half of my juice
inside the glass
on top of the table
when the nature
So, I went to the loo
expecting the juice
to wet my throat
and work its magic
few seconds later.
the cat had climbed
the table and
for the fried pomfret
under the cover
which I never noticed
the existence of it
while I was away.
I have lost the word
and I have lost my mind
over the situation.
you are the greatest of them all.
You don't have to worry that
the chimney is running out of fire.
You are the most powerful and
the most efficient gasoline
needed for in me, for your presence
and companion I will light up
the whole world,
You never leave me in
bewilderment and perplexity
all you did was making me
lament at the thought of
There is no way we can
not every smile reflects
not every weep reflects
we have zero
on guessing our fate.
I thought it was easy
to be you
you thought that
it was easy
to be me
nobody thought that
it was not easy
to be anybody.
There is no way
we can determine
So you thought
that you can run
all the misery
You give your best
once you move away
from the place
that you stand.
you are wrong
there’s not much to say;
i wish i could hold you close and dear
but at arm’s length, you are far beyond reach
i cannot feel your breath against my neck
i cannot feel your hands around my waist
yet we crave every inch of touch
we crave for each other’s taste
it’s such a tragedy to fall into
a love so fragile and secure
but is it love, lust or loneliness?
or are we merely avoiding the question?
are we drowning,
just for the sake of making one another feel whole?
do these hands and smiles revolve around misguided truths?
are your words cloaked in lies or are mine disputed moves?
i guess we will never know
No matter what happens just keep playing kid.
I was sixteen when I first started playing music as a DJ in a little redneck bar in Carolina .
Green as a glade of grass that would soon change .
I hung with the barflys the rejects the bikers and the ones that just couldn't leave there past behind.
I wasn't friends with kids my age I found my crowd and tried every vice in between.
You don't know shit at sixteen so don't pretend you do I learned from those who scars were many as the stories they told.
I watched the crowd they were always willing to turn on you
It was sink or fucking swim in a sea of smoke and stale beer .
The women weren't like the girls in high school .
There was no delusion of something more just a fast night and a good time followed by a fucked up hangover .
I had nothing in common with my own age group hell I partied with there parents knew off duty cops thieves and dope dealers .
They were all full of shit in there own way.
I cared little for a classroom I learned everything I needed to survive in those little dive bars .
I was underage six foot four acted and looked older so I just fit in .
There was danger
There was always some shit just waiting to happen .
No wonder I left the awkward world of social climbers and bullshit proms behind.
Money was fast and so was everything worth a goodtime.
Who the fuck needs someone when you can have the chaos of another night.
It was everything that I missed and never knew existed .
I will always remember that little ugly ass stage .
The faces changed real music still lives .
I gave them happiness they gave me there money.
It was my life's college .
The brain would learn what the pen would write many years later .
If your worried bout the page at sixteen your lost already.
Life will fill in the gaps .
Live first then it will all eventually fit together .
I forget everything now but I never forget those times .
One stage is always like the next .
The only rule no matter what happens when your up there .
Just keep playing kid .
Just keep playing.
Forehead kisses in the night
Right before I cling to you,
Tucking my nose in the warmth
of your neck as I breathe in your
I don't want to escape.
I know what will happen next.
I get lost in thoughts of us.
Here you are breathing in my ear, you know how to weaken me.
I try to pull away, but I submit to you.
I've become addicted to this moment.
Then there's forehead kisses in the morning.
When I was little girl,
I cried so many times
that every teardrop of rain
would fall of my eyes.
When I was an adolescent
I couldn't stop crying at all.
Bodies of water came running
down like the Niagara Falls.
By the time I was an adult
a drought appeared in my eyes
I felt no guilt or shame
but I still feel sad inside.
The cracks beneath my skin
forms a desert upon my face
My emotions are fighting me
there is a part of me that I can't erase.
The waterfall has formed
as the water absorb the soil
That's it I'm done
I'm no longer living in turmoil!
And as I hear the Spirit of the Lord say:
"They that sown tears shall reap in joy."
Even after all these years
why didn't I think this way?
My tears won't bring me down
as of today.
For there is joy in the morning
after every tear sown
because God does great works
Therefore in this situation
I am never alone.
Depression. Oh depression.
Always there, never fading away, or going away in this case.
Coming at me like she's my first priority.
Staying in my life because I guess I like the company, the feeling like there's always a weight on my shoulders, always a reassurance that I'm definitely not going to be in the mood for anything besides sleep and sometimes not even that.
Depression is my side chick, not only because I need some difference in my brain, some pizazz to keep things spiced up, or spiced down, but because my brain needs some company while the main chick happiness is away.
My side chick goes away sometimes when the main is in town.
While happiness is with me I'm always scared because what if depression finds out and comes to win me with pure determination.
So I ditch happiness...
Depression gets total control over me and I can't seem to find hope of ditching her and finding someone like happiness again.
Depression finds the time to insert unwanted thoughts into my brain, talk to me like I'm some slave to it, I guess I am in a way.
She's inconsistent in her time with me,
I talk to happiness still to fill in the times when depression isn't there, it's not the same with her.
Sure we're close and spend time together, but happiness is never really there with me like she was prior to depression.
Depression is jealous that I spend time with happiness, but I can't help it.
Happiness will always have a place in my brain.
Unlike depression happiness has been there since the beginning.
Depression came along for the attention a couple years ago and now we're in a relationship that only goes one way.
Depression loves me, I definitely do not love depression.
I hang on to depression since she's all I have left...
Happiness is at the back of my mind constantly wanting to be set free from my thoughts.
I just can't let go,
Can't let go of the feeling happiness gave me, can't let go of the love she gave and still gives to me as a far off friend.
You see happiness found relationships in the people around me, she is constantly prominent in their lives, they never fail to give her attention, treat her like the priority in their lives.
I miss happiness, she was great...
Now I have the bitch called depression and she's not leaving anytime soon, so I sit with her, attempt to love her and fail miserably at doing so.
I try and tell her that I don't want her anymore but she keeps coming at me with kindness and affection.
So now I just sit with her and happiness is held in the back of my mind slowly fading away and depression is now my partial past my entire present and most likely to be future.