Tears cascade through me in secret
I don't want you to see
how very much your pain and suffering
is taking a toll on me.
I hear your cries of agony as pain
wrecks havoc on all of you
and my heart, my whole body reacts
and it seems the pain hits me hard too.
I've begged, I've pleaded and asked the angels
to just reach down and touch your soul
hoping that their angelic touch from above
will help your pain, your misery to just let loose, just go
But even when you have moments so brief
whenever you're not in horrific pain
and we both try to rejoice and exalt in the relief,
the pain finds its way back again
So this leaves me in tears of agony of my own within
for watching you suffer and seeing your fear
is like watching you drown in a murky lake
when no one else is anywhere near--
But I cannot give up, I will NOT leave you
no matter how bad it gets, my dear bro
I'm right here next to you crying my secret tears
that I hope you can't see as your pain (and mine) continues to grow...
©Pamela Rae 02.25.2017
the hollow between her neck and shoulders,
deep like holy water stoup,
has always been sacred to me.
i was sixteen then, foolish and in love.
i wrote her name on every piece of paper
i could find and kept her in my pocket,
showed her what the world looked like in my eyes.
she had something in her, that girl.
perhaps a cross between a crazed butcher and a catholic school kid.
with her you can never tell.
for a brief moment she let me know what heaven tastes like--
she kissed me by the pool and i lost my head.
time flew like manic Icarus.
suddenly, as abrupt as somebody braking hard, it was all over.
four years later and i'm still looking for my sanity.
every mouth i kiss
just tastes like chlorine.
My father, your father,
please cast the men to hell.
Please fill them with rot
and cider bottles, and
cans filled with rain.
Please give them a day
of daily dread. Affliction,
and pain, in puddles of blue.
Magpies frown, and scowl
at our fathers. Our mothers,
sisters and brothers too.
Leave them wet and damp
under slimy clouds. Alone
and sad under leafless trees.
For thine is a kingdom,
where the rubbish shouts
and black junkies scream.
Without hope. Or glory.
Forever and ever, in vain.
Like a tree in the night I get lost in the shadows
Standing here waiting my turn at the gallows
I'm just a mirage
Decked out in camouflage
A black silouet against a sea of gray
The drakness conceals the decay
Watching the moonbeams resistance Against the darks existence
The star's twinkle in denial
But the darkness has been there all the while
Consumed by years of agonizing pain
I don't consider myself even close to sane
Digging through life's haystack to find that proverbial needle
My search is methodical but the results are feeble
So I'm beginning to bending under the weight
Of this wretched life, this darkest fate
For I have already tasted the sorrow
Of every single one of my lifes tomorrows
Once a mighty warrior full of hope and fight
All that remains is poison tainted veins from life's snake bite
So here in the crushing darkness I stand and wait
Hoping the executioner, my years will soon abbreviate
Drove through snowstorms over icy roads
Warmed by the fire of my love for you
Following a lifeline of energy
Thought it led to your heart, warm and true
But there was only burning pain as you pushed me back
Erasing all the joy I ever knew
Signs were there that it was a trap
But the mine exploding in my face was my first clue
Our love isn’t human
It’ll never die like we will
It’ll live on in what we leave behind
The distance hasn’t torn us apart
And neither will she
Confused on what love is
Desperately reaching for someone who understands the pain
She had her chance
Now its lost
I wised up when you walked back in
Now I’m dazed by your heart
You hide from everyone else
Were in the deep dark forest
Hiding from the world
Like the fire in our hearts
Keeping the blood flowing
Frozen to the world warm to each other
Never alone even when you wanna be alone
Because I’m never leaving
I’ve seen your heart and it’s the most precious onyx
Blacker than darkness
But hotter than the fire that burns between us
Love never ending
i don't believe anybody is anybody, anymore
nobody is nobody
everybody is everybody
and i don't know who i am supposed to be
in all of this
a walking question mark
riddling my own mind
my soulless eyes
knowing damn well that half of them won't know until i'm gone
but still trying to form
some semblance of surprise
the walk i've been slowly enduring
upon my cracked and bleeding feet
has only managed to take me in circles
and i keep ending up back where i started
there is no finish line in sight,
only lap after lap
of the same
i'm certain i've passed this tree a thousand times
but i forgot the bread crumbs
at home, and now i'll never know for sure
which way to go
silence is the only laughter i know
and the applause in my head,
after the words form in my brain,
gives me a false sense of purpose
when in reality,
i'm laughing at my own jokes
and clapping my hands
for my own minimal accomplishments
Don't blame a blind for not seeing,
as it was not his fault to be born without sight.
Help him reach the destination, be his sun,
lead him patiently to the place he heads to.
How confident you are, and how long you'll feed
your confidence that eyes are given you forever?
wouldn't you expect a good man's hand,
when you yourself were blind? Have you ever thought
about what if you become one one day
and no one will rush to show you the way?
Don't blame the eye-holed man for not seeing, as you never know
what fate or accident has got for you in stock.
How sweet and saving-life would be, if when you lost your sight,
someone came and help you actually?
And even if no one came to guide you, would it be less bitter to die
thinking "I helped the one who shared the same fate",
than moaning: "Shame on me, for blind was he
and I didn't move a finger, I left him to his darkness and himself"?
If you helped, and if there was a God, and Judgment Day ahead,
wouldn't it be a happy for you day?
But even in case there was no prize awaiting you for being nice,
for a will to care - then thankful smile he always spared,
wide smile upon the unfortunate's sightless face,
would't be the nicest, the biggest prize itself?
I can't see you drown
in all of your pain
But yet I cannot let you drag
me down with you.
You choose to smoke weed
and drink destroying your body
mind and spirit
you need help
you can't live like this.
But I cannot let you
affect my well being
I hate to draw back
But for the sake of my health
I need to ..
I will always love you
I hope you can
See sense before it's to late.