I'm a realist, mildly an idealist.
My ideas create a mindset that allows me to express feelings
But I build up a wall, high as a skyscraper..I stand, as a realist I know if I jump, I'm bound to meet my maker. I don't think idealist are weak.
I just think escapes the honesty they seek.
You don't walk a straight line in order for you to finally reach your peak.
Obstacles come and go, water is a need if you want to grow, you can't have a lightbulb without an idea and expect it to magically glow.
I know every action I do and especially when I am wrong but I just want rewrite all my wrongs, they inspire all of my greatest songs.
Optimistic that I'll make it, I just need more effort than 50 percent
because you get what you put in, as a realist I know if you put in half, half back is all you will ever get.
People remember you mistakes, the heroics they just simply forget.
I can't stand when people think it's okay to live a life without any regrets.
Sure things happen for a reason and karma "may" have you enemies morally bleeding, but you ideology sounds misguiding and thought process misleading. Karma is an excuse to allow a higher calling contribute to your spiteful abuse, you don't want the crime on your soul so you allow the angels to fatally shoot. It's fine, before we die, we all commit a crime.
Women kill, men steal, just being in love should require you to do time.
Born a realist sinner...far from an idealist winner
Success doesn't come over night
The sweet life doesn't come until after you've made your dinner..and cleaned the plate, but we're never satisfied...nah, we going to probably eat again late.
Work hard for the dream, don't just rely in faith. A realist knows she may not show up, even when you scheduled a date.
It's all love to the victims, stuck in a fiction. If you hate this piece...your ignorance got you unable to listen.
Not my problem though. I'm speaking without any permission! I like that idea...oh Damn, wait...I think I jus become my own contradiction?
...forget it, I'm healing, my words and unpredictable wisdom, I am still dealing.
Insanity is a fear that is expressed towards you when others have confusion
A realist, an idealist..no one is right...our concepts to each other seem all an illusion.
500 names and 500 bodies
Each one born to a family
Each one the crypt of its own stories
500 names and 500 stories
Stories that won’t be told in the newspaper
Not even in a little box under the
Front page headline that tells you to be afraid
Be afraid of the streets at night
Be afraid of what could be waiting in your own backyard
Be afraid of people who are poorer than you
Be afraid of people who are a different color than you
Be afraid of people who practice different religions than you
Be afraid of the mother whose cries of anguish, cries of pain
Echo from the street outside
Because she buried her bullet-riddled son today
He doesn’t get his name in the paper
He wasn’t on the honor roll
And he’d gotten into some trouble
But he had the misfortune to be born on the South Side
To a woman who has to live with being called a welfare queen
A woman who worked two jobs just to feed him
who worked her fingers to the bone
to provide him a home
She’d rather feel the burden of providing for him
Than feel the agony of missing him
Because every day on the 20th of February
She’ll be going to his grave instead of his birthday party
And he’ll become another name on a list
One of 500 names that a politician
Can put on a chart and say
This. Must. Change.
And revel in the cheap applause he’s stolen
But will forget about once he’s been chosen
500 names and 500 dollar bills
Dollar bills you hide behind because money is the only God you know
But dollar bills can burn
Dollar bills are just green pieces of paper
Green like greed
Green like Lady Liberty
Green like the huddled masses Lady Liberty promised to protect
Green like the envious masses throwing their money away on Lucky Lotto
In the desperate hope that they might someday compete with you!
And be welcomed into your gated communities
With open arms
And open palms
And open hearts
But you don’t know anything about that because you are heartless
If poverty creates violence,
then wealth creates intolerance
500 deaths is a tragedy
But for you, it’s just something to read
At your breakfast table in your house in the suburbs
Comforted by the headlines that try to make you afraid
My mother called me the devil child
Because I was loud, destructive and wild
I found out years later I was born with ADHD
No one wanted ever to spend time with me
Parents didn’t know of ADHD and why I was different
They didn’t understand and they were very intolerant
Parents told older sister I was bad and she didn’t have to be around or play with me
So much of the time alone was really no fun, however for some help I did make a plea
I heard my mother double dog dare my father to hit me
Mother would refer to me as a turd in front of the family
All my cousins were smart, while I was failing all my classes in school
Got in to many fights with bullies and teachers who were always cruel
My family would all make fun of me, call names bully and tease
I was the loser that anyone could do or say what they pleased
None of my cousins was I ever allowed to play
I was always much of the time was alone all day
I lived in a strange house my dad was very to the T religious
And my mother was always drunk and of course blameless
She’d drink when home from work on the weekends or holidays
And could always hide it from all her friends and the relatives
No one believed me when I told them that she had been drinking
They acted like I was crazy by then I knew what they were thinking
My mother took me out on Friday nights to eat and buy whatever I wanted, after work
Her last stop was always the liquor store for drink and smoke, I was left in car like a jerk
She bought games and toys that took two or more to play, but she nor did dad never have any intension
Of spending anytime with me because I was in there way. I was a bad child that needed intervention
Wasn’t the perfect child I admit; I ran off when I was 16 did things I regret parents put me
Away, they came for counseling I complained about moms drinking and she felt angry
She said that her drinking wasn’t my problem and she’d be back to see me when I could face the truth
Never could mother admit to her or dad doing wrong, everything was always because I was a youth
Came home from school one day mom was passed out on the living room floor dead drunk
Called ambulance for her Dr blamed me and said no visit, and he called me a punk
My dad would come home and find she was throwing up while passed out always in her bed
I’d watch him take bowls and put them near her mouth to catch it, was something I would dread
He’d walk to the bathroom to empty the bowl and go back to get the next one to do the very same
And replace the unfilled one and repeat the process. I was told by her doctor that I was the blame
Sometimes mom would go running down the hall to the toilet bowl to throw up my heart would race
Because I always knew mom would do this and then she’d come to my room to scare rant and pace
Since I was a bad spoiled child who had parents with money, nice house cars and good jobs
And I was not willing to help out or be responsible, was told I made the family look like slobs
My sister let her boyfriend talk her into letting him take me to the dentist, instead he molested me
But no one believed me because in the past I had lied about things, and the truth no one would see
Since I was different all the cousins, my aunts and uncle could blame me for when things went missing
Or went wrong I was then and still am now the perfect scapegoat and yes about it I’m still babbling
My father ran out the back door, when he heard me wake up and come out of my room
So he didn’t have to bother with me, I wanted to spend time with him he’d assume
Somehow I managed to graduate from high school and I then would move
To a different city I felt I might have better luck and my life would improve
Married two very bad guys both who beat, threatened me and verbally abused
Divorced them both and had one child and how I’d raise this child alone I was confused
Tried to work and go to school never was competent enough to follow through
Each time I would start either I did not have the ability of completing anything new
Am not proud of this but I had 30 jobs that I lost in 10 years and even tried going to college
Unable to remember how and when to do things, my head from years of abuse was in a fog
Filed for SSI and Social Security, got on section 8, food stamps WIC and other government aid
I needed a home for myself and my daughter so I had to depend on things like this to get paid
My daughter grew up, became ill with a repeating debilitating disease
I dedicated myself to getting her well, and nothing about it was a breeze
Had to take her in pain weekly for Doctor visits many times she’d cry and wished she were dead
This broke my heart with no family help, just her and I to face things in the days and years ahead
Unable to attend school for years, the Doctor signed permission to stay home
School system assigned a teacher who was mean nothing about her was tome
School Social workers interfered
And my name they smeared
She finally one day went into remission
And now the nephrotic kidney condition
Seems for now to have forever gone for good away
For years it’s been don’t want others to downplay
For a while I homeschooled her and the first semester back in the public school
She was on the honor roll things seemed to be looking up and I felt like I was the rule
Then one day she lost interest in classes, homework and attending
And the principal of the high school was calling and threatening
Pulled her out and put her in to get her GED
Soon she was out within month of three
A year before she was supposed to graduate
I knew by then that I was doing things right
Enrolled me and her in community college we made the Dean’s list and acquired no student loan debt
Last may she and I graduated have started a new life and now I don’t feel things in my life are a threat
But alone I’ve raised a good child, self-published a book and kept things together
I’ve published some poetry and stories in magazines that will be on web pages forever
Even though my parents have helped me out once in a while financially
I feel lack of respect since they helped family who treated me crummy
I’m still feeling and have most of the hopeless thoughts when I was young
But I still try to steer my daughter to be different from me and hold my tongue
Those cousins with the high degree
Don’t seem to have too much on me
Both lost their jobs within a year out of college from being snobs and dishonest
But the parents just think that it was because others were being so glibbest
Both stuck alone in life working in their old age
That just mostly pays a low minimum wage
My sister divorced her husband for molesting her children still won't speak to me, told her kids I was bad
She lives in my town and over 20 years she’s never visited so by her I've been for life had
Most of all I think it's because my parents never would face reality or admit
To any wrong doing of years of abuse and neglect, something I couldn't forget
Why am I talking about this after all these years still?
Because I think that it may just possibly help me to heal
What happened to the lines that I drew?
Black and sacred as the darkness in an ugly room
My special little hell mapped out neatly so I knew
Now tell me what on earth I should do
The sky is a sickeningly bright shade of blue
A backdrop for all the things that I slew, like
The limbless body hanging limp at the window
Now tell me what on earth I should do.
I dreamt a new line, wished the old one adieu
On my bed a mess of carcass is strewn
Blood gushes from the heart and white sheets are imbued
Now tell me what on earth I should do
Should I wear the red sheets in homage to you?
Your pit and your lips and the kiss misconstrued
I could fashion a pall and lie out of your view
Just tell me what on earth I should do.
Should I follow the line till it leads me to you?
Standing at its end so quiet and aloof
Within the stone walls that I cannot break through
Just tell me what on earth I should do
I will try, yes I must, for it may have been true
What I saw in my sleep and have since etched out too
The monster called hope who I fed till she grew
Now tell me what on earth I should do.
The embrace felt as warm as I wanted it to
But marks were left on my back, fat and black
You’ve been drawing your own lines, fresh and new.
Please tell me what on earth I should do.
I have become so lost in the loneliness,
so wrapped up in the relevant routines of solitude,
that I would give anything to go back
to what was familiar
even if that includes being by your side once more.
Maybe next week I'll feel different,
but it doesn't matter.
This sense of wanting to find love will repeat itself
over and over and over.
When I was your man,
things actually made sense.
I noticed the trees changing the colors of their leaves,
and how the coffee today tasted differently than yesterday,
only because you did.
Now I never take pride in noticing the little things
because I have no one to share them with.
I have no one to lay out on the grass with in silence
no one to hold my arm in theirs on a long lonely drive.
Now empty pages and empty bottles clutter around my bed
I'm hoping one of them will keep me from waking up someday.
Because I don't want to brace myself for the impact of a life lived in solitude.
I don't want to miss your warm hands or the light breeze of your breath
or my fingers slowly tracing through your hair.
I don't want to live a life without knowing
what it feels like to lay next to someone for an entire night
more closely and more intimately than I've ever known.
I don't want to miss being able to carry you up the stairs
when you're too tired to do so on your own.
At least I knew some of that with you.
But now you're gone
and my heart sinks lower into my chest.
I fear that one day it will disappear completely.
Something's been missing in me since you left
and I fear that I will never get it back.
The holidays are upon us
Time for family and fun
Some families put the fun in dysfunctional
But if yours is not one
Take comfort in this jewel
If your family put the FU in dysfunctional
You're no different from Gods that rule
Chronos, Zeus, and Aries
Make you brother, uncle, and mother
Look like happy fairies
Dysfunctional also spells love
If you drop the dysfunctiona
And add the OVE