It was Wednesday morning,
And my Inner Whiteman was feeling suicidal again.
I tried to cheer him up.
"Your candidate, Donald Trump, is going to be inaugurated on Friday."
"Aren't you happy about It?"
"Aren't you gonna' celebrate by having a few beers.
My Inner Whiteman responded to Me.
"Yeah, I voted for Trump, Jewboy,"
"But it wasn't because I 'like' him."
"It was just out of contempt."
"I hate them Liberal sonsofbitches!"
I felt really perplexed now......like Maimonides.
My Inner Whiteman voted for Trump without even LIKING him?
What the fuck?!
"Don't you like ANYONE, Whiteman?"
"I mean.....are you even CAPABLE of Love?"
My Inner Whiteman was not insulted by these questions.
He expected them.
"Yeah, I do love one person, Jewboy."
"All the other people I know are Scoundrels and Scam Artists."
"My dog is kind to me."
My Inner Whiteman really threw me a curveball with that remark.
He still wasn't making too much sense to me.
"But don't you like those Sexy Russian Women you're always staring at online, Whiteman?"
"Aren't you in love with them."
My Inner Whiteman,
Being a Christian,
Had to level with me.
"I don't like them Russian Women or love them Russian Women."
"I just LUST for them, Jewboy."
"I have lust in my heart."
"I just want to try out one of them Russian Women one of these days."
"See what she's like."
Because I had decided to pay attention to him,
My Inner Whiteman had started to snap out
Of his Suicidal Funk,
But he had some Words of Wisdom for me.
"Why don't you just cool your engines, Jewboy?"
"Spend some time on the Political Sidelines."
"We want to be In Control"
"And those Fembitches want to be in control."
"We're just gonna' have to fight it out."
"You ain't got no say in it, Jewboy."
My Inner Whiteman put his hand on my shoulders and said,
"Why don't you busy yourself"
"With your horticulture and your herbal concoctions?"
"The World needs people who can work with plants, Jewboy,
"But don't expect to cure us of Hate."
"The World hates us and we hate the World."
"So, it might be best for you"
"To just stay out of the fight."
Were you ever been in a random place.
Looking for something, yet. Looking for nothing?
Have you ever walked a random path in which no one was walking.
Looking for something, yet. Looking for nothing.
Then you stop randomly walking down this random path in this random place...
To tell this random person a random thing.
"YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
BECAUSE YOU. HAVE CHANGED THIS WORLD.
BECAUSE YOU, DECIDED TO WALK THIS RANDOM PATH."
He told me this and I believed him without a second guess. Because I felt like I was wanted in this world. I didn't think I was something. But
I knew that I was nothing in a world filled with talented souls. I idn't think anyone care.
But, he did.
fell in love near
a three-pointed star,
sailing down canals
made of concrete,
she landed, on her feet,
and, where they meet,
some color out of space
cries hark and hallow,
Rebecca of green eyes,
emerald traffic lights,
lady on the make,
a giver in a town
full of ghosts
FUCK YOU, YOUR HANDS AROUND MY THROAT
TRYING TO GET ME TO CHOKE ON THE WORDS YOU WROTE
WHILE I STRUGGLE AGAINST YOUR TOUCH AND YOU GRIN KNOWING ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO LET ME IN
AND I KNOW YOUR SMILE IS FILLED WITH HATE AS YOUR ROTTEN BREATH SEEPS THROUGH YOUR TEETH
AND ALL MY FRIENDS JUST WATCH IN DISBELIEF BUT NOT IN DISBELIEF THAT YOU'RE HURTING ME
THEY JUST STARE AND WONDER WHAT I DID TO PISS YOU OFF, WHY I HAD THIS COMING
I CAN FEEL MY BREATH GETTING WEAKER AND MY HEARTBEAT GETTING SLOWER AS I LOOK DEEP INTO YOUR COLD EYES IN SEARCH OF RELIEF BUT FINDING NONE
INSTEAD I'M MET BY YOUR GAZE OF STONE
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY LAST WORDS WILL BE?
I called what we had
"A poisonous relationship"
I apologize but it's true
You made me physically ill
I had to medicate myself
In order to put up with you
And your apathy
And your people pleasing
And your mother and her fake religion
You made me sick
Maybe not cyanide arsenic or mercury
Because I'm not dead
I'm getting better
Despite drinking your poison for such a long time I'm still here
Stay away from her
As your salt stings my chapped lips and my open wounds I come less and less to you
You grit your teeth into dust that carries through your heinous breath that makes my eyes water and my heart ache
And I cannot believe not too long ago I turned to you for care and comfort and compassion but instead I was caught in a tight spot lacking wiggle room
And I can feel the tides turning and churning inside me and I vomit words and phrases that don't make sense when put together
"I love when you make me cry"