go ahead and say it.
unsure, like slowly breaking
sneaks in around
the corners, here, i sit, still;
blind and idiotic and
so damn unsure.
moving in slow frames, bystanding certainties' presentations,
maybe i need this.
maybe i need you more than anything.
you ever need me, darling?
White are the far-off plains, and white
The fading forests grow;
The wind dies out along the height,
And denser still the snow,
A gathering weight on roof and tree,
Falls down scarce audibly.
The road before me smooths and fills
Apace, and all about
The fences dwindle, and the hills
Are blotted slowly out;
The naked trees loom spectrally
Into the dim white sky.
The meadows and far-sheeted streams
Lie still without a sound;
Like some soft minister of dreams
The snow-fall hoods me round;
In wood and water, earth and air,
A silence everywhere.
Save when at lonely intervals
Some farmer's sleigh, urged on,
With rustling runners and sharp bells,
Swings by me and is gone;
Or from the empty waste I hear
A sound remote and clear;
The barking of a dog, or call
To cattle, sharply pealed,
Borne echoing from some wayside stall
Or barnyard far a-field;
Then all is silent, and the snow
Falls, settling soft and slow.
The evening deepens, and the gray
Folds closer earth and sky;
The world seems shrouded far away;
Its noises sleep, and I,
As secret as yon buried stream,
Plod dumbly on, and dream.
.... ..... (Perfect stranger)
We knew (once)
We knew what the fuck was goin on
We still know
But the HORROR of it is beyond sanity
How is it done?)
Put the blade down and listen.!
Your crying's now but childish
The winds o'er the prairie soon shall be dead
The mountains shall fall down
We will be dead corpses in countless cities
Upon the starving streets
Hearts are Stone
The only ever child has returned to
Only the most simple
The most elementary
we are moving towards HOME
In a while
We shall be born again
Dreams haunt every aspect of my being
Dry my mouth becomes when I try to speak your name
Unfeeling to the blade that kisses my skin
Ugly oozes from the gashes on my arms
I'm a prisoner to the thoughts that rage inside my soul
Love is what I've felt for you but now it's gone
Death will show me the brightness of the stars
He will cherish me and make me grand in the world of the damned
Feelings will no longer matter where I'm going
I will no longer suffer
"I can see the life in you."
"It sort of leaks out of places."
Charlotte raises an eyebrow.
Okay, how so?"
Paul clears his throat.
"So you know how people like to
associate love with red, the color?"
"I guess so."
"Well, you just, like, glow red."
"That's called blushing. People do that, you know,
when they're embarrassed."
"No, this is different. It's not on your face."
"Where am I red?"
Paul looks at Charlotte.
He sees her large nose and her pigeon feet
And her brown hair everywhere
And her crooked teeth.
He sees the sunset from the week before on the Oregon coast in her eyes
And the tomato garden her mother used to keep
And the spot of early melanoma he found on her back a year before.
He sees the sneakers with the hole in the toe
That she bought for him and he remembers her words
Red makes you run faster
And he remembers his words to her
So that I can catch you?
Because she's always moving towards something brighter
Than he can force himself to look at.
He sees the door to her townhouse three blocks from his apartment
From his own stoop
Because she took a can of paint to it,
While her landlord wasn't watching.
The empty can sits on his desk full of stubs of Ticonderogas.
Paul looks at Charlotte.
"Well, how am I red?"
"The longer I know you the redder you get."
he doesn't see what she thinks of him.
what every little word does to her, or how she hooks on to his every word.
how him being close one day and distant the next kills her.
or how her disorder is blowing this out of proportion.
does he hear her stomach rumble?
does he see the gashes on her skin?
does he care?
she thought he was immune to her disorder because of how clearly she saw him.
but then, he changed.
or did she change?
not even the strongest prescription glasses or hearing aids can make him care.
not even the strongest antidepressants or mood stabilizers can make her see that he does.