the pain,
but you know you can never sustain
all the sore and the gore

put the headphones in your ears
screaming louder, the words of the song
but you know the song wasn't as long
it's a way to let out all of your tears

and every day you say you're fine
and each morning you wake up tired
but a trigger in your head had already fired,
nobody understood, it was a sign

and all of your colour has been drained,
nothing makes you wish you were awake,
and every day, all over again, you break:
but your ****** expressions have been well trained

so don't tell me I'm alright
don't tell me there's hope for humanity
this - all - is insanity;
don't tell me the world is a pleasant sight

and don't convince me otherwise;
everyone has their own meaning to life,
even if it's their own ******* knife,
or if they choose to rise

and I don't have a **** note

for you or your friends

because the world's posioned and everyday, for someone, it ends

....and nobody has the antidote
nim Sep 2017
when a storm's expected
the whirling power of silence
takes over me
and I cannot do a single
thing, but watch;
how the tornado gets
swiped off by
a heartbreak

I feel tingling in my chest
I feel like the big
nothing is smothering me
silent hands
going up, against
my neck
softly following the line
of life and death

the flowers turn into stone
and I am completely torn

I could do
but simply stand

and watch
316 · Jun 2017
nim Jun 2017
yesterday, I felt my life
was fading away;
a piece of my soul
running away

yesterday, I
naturally, tried to catch it:
the glimpse of life
the sparkle that used to be in my eyes
joy that ran through my veins

yesterday, I
failed to catch life
yesterday, my
life ran away
as I stood and watched it.
in the end, I let it go away
because I saw how happy
it was
without me

yesterday, I
watched it play
and go away
to the faraway place, outer space
I was weak, yet strong
and for the last time
it turned around
and I saw Death
and Death saw me

yesterday, I
heard their laugh echoed
through my mind

until the rest of my days.
314 · May 2018
hard to grasp
nim May 2018
another day has passed.
a day closer to the black sky.
and you read poetry today.
you read a book today.
But, what trace have you left on this planet, today?

Who will acknowledge it? Will you be misunderstood? Will a young boy with curly brown hair and silver eyes weep over your words for a hundred years, while listening to our now vintage songs?

Will anyone remember you? Will you matter, after the Earth makes hundreds of thousands of spins around the Sun, which perhaps is circling around something bigger? Will you reincarnate? Will you be alive? Will you just disappear, or will you stick around?

Is there hope for humanity, is there hope for immortality? Will they enable people to live forever, to find a way to break nature, a year after you die? Will people still follow the same traditions, as they do today, will families have lunch together like their ancestors used to have?

Will there be depressed children, stressing and crying and cutting themselves because nobody would believe when they say "It's too much"? Will people still be stuck in the circle of melancholy and nostalgy, held captured by the never-ending routine when the first thing they do in the morning is ask themselves " Is this worth it? Do I really have to go to work? Perhaps I should end this, maybe it'll be easier then?"

Will people still break under their masks that they hold with trembling hands, grasping the clay so hard that their nails break and their fingers bleed, just so their kids couldn't discern what's underneath it?

Will everything stay the same and nothing improve? Will there be a catastrophy and expunge you, the one writing this, the gorgeous stranger you met on the street on a cold winter evening five years ago? Will it also wipe out your elementary school teacher, wipe out the florist from who you bought that flower for your first love and a rose for your mother?

Will people change, mentally and physically evolve along with our brains? Will the names we have to learn by heart - Darwin, Watt, Dante, Boccaccio and Einstein become irrelevant comparing to the inventions that are yet to come? Will somebody prove they were wrong, will somebody speak badly of them? Will someone still adore Dante's Heaven and Hell as much as I do? Will people analyse poetry the way I do? Will anyone ever feel the way you do?
Will anyone ever make a decision like you did, will anyone look up to you?

Is there a reason to be stressed and depressed, when all of this won't last? Is there a point in searching for the meaning of life rather than picking a reason to live that satisfies you both mentally, emotionally and physically?

Will people have passion and hate and freedom of expression, will they be bold or will they become faded? Lost? Encouraged or enraged?

Well you'll never know.

And that's hard to grasp.
311 · Jul 2021
nim Jul 2021
in my eyes there was a hope, lit and far away,
a dream, waiting, for when things would end.
but as it comes closer, and as days go by,
my vision gets blurry, and my perspective gets lost.
no more am i merry to meet my foe,
nor do those thoughts keep me company.
a wicked ending, lurking on me,
a dead end and the black void are waiting on me.
it's hard to imagine and even harder to say,
the fear i feel deep in the night,
when not even the stars are awake.
but, come the morning and i rise,
the thoughts are gone, i'm fine again.
the loverboy sun spreads his smile
across the sky, it's on the roofs, i think it hits my soul too.
no more am i odd, no more do i cry,
but when the sky falls down, i collapse again.
i wish i could stay as brave as when i'm with the sun,
yet the nightmare never seems to end,
because it only has
one possible end.
310 · Jul 2017
nim Jul 2017
am i really that bad?
punish me with all i deserve
all the sins i preserve
please, be mad
i've hurt you and
i am dizzy all the time
spill the content of this land
my galaxy intertwined mind

nothing is right
can't collect the strings of my mind

i am to do whatever you say
and i know i've been bad
but the world is so sad
incomparable to your eyes gray

i'm not myself any longer
i tried to be stronger
but a mere walker can't overwalk fate
when standing before hell's gate

blurry, the clouds are so blurry
i try to walk them but i keep falling
destiny's eyes keep rolling
Fortunae's flurry

i keep rushing into things
i keep falling into abeyance
i keep thinking of my old wings
i keep noticing your absence

my skin's not bruised enough
for you to forgive, is it?
my heart's not rough
with sadness it is lit

don't come near
but don't leave me
a single shed tear
isn't enough to see

so, please, punish me with all I deserve,
all the sins I preserve,
a mere walker can't over walk fate
when standing before hell's gate

somewhere in the woods
a wolf is singing his lonsome song
to the moon changing his moods
a love story, thousand of years long

i get closer as i listen
set off green balloons to the galaxy
filled with nothing but fallacies
a glimpse of hope alighten

is this a dream?
is it a nightmare?
because, i know it can seem
like the green balloons are
filled with faults and cries
but success is born from failed tries

so, will we ever bloom?
all i ever think of's my doom
because my soul is black,
because i can never go back.
I've been working on this for some time and I'm still not completely pleased. What can I say.
308 · Nov 2018
poem Nō.#
nim Nov 2018
The borderline of chaos, the imaginary bliss of hell.
I sit in my garden with the wind speaking in my ear, ever so softly;
The leaves are waving and dancing on the wind, following an endless masquerade.
And I am a part of it as well - the mask
I'm wearing grew in on my face, and
I can't seem to take it off.
Just like them, I'm following the seemingly meaningless parade.

The sun has hit low bottom and the day is no more, all to be seen is the flashback of the better days,
with the same orange sky.
Sitting under the same tree.
Yet with every second, the leaves are closer to crumbling and stumbling across an obstacle.
But not you.
You've already hit rock bottom.
And your end is coming near.
But for the first time, after so many tries because you've been convinced otherwise, you catch a glimpse of something.
A light in this melancholy and agony.
The end is near, yet there is more to come.
For you, you've tried your best.

And it's the only thing that ever counts.
306 · Feb 2019
nim Feb 2019
there's a calm rage inside of me
and a furious gratitude
305 · Jul 2018
today // tomorrow
nim Jul 2018
i had learnt that
a "today" has to be blurry,
filled with gray clouds, and painful,
so that your "tomorrow" can be bright;
happy, without worries,
full of hope and delight,
every day is "today"
and "tomorrow"
is always out of touch, out of reach,
painfully untouchable
because tomorrow is always
the next day, postponed,
as every joy turns into dark,
as every tomorrow becomes
a today.
300 · Oct 2017
|You'll never learn|
nim Oct 2017
You can learn to love,
You'll never learn how to fall in love
299 · Aug 2017
nim Aug 2017
You take my breath away.
You're something else
From a faraway dimension,
Your eyes, the galaxies that
I watched under the lonely skies;
A thousand of blinding lights,
Star dust and fog
And I can't see
You blinded me
Baby, why'd you pick
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