I have blossomed,
I have sewn.
From a girl of youth,
To a woman of grown.
My body
Is different.
To me it's unknown.
Though I feel
Such hatred,
For my newer mould.
But that is okay,
We all must grow.

And learn to love our beauty of old.

every single line on my body holds a memory
i’m usually embarrassed
the weird stares i get or the occasional questions from elders who don’t understand
sometimes people will even joke about it
or this one time a girl from my class told everyone i do it for attention
and at one point it might have been for attention, because i wanted someone to notice, to save me from my anguish
i always did have this obsession of being able to turn my mental pain into visible hurt
now i simply try to put it into words
and so when the sun comes out and the heat strokes start i try to cover them up
but at one point it got too hard to hide
and even though i’m better now, i’ll always be marked for life
i’m branded by my nightmares
but the monstrous marks tell a story
i’m alive and i’m full of memories
and even though most are bad, there’s a reason i’m here to show them

I fill my own cup today,
And realize just how satisfying it feels,
I put myself first and think about my needs,
Such a burden it is to never prioritise,
Such a burden it is to choose oneself last,
It is a novel experience, to choose me today,
Looking forward to what lays ahead,
I feel a sense of calm in this strangeness,
Like a river slowly flowing,
I hear the sound of water,
It lulls me to drift away,
Losing myself in the journey I’m about to take,
Making it about me, is not easy,
But I am learning to be free,
Cutting the strings that were once dear,
It’s okay to let go,
You are safe,
I remind myself against the sound of the soothing water,
You are safe,
You are free to fill your own cup
Replenish!

I don’t want to participate in this anguish,
I want to be left alone,
I let go of my weapons and surrender to a power far greater,
I let go of my ego and accept my defeat gracefully,
I let go of despair and I let in peace,
I let in god,
I let in love,
I let in forgiveness,
Surrendering will not diminish my worth,
Surrendering will act as a balm,
May you rejoice in your victory,
For this fight is not mine to lose,
For this fight has nothing to do with me

the day came
when i thought
that Love
wouldn't come
knocking
on my door.

i opened it,
expecting
my knight
in shining armour,
but all i saw
was a mirror
and a goddess
holding it up
to me.

she was smiling,
even if
my flaws
were brought
to light.

here,
here,
and here.

she said,
what a beautiful
being i am.

shining her
light
upon the shadows,
all i saw
was a hurt child,
wanting to be
loved
and feel loved.

she embraced me
as i embraced
myself.

love.
She changed me.

I was born in the summer and love watching the clouds move with the night time breeze
I am the youngest of four girls and when I was 13 my older sister left my eyebrows over tweezed
It was the night of my 8th grade dance and when I looked in the mirror she saw me freeze
13 years later and I laugh about how I was afraid I’d get teased

My favorite colors have always been red and green but over the years the shades of each color have risen or fallen in coolness and warmth
I have always tried to guess which direction I’m standing in with my internal compass, I always bet I’m facing north
I am learning to not run from my feelings of unrest but instead rush forth

I love when it’s snowed all day and the clouds finally pass and the moon illuminates the fields around me as I'm driven around fast
I'm in love with the idea of moving forward yet somedays I can feel the shattered somethings haunting me from my past

I love Marilyn Monroe
I love Lana Del Rey and Tina Snow
these women who have come before me, have similar scars to me that they aren't afraid to show
I love the feeling of being known
I love feeling as if I'm finally taking my rightful throne
I love this room my mind created everything hand etched and carved of marble stone

The curls in my hair sometimes come out to say hello
I've always wanted to learn how to make choux pastry dough
I love walking, anywhere and everywhere, it reminds me to take things slow

I like pickled radish
and the water of the bay that is brackish
I love when someone says "you're going to love it, try this"

I regret anytime I allowed someone to challenge the beauty and fire I hold in my eyes
and how I wonder why in the first place I even allowed them to try
I allowed them to convince me the strands of my hair didn't shine with such beauty it made the moon cry
I allowed them to drown out my colors with cheap black box dye
and tell me "I've never seen that before" as they point at my full and curvaceous thigh

I buried myself in the deepest dirt and hibernated
while everyone else above celebrated
how being away from me means they successfully evacuated
Their plan was beautifully and tragically orchestrated

I slept and I slept
through every season and even after all the leaves had been swept
I tried to hold onto anything that made me forget why everyone left
Then one day the sun made it's way down and through all the cracks and crevices, it crept
it crept til it woke me up from this comatose dormancy
"how long have I slept?'
the sun said "long enough"
and I wept

but as I wept the sun lifts my head and looks into my eyes
"you are whole and alive, These eyes have yet to see the wonders where my light shines, will you look up at the sky?" and as I look I see clouds the color of the painting above the floor in Versailles, I see every time I felt alive, I see every time I showed mercy and how many low spirits I was able to raise and revive. I see every time my presence has lovingly and unknowingly given someone the strength to survive.

"In time you will see how your depth and beauty goes farther than the bottom of the sea, you will hear my hello from every leaf and every tree and when the ground tickles your feet, be still and know I am with you and will never leave. You are who you are and I couldn't be more pleased, you are the same girl who at nine fell of her bike and scraped her knee, you are the same girl who at thirteen got her eyebrows over tweezed, I promise your garden will grow once you plant your seeds."

For a moment I couldn't breathe
I was in awe of the way the sun could see me
and how even though he sees everything from all sides he still felt this way, how could this be?

"Because you have fiery embers that glow within you, your flavor is more complex than the finest coffee maker could ever brew. Your presence is favorable, please stop allowing your point of view to get skewed."

I stare at my hands and remember how they looked when I was little and how I dreamt of a life where I'd smile so much you'd see my dimple, one where every day I'd be drenched in crystals, and maybe at this point I would have finally learned how to whistle... I haven't mastered the art of it yet, for me it's not that simple. But little me would be happy to know that now when she sings she sounds hymnal.

Little me would love to know that a beautiful cobalt blue journal bought by a friend would begin the journey of a love affair between me, some paper, and a pen.
Little me would stare at the thousands of words I've written about the deep feelings brought on by men
wounds from my father and boys I loved back then
she would walk up to me and she'd be so short I'd be able to rest my hands on her head
she'd squeeze me tight and sigh before saying "I love that we never leave anything unsaid."

And she's right
I have poured my heart out in the depths of the night
to the people with who I wanted to give a final goodbye
I know the rule of ignoring my heart is one I will always defy
This declaration of claiming my life back is one I will amplify

I have spoken my truth terrified even after drinking up all the courage I could liquify  
and albeit terrified I know I'm one of the lucky few who will stand up and speak first of how things are unjustified

I will stand and put my finger in the face of any angry man who tries belittling a woman and tearing her down as much as he can
I will fly over to shield her with my 7 foot wingspan
and put a stop to all of this before it even began

I will dance in the aisle at the grocery store and not care because they are playing a song I adore
I will sing with the fervor of a thousand voices and belt it from my very core
I will drench everything in love for when it rains it pours

Hi, my name is everything I have been and ever will be
my name is the first flight of every butterfly and every bee
my name is the feeling of when the person you love gets down on one knee
my name is the way a new born baby breathes

my name is the way flowers bloom
my name is the way you stand back and smile after you've just painted your very first room
my name is the way you feel when the fireworks on fourth of July go boom
my name is the way you felt when you were a kid wearing your favorite Halloween costume

my name is the way you feel when you've styled your hair just right
my name is the way you feel when it's the first time they ask you to spend the night
my name is the way you feel when your best friend hugs you tight

my name is the way you feel when you're happy and you've had just enough to drink
my name is the way you feel when the sky is that perfect shade of orange and pink
my name is the way you feel when you finally know what to say after having some time to think

my name is my own
and when I get older I'm going to buy a horse that's a blue roan
and ride her for miles
for I used to be out on that lonely road
and my soul will forever want to roam
and as I look at her mane to comb
it's full of beautifully ornate braids with flowers sewn
I look at her and see myself and I say
"You're finally home."

I find myself of late,
Without the words or will to write.

But it's not a quiet state,
It's clogged with bad unspoken rhyme.

I am not the brightest star,
But quite surely I'll still shine.

Whether anybody sees it,
It's all here and it's all mine.

I thought you cared for me
Because, your words had always conveyed that to me
I was supposed to be your best friend
However, our relationship, you decided to end
You said you were my sister
But you left me feeling rather bitter
Because you cared only about yourself
And left me hating myself
For something as minor as a Facebook comment
Never did you have any good intent!

I thought you cared for me
But it was never "we"
It was all "you"
Our friendship had no value
Because you were obsessed about yourself
You and your anaconda sized ego
Which you could never let go
You and your precious Mumbai Indians
Were the only **** sapiens
Who truly mattered to you
Apart from your "bestest friend"
You, would he blindly defend
As though you were a Nobel Prize winner
While you were actually a sore loser
With an extremely domineering personality
Masked by a deceptively sweet tongue

I thought you cared for me
But you never let me be
Because, all that mattered, was your precious image
Often, would you take umbrage
Over relatively insignificant matters
Such as me not marking you present
When you were LITERALLY absent
No wonder, did you have your haters
Because, YOU came before everyone else
Never did you take a pause
And empathise with anyone
In fact, YOU were everyone!!

I thought you cared for me
But you never truly cared for anyone
You thought you were a special someone
Who deserved all the attention in the world
On the other hand, often did you fold
At the slightest hint of pressure
Though you were so sure
That you were always right
Oh boy, never were you a pretty sight!!

I thought you cared for me
But you never took the trouble to understand me
You called me your best friend
But I was nothing more than a means to an end
Because you were a narcissist
And as a friend, one of the worst
Seriously, accepting your offer of friendship
Was nothing short of a mishap!!
Anyway, you will get what's coming to you
Your friends will eventually leave you
And then it will be just YOU
Left to fend for yourself
As you deserve to be
Because you are so obsessed with yourself
However, the world is for all
It's time you learned that
Once and for all!!