That feel when
re-burn fills bowl
out of gold
No clean smoke
No hairy rip
for oasis in glass
Expect the soft
kiss and faint
sex sweat of old dreams
but the smoke
blows out and once
more the world shifts
i've been breathing deeper,
caring more, loving harder,
smiling for the sake of smiling.
i've been losing sleep,
crying when you're not around,
getting high to block it all out.
i've been realizing this isn't easy.
exhausted after eight hours of sleep
spent in nightmares of lone times,
days spent fighting fatigue brought
on by the thought of your skin on
if i could tell you i would
Sometimes I want to float out my bedroom window;
Past the unkept yellow bungalow,
Past the fir trees and the winter carcasses of rose bushes,
Past all the street lamps and their glow.
It's time to go.
I feel tired and torn and the soles of my shoes are worn.
Lizbeth put her hands
over my eyes
in the corridor.
No it's me
and turning me
It was her
Yeah very much
although I hadn't
in either sense.
I was worried
in case Jane
I was seeing Lizbeth
behind her back.
What are you doing
on the farm maybe.
And when you are
not on the farm?
maybe see Jane
O the virgin Jane
don't you get bored
and her nature study
and what have you
No I like birdsong
and what have you
You will get bored
with her and when
you do maybe
we could spend
some time together
and you know
get down to it
Got to go
I will cycle
and see you
and walked off
along the corridor
just as the bell rang
for after recess lessons.
I walked on
turn up Saturday
and spoil things
but have to see
and see what
In an affair of infatuation
that happened to me in high school.
She was heartbroken and told everyone.
Then I became the fool
Yeah it was me
I wanted to taste a big chunk of life
At 17 I did not want a wife
She held my hand, she kissed my lips
She told me when she does her heart skips
We couldn't agree
Despite the feeling of egregious lust
This was not a relationship I could trust
She told me she lies awake and thinks of me
To satisfy my sexual lust how easy could this be?
I feared entrapment
Her smooth skin and pretty face
Was it worth the price of self-disgrace
In class, she never took her eyes from me
I was not overjoyed with glee
A clinging vine
Although her company was great at first
For entangling vines, I did not thirst
She demanded my 24/7 attention
To escape her, I earned detention
Obsession or Possession
Her professions of love and eternal possession?
Without my kiss, she'd have depression
She'd call me at all hours of night
And not hang up until daylight?
Hostage to her needs
I started to get concerned and did not call
Or I'd not show at her place at all
She threatened all sort of self-harm?
Once she had even cut her arm.?
What do I get that remains me
She didn't know love from manipulation
How could I have loved self-mutilation?
This was changing from crush simple and sweet
To a horror from which I wanted to retreat.
Sometimes it is greener
I pulled the plug and sought greener pastures
I wasn't kidding this was not empty gesture
This was nothing like love and more like a hi-jack
All I was doing was taking my life back
A stranger glances my way,
At the thought of any danger, I move away.
Frightened of commitment, scared of trust
I can't take a chance on the idea of love.
Dismissing opportunities, I ran away.
Back into the past,
when you first glanced my way.
I smile whenever I reminisce, I hold myself tight So I might feel some bliss. But I feel awfully tragic about all of this.
I'd rather get high and pretend I don't even exist.
But when I do, I get my fix.
It's Rather like a dream I'm only thinking about you and how you were never happy with me.
It's not every day winged Cupid comes knocking at your door.
But there's no noise, just silence from you forever more.
I like that feeling
A pulsing warmth
That gives me meaning
Left to flutter all alone
Even whilst with friends
It's the only place I go
As the smoke leaves the pipe
As I give another joint
Life seems happy
That bubble sound brings a tear to my eye
A room so foggy
It makes you cry
When you ask if I'm okay,
of course I tell you I'm fine.
I want to get high with you again.
Because the last time, we started getting
And I miss that very much.
I miss the way you held me.
and ran your fingers through my hair.
Until our friends walked in.
And we had to stop
Tall trees bend to watch the circus.
Red-brown leaves dance and clown,
leaping high somersaults,
bowing off with forward rolls.
Empty crisp bags join the show.
Gallop bareback down the street.
Heads sink deeper into collars.
Flapping hats prepare to go.
Plastic bags trapeze from trees.
Overhead wires sing harmonies.
Creaking boughs play timpani.
Isobars squint spitefully.