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May 31 · 181
Cupid doesn't pick
nim May 31
pretty, pretty
what a pity;
they say it's pretty stupid,
but i got hit by Cupid

pretty silly,
and i like it, really
Apr 10 · 45
a rainy day
nim Apr 10
rain is slowly dripping
down my umbrella;
soft, orange and brown leaves
still stick to my shoes

the misty fog soon discovers
the path ahead of me,
white flowers on the trees
are whispering a soft hello.

i hope, i really hope
you'll one day see
the beauty in peace

i hope, i really hope
you'll find in the world
what i found in you.
love.
Feb 11 · 254
utopian
nim Feb 11
there's a calm rage inside of me
and a furious gratitude
Jan 28 · 302
--secret
nim Jan 28
soft cries
in your arms
silky layers
covering our secrets
murmuring words of
affection and love
let's be together,
your hand in mine
until the world is gone
Jan 27 · 82
Nö:#2
nim Jan 27
constant aching in my chest
and i can't seem to help it
constant pain, physically felt
brought from the inside of my head
days feel long, days feel short
it's a sand hourglass constantly twisted
but each of them brings pain,
indecisiveness;
each of them is always
the same
in the unique,
painful
way
Nov 2018 · 256
poem Nō.#
nim Nov 2018
The borderline of chaos, the imaginary bliss of hell.
I sit in my garden with the wind speaking in my ear, ever so softly;
The leaves are waving and dancing on the wind, following an endless masquerade.
And I am a part of it as well - the mask
I'm wearing grew in on my face, and
I can't seem to take it off.
Just like them, I'm following the seemingly meaningless parade.

The sun has hit low bottom and the day is no more, all to be seen is the flashback of the better days,
with the same orange sky.
Sitting under the same tree.
Yet with every second, the leaves are closer to crumbling and stumbling across an obstacle.
But not you.
You've already hit rock bottom.
And your end is coming near.
But for the first time, after so many tries because you've been convinced otherwise, you catch a glimpse of something.
A light in this melancholy and agony.
The end is near, yet there is more to come.
For you, you've tried your best.

And it's the only thing that ever counts.
Aug 2018 · 199
The way you left me
nim Aug 2018
Your dazzling light
Was all I saw,
All I remember.

The image is burning
In my mind everyday,
Stamped by your words
In my canvas of misery.

And so, at last,
Hell's flame you left in me
Will never leave my head
The way you left me.
Some creative expression, playing with images
Jul 2018 · 213
Empty
nim Jul 2018
I'm feeling
Like an empty shell
But the core
Of nothingness
Is made out of
Pure sorrow

Empty
Is that the word?
It doesn't describe me
Hell, nothing does...
So I'll just
Keep doing
What I know best;

It's pretending
That I'm normal, even though
I am well aware that I'm not
And I was never near being normal
And I cannot be described by normal words

Empty...
Nostalgic. Melancholic. Sad. Depressed. Abyss. Apathy. Darkness.
Pretending to be
All that I'm not.
But, I don't know, what am I?

Empty...
Empty words can describe me.
But I cannot choose them myself;
If I could, what would I choose?
Maybe...
Dead?

I'm tired.
Exhausted.
Empty, inside.
Dead, inside.
Unable to be
The real me.

And it's wearing me down.
Every time I disappoint you.
Every time I'm empty.
Every time I'm not what I should be.
When I'm not enough.
And when I'm too much.

Empty words, empty head, empty promises, empty purpose, empty meaning, empty feelings.
Is that what you bring me down to?
Is that how you see me?
Empty, of humanity?

The words are echoing in my ears.
Empty.
That's the room I sit in.
That's the life I lead.
Maybe that's me.
Perhaps it is, when you don't see what I see.

Empty.
Happy, joyful, worryless.
Perfect, pretty, shallow.
Skillful, amazing, badass.
Crazy, mad, fun, reckless.
...but empty.

It's a mark you've made.
Are you happy?
That I'm empty?
That I'm turning into you?
Are you empty?
But am I?

A lot of people see me differently,
Like I just wrote.
Each line for one me.
Wait, I write?
Why didn't you write it down?
Because I had to write, EMPTY, twice?

So are you looking
At this empty moon tonight?
Are you staring at the starless sky?
Are you partying in your empty house?
Are you crying, in your room, or in  your empty soul?

Have you been feeling empty recently?
Is it contagious?
Do you feel sorry?
Did you mean everything you told me?
Did this world mean to hurt me?

Am I empty?
Is the world empty?
What's my empty purpose?
Is it to be empty?
Is it to be me,
Or is it to be you?
Jul 2018 · 202
pain
nim Jul 2018
pain
changes us
and pain
must exist
or you'll feel
like you've never
lived
Jul 2018 · 662
I don't care.
nim Jul 2018
I don't care.
Your harsh words
Have cut too deep,
Your venomous tongue
Has gotten too far.
Your slim fingers
Will never again touch that skin.

I don't care.
Your trail of smell
Is stuck in this place,
But no more shall it stay;
Haven't you learnt?
Light blinds even the darkest.

I don't care.
Your smirk won't help you.
Your irony will become agony.
Because, don't you know?
When a precious person is tortured like this,
I can't hold back.

I don't care.
Don't you know?
A touch, a sword, rose petals in the air, blinding light; blood on the floor.
Don't you know?
I won't hold back.
She is far too precious.
I can't hold back.

And I don't care.
If my end is a new beginning for her,
So be it.

I don't care.
She's the reason.
I unleash my rage.
Jul 2018 · 239
today // tomorrow
nim Jul 2018
i had learnt that
a "today" has to be blurry,
filled with gray clouds, and painful,
so that your "tomorrow" can be bright;
happy, without worries,
full of hope and delight,
but
every day is "today"
and "tomorrow"
is always out of touch, out of reach,
painfully untouchable
because tomorrow is always
the next day, postponed,
as every joy turns into dark,
as every tomorrow becomes
a today.
Jul 2018 · 939
opening up
nim Jul 2018
it hurts
to open up
and to be responded to
with nothing but
misunderstanding,
rudeness,
being told to "stop being depressed".
How will that fix me?
it hurts to open up when
opening up never gave me
anything but pain
with the people I love,
while opening up to a stranger
was the only comfort I could get.
But how can I trust a stranger,
when it feels like everyone around me
has become a stranger?
Jul 2018 · 224
turned into dust
nim Jul 2018
"take my hand", I said
but you couldn't catch me
because I've already
turned into dust
and now the only way to get me
is to salute the wind
and I never wanted you to know
but that's why I lived;
the only reason was
the hope that one day
you'd see what I see,
miracles and beauty;
that you'd love life through nature
I put my soul into making it better

but yet, I never thought
you'd never salute my migrating grave
I never expected you didn't care
never saw you don't think of me
never saw, never saw
you don't love me

maybe it's better,
that I've turned into dust.
Jul 2018 · 182
be better
nim Jul 2018
i made a
promise, to myself
that when i get
older, i would
be better than
i was before
but i didn't know
that 'being better',
to other people,
meant
doing impossible
so it's no wonder
that i am no good
       that i cannot do good
that i
cannot
.
.
.
be better
.
.
.

when all
of my effort meant
nothing
to the people i
loved the most
Jun 2018 · 176
please stop
nim Jun 2018
starless night
in disguise,
no sunrise
endless dark
Jun 2018 · 182
ornament
nim Jun 2018
it's no wonder
you can't fall asleep,
when your tears
are ornamenting
your silky sheets
Jun 2018 · 1.1k
torn
nim Jun 2018
i'd like to tell you
that i'm fine
but I'm
too torn apart
to talk
Jun 2018 · 182
let me break
nim Jun 2018
he told me i
can't have this
wounds patched up, i
can't heal
the only way to
close the
wound, is to
break
completely

so i
Broke
but i
am still
alive
help me
break
and let me
bleed out
in the dead
silence
of
night
Jun 2018 · 196
how without?
nim Jun 2018
my
bones
could not stand
your strength; my
glassy veins
could not stand
being unhurt; my
damaged brain,
without knowing
what's good,
couldn't stand
being
okay
;
my
self
hasn't
learned yet,
what it means to
feel like i'm real in this
vile, horror circle of life
galloping through our
time, wasting time,
following time,
timing time,
feeling time, but
making our thoughts
to still remain
timeless
and
to
stand
hurtless
but my damaged
brain, not knowing what
is good, can never learn
how to feel good
how to feel real
how to feel
how to be
how
.
.
.
how
without
hurting
...yourself?
Jun 2018 · 281
sight of you
nim Jun 2018
the night was starless
your face blank
and your eyes like
the galaxy was alit

a dangerous mix of colours
the most attractive danger
i have ever seen

it was beautiful, like you;
the sight of your golden hair
being tingled by the wind
while you were leaving

and you left me,
you left me
aflame
Jun 2018 · 203
today's problem
nim Jun 2018
is weeny people
having thoughts that
are immense, vast, oversized for their age
for their teeny, picayune bodies

but that isn't the problem

it's the elders not acknowledging them nor their thoughts
it's their need for self destruction  
it's anxiety, depression, Weltschmerz all over again

it's not being enough
but feeling
way too
much
May 2018 · 311
hole
nim May 2018
and i had no knowledge
of how to fix the hole

so i just jumped into it
May 2018 · 715
he
nim May 2018
he
he is
simply perfect
he's my universe
and I can't help but loving him and nobody else
nim May 2018
The eclipse lasts shortly,
And the moon shines
Merely because of the Sun's rays.
The moon may be gorgeous,
But everything it got
Was a gift from Sun.
Without it's gold spreading across the sky,
The moon is invisible.

That's why a Moon
Could never compete with a Sun.
This poem was a respond to Sky who wrote Eclipse, hope you like it. ♥
The moon shines only because it reflects Sun's light, remember that.
May 2018 · 277
counting backwards
nim May 2018
I see a silver glint
on your wrist, the
blood merely falling
off your lips

dropping a drop,
  one, two,
falling at the floor,
   three, four,
your eyes gazing at mine,
   five, six,
-do you still hate me,
      ...even now?-

when you opened
your skin
a trail of
quicksilver ran
and I heard the sound;

  seven, eight,
your brown, golden and green eyes,
  nine, ten,
I don't feel very
real, right now


   nine, eight
you once were happy
   seven, six
could we go back in time?
    five, four,
you put the blade back down
    three, two,
I love you as much as I do now,

   one; I am still alive.
May 2018 · 236
hard to grasp
nim May 2018
another day has passed.
a day closer to the black sky.
and you read poetry today.
you read a book today.
But, what trace have you left on this planet, today?

Who will acknowledge it? Will you be misunderstood? Will a young boy with curly brown hair and silver eyes weep over your words for a hundred years, while listening to our now vintage songs?

Will anyone remember you? Will you matter, after the Earth makes hundreds of thousands of spins around the Sun, which perhaps is circling around something bigger? Will you reincarnate? Will you be alive? Will you just disappear, or will you stick around?

Is there hope for humanity, is there hope for immortality? Will they enable people to live forever, to find a way to break nature, a year after you die? Will people still follow the same traditions, as they do today, will families have lunch together like their ancestors used to have?

Will there be depressed children, stressing and crying and cutting themselves because nobody would believe when they say "It's too much"? Will people still be stuck in the circle of melancholy and nostalgy, held captured by the never-ending routine when the first thing they do in the morning is ask themselves " Is this worth it? Do I really have to go to work? Perhaps I should end this, maybe it'll be easier then?"

Will people still break under their masks that they hold with trembling hands, grasping the clay so hard that their nails break and their fingers bleed, just so their kids couldn't discern what's underneath it?

Will everything stay the same and nothing improve? Will there be a catastrophy and expunge you, the one writing this, the gorgeous stranger you met on the street on a cold winter evening five years ago? Will it also wipe out your elementary school teacher, wipe out the florist from who you bought that flower for your first love and a rose for your mother?

Will people change, mentally and physically evolve along with our brains? Will the names we have to learn by heart - Darwin, Watt, Dante, Boccaccio and Einstein become irrelevant comparing to the inventions that are yet to come? Will somebody prove they were wrong, will somebody speak badly of them? Will someone still adore Dante's Heaven and Hell as much as I do? Will people analyse poetry the way I do? Will anyone ever feel the way you do?
Will anyone ever make a decision like you did, will anyone look up to you?

Is there a reason to be stressed and depressed, when all of this won't last? Is there a point in searching for the meaning of life rather than picking a reason to live that satisfies you both mentally, emotionally and physically?

Will people have passion and hate and freedom of expression, will they be bold or will they become faded? Lost? Encouraged or enraged?

Well you'll never know.

And that's hard to grasp.
May 2018 · 146
corner
nim May 2018
eyes all dried out
trembling mouth
terrified, in the corner of the room
while I can feel the horror bloom,
I wonder if anything makes sense
why did everything have to be so intense;
did any of us deserve this?
will we ever escape from the abyss?
May 2018 · 165
antidote
nim May 2018
and you feel so lonesome
you're always cold
want to, but can't go bold
you don't feel so awesome

your nails grip your tights
and you hurt yourself, so it will hurt less
can't handle all of this stress
can't seem to find the lights

and each and every day it hurts more and more
you lock it in yourself, the pain,
but you know you can never sustain
all the sore and the gore

put the headphones in your ears
screaming louder, the words of the song
but you know the song wasn't as long
it's a way to let out all of your tears

and every day you say you're fine
and each morning you wake up tired
but a trigger in your head had already fired,
nobody understood, it was a sign

and all of your colour has been drained,
nothing makes you wish you were awake,
and every day, all over again, you break:
but your ****** expressions have been well trained

so don't tell me I'm alright
don't tell me there's hope for humanity
this - all - is insanity;
don't tell me the world is a pleasant sight

and don't convince me otherwise;
everyone has their own meaning to life,
even if it's their own ******* knife,
or if they choose to rise


and I don't have a **** note

for you or your friends

because the world's posioned and everyday, for someone, it ends

....and nobody has the antidote
May 2018 · 186
e v i l
nim May 2018
All of a sudden, everything made sense;
My guardian angel
Must be a fallen one
May 2018 · 327
Now let him know
nim May 2018
You break.
He's the reason.
You fall apart.
And that's okay.

Now you're stronger than ever, you have learned on your mistakes and your weak points.

Now let him know that you've woken up the side of you which is uncatchable, the liquid flame which blossoms in the desire to devour anything you want it to, that you have asserted utter harmony with the knowledge of what are you capable of.

Now, you're strong.
After breaking and rising from the dust, who could stop you now?

Now let him know.
May 2018 · 1.4k
Lately
nim May 2018
Lately, I've been more depressed
Than ever, this feeling
of destruction has been
getting visible over the day,
instead of just at night

Lately, this black hole
Has been swallowing me,
slowly tearing me apart
and I don't know how do deal with it.

I don't feel real
Time passes slowly yet vastly fast
and lately, the thunder's
been scaring me
instead of giving me warm comfort
in the dead silence of my room

the colors don't seem very alive anymore
nothing feels important, to me
...and I don't know
how much longer will it take
before the abyss swallows me whole.

And I mean every single
word that I tell you,
and my every emotion is tangled
and all I'm left with is this mess in wires
so light in my hands,
So easy to throw away

Lately I've been more scared
About death, about existence
And this familiar feeling
Is slowly writing the melody;

A perfect harmony,
Yet so monochrome and monotonous
So devastating, subdoing hope
and lately,

I don't know
What to do
Lately, the things that once
Gave me joy,
Gently swiping though
Pages and pages of books
now
bring nothing
Apr 2018 · 87
--D--
nim Apr 2018
feeling like I'm already dead
feeling like I'll forever be sad
don't get me wrong but I'm breaking
you can't feel it but it's shattering
I'm falling apart and nobody
Could ever catch me, so somebody
Could you please catch me?
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