Why do you worry so?
For what of this shall come?
What results of all the sweat,
you bleed from pours undone.
Whether concerned for every breath,
or careless as the sea,
do you really think a single thought you have,
will have effect on me?
I apologize – how patronizing,
how thoughtless I have been.
You just make it so easy dear,
it’s actually quite obscene.
Sleep now, not unconscious,
but rather blind to hear,
that you could escape
my control of you by fear.
If only you walked away.
When you're ready,
and not a moment before
Set your bones down in the
Water of my love
And Drown in the succour
Til your lungs are heavy
With the weight of a heart
And the currents that jolt through
Are a reminder of the concert it beat
There, we will let the dead things go,
To be washed away by the tide
of our two streams colliding
In a flurry of consciousness and
Like the moment of revelation
Like a thousand deaths
And we will breathe
with sopping lungs and dripping bones,
Raw and aching and utterly
Filled to the brim with each other,
Overflowing with electricity and
Only when you are ready
To shed the armour of your skin
Infinite reasons I have
To forever rest my head
Upon a white pillowcase
That lays untouched within
A ghastly black box
Wearing my name
A single reason I have
To forever live until the end
Upon the surface of this earth
Encased in creatures of all types
That reason for living, surviving
Is simply a single word:
QUESTION: who else has had periods of time in which literally everything you see turns into a weapon for suicide?
Behold -- eternal damnation
A second of comfort, hand outstretched,
cradling facial constructs
your eyes remain void; fresh and yet frozen in time -
-- in space;
The flashes, the strikes
-- the burning yearning agony;
the sharper the breath the blunter.
The penetrating throb -
the dismal brightness before you,
comforts --- cradles.
The funny thing is I was prepared and willing... I was ready to remove the obstacles on the path to my heart,
to light a torch through the tunnels so that you know the directions to take in the labyrinth of my grim personality
characterized by culverts of mood swings and the stinking sewage of my tantrums... I was ready to rid myself of the dust of my haunting past
and stop sneezing good intentions like yours away, I was ready to hold your hand
and match along with you to a future that keeps getting brighter every other day.
I was prepared to cut open my soul and let you put the candle of affection inside so that you drive out the darkness of cynicism that's plagued me for years,
I was ready to make you the handkerchief that finally dries my invisible tears...
The uplifting embrace that finally brings my silent sobs to an end, I was willing to make you more than a friend
by ripping away the high fences of my diffidence and letting you into my sanctuary,
my innocuous zone so that you would drive away the compulsion I have for desolation...
I was even open to letting you help me gather the pieces clattered all over the floor of my reality
that have eluded me for what seems like epochs, I was willing to overlook your flaws as I thought they were faultily perfect
and you earned a chance to flip the pages and let me read the chapters beneath rather than judge you by your cover,
I was eager to be an open book, to open my mind and let you be the radar, that guides the wreck of my life back to the shores of romance
Whose flame for the fuel in my soul was promising to burn and never die out and even if I’d run out of fuel,
I was willing to seek help from the glow of the sun to light our way if the flame ever died out...
I was keen to whither the storms if it wasn’t a happily ever after, to feel our way through dark times
To never admit defeat till time when the moonlight of joy crept through the alleys of our hearts.
More than before, I was ready to let you be the blanket that warms the winter in my soul into spring
and that cools the summer of confusion in my mind into autumn where the leaves of loneliness would fall
greener optimism was already budded awaiting the despair to fall,
I was willing to let you explore deeper than anyone had ever been in a very long time, close to the first cut
Until you chose to ruin it all…and made me shut my doors even tighter with your guns loaded with bullets of empty promises
albeit I cautioned you against promising anything because in my experience it was the expectations that hurt
You’ve made me build even bigger walls, locking out even the little warmth I was starting to gather…
You’ve made me put bigger barriers on the boulevard to my heart and turned it into a boulevard of broken dreams
and by doing so, you’ve locked me away forever, and lost the keys yet am grateful
to you for showing me that the world outside the cocoon is still what it used to be before my hibernation
a world where butterflies cannot survive for even the roses have Datura within their sweet nectar…
Am grateful you didn’t wait for me to fly so high before severing my wings, so grateful you’ve confirmed to me
that even the most splintered of fragile hearts can still be broken…I was saving forever for you, thank you for not letting me waste it all.
Everyday with you was a present
Everyday felt like the morning of Christmas
Everyday we talked felt like a gift from god
Until you left me for a guy you fear
Nowadays I still have you present
Nowadays I look at it with tears
Nowadays I fear you will return to me
Nowadays I fear my heart will mislead me
Nowadays I fear you do it all over again
Nowadays I still miss you
She lives in fear of the imminent fall
that will surely leave her in tatters,
for porcelain bruises easily and
hearts are prone to shatter
So she wraps herself in velvet ropes
and holds within her clutch
a sign that reads clearly for all to see:
Do Not Touch
And I tell him all the things
that I want to hear,
and sometimes I even sing
to disguise the silent fear.
And I tell him all the things
I wish he said before,
but the wounds that sting
still lay sore.
I tell him not to worry,
I tell him how he's pretty
I read him poetry
and smile at all his silly.
I tell him that I trust him
and ask him how he feels
For I'd take away his grim
If for once he didn't shield.
I say things to console,
I say things so he'd tell me more.
But then I wonder if at all
words are to be counted on,
or why I while my time away
solving what those lyrics say.
And I wonder if by any measure
a thousand words could compete
with the smallest selfless gesture,
And then silence, tastes so sweet.
And all those fears, they melt away
as I watch him slip the curtains on
and all the worries turn dry & grey
when he holds my arm & walks along.
And sometimes as I watch him sleep
After a day of making love and tea,
I wonder if I'd trade that view
for a hundred words waiting to be true.
And yet I'm here, typing away,
playing with these senseless words anyway
Sometimes, I worry for what I write
That it isn't good enough for your eyes
And so it is dismissed and ignored
When all I want is for my words to be known
And my thoughts to be heard in whole
But they fall upon an audience with no concerns
This, I ponder on, and it tempts me
To come to a halt with all I do
But I promise myself it's worth it
And so I grip at pens and pencils
While lightly tapping across the keyboard
And thinking of my own sick emotions
With every hollow word written
I hope to impress and capture eyes
Yet, I worry you turn away
This is worth it, this is worth it
It's not evident just yet
But you'll all take notice
I can't be wasting time here
This is worth my while, I insist..
It has to be, doesn't it?