Religious people condemn pornography
But the person who gazes at you,
From an online photo site,
Or the pages in a book or magazine
Will not reject you,
Or spurn you
As "sexually inadequate"
Or "not good-looking enough".
I have to say
That the "House of Temptation"
Is actually the most Supportive Congregation one will ever find!
Those people that YOU adore become your Saints!
One cannot be judged or condemned by a sexy, nude model
As one might be judged and condemned
By a Minister, Rabbi or Imam
For things that are
Beyond one's control.
He says that one day I will find someone
He says that I am a work of art
That I am beautiful
When I say that I a worthless he agrees
Because in being worthless
I become priceless.
He says that I am wonderful
He is inexplicably drawn to me
And quite inexplicably pushed away
I wish that I could be that guy for you
But he knows that he can’t
He says my name like it’s special
Like I’m special
He makes me my favorite person
He laughs when I make bad jokes
And he puts me through the paces daily
There is only one problem.
It’s name is 5 letters long
Has hazel eyes
And it has more to spare, than I’ll have have to cherish
I'd give anything
If I could have her.
I'd give anything,
If she could be my world.
I'd give anything to be her man,
I'd give everything.
But she will never see me as more than I am,
I will always try running from my feelings,
Taking girl after girl,
Always trying to make her jealous.
But it never works, and I end up with a broken heart.
And she has guy after guy, making me jealous every time.
I can't have her because we're too much like family,
Always close, but never close enough.
How cursed did I have to be to almost be her cousin?
If it were not for a summer love so long ago,
She would not even know me.
I wish I would never have even known her.
Like a whirlwind she came and did a number on my head,
Like a siren she calls but I can never run to her,
I can never indulge myself in her touch.
She teases without even knowing she's doing it.
I'd give anything to have never known her,
Because love never had is preferable over love always chased after.
I can never have her but she has me.
How depressing it is that I must tell you this,
If not you, then not anyone.
Besides, I would much rather profess my love to strangers than to the girl who unknowingly has my heart.
Even if she does know,
She must not think anything of it.
Because I am only her friend,
She will never see me as more than I am.
His mother was once engaged to her uncle. They would have been cousins, but since his mother and her uncle didn't get married, they never were. Now, his mother and her uncle stayed friends. He hung out with their family so much anyways that he was basically part of the family. And she started calling him her "brother", the protector that would beat up anyone to keep her safe.
This happened when he was around seven-eight years old. He is now 16, and has had a crush on her since he was ten. She still doesn't know.
The only reason I know is because I saw it, I could tell, and I asked him about it. He ended up confessing to me and told me not to tell anyone, especially her. Since he confided to me when we were 14, I haven't told anyone, and he continues to chase girl after girl so he can attempt to forget about her.
He's so afraid of rejection by her that he even ignores her completely when he feels he has the willpower to do so.
She falls in love with rejection
The lack of attention
She may need an intervention
But it cant be prevented
The mere mention
Of self descension
Wraps her mind in a new dimension
She falls for degradation
And cant help her fascination
She is stuck in a contravention
Which leads to sleep deprivation
He is not easy to fool
She thinks in admiration
She is in love with rejection and his never ending reprehension
I have some time this Saturday
I think we are compatible
I'd like to discover if I'm right.
I've typed a message to you
Asking if you're free at that time
Sadly you have not responded
To the missive I composed.
Did you have some other plans that evening?
Is my presumed compatibility misjudged?
Are you just not interested in this discovery?
I have yet to receive a reply
Letting me know if you are free
Most likely because I never faced my rejection fear.
So the note I wrote is still here with me unsent.
The worst thing my parents ever taught me
Was to worry what other people thought of me
The worst thing to tell a daughter with anxiety
At the time I didn't know that it was wrong of me
To accept the burden of responsibility
For strangers who only saw a part of me
I shouldn't have put them before the thought of me
I didn't know it would be the lobotomy
That kept me hiding in my room for 10 long years
I didn't know it would murder my autonomy
That you can't fake it 'til you make it if your introspection is an autopsy
That you can't kill a part of your soul
With whiskey or with cocaine
With bleach or box cutters
With street drugs, with a blind eye
Jesus loves all of the little children
And the church loves all its little saints
But when we express our love not with words but with paints
When the checkmark just doesn't fit the box
And our expectations weigh like chains on the children we so claim to love
They are slaves
To the 9 to 5 domestic gods that clash like thunder every night
Too absorbed in their own fight
To see the fear inside your eyes
Slowly wearing down the fire in your soul
With the grit of their need for control
Teaching you how to be the best version of them
The one they didn't have the guts to master on their own
Abandoning the flower children with the starry eyes
They once claimed spoke their deepest truths
Trading in the wild spirit in their currency exchange
For your future
So they can be so comfortable on their thrones
While they forward the blame to a new address
The hordes of walking dead they left behind
Carrying the consequences
Rejecting all the that we were handed
Gaslight me on fire again
So I can shoulder all the hate that tried to smother my spark
Like your right to be comfortable trumps my right to be here
I didn't ask for this
So when you call me by my new name
Remember all the times you tried to tame me
All the times you defamed me
While telling me stories of a God of endless love
You can't take the perfect mess that you've created
And make a masterpiece, because I am one
We are made of star stuff
And I'll be damned if I deny the perfect love I was promised
just because for once you didn't get what you wanted
I wish I could touch you again
To feel your body beneath mine.
I am angry by how beautiful you look
Because maybe if you weren't for a second,
I would be able to get a grip.
My feelings are a tornado
And I'm trying to find myself inside them.
But I'm worried I am lost.
The guilt I feel about loving you
Is giving me nightmares.
The happiness I feel from your touch
Is hurting my heart.
The sorrow I feel from your rejection
Is choking me.
But maybe it all makes sense when you look in my eyes
I can't help but love you.
The bus halted to a stop
No one got off
A man was walking alongside the road
Grey clothes once black
Ink on his collar, neck and back
His attention elsewhere, he walked past the bus
Where there sat a woman with a baby in a pram
Hair thrown in a bun
I imagine she would have been beautiful once
She wasn't old, just tired
Past her peak
Which she reached at 16
Sitting on the bus since I got on
She jumped up when the man walked past the open doors
She knocked on the window
He raised his head to look at this shouting woman
DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR BUB?
She threw her arms towards her baby
He shook his head
She sat back down
Incredulous at his behaviour
She shook her head
Folded her arms
Touched her baby
She seemed to relax
But from behind I watched her feet twitch
Slapping a dirty thong against the floor
In a motion that revealed her aggravation
Wiped her eye
The man turned away when the bus drove by.
This is a true event that I witnessed sitting on the bus at 2 in the arvo. It struck a chord within me and I knew it had to be documented.
I said I hated flowers,
yet you gave me bouquets.
I said I hated sappy messages,
yet you wrote me essays.
I said I hated poems,
yet you wrote me sonnets.
I said I hated jewels,
yet you gave me garnets.
I know you mean well,
but, in this dazzling palace,
my heart shall not dwell.