I've been going through the motions,
Trailing behind your footsteps of joy,
Because their scent is too potent,
For me not to respond in some way.

I make every effort to say things,
That people have found comforting,
The problem is it means nothing to me,
I've never cared whether people ask me.

I didn't want to leave us
But you left me with no choice
You led me to the very edge
So I would fall into the void

I didn't want us to be over
But your plane had been deployed
I could not foresee our latest interaction
Would be the last one I'd enjoy

So when I start to think about you
And begin to lay myself down
I can feel you all around me
As your arms are wrapped around

I can hear the distant music
And remember all the sounds
When we danced the night away
And I drove you back to my house

Our fingers were intertwined
As we emersed in each other's eyes
I submerged into deep unconsciousness
Before kissing you goodnight

But as our voices grew tired
And we struggled to find the time
Something came between us
That I'll never get to find

I'm not one for saying the right words
I only know what I feel inside
And if I'm being fully honest
I still have not fully recovered

From the day she said goodbye.

I used to think I was better alone,
No people to chase,
No roses to bring home.
But all of these thoughts were from long ago.

I used to believe in this thing called love,
Hearing of all its effects, its unending sun.
But to feel its warmth actions are required.
I've fallen so many times, I've become too tired.

Chasing the highs, while falling for lows,
But I never gave up, I never let go.
Why, I'm not really sure,
I stole the energy but love I never owned.

I used to think I was better alone,
Why did I ever think I could see the light,
Through the dark cloudy smoke?

Now I'm stuck with your heart,
From your fake shiny clone.
Don't try to hide it,
Cause your lies are revealed,
Your secrets are shown.

I want to lie down and forget about
everything that ever happened,
to begin somewhere new
and have a new beginning

I want to forget about my mistakes
and move on before they catch up
they've been endlessly following me
and I feel there is no turning back.

was there ever a moment,
where time had lost the battle?
in every way I'm bound by it,
leaving me defeated and weak

I wish I could give up
and not have to worry about anything.
cause everything is hard
and not worth my fighting

I know you still love me,
I can hear the tremble in your whisper,
For what crime have I committed,
For what lie am I a sinner?

I can feel you falling,
You’re afraid of tripping again,
But I’ll catch you this time,
So let’s start from the end.

I can feel all your pain,
Through your words filled with tears,
You’re attached to the Train,
And your ticket is fear.

I’ll love you until the end,
No matter the path you choose,
You ask why you're perfect to me,
And my answer is you.

I believe it’s still within you,
You’re holding back your emotions,
Please give yourself some love,
And I’ll be the one to hold it.

"Just shrug it off," "Become a man."
That's what they all tell me,
But they don't understand.

"Do well in school," "Get good grades too."
Easy for them to say,
They never felt my gloom.

The world's full of authority,
And yes you should respect it.
But there's more than obeying,
Problems too, prepare to expect it.

I know their older,
And probably wiser.
But what if they're not,
What if they never lit their fire?

Your face is perfect,
Hides the reflection,
Of you hurting,
Despite your perfections.

You know distance,
Back by the wall.
I keep drifting,
Can’t hold love’s ball.

Your eyes sing of haze,
Mine cry out why.
No reason to fade,
No reason to die.

Your flaws are perfect,
Redefining wrong.
Only so certain,
Don’t know how long.

You keep me up,
I keep me down.
I want to run,
And never be found.

You may be burned,
Love hurts us all.
My love has turned,
Rejected its call.

Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees

If I held the world for you
Would it even be enough?
Would you leave me in the dark
Like darkness is all it was?

Would you let go of my hand
Just to see where you would land?
If I had not been the one to catch you
You would have fallen into sand

It was only my mistakes
That could ever make you feel this way
I know I am not perfect
But since I know you cannot stay
I'll be running a hundred miles from here
I'll be standing in the rain

Thinking back to when it was us
And there was nothing but our love
When we would race along the shoreline
Until I'd tell you to give up

When we would listen to my music
And I would smile when you knew it
Our tastes were simply the same
And no one could dispute it

But I guess there are some wounds
That can never truly heal
I gave you so many scars
That I forgot how they used to feel

How they felt when I was young
Being cold and losing love
Knowing that the day would end
With my tears as my only friend

So can you see the stars in my eyes
As I try to say goodbye?
I don't know if I can keep smiling
But I know I have to try.

i don't live in black and white
i only see through faded gray lenses
a clouded picture of what is reality

a forgettable moment here, a wasted opportunity there
i am surrounded by moments of dulled memories

my emotions are at rest
but they live in my head
dragging me down day by day
eventually i will stumble and fall
and i do not know if i will get up again


i see the world through a polaroid camera
where everything present is also the past
things that are often memorable
just slip through my purple hands

no one understands
why i never had a chance
to feel something, anything

i am treated like a nobody
cause nobody wants to get to know me

do i come off as vile,
hiding my pain and faking my smile?
i'm giving it everything i got
to be what people want
it has led me nowhere except deserted roads
where i'm greeted by that cold familiar friend
the demon that lives within

there is a void from within my chest
cause sacrificial love is dead

i have tried so many times but to no avail
i cannot fill it up with friends
no one cares enough to even give a flying f--k

this emptiness inside, it might just consume me whole
the longer i go deprived, with no one at my side
the stronger it gets, the harder it gets
it feels like i'm merely trying to survive
this hell we call earth

I look at your eyes, I look at your face.
I no longer try, I no longer fade.
I look at your skin, I look at your hair.
No fear from within, no burden to bear.

Your eyes are brown, your eyes are bold.
They make no sound, yet they are gold.
You know of pain, you know of joy.
No need to say, no need to enjoy.

Your smile is warm, your smile is bright.
It’s so adored, no words and no signs.
You make me blush and you make me cry.
I try to hush, but can’t help but shine.

You look good from afar, but you look perfect up close.
I no longer feel scared, I no longer feel alone.
You light up my day when it grows so dreary,
You shine up the rays and heal up the weary.

Turn your face and look away,
Ignore the hate, embrace the pain.
Find your strength and hold it close,
They don’t see it and never will know.

Find yourself among the trees,
Love your patterns like its leaves.
Know perfection isn’t an option,
But still strive for what you’ve always wanted.

Find your way through life’s windy paths,
Refuse to give into its continuous wrath.
Ignore where you are and don’t look around,
If there’s something to notice there’s always a sound.

Don’t look at your shoes and how ***** they are,
Notice where you’re standing and how far you’ve gone.
Focus on you and nobody else,
Forget all the products, forget all the wealth.

This is your life, so live every moment,
Love every breath and let yourself hold it.
Dith the anxiety and let the world do its work.
Fear will always exist but deny its fierce burn.

I’m sorry for your loss,
And all of your pain,
I neglected your fire,
Among the cold winter rain.

I’m sorry you’ve felt,
Like I’ve hurt you some way.
Didn’t mean to pour tears,
All over your face.

I’m sorry I left,
As soon as I could,
I just couldn’t help it,
But I wish that I would.

I miss you so much,
That my heart can’t endure.
I wish you’d come back,
But you never will, that I'm sure.

So I’m stuck here alone,
Gone from her life.
I have no mark to make,
Cause I’m erased from her mind.

Don’t forget who you are,
You all have a place.
Remember you’re all special,
No matter what color, gender or race.

Pain will enter in,
Like a heartbroken virus.
Don’t let it become you,
Choose to still fight it,

Until your breath has ran out,
Your lungs have impaired,
You must live the now,
Love those who you care.

It’s 1am and I’m lost in thoughts,
Of your face as it so brightly gleems,
Against the wall’s iridescent reflection.

These sheets can only cover so much,
They can’t keep my heart from growing cold,
Not the way you always have done so.

Your smile can light up my world,
Like the universe is on fire,
Blazing for all eternity,
Igniting my only desire.

Your eyes speak of beauty,
That I want you to see,
Admiring their waves,
Swimming their sea.

Your life is mine to discover,
So open yourself up,
Reveal your treasure,
I only want you, not one or the other.

You hide yourself and wait,
Like beauty still encased,
But I see your smile,
From miles away,

The distance it takes,
To chase after your heart,
Call it all mine,
Cause I’ll run that far.

I can’t help but wonder,
What your mind’s really after,
A boy who has passion,
Or just a boy full of laughter.

please leave me alone
to walk these pathways solo
I was hoping you wouldn't notice
but I think you already know

I know I have problems
and I'm trying to fix them
but what words can be enough
for a desire to even say them

for every time I open my mouth
I wish that I had closed it
remembering the times I messed things up
and the disappearing moments

I give far too much
and I know that I shouldn't
cause I have nothing left to give
so at least I know I'm used to it

throw the page away
so you can make the same mistakes
tear the edges so it frays
i just want my hand to fade

Did I **** myself for you
Just to lose you once again
Did I become a different person
Once I pushed you to the edge

This was not what I expected
When I told you I was spent
When I gave you everything I had
To where there was nothing even left

You abandoned all I was
But this isn't what I meant
When I whispered in your ears
To ask if this was the end

If there was something I could do
Some way to make amends
Because you were my everything
And I loved you as my friend

I mean

When the puzzle pieces fell everywhere
We would pick them up again
Place them all back together
Until we reached the very end

We pushed through the hardest times
Just so that we could get ahead
When we were fighting our depression
We'd be supportive amidst our distress

We played all our weird retro games
Just to see how far we'd get
Maybe beat our latest score
And then do our little dance

We raced to see who was faster
Until we'd both run out of breath
We'd make all these little promises
For things that hadn't even happened yet

But as time went on
We began to forget
Who we were and what made us fall in love

In the first place.

Do you remember the time,
You called out my name,
And asked me if I wanted help?
I could never forget it.

Do you remember,
When you asked me how I was doing?
And I answered with a simple "I'm fine."
Only because I was afraid of saying the truth.

Do you remember,
The time you smiled so wide
After hearing we had something in common?
That moment changed my life.

Do you remember,
The time you asked me to come along,
And walk with you while I was still young?
That had never happened before you.

Do you remember,
The time we talked love,
And how it was worth the struggle?
I couldn't agree more, especially now...

Your hair is glowing,
Fine silver and gold.
Never dying of love,
Never growing old.

Your eyes are brown,
Autumn ceases to exist.
Worlds are renowned,
Time starts to shift.

Your skin is hazed,
Your fire unblazed.
It sparks the night,
Mistakes out of sight.

Your smile draws the sun,
Captive motion reflects.
Joy has only begun,
Regret has fled.

You left no trace,
Bearing the pain.
Still showing your face,
Still touching the rain.

You caused the smiles,
Made them open.
Running for miles,
Waiting for moments.


Words are just words.
Yet they ****, they burn.
I’d hate it to happen.
Leave stains on your shirt.

Time saw it happen,
Sat by and watched.
Hearts being blackened,
Love being locked.

Your divinity,
Love’s infinity.
Your song’s made to be,
Heard and sung beautifully.

Your skinny jeans,
Just made to be seen.
Your sweater enhances,
When their heart almost ended.

Your jacket adds some weight,
Keeps you warm, keeps you safe.
It feels so good, but feels so bad.
You know it should, but’ll never make a comrade.

Grab onto life, never let go,
Forget the pain, you’ve come so close.
You know the path, know where it leads,
But there’s no reason to be a plant when born a tree.

You’re blinded by trails of regrets,
So stop placing money, placing bets.
You are who you are, so accept it.
It’s time to love and stop dreading it.

Life’s timer is running out.
So live in the present, live in the doubt.
Stop worrying of every choice you make.
Choices are choices, that’s why there’s mistakes.

The path ahead is so dark and gray,
For you know where you are but never the way,
To push past the darkness and head for the light.
For day to exist there has to be night.

When I break out a laugh and fake a smile,
I know deep inside I haven’t felt happy in a while.
But as I look across the room and notice your luminous eyes,
I knew right then it was time to try on honesty for a size,
And show you my hopes and fears.
For it’s my insecurities I hold onto so dearly.

With no one waiting on me,
There was no one to laugh and notice beautifully,
The perfections and flaws that make you who you are.
If you tried to blend in it wouldn’t be hard,
To find you among the others because you so uniquely stand out.

With every perfect piece you create love’s puzzle,
And make me feel honored and so very humbled,
To know you and yearn to know more.

As I looked across the room barely holding my head high,
I couldn’t even manage to hold in the tears from my face-drenched cry.
I couldn’t accept the thought there were people like me,
Who were always blinded by their lies and unable to see,
Their beauty and perfections that shine through the darkness.

Where are you my love?
Are you waiting for me to find you,
To grasp your hand when I know you’re the one,
Standing in front of your face that’s as bright as the sun?

Why do this my love?
Why can’t you reveal yourself,
Instead of being the one to be shunned?
You may leave forever but I’ll still run.

Why so perfect my love?
Why hold your heart low beneath you,
For no one to see, no one to hug?
Stop checking yourself just to be done.

What do you yearn for?
Do you roam the earth for someone to love or,
Wait patiently for your lover to open your door?
He will never be there if you’re looking at floors.

What colors are your eyes?
Blue, green, brown or something so fine?
They say so much about you and tell me why.
Guess I’ll never see them if I gaze at the sky.

There’s something in the air,
I cannot conceive but force to bear.
The moments in my head seem to fade away,
Along with the events that occur in the day.

No pressure is oppressed, not one, none at all.
But I’m compelled to express that something so small,
It’s lingering in my head, a small hidden flaw.
I lack what is pure and I know that is true.
But as you learn who I am, It seems that it’s you.

No thoughts are unspoken, not one are untold.
But as I notice the world, it seems they are bold.
The sky tears apart what holds on to our hearts,
But the friendship is so strong, it cannot break apart.

The struggles, the issues, that take place every day,
Are just an example of another rainy day.
The judgements handed down mean nothing to me now.
They only inspire to keep my everlasting vow

There’s a subtle emotion that I just can’t ignore.
It’s the thing deep inside of me I have to implore.
As I compare myself to others, I only feel lame.
But everyone’s better at some skills in life’s game.

Hidden treasure to be found, the words yield, but are subtly shown.
And as I realize it now, I’m not really alone.
I’ve written my story, who’s out there to read it?
Is there one person out there, is he destined to heed it?

I find myself digging a hole,
Discovering my heart is what stole,
My love for myself and for others.
It yearns for something that words cannot describe.

I trip over my own feelings,
Needing help, needing healing.
I imagine myself all alone,
Staying separated, staying at home.

My mind tells me I’m not good but I know it’s untrue,
It’s time to give credit where credit is due.
I know I can do it but my mind is so weak.
What I’d die for is what my heart seeks.

I give up, I succumb comfort zones.
They’re the reason for being alone.
I climb up the mountain to face my fears,
But as I reach the end my eyes fill with tears.

I clear my mind of repeating thoughts,
Of regrets and memories sought over.
I’m locked in Satan’s dungeon of self-image,
Waiting to be rescued from this prison being hidden.

I search the forest for the security I lack,
But as I get weary I just want to go back,
To my home I never left before now.
What made me brave I can’t explain how.

Shining star, tell me what it’s like,
To be alone and to always die.
Life is too long for smiles and lies.

Shining star, take me away,
Learn my heart, learn my ways,
So I can look up to you when it’s the day.

Shining star, how do you shine?
I have one in me and yet it’s stuck inside.
Guess I’ll have to give up and choose a side.

Shining star, why so happy?
I reach for it and yet I end up grabbing,
The lies that whisper and keep on laughing.

Shining star, tell me why,
I have to deal with this and always sigh,
Only to let my life be chosen by a person walking by.

Shining star, look down below.
There’s no more highs, only lows.
No more people, only boats.

Shining star, give me strength.
Steady me as I start to shake.
You know the ending, you know the length.

Shining star, stop my tears.
Fill me with you and no longer fears.
You know I am listening, you know I have ears.

Shining star, end my weeping.
Stop the lies, stop the believing.
You already know what I’m needing.

Shining star, give me an answer.
Tell me, is it my empty hands or,
My song that plays, no flags or banners?

If the world fell apart,
Would we have made it this far,
If things were done different,
Would you still be in my arms?

I exposed myself for you,
Just to feel my old scars,
I guess nothing has changed,
You're still a friend of the dark.

If the skies faded to red,
While I lay there and bled,
Would you treat me as your enemy,
Walk away to leave me for dead?

Sorry I left,
Sorry I cried.
Sorry I wept,
Sorry I lied.

Sorry I’m weak,
Sorry I’m small.
Sorry for dreams,
Sorry I didn’t call.

Sorry for lying awake,
Sorry for tears.
You know I hate,
My voice, my ears.

Sorry for playing,
Sorry for laughing.
Wide awake praying,
Joy never having.

Sorry for talking,
Sorry for silence.
Hear my own walking,
But not your own siren.

Sorry for leaving,
Sorry for shyness.
Insecurity weaving,
Distance and dryness.

Sorry for mistakes,
Sorry for flaws.
I lie awake,
Only one cause.

You are so strong,
But feel so weak.
Only thinking wrongs,
And never the things,

Making you,
Nothing to hold,
Nothing to rue.
Don’t ever fold,

These feelings of love,
Know of your strengths,
Shine with your sun,
Not with your hate.

Life is too fast,
For fearful fate.
Please make it last,
Caress every day.

Hold your heart,
Don’t let it go,
I know it’s hard,
But you’ll never know,

If you keep holding back,
Never lighting matches.
You ask why you’re sad,
Cause you’ve never had it.

You’ve done it before,
Now do it again,
Walk fear’s shore,
Make it your friend.

I feel your pain,
I hear your cry.
I’ve felt your rain,
With tears of your sigh.

After I close,
Remember this,
If there’s something to know,
Know you are His.

The night may change,
Infinite difference.
But reject its pain,
Cause you’re never different.

Holding you tight,
Holding you close,
Igniting your light,
Smelling your rose.

Finding your fears,
Hearing them all,
Holding the tears,
From when you’d call.

Called you at home,
You didn’t answer.
I found your phone,
Filled with my cancer.

I found your coat,
Stained with my blood,
Didn’t mean to bloat,
Didn’t want to run.

Stepped out in the rain,
Trying to find you,
Holding my pain,
Exposing my fortune.

Never felt colder,
Than on that stormy night,
Drenched but never closer,
To all of your moonlight.

I saw her face,
From the streetlight so dim,
She looked scared and alone,
No one to be with.

I wanted to help,
And show her I cared,
But she never asked,
She never stared.

Her heart was my warmth,
Filled with her magic,
I held her core,
The holes in her jacket,

Because she looked frozen,
From things of her past.
I knew of her memories,
Just wanted ours to last.

Last more than our scars,
That will endlessly bleed,
We traveled so far,
Like you wouldn’t believe.

sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.

Life is a tape stuck on record.
So why are you hesitating to lift off and soar?
You only get this breath once so breathe it with passion.
I’ve wasted so much of my life that I’ve had enough of it.

There is no playback button where you can rewind and revive,
The memories that you wasted and eventually sighed.
These moments don’t come back so live the ones you hold.
If moments had price tags they would instantly be sold.

When you try to rewind and sadly look back,
You just wasted the ten seconds that you once had.
You can’t change the buttons but you can change what they record.
So stop looking back, regretting and trying to hoard,

The memories that you once had and now are lost forever.
For if you’re asking for a time the answer is never.
Looks like God never got showed in life’s thankful header.
And yet we are writing to our past as if they were letters.

she had strolled in,
with a smile on her face,
and I had a feeling,
that she'd come my way.

she walked over,
to where my table was at,
Sat down and smiled at me,
no words were spoken,
her eyes told me everything.

she was the one to
"show me I have reasons"
to love myself,
no matter the amount of mistakes made.

I learned to appreciate everything,
including myself.
because in everything,
there is beauty.

vulnerability through tears,
emotion through eyes,
frustration in confusion,
no matter how hard we try.

feelings are forever,
so be careful how you share them,
one can be hurt through so many ways,
we must remember that others are better.

There comes a point in life
When you have to admit that
There's more sadness and pain
Than all your happiness combined

Reality can swallow us whole
If we're not careful with what we say
The things we tell ourselves and
The people that come our way

Cause I've been talking to people
Who make me feel so happy
Just trying to forget my sadness
And the things that have been happening

I'm sure you have realized this
Because making others happy
Makes us feel happy too
Just sometimes it's not what we expected

We sometimes forget that
We're not all the same
We don't all tell each other
We love them the way we want to

But the path that you choose
Right now in this moment
Makes all the difference tomorrow
When you decide to give up

Cause you didn't make an effort yesterday
Why should you make one today?
Because happiness is worth is the risk, that's why

Forget your reputation right now
Because all it does is hold you back
From getting want you want so dearly
If you want something in life you have to give everything
You have just
To get
It

They say you can’t see love,
But feel all it’s feelings.
But I see it clearly,
Through your actions revealing,

The star that you hold,
Shining like light’s color.
I don’t feel cold,
When I start to get smaller.

They say brown is ordinary,
Just common and boring.
But I see the dewberry,
Can’t help exploring.

They say pupils mean nothing,
Just a part of the body.
But I’ve felt them touching,
The dreams I embody.

Eyes are the doorway,
To a person’s own soul.
Feeling them sway,
Unlocking my keyhole,

As I gaze into theirs,
Brushing their haze,
Climbing their stairs,
Solving their maze.

I feel their heat,
I sense their ember,
Yearn to repeat,
The times in December.

Your eyes made of smooth,
Caramel-wrapped chocolate,
Revealing the truth in,
My heart’s flowing droplets.

Like a thief in the night,
It steals all of my things,
Searching for joy,
Parts never to be seen.

Like a thief waiting to ****,
It waits for its chance,
Not moving a muscle,
Completely still.

Like a thief in my life,
It steals my character,
It ruins my sight,
Clouding reasons behind why I try.

Like a thief in desperation,
It will steal them for ransom,
Being susceptible to the temptation,
Unaware of the reigning phantom.

Like a thief of my heart,
It begins its deception,
Always taking part,
Destroying perception.

Like a thief of the cold,
It makes you unable, old,
Instead of bluffing you’re forced to fold.
Wishing of poverty being foretold.

Like a thief in the day,
It turns your vibrant colors
Into,
Gray.

I could see her face,
From outside the window,
She was lost from the rain,
Didn’t know where to go.

She shielded her eyes,
With her unblemished hands,
Just trying to hide,
Things she never had.

I scraped the glass,
As if I could meet her,
She seemed to have it,
But I’m not really sure.

My legs started moving,
And I rushed outside,
Out to where she stood,
Far past the line.

Her eyes meant to glow,
Through the perilous night,
I yearned to reunite,
Like the blind and their sight.