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nim Aug 2019
moon, you brutal lover,
keeping all of my secrets
yet never sharing yours.

still, i find comfort when I'm with you;
my solitude and sorrow
merging with your soft light
slowly turning into one

show me yourself
i need you right now
i'm fading away

don't be shy,
you're the one
who knows who i am

because tonight
your company is my only medicine
nim May 2022
Don't cry no more,
my beautiful sunflower;
let's spin in the rays of sun,
let me see a straw hat crown your gorgeous smile.

Hold my fingers, whisper in my ear,
snuggle with me in the sleeping bag;
let us pray to the fallen stars,
for a dream I hope will last.

And when winter comes, I'll make
a gorgeous castle, and do whatever it takes
to keep you safe and warm, my love,
so you can last an eternity in my arms.

In return, you can lead me to the
surface, help me grasp some air,
make me float in this endless ocean,
and show me how to breathe again.
nim Apr 2019
i could be the best actor
pretend i don't care

but it's all in vain
when you are not
looking at my stage
nim Feb 2018
The abyss and emptyness.
A feeling,
craving other feelings.



To apathy
nim Jul 2017
there is a man
visiting my dreams
every night he
makes me realise
it can be simple
it can get better

there is a boy
in my dreams, he
tells me everything
i needed to hear

there is a soul
in my dreams, it
makes me complete
makes me hope

there is a man,
in my dreams
he comes in
various shapes
every time, reminding me

of that one day
when i knew
i met him
and i knew that
the same life is
experienced through
different pairs of eyes

we are not so different

there is a boy,
in my dreams
and he makes me wonder

there is a soul my dreams.
I tried to keep it simple, because there's no need for it to be complex, right?
nim May 2018
and you feel so lonesome
you're always cold
want to, but can't go bold
you don't feel so awesome

your nails grip your tights
and you hurt yourself, so it will hurt less
can't handle all of this stress
can't seem to find the lights

and each and every day it hurts more and more
you lock it in yourself, the pain,
but you know you can never sustain
all the sore and the gore

put the headphones in your ears
screaming louder, the words of the song
but you know the song wasn't as long
it's a way to let out all of your tears

and every day you say you're fine
and each morning you wake up tired
but a trigger in your head had already fired,
nobody understood, it was a sign

and all of your colour has been drained,
nothing makes you wish you were awake,
and every day, all over again, you break:
but your ****** expressions have been well trained

so don't tell me I'm alright
don't tell me there's hope for humanity
this - all - is insanity;
don't tell me the world is a pleasant sight

and don't convince me otherwise;
everyone has their own meaning to life,
even if it's their own ******* knife,
or if they choose to rise

and I don't have a **** note

for you or your friends

because the world's posioned and everyday, for someone, it ends

....and nobody has the antidote
nim Jul 2021
face after face,
i put an X on your face.
cross out all of you wonders,
one wonder after another.
drown you in the spine fluid;
blend you in with the memories.
do not miss me, for i
was just a little phase.
nim Apr 2019
rain is slowly dripping
down my umbrella;
soft, orange and brown leaves
still stick to my shoes

the misty fog soon discovers
the path ahead of me,
white flowers on the trees
are whispering a soft hello.

i hope, i really hope
you'll one day see
the beauty in peace

i hope, i really hope
you'll find in the world
what i found in you.
nim Apr 2019
hidden, hidden
riddle me a riddle
your nails so black
rest on your face
while you're looking away,
a wondering gaze

it's like i can almost hear your mind
struggling to figure out;
"four feet, one heart, no spines, a turning clock",
you try the taste of the words

it is where I'm taking you, and me


one heart,
I'll do it
in the name
of love
nim May 8
i've been fighting horrible
battles with death, with my
mind constantly overflowing, spilling;

in my lifetime
i came across people who loved me,
someone loved me;

and that's enough.
Been having horrible anxiety all the time. Relief brings immediate tears.
nim Jul 2017
am i really that bad?
punish me with all i deserve
all the sins i preserve
please, be mad
i've hurt you and
i am dizzy all the time
spill the content of this land
my galaxy intertwined mind

nothing is right
can't collect the strings of my mind

i am to do whatever you say
and i know i've been bad
but the world is so sad
incomparable to your eyes gray

i'm not myself any longer
i tried to be stronger
but a mere walker can't overwalk fate
when standing before hell's gate

blurry, the clouds are so blurry
i try to walk them but i keep falling
destiny's eyes keep rolling
Fortunae's flurry

i keep rushing into things
i keep falling into abeyance
i keep thinking of my old wings
i keep noticing your absence

my skin's not bruised enough
for you to forgive, is it?
my heart's not rough
with sadness it is lit

don't come near
but don't leave me
a single shed tear
isn't enough to see

so, please, punish me with all I deserve,
all the sins I preserve,
a mere walker can't over walk fate
when standing before hell's gate

somewhere in the woods
a wolf is singing his lonsome song
to the moon changing his moods
a love story, thousand of years long

i get closer as i listen
set off green balloons to the galaxy
filled with nothing but fallacies
a glimpse of hope alighten

is this a dream?
is it a nightmare?
because, i know it can seem
like the green balloons are
filled with faults and cries
but success is born from failed tries

so, will we ever bloom?
all i ever think of's my doom
because my soul is black,
because i can never go back.
I've been working on this for some time and I'm still not completely pleased. What can I say.
nim Jul 2018
i made a
promise, to myself
that when i get
older, i would
be better than
i was before
but i didn't know
that 'being better',
to other people,
doing impossible
so it's no wonder
that i am no good
       that i cannot do good
that i
be better

when all
of my effort meant
to the people i
loved the most
nim Aug 2017
You take my breath away.
You're something else
From a faraway dimension,
Your eyes, the galaxies that
I watched under the lonely skies;
A thousand of blinding lights,
Star dust and fog
And I can't see
You blinded me
Baby, why'd you pick
nim Feb 7
a puff of breath
slips into the cold air
while i sit on the ground.
i try to restart my heart.
i hope, when the sun
hits the clouds once again,
i can be kinder,
this next day.
"I've corrupted you."
nim May 2018
I see a silver glint
on your wrist, the
blood merely falling
off your lips

dropping a drop,
  one, two,
falling at the floor,
   three, four,
your eyes gazing at mine,
   five, six,
-do you still hate me,
      ...even now?-

when you opened
your skin
a trail of
quicksilver ran
and I heard the sound;

  seven, eight,
your brown, golden and green eyes,
  nine, ten,
I don't feel very
real, right now

   nine, eight
you once were happy
   seven, six
could we go back in time?
    five, four,
you put the blade back down
    three, two,
I love you as much as I do now,

   one; I am still alive.
nim Jun 2017
Staring at the ceiling
I hear raindrops
As they fall to the ground
From the gloomy ocean
When they once used to be high
As they break
And as the sky cries
It's nice knowing,

That someone is crying with me, too.
This is a metaphorical song, and the main meaning is that whoever rises high can fall down in life. It also talks about sadness etc.
nim May 2019
pretty, pretty
what a pity;
they say it's pretty stupid,
but i got hit by Cupid

pretty silly,
and i like it, really
nim Jun 2021
i hid in the dark,
i'm sorry it consumed you too.
nim Oct 2020
maybe i am mourning my own death;
perhaps i've been dying for far too long
nim Oct 2020
soft footsteps in my ears
a melodic pain, in my head
her gaze at my back
and her hand
on my shoulders

and so, death sits
next to me,
keeping me company

and so, death weeps and laughs,
it's driving me mad.
her hazy cries and whimpers;
they're tearing me apart

she mimics my gait
i'm losing my faith
i'm starting to steep,
i've never been so weak
nim Jun 2021
oh my, oh my,
how deeply i want to die;
it's around here, it's over there,
i'm having an affair with death!
but he beats me & i'm scared,
my eyes fall out, my cheeks get crushed,
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie!
to disappear & not exist,
but to live, i persist;
because i love you, i do not,
oh, death, you really ****.
your skull is dull,
your eyes are dark,
your bones that touch
my crystal necklace,
and my amethyst lungs
filled with empty awe.
you repeat yourself,
over and over again
it ***** me in,
your words claim
"it'll be over", but
it will be over.
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie;
my reflection stares back
as i down another bottle.
not even smokes help,
instead of high there's a fog,
i do not eat, i eat too much,
im really sensitive,
no, im not.
oh! i am sorry,
but not for what i claim,
my other side's
got the best of me.
i wonder where
is the rest of me.
nim Jan 2020
Baby, the sun is setting down
And I'm done taking chances;
I promise not to make a sound,
Let's communicate with soft glances.

I've been on a run, just like you
A getaway from me,
Just like you.

I'd like to leave a note,
A soft goodbye.

But Fate won't let me,
Said we tied a knot.

You and me,
Versus all of the odds.

Nobody knows,
But neither do we.

For you and I,
We just used to be.

And so, I'll be calm for now
With the knowledge that sings me to sleep,
A sweet lullaby, for just you and me.

This time,
I will let Fate
Do her own thing

And sing me to sleep,
Amongst the salty tears.
nim Jul 2018
I'm feeling
Like an empty shell
But the core
Of nothingness
Is made out of
Pure sorrow

Is that the word?
It doesn't describe me
Hell, nothing does...
So I'll just
Keep doing
What I know best;

It's pretending
That I'm normal, even though
I am well aware that I'm not
And I was never near being normal
And I cannot be described by normal words

Nostalgic. Melancholic. Sad. Depressed. Abyss. Apathy. Darkness.
Pretending to be
All that I'm not.
But, I don't know, what am I?

Empty words can describe me.
But I cannot choose them myself;
If I could, what would I choose?

I'm tired.
Empty, inside.
Dead, inside.
Unable to be
The real me.

And it's wearing me down.
Every time I disappoint you.
Every time I'm empty.
Every time I'm not what I should be.
When I'm not enough.
And when I'm too much.

Empty words, empty head, empty promises, empty purpose, empty meaning, empty feelings.
Is that what you bring me down to?
Is that how you see me?
Empty, of humanity?

The words are echoing in my ears.
That's the room I sit in.
That's the life I lead.
Maybe that's me.
Perhaps it is, when you don't see what I see.

Happy, joyful, worryless.
Perfect, pretty, shallow.
Skillful, amazing, badass.
Crazy, mad, fun, reckless.
...but empty.

It's a mark you've made.
Are you happy?
That I'm empty?
That I'm turning into you?
Are you empty?
But am I?

A lot of people see me differently,
Like I just wrote.
Each line for one me.
Wait, I write?
Why didn't you write it down?
Because I had to write, EMPTY, twice?

So are you looking
At this empty moon tonight?
Are you staring at the starless sky?
Are you partying in your empty house?
Are you crying, in your room, or in  your empty soul?

Have you been feeling empty recently?
Is it contagious?
Do you feel sorry?
Did you mean everything you told me?
Did this world mean to hurt me?

Am I empty?
Is the world empty?
What's my empty purpose?
Is it to be empty?
Is it to be me,
Or is it to be you?
nim May 2018
All of a sudden, everything made sense;
My guardian angel
Must be a fallen one
nim Jun 2017
I confuse people
And I filter things
I breathe in
The silver dust of clouds
And breathe out
Golden rays of sun

I take in myself
The bad words and
And out of my mouth
I spill the poems
Of the Earth
And the songs of peace

Nobody understands
How I work
How I filter
Into a daydream

Years pass, and
Filters get *****
Nobody understands
I keep everything
In myself

Nothing lasts forever
More time had passed
Before I
Was ready to be thrown

I took my
Final breath
Held it in
And as I was looking in the sky
I breathed out
And watched all the
Black, negative energy
Pollute the
Dying sky
nim Oct 2020
fingers crossed
& eyes blessed;
your sweet melody
puts me to rest.

you took the
water, out of my lungs,
grabbed my hand,
and pulled me ashore.

i wanted to drown
but now i'm just drawn
to someone amazing like you,
why you like me, i've no clue.

maybe there is hope
for a lowlife like me;
maybe i can steal
some of your love,
for a coward like me.

perhaps you're the only one
to make me feel alive
perhaps i like this unusual sensation
even when he's just
holding my face in his palms.

maybe magic's real?
or is it just a fantasy?
whatever it be,
i keep my fingers crossed
for this never-ending dream.
i love you.
nim Jul 2021
i admire him.
from the first moment
i caught his glimpse,
i've admired him.
a will so sheer and strong.
no armour would resist.
it's just that, when our eyes meet,
i feel a connection that runs so deep.
intelligent, benevolent and true,
these words are for you.
the loyal friend, the genuinest soulmate.
all i do, is for you.
i hope you get the meaning
behind all of the things i do;
i wish we'd already meet again,
so that my lips would never
feel so lonely again.
so my empty gaze
would have something to look happily at.
so you and i could
be together, forever,
as we'd promised each other,
time and time again.
nim May 2018
another day has passed.
a day closer to the black sky.
and you read poetry today.
you read a book today.
But, what trace have you left on this planet, today?

Who will acknowledge it? Will you be misunderstood? Will a young boy with curly brown hair and silver eyes weep over your words for a hundred years, while listening to our now vintage songs?

Will anyone remember you? Will you matter, after the Earth makes hundreds of thousands of spins around the Sun, which perhaps is circling around something bigger? Will you reincarnate? Will you be alive? Will you just disappear, or will you stick around?

Is there hope for humanity, is there hope for immortality? Will they enable people to live forever, to find a way to break nature, a year after you die? Will people still follow the same traditions, as they do today, will families have lunch together like their ancestors used to have?

Will there be depressed children, stressing and crying and cutting themselves because nobody would believe when they say "It's too much"? Will people still be stuck in the circle of melancholy and nostalgy, held captured by the never-ending routine when the first thing they do in the morning is ask themselves " Is this worth it? Do I really have to go to work? Perhaps I should end this, maybe it'll be easier then?"

Will people still break under their masks that they hold with trembling hands, grasping the clay so hard that their nails break and their fingers bleed, just so their kids couldn't discern what's underneath it?

Will everything stay the same and nothing improve? Will there be a catastrophy and expunge you, the one writing this, the gorgeous stranger you met on the street on a cold winter evening five years ago? Will it also wipe out your elementary school teacher, wipe out the florist from who you bought that flower for your first love and a rose for your mother?

Will people change, mentally and physically evolve along with our brains? Will the names we have to learn by heart - Darwin, Watt, Dante, Boccaccio and Einstein become irrelevant comparing to the inventions that are yet to come? Will somebody prove they were wrong, will somebody speak badly of them? Will someone still adore Dante's Heaven and Hell as much as I do? Will people analyse poetry the way I do? Will anyone ever feel the way you do?
Will anyone ever make a decision like you did, will anyone look up to you?

Is there a reason to be stressed and depressed, when all of this won't last? Is there a point in searching for the meaning of life rather than picking a reason to live that satisfies you both mentally, emotionally and physically?

Will people have passion and hate and freedom of expression, will they be bold or will they become faded? Lost? Encouraged or enraged?

Well you'll never know.

And that's hard to grasp.
nim May 2018
he is
simply perfect
he's my universe
and I can't help but loving him and nobody else
nim Jul 2017
everyone thinks I'm heartless
but the thing is
it's just broken
so nobody tries to heal
the mist unseen
even though
affection and pain
are about to swallow me whole
nim Nov 2020
hold my hand
and even if it
falls apart,
just know;
you'll assemble me anew.
the world is ours to pursue.
nim May 2018
and i had no knowledge
of how to fix the hole

so i just jumped into it
nim Jun 2018
could not stand
your strength; my
glassy veins
could not stand
being unhurt; my
damaged brain,
without knowing
what's good,
couldn't stand
learned yet,
what it means to
feel like i'm real in this
vile, horror circle of life
galloping through our
time, wasting time,
following time,
timing time,
feeling time, but
making our thoughts
to still remain
but my damaged
brain, not knowing what
is good, can never learn
how to feel good
how to feel real
how to feel
how to be
nim Jan 11
and even in the simplest moments,
i love you.
maybe it's corny to say, but
without ups and downs,
there would be no heartbeat drawn
in our sketch of life.
when the hills get weary
and all the buildings melt down,
i will still love you,
forever, as now.

and i will still remember
that carbonara you made me
or the flowers you picked out for me,
or when you held me while i cried
in sad, as in happy moments of our time.
don't pick another flower,
just because it screams.
for i will let you demolish my petals
and sing you to sleep.
i will cut myself with my own thorns,
twisting them inside,
just so i could spend a moment
in your soft hand, never again harmed.
whether it's lilo and stitch, that i'm
crying about
or all of the things i ruined,
and my horrible times;
it's comforting to know
i've got your arms
to hold me when i
fall apart.
thank you for being here for me when i am weird, sad, happy, in love, or even addicted to league of legends. i love you.
nim Jan 2021
but what's the cost?
i'm picking the good choice,
so why is it picking back at me?
nim Oct 2017
Ever been happy so much,
You cried?

Ever been sad so much,
You laughed?

I love so much that I hate
I hate, so I must love
I'm a living mess
Who am I, wandering this place?

And know that I mean what I say,
I say what I know
But I know that not knowing anything
Is what I know the best.

A mess, tangled in wires
Of unsorteable emotions and
Unrecognized behaviours
Unknown thoughts,
Uncommon, just another head in the clouds.
Who are you to change this world?

A living contradiction.

To be or not to be?
To live, or not to live?
I know the unknowable thoughts

Because everyone knows what they do not know.
Everyone has their reason to live,
Or not to live.
So I said let it be!

So you can proudly say,
»I know the unknown!«

So you can always say,
»I know the unknown!«
| Living contradiction|  |Hamlet|  |To all the confused|
nim Feb 2018
He stood on the hill with his cap turned backwards,
And it made no logic at all
Since the sun was hitting his eyes, but he didn't seem to care
For the orange line, over his face

And yet, when I approached closer
He seemed further away, and the galaxy was spreading across his face
It looked like a magnificent burn
Which he got
From dreaming
Too much

The sun turned black and the boy was no more.
Now, the only thing I could see in front of me was a shade...
Not like I could describe it, since it was a shade of fear seen from my eyes.
I wasn't looking with my eyes, yet with my soul alone.

A discovery far more greater than what I've known my whole life.

So I, naturally, search for Hope and Dreams
My Ideals, too
I only found Illusions
Lying broken on the crimson floor
As the Life and Thought beat it up

But then a darkness far greater than all of the others came.
Really, it can't be seen with your eyes, so you need to look with your soul.
Blacker than the venta black.
Just a deathly black.

It was Him, for sure. Not Him as the God, but the one who takes your hand at the end of your suffering.
And so, Illusion's hand was taken
While Life and Thoughts spit on the ground and disappeared,

Death embraced me and him.

It was far more comfortable than I'd thought it would be;
An indisputable peace found only within your heart.
It's an irony, but it shine so bright
With it's darkness
That we both knew we were finally safe.

And the boy?
Oh, well he sat on the ground.
Took a sip of time
Like he always does, from time to time.

He looked at me, absorbing
All of my questions
Changing his form to however I
Had imagined him at that moment

And just when I thought I had caught up with him, he'd transform yet again.

Then it hit me.
He was Illusions himself;
And just when I wanted to
Embrace him and make him confirm,

Just like Hopes, Dreams, and
All of my Ideals...

He broke at that moment.

And all I'm left with
Is this blinding darkness
Sparkling with it's sweet venom;

I realise life is more and less that I had ever guessed.

Illusions are not to be trusted.

Because Illusions always break.
Illusions always bend and twist the way we want them too, but they always break at the end. Be smart.
nim Jun 2022
in this land of supplements,
you are the only certainty,
the original, pure essence
that can satisfy my lust.
no amount of medication
can cure me like you do,
no amount of drugs
could make me as happy as you do.
you take my lust and need for happiness
and shape it into something called life,
a life i can live,
the one i can be sure i want to live.
is this what will ultimately shape me?
or will my black void prevail?
or are you the black hole,
which swallows me whole,
and leads to something else?
when you hold my hand
i no longer fear death;
i fear for you,
and try to find ways
to satisfy you.
do i satisfy you?
or will you leave?
will the swinging make you seasick?
or will you dance in the strong wind?
or will i drown, while you drift away?
if i drown, would you still save me?
if i drown,
will you still miss this body of mine
my shell on earth
that i hate so much?
will you miss my soul,
like i would miss yours?
like i miss your body right now?
i know all of the answers,
you are as certain as time,
constant and continuous,
and your love is as comforting as life,
so i hope you know how much i love you
through this messy head of mine,
where my thoughts are escaping
and i feel ill
and i drive people away
but i hope you stay.
nim May 2018
Lately, I've been more depressed
Than ever, this feeling
of destruction has been
getting visible over the day,
instead of just at night

Lately, this black hole
Has been swallowing me,
slowly tearing me apart
and I don't know how do deal with it.

I don't feel real
Time passes slowly yet vastly fast
and lately, the thunder's
been scaring me
instead of giving me warm comfort
in the dead silence of my room

the colors don't seem very alive anymore
nothing feels important, to me
...and I don't know
how much longer will it take
before the abyss swallows me whole.

And I mean every single
word that I tell you,
and my every emotion is tangled
and all I'm left with is this mess in wires
so light in my hands,
So easy to throw away

Lately I've been more scared
About death, about existence
And this familiar feeling
Is slowly writing the melody;

A perfect harmony,
Yet so monochrome and monotonous
So devastating, subdoing hope
and lately,

I don't know
What to do
Lately, the things that once
Gave me joy,
Gently swiping though
Pages and pages of books
bring nothing
nim Jul 2017
it is
the best
to distract
the others
p a i n
nim Jul 2021
a leaf falls onto the bench,
completely mute. you pick
it up, begging it to make a sound.
i wonder why, it won't work wonders;
i wonder why, has it fallen down,
i wonder why, are we all
just leaves, now
on the ground?
nim Aug 2021
sometimes, the hole is too big to be filled.
other times, it's like it fills itself.
as if something breaks, and i can suddenly let go.
sometimes, i still smell your perfume,
and other times, i see your shadows in our garden and in the faces passing by.
help me let this young soul go;
i don't know if you can leave,
but help him pass the bridge.
for i was way too late,
and people all around me are starting to wither.
i can see it in their eyes, and i know you see it too.
i can see it in the tragedy of their beloved ones, and i know how they hurt.
death, as well as other situations.
nim Jun 2018
he told me i
can't have this
wounds patched up, i
can't heal
the only way to
close the
wound, is to

so i
but i
am still
help me
and let me
bleed out
in the dead
nim Feb 2018
lie after lie
tell 'em I'm fine
lie after lie
and they start to

lie after lie
and you start
to believe
lie after lie
but the blade
couldn't be tricked

lie after lie,
tell them you're fine
lie after lie,
glass is now
in your veins
lie after lie,
you tell yourself
"That's not deep enough."

lie after lie
rose petals on the floor
lie after lie
one poem burned down
lie after lie
your blue eyes staring
at the hole where
lie before lie
my heart used to be

lie after lie
and soon
you don't know,
lie after lie,
you're not fine

lie after lie,
and soon,
lie after lie,
it's not
a lie.
nim Oct 2018
There was no place like your eyes

A pool-depth full of lies
nim Sep 2022
each passing time,
the pain gets multiplied
and it lingers on,
a scent, wrapping my body up
into mischievous agony.
amuse me, pain,
amuse me, agony;
for i have yet to show my best qualities.
the best has not yet come to pass,
but one certain thing comforts me
and puts me at ease like a sweet lullaby;
if i create, i am
if i write, i exist
and my life will forever go on,
and my existence will not be in vain.
for as long as i create,
some trail will be left behind.
the scent of death will fade,
and i will live
one more time.
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