Hook the loops of your bag
between your forearm crease,
let it swing not lag
whilst you walk to see your niece.
Your nephew is ill in hospital,
your parents too ill to help out,
your sister is depressed, it's postnatal,
and you've been there from the beginning, throughout.
Those aren't tears, but the effects of the wind
while you walk nervous to see.
Tied up in your cold coat you’ve thinned,
but no one will notice nor disagree.
As you’re there to help, encourage with wise words,
short bursts of helpful blurbs will
satisfy your sister just enough
for her to get through.
Silk smooth arms wrap me
in a nude cocoon.
Our noses brush each other
like old pals embracing
My eyes are fixated onto yours
I see the sunflower rings
that encapsulate your pupil
green grass cornea
Your body is a utopia
I let my palms drag themselves
down your creamy curves
Toes box at the edge of the bed
on your neck
on your cheek
on your forehead
Our lips went out to coffee
and now they are cuddling
Minds committing foreplay
Fingers in labcoats
conduct anatomical experiments
I retrace your indents
I discover your scars
you are my case
Appreciation of beauty
through tender lust
Cue the ever-prominent darkness;
Wake up in night, and feel the chill
Of snow and of the stress
Resting on the window sill.
Feel it all around you;
This giant contradiction
Of happiness and tears.
You never spoke, but always knew
Of the below-zero affliction
That covered you in frost each year.
Cue the endless strings of lights;
Let the trees and houses glow
But it’s all an effort to block out night;
This you hate, but this you know.
Fear of midnight skies only rises
When snowflakes start to fall
And time seems to slip away;
We get by with our harmless disguises,
Forcing our minds away from it all
Until we wake to the light of day.
Cue the tray of hot cocoa;
Pair it with a candy cane
The warmth is sweet, but it is faux
And the mint walks you down memory lane.
But you don’t want to remember
No, you don’t want to relive innocence
You can’t go back to your Santa Claus days
For you want to love December;
You live the month with wistfulness,
But you cannot ignore the pain.
In the forest of finding my life
Tired of my longing desires
My soul quite silenced
My Body exhausted by unmoved farness
My wind lost its spirit
Hurting my road to desired joy
Yet, Rejecting my lost travel, I am now,
Drifting away from soul pits
Silhouetting my dreams so beautiful
Birthing my unreached longings
Stretching to my forseen destiny
Now, I am in all control
Creating my beauty beyond compare
And Dreamy Daily Days!
It is always difficult to describe depression,
There are so many interpretations
That people hold,
This is my own.
You're standing on the cliffs edge,
Looking out towards the horizon of life,
Then you see the storm clouds rolling in,
The thunderous roars of trepidation
And the lightning bolts of painful reminiscence
Mirroring the silver scars on your skin,
Then the mighty winds of worthlessness
Hauls you over the edge.
The cool air brushes against your face
As you descend towards the black water below,
Every inch of you is screaming for you to stop
But you can't,
You have lost complete control and you are weak,
Amidst the whistling winds in your ears
You hear the names, the bullying,
The cries of disappointment,
The reminiscent sound of vomit against porcelain,
You hit the water and shatter the surface
And you pray that you have stopped,
Things will bet better ,
But instead you continue to sink,
Numb, cold, aching,
You want to cry but you feel so empty,
Like the bitter sting of the salty ocean
Has clinged to your skin and draws out
The last ounce of feeling you had left to hold on to,
You stare at the surface,
Wide eyes desperately searching for rescue,
The fractured refraction of a flare in the stormy sky,
A hand to plunge into the water and pull you out
And revive you.
I have been fortunate enough to be pulled from
Revived countless times
After feeling like I will spend eternity
Living in the shipwreck of my insecurities.
It is my duty to scour the world and throw a life ring
To every lost soul who deserves to be atop the
Cliffs edge where they can once again watch
Another hopeful sunrise of hope break on the
I am dust on a sunbeam
I am the winding endless road in dreams
I am an oblivious mess of illusions that you do not care to seek
I am a frozen dinner
sitting on your lap
while you watch other news
I am the words you curse into your sheets when you've overslept
I don't want to be all of these things
but I am
I was here but i've left
The negative notions of your being have grasped me in fear
of being lost
But they just found another fearful soul
Your sorrows clung onto my hair
Their weight has brought me closer to the damned earth
but i'm no longer concerned with taking the time
Stolen mishaps and memories shaped into pleading eyebrows
I want rid of these barriers
But I am dust
I am a winding road
I am a mess of illusions
I am a frozen dinner
And I am the words you curse.
Lie to me,
tell me the world has happy endings and Santa Claus does exist.
Cause I cannot take this sick reality.
Of pain and hollow cores,
I just want snowflakes.
In the bitter darkness, I ache, openly. Hoping,
Where now Hope may not exist. And ergo happiness,
For where is life without love,
And love without friends,
For suddenly I dim, Unexpectedly,
Lose all expectedness,
And fall as winter may,
Cold then all at once frozen.