I have become so lost in the loneliness,
so wrapped up in the relevant routines of solitude,
that I would give anything to go back
to what was familiar
even if that includes being by your side once more.
Maybe next week I'll feel different,
but it doesn't matter.
This sense of wanting to find love will repeat itself
over and over and over.
When I was your man,
things actually made sense.
I noticed the trees changing the colors of their leaves,
and how the coffee today tasted differently than yesterday,
only because you did.
Now I never take pride in noticing the little things
because I have no one to share them with.
I have no one to lay out on the grass with in silence
no one to hold my arm in theirs on a long lonely drive.
Now empty pages and empty bottles clutter around my bed
I'm hoping one of them will keep me from waking up someday.
Because I don't want to brace myself for the impact of a life lived in solitude.
I don't want to miss your warm hands or the light breeze of your breath
or my fingers slowly tracing through your hair.
I don't want to live a life without knowing
what it feels like to lay next to someone for an entire night
more closely and more intimately than I've ever known.
I don't want to miss being able to carry you up the stairs
when you're too tired to do so on your own.
At least I knew some of that with you.
But now you're gone
and my heart sinks lower into my chest.
I fear that one day it will disappear completely.
Something's been missing in me since you left
and I fear that I will never get it back.
The holidays are upon us
Time for family and fun
Some families put the fun in dysfunctional
But if yours is not one
Take comfort in this jewel
If your family put the FU in dysfunctional
You're no different from Gods that rule
Chronos, Zeus, and Aries
Make you brother, uncle, and mother
Look like happy fairies
Dysfunctional also spells love
If you drop the dysfunctiona
And add the OVE
It snowed all day today
First snow of the season
From the time I woke up to the moment I went to bed
The snow was so powdery
All there was, was glitter in the air
You see, I still want to tell you about my day
Because there are people that come in our lives
And they mean so much it doesn't make any sense
But they do.
I find myself still writing for you
Even though you don't want me to
But after a hundred poems it's hard to stop
My word's seem to come easy when I'm hurting
Often though, angry words are not meant
And actions are unfairly judged just through words
I'm not trying to get back what we had
But no one should feel not good enough.
We may accept the love we think we deserve
But often we deserve far more than we think.
And hush, you did. You do.
I keep checking in on you to make sure you're okay
And it kills me to know that you're not
What you consider flaws are simply the
Little quirks I saw back on your porch that made me smile
I hope you live; that you are more than just alive
Because I know you are a good person
Who deserves all the happiness and love in the world
And I would have gladly spent
The rest of my life proving it to you
Someone can't go from being the center of your world
Straight to nothing over night
I too, still think about you always ...
And it's only been a week...
Drink a toast to the dreams that got lost.
Sat in a world of the single minded.
The location of shattered dreams lost.
No longer whispering.
Ghosts of long gone dreams.
They scream as banshees of doom.
Predicting solitary misery.
Quite happy really,
Hell maybe, I am,
I am not.
The music plays and I drown in it.
Swallowing it, hook line and sinker.
This funny woman,
A deep thinker.
An amusing muser.
She lives on the planet of miserable cow.
The couple next door.
Sharing a lunch,
One between two.
In oblivious dreams of true romance.
New romantics perhaps.
As lucky sods and demi-gods,
They sat and munched their lunch.
Listens to the music, listless.
In a place where no-one can dance.
Tapping my foot in time.
Yes, my friend.
I said in time
And the music strokes the air.
The music gets stuck in my auburn hair.
Soul to soul,
She is bare,
My coffee went cold.
Should I maybe be so bold.
To stay and listen to more.
And the music became more.
So much more.
My inspiration on this glorious day.
Passion in full view.
C'est la vie.
(And Alaric ,my friend).
May the devil enjoy my play on words,
Such injustice be kindly greeted.
Would prefer to tickle angels, with my words instead.
Sooner meet the Lord of Love,
When I end up dead!
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
I'm scared to get close to you,
I don't know what to do.
I've been played so many times,
So much hurt, so many lies.
You're one of a kind you really are,
I think about you when you're near, and when you're far.
I don't want you to replace me,
But lately that thought is all I see.
Flirting with a different girl that isn't me,
The only girl is what I want to be.
I'm scared that you'll never be mine,
And all of these feelings I must confine.
I have so much negativity in my mind,
Making me distant and unkind.
Someday I want this to be more than just a fling,
But I don't even know if you'd ever want such a thing.
I don't want to hold onto something that'll never be there,
Because I like you too much, it's just not fair.
I hope that you like me as much as I like you,
Because if you didn't, I don't know what I'd do.
I really hope you don't find a different girl better than me,
Because I'm trying to be the best girl I can be.
I hope when you look into my eyes,
You can see past the disguise..
I hope you can see the feelings I have for you,
Because even if I can't show it, my eyes do.
I hope you never leave, I'm too happy with you,
Even if this negativity is sending me askew.
Maybe, its time I tell you,
maybe its time to speak up.
I'm no longer in a stage where,
your voice pops up in my head,
and makes me wonder where you are.
what you're doing.
Your name no longer sends me into
fits of remorse, nor anger.
The harshness of what you now think of me,
no longer stops me in my tracks.
I don't ask myself what you would think,
because I know you don't care,
and also, I don't need you to.
I'm my own person and you wanted to change that.
You wanted to change me.
Recreate me to fit the image,
of what you always dreamed.
No longer do I ponder upon decisions,
based on how your feelings would apply.
No. I'm no longer a slave to your feelings.
Now, I'm simply me.
I do what I want, how I want, and when I want it,
and theres no one to stop me.
I indulge in nicotine, and don't get the third degree for it.
I'm accepted as I am and I like it.
I'm no longer yours to control, and I'm in love with it.
your energy competes with mine,
a battle just to feel alive.
i know that i can't beat you,
so i only live to please you.
you cast away my sorrows
you numb all of my pain
they say i have everything to lose
but there is nothing for me to gain
you're my only support,
yet they say you tear me down.
i've been told to look forward,
but i like this view from the ground.
i seek you in the shadows,
constant struggle, endless fight.
and every time i find you,
they rush to turn on the light.
i smile at the thought of you
dancing in my veins,
my body is just a vessel,
you are my soul, my heart, my brains.
you let me be myself
though i don't know who that is.
i've lost track of who is using who--
but that is half the bliss.
i lean my head back,
let the world drip, and melt, and shatter.
i can't remember-- what is reality?
i suppose it doesn't matter.
you made me trust that you would join me
in the depths of my despair.
but lately it seems like you dragged me,
like i wasn't already there.