My apologies leave a dry throat with a sting
Another and another fall from a limp jaw
Another from pale lips
And again from bleeding wrists
My apologies are written in blood
And spilling from one last kiss
Soaking into your skin
Sinking through the surface
And my apologies burst from my skull as the bullet shatters my bone
And regret splatters across the wall
Written in blood is nothing but
It's not a matter of right or wrong
Sideways glances push me off my straight and narrow path
Keep them happy
Let them see
The person they wish you to be
Someone less like me
Some may say I'm not a saint
Then again, I never claimed to be
Leave you to your conclusions
Your opinion is fine by me
Give too much
Take too little
Ask for nothing
And over supply the beggars hands
With everything I have
It should be reason enough
For them to let me alone
With the choices I'm free to make.
I don't count my blessings
In time they'll be taken away.
I let the puss of my endeavors ooze out of my mental cracks
Keep my eyes forward
Never look back
Perhaps the road I'm leaving behind
Will help me define
The steps I've taken from time to time
Just because I've let it slide
Doesn't mean I've forgotten every ride
Of every individual thought that wasn't mine.
I'll give you your chance to shine
Even if it's my life that's on the line.
My skin is tougher than you'd like to think
Why do you think I've been able to sink?
Making each step closer with you to the brink
Talking sense to senseless people
Make notions and attempts
I fail myself and them
Shameless in the life I command
I get to play the villain and the friend.
I surround myself with weaker types
For that'll make me stronger by default.
Next to one stronger than I
Means I cannot compare my faults
To their faultless standard.
And who needs that kind of pressure?
The cruel cold sea spits out salt in tall waves.
Can’t breathe when I sing or I’ll choke on sand.
Ships sail through rough seas, black skies blur
sight of those on board. Smell the damp oak creak
from blue strength, can’t slow the whirlwind in the clouds.
Let the storm brew, then pick up the spines of shells
that broke and danced in the waves. Can’t see
the shore through the haze; look for the twist and turn
of sand as it laughs – look for shimmering jewels
and gem stones, and light from the lamp
at the edge of the reef. Safe from harm.
(My coffee tastes like bile because I am not the blameless lamb they once told me I could be.)
I am not a pure grey because
transitions aren't that singular and
I'm not the only palette that bleeds.
Yesterday the sun was setting during a rainstorm. I tried to grab fistfuls of the hue in my hands, but only came up with embedded nailmarks and dishwater bleakness. The pillars of composition rebuke me, "Stop pretending art is hard." But they don't know the disconnect from head to hands.
I am the infant with a need and no verbal construct.
My consciousness is a glacier far too large to break the foaming surface. And its concrete nothingness begets concrete nothingness. I consistently question my theoretical surplus and its validity.
Have I idealized myself? Haven't we all?
Words tumble between teeth, irreverent to syntax, wishing only once to be verbose.
(I am enigmatic in and of myself; the writer who cannot write, the orator who cannot speak.)
They forget what should be remembered
And remember what you would like to forget
The people’s voice is ignorant and uneducated
Their stereotypical ways haven’t caught up to them yet
Bigotry will live on into the future
Hatred is an incurable cancer
Merciless apathy toward the freaks among us
Few ask questions, fewer seek an answer...
Take me to the City
where boys were gentlemen
and girls are ladies
Take me to the Era
where men knew the limit
and girls knew the classy
Take me back to the time
when alcohol was soothing
and cigarettes were calming
Take me back to
the years of blues
the jazz that made it through
you will open your eyes
that this love I carry
has been a part of me
my whole life through--
I loved you even
before I knew your name
I've loved you all these years
though not always just the same--
you see, over time my love has grown
and become even more immense
and incredibly intense
with each moment
that we two share--
so when are you going to open your eyes
that no matter what happens,
I will always care?