Over and over again this memory comes to my head,
but it is a memory I never experienced.
visions of another life, or maybe the moment I become dead.
The feeling is so real. Yes it feels real,
but I mean the feeling is so real, and so alarming.
Is this harming my brain or my heart.
Every time I live this waking dream, a dark feeling comes over me.
The closest thing I can relate it to is impending doom, wondering if it comes, if it will be soon.
I love the way you hold me,
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you say my name,
I love the way it rolls of your tongue.
I love your touch,
I love your humor.
I love your laugh,
I love your hands.
I love the way you look,
I love who you are.
But I don't love how sad I feel
When I open my eyes
And know that I was only
Dreaming of you,
And not really holding you like
I used to do,
My soul yearns for what I do not have,
And I am most inspired by nightfall.
Father asks why my light remains on until 2am;
He says I’d feel better if I got more sleep.
But I like to speed on the freeway
Until the flashing headlights become blurs,
And I prefer to dance alone in my room in the dark
Than allow my dreams to be made on autopilot
Behind my closed and negligent eyelids.
There are endless things I’d like to do:
Like sing in front of people, and write songs
And novels to be made into Hollywood films,
And a dark-haired boy I don’t know,
But with whom I think I’m in love.
If I learned to be content with what I have,
I’d never feel resentful towards myself
For not being as perfect, polished, and spotless
As I desire every day to become.
But gratefulness is something to be learned,
And I’d rather learn to write stories so profound
That one hundred years from now,
Students in whitewashed classrooms
Will complain about reading them for homework.
Stumbling upon the path I’ve been looking for,
With a quick look behind to see my friends and family.
They waved and started to take a different way.
I smiled and began to walk straight ahead,
Knowing that if I look back again everyone would be gone.
Lights showed up on the side of the road.
Cars driving by, making a highway.
All of this is silence even while noises come and leave
This is it, I thought and began to run.
Running made it all a field of grass.
Horses passing by me with a touch of the wind.
My hair following the breeze from the ocean.
Within the night all over the world.
Falling down in the sand.
Burying me from neck to toe,
Making it harder to get free.
Water began rising,
Crashing against me.
Within a second I hit the ground,
Choking up blood.
With pain to my back,
And light smell to my clothes.
A well known voice behind me.
I think it’s enough,
I’m by the end now.
I looked behind me,
With a dead look in my eyes.
As I saw her sitting in a pit of ashes.
I got up and ran into her arms.
I had been looking all over for her.
I felt happy that I found her.
I cried in her arms,
Finally we emerged as one whole soul.
She had been forgotten for a long time,
And She had finally giving up.
But then I came crashing down from above.
Making her heart almost stop.
I had been falling over the memories we had as one.
I came for her, and that only saved her.
We once were one person,
Until I changed and abandoned her.
But In the end I came,
and I ended the search of myself.
Standing before an empty house,
doors & shutters fallen long ago,
trailing vines clamber with a soft
gentle patience the wooden stairway,
either side of the front steps a pair
of guardian figures, totem-like ...
women, austere & forbidding
yet containing a hypnotic
& potent sensuality,
It is very hot,
the light sharp & bright.
I am now in a clearing & in the moist
breeze banana trees wave their wide
Bunches of yellow fruit hang ready to be plucked.
I realize that these trees springing up around
the house are perhaps it's original garden,
a garden now wedded in passionate bloom
with the surrounding jungle.
There is an utter & complete silence,
no chattering monkeys cascading
through high branches,
no roar of terrible beast,
no tok-tok of horn-billed bird,
no constant unending insect hum.
All is silent.
The atmosphere is reminiscent of the great
stone structures of the people of Cambodia,
their cities hidden for centuries, their fields
& corridors empty, their rapturous idols
gazing out through root & branch,
By Arcassin Burnham
On days when you wouldn't speak then
Reply later in the afternoon would be the
Absolute greatest just reviving your presence as
later company than usual,
Telling me all your hardships and me explaining
How to conquer them all in order to keep it
Making things easier for you to allow yourself to
Learning about you all the time
With all the time we put in,
Just two troubled teens in shitty situations thats
Almost impossible to get out of but it takes time,
I'd give up so much of my life here and all my
Family just to be with you in this time to be civilized,
Living life like the people who escaped society to be
Actually free in maintaining themselves and their
In a time where there would always be time for us
Putting our relationship to the test to face this
Weird world while stricken,
I enjoy that were in the same boat.
Me , me , me will always be loving you , you , you,
No matter the cost of anything that we do,
Because what we do...
Resolutes in peace,
Not in pieces,
Your flattered by the overly obsessive compliments,
That's what I do,
To make a queen out of you,
Nothing is long overdue,
We may fuss,
But most times we act silly,
I'm glad your loving me,
That moment of serenity I've been yearning for
It's been so long that it feels weird
I haven't felt as healthy as I do right now
Mentally and pyschically
Feeling like all the pieces are coming together
There's no better feeling
I praise you for showing me the light
When I was lost in such a dark place
I like to dream of the day
I finally will be able to see you
But I feel like what we have now
is a dream
that I don't want to get out of;
a dream where I can continue
loving you without you knowing
I ever did
And what if we did meet one day in the future?
And what if you never saw me the way I saw you?
That is a reality i don't want to reach
―I'd rather be stuck in this dream alone,
no matter how lonely and one-sided this love is