Sometimes there’s this emptiness in the soul
With which the saddest songs would not heal
And the soft kisses of tissues would not soothe
The burns of the acidic tears
Something in there
Cannot be resurrected
With a thousand voltage defibrillator
Most of the time,
the rotting flesh is still alive
The heart still beats
The EKG device monitoring
Each stubborn peak and trough
In this blind bleakness,
There is still a small spark
An iridescent bubble that refuses to be burst
And with quiet determination,
There is a defiance to live
This small act of defiance
Is the greatest courage of all
A Forever Love That Grows
The day you first came in my life
I became that someone new
You showed an inner beauty
And a love that was so true
Now a part of me forever
Inside my inner soul
You touched my heart with kindness
And made my life more whole
From that time when first our eyes did meet
And I know forevermore
I will feel the same inside my heart
As that day when you were born
You came into the world so pure
And changed me, this I know
You gave to me a forever love
A forever love that grows
I dared to whisper aloud, two of the priceless items I wanted; you heard me.
First on my list was getting a once upon a time, adored father and nice guy,
to hear me and know t'was always made known to our sons, he loves them.
I thank you for opening his heart towards greater acceptance and that he
will always and forever honor the existence of the unwritten and binding
contract which undeniably states, in regards to our children, who are minors:
"When you become a parent, it's imperative and mandatory, at all times,
what's in the best interest of children, is to be placed far above your own."
The second item was asking you to ask The Mother of Nature to melt the snow.
I'm very happy that my world warmed a bit and less slippery were our roads.
Signed with love and continuing hopes that never the need will arise again,
to hit my hard working and clever ex who was and is working hard at being
a great dad, over the head with my own style of bricks; aka "my words"!
have changed now
years later and i have these
violent, tender things
my pale, thick
legs and bruised arms
and the hollows under
my eyes are fighting
a vicious war against
the desperate, wide-eyed
pleadings of my head.
these desperate, cheering lavender flowers.
petals sprout from your fingertips
and they move across my body
in waves of longing and desire
bright blooming in the cold hollows
between my bones
where light has never shone
the way sparks fly from your
eyes sets me aflame from the
sweat of my hair, to the
crooked edges of my fingernails to the
soft sinew of my calves
you’ve created a world anew
in between the
whispers of my fears and insecurities
I'm not the only lying bitch
How many times did you tell me one thing
But you meant another
You're a manipulative witch
Using people for your own benefit
It's taken a while
But I've finally woken up
You're just a stupid phase
I mean, how could I possibly love someone
I've never met or even really spoken to
How could I love someone
That has such a vindictive heart
At least I'm remorseful for my actions
But in you there's no ounce
Of empathy, sympathy, or even kindness
At least not any that I've seen
I'm the one who is genuine
I'm the one who cared
I'm the one who loved
So am I the liar?
Or are you?
[allow] me to lick the Newness:
off your face,
away from the yapping white noise in the distance,
out of the infant smile you shed.
Lets dance the color of welded [souls]
all you who fracture under [the heavy mass
of] my emerging grin, cast the [humanity]
from your leaden chins
lets [radiate beyond our stiff] elderly shells-
stretch to the most intricate composition
of every genre of pebble [person]
Don’t stop there!
[pass] pockets of serendipity to the greyest nimbus,
the slightest twitch of grass,
the [breath] of soil.
why must we comfort Zones?
I will murder your plush practiced demeanor
to [nurse] your pallid glimmers
of certified [You].
I love how good I am at driving in the snow. It's like second nature. Skiing with 2,000 lbs. The headlamps hit snow devil whirl winds and the water crystal's light up in their obviously belligerent dance of rancorous cold. The lungs wince in remembering the soul stealing gusts that bruised me while waiting for the bus to go to school. Every yard on the block is scathed to a thin perfect sheen where snow settles in the drive ways and streets. Winters gentle reminder that the home is sweet and the world outside is raw and dangerous.
I was so worried about how the hellish wind of Lehi, Utah would bleed me this year. Leave me more exposed but the heart calloused just in time to seek deeper truths and guide my soul to a sober path.
We all gave thanks recently, letting the tryptophan calm our racing hearts and heal our mood. Spending much needed time with the beautiful families we call our own. My sisters are more then just glue that holds us all together but key stones. Do mother's ever really know?
Now with thanks on mind and heart, forgiveness and apologies weigh in. So lucky to be alive, and so lucky to have all that we're given, "this chance to be alive and breathing." What have we taken for granted? What people have we unknowingly or knowingly abused?
I have to say I'm sorry again. Not the first and hardly will be the last. My beautiful friend just know it had nothing to do with you. I want to pull away but it would be a lie to say that isn't one of the hardest things to do. Despite what underlying emotions have been persistent in me and despite whatever I feel or felt in a moment your timeless friendship means more then ever. So I say I'm sorry, and with sincerity I ask for your forgiveness.
P.S. Sorry to always be so vague and poetic all the time. My mind doesn't think any other way.