It's a cycle
You hurt me and I'll become you
There isn't anything to prevent this
I've never been much to conform
You shaped me from the start
Hollow and fragile
Someone broke you.
You put me on the verge of shatter
Small cracks form on the edges
Nothing but a breeze could make it crumble.
I'm you and you sucked all me out.
You get my pain now baby.
Have fun with the bits you thought you'd get.
I can be a bitch too
There isn't anything you can have now it's been empty for years
Nothing worth waiting for
Jokes on you sweetie
Hope you have fun with everything you've obtained
I'll be sure to pass on your good grief
Next adventure with surely get enough to spare
If anyone deserves my love it'd be you deary
Have fun with all my love
There's quite a bit
Good luck trying to control it now that you've taken it all.
You told me about a radio show you hosted, once a week.
I found myself listening to a pod cast, your free spirit transcending through the airwaves.
It became a pleasure, a joy to hear you.
The lilt in your voice, enthusiasm and laughter you can't fake.
Rolling off recommendations, free events and advice.
I saw your passion come alive.
Cynicism and anxiety melting away.
We met in a hot pit of pressure, anxiety and nerves the order of the day.
Happiness cannot show its face in every environment.
I know that all too well.
I felt I might listen again, were I not to see you for a while
your presence in some abstract way makes me feel safe
keeps my demons at bay.
My home is the whispering willow
where shade and rest can be found
a clump of grass, I use for a pillow
I make my bed right on the ground
my home is in the flowing stream
where the cool waters seem to heal
the sounds seem like i'm in a dream
but my senses tell me that it's real
my home is on the mountain top
where the squirrels and rabbits play
my natural life, I would never swap
I just can't see it any other way
I know I am so monotonous
for always write a romantic poetry
with black ink on a plain white paper
I know I am so dull
to imagine you as my muse
to sing you a soft lullaby
when you are not even here
I know I am so pathetic
as a girl who fails at everything
as a girl who creates lots of mistakes and sins
as a girl who has not achieve anything
in her bloody - dark world
I know I am not enchanting
and I see your gorgeous smile
almost every night in my nightmare
and I see your misty eyes
almost everytime in my beautiful daydream
I know I am not beautiful
like the stars above tonight's sky
or like the small streams in a green field
all I can think about is
making a lovely poetry for you,
composing flowing rhythms for you,
letting my fingers dance around my paintbrush
and painting every single thing on your face
in a smooth empty paper
and I am sorry for doing all of that
and I am sorry for thinking I have a chance
and I am sorry for dreaming of you as my stars
and I am sorry for hurting myself
with the thoughts of you in every minute of my life
As a child I knew nothing
and needed even less,
content with being happy
but 'growing up' required me to digress.
I took life as a challenge
chose myself an aim,
let the goals laid out for me
become the rules of the game.
Years of living like this
distraction and reward,
suddenly I realised
I was cold, alone and bored.
My knuckles white and fingers raw
from trying to hold on,
to the rules I made as a child
but the reasons were long gone.
But whose choice is it
what I see, I want and need,
the thought that these are 'my' desires
could be called the root of greed.
So I spent years on this journey
back into my head,
to find the child I left behind
hoping he wasn't dead.
In a dream one night I found him
he laughed when he saw I forgot,
that logic was an emotion
and that love was not.
So these days I give back
what my fear took away,
now I let that child come out and sing
rather than hiding how he plays.
I know it makes it easier
to control what you think and say,
but if you let go long enough
there's a very different way.
Nothing is wrong
But everything is wrong
There’s no reason for this sadness,
But it’s inescapable
It’s pulling me down, drowning me
Over and over again
Lost in this sea of thoughts
Unable to find the way home
Tired of being here,
But unable to move
So lonely, but so unable to talk
But always awake
The waves of guilt and shame never sleep