Nothing is wrong
But everything is wrong
There’s no reason for this sadness,
But it’s inescapable
It’s pulling me down, drowning me
Over and over again
Lost in this sea of thoughts
Unable to find the way home
Tired of being here,
But unable to move
So lonely, but so unable to talk
But always awake
The waves of guilt and shame never sleep
Nothing to prove, time slowly crawling into my veins,
My lips touch the smoke exiting my mouth,
Morning dew you are I see, Wondering just what is inside of me,
We can joke now about last night...it's our job.
Can you feel it?
Wave goodbye for the night never knows if it lives only once.
Can you see her? Pale perfection, nothing more.
It's all coming back later, so don't you worry about little insignificances and mistakes you made.
You haven't made any mistakes this far;
Can you feel it?
Why don't you show me the way, show me the day;
I've never aged any other way than how I know.
I can feel the power flowing from my closest,
The nearest thing to me is one inside itself.
Me, what I've done, cannot be summed.
Soon as day grows weary, Soon as time closes shop,
The infinite dreams lie ahead.
Over the horizon, it's coming soon;
Can you feel it?
What could happen? What will become of tonight?
What will become of us?
You and I, it's drawing closer to us...the unavoidable.
The sun sets slow but early, the wind growing a dense cold,
The steady silent chill in every November night,
I feel the cold in my bones, I feel the anxiousness in my hands;
On her feet
sweat trickled down from her forehead,
to her neck,
down her bosom.
The sweat line made a stop at her belly button
and continued after it filled her tiny button.
Down it continued,
till it got to her under-wear
that absorbed it all.
She was all alone in the heart of the thick forest,
wanting to get un-lost and needing some human company.
She stopped to get some air.
The forest had its usual features, tall trees, short trees, crawling plants and green things alike.
The night clouds wasnt putting on its pendant, the moon.
The trees waved,
the wind whistled quietly,
the frogs croaked
and the owls hooted.
It happened in that order
for a while.
Her legs, unstable
her eyes, hot and wide open
Her breath, in quick bursts
and her chest rising and falling in fear.
The night, pregnant with horror, death and evil
Soon all that made sounds ceased
Her heart paused for three seconds.
Then, she heard a roar
a deep, rich and mature roar.
She wanted to run
but her legs would not obey
She wanted to scream for help
but her throat was stuffed and numb.
The creature sensed her body heat
and followed the trail, running.
Its foot steps caused the ground to shake.
It found her
Eyeball to eyeball,
she and the creature.
Death was a few seconds away.
Hot urine escaped her buttocks
as she stood face to face with this monster
As she tried to summone courage to fight for her life,
the creature swallowed her quick
Her death was painless.
Courage is quite expensive to gather and retain.
Holding me firm, I can feel it incarcerating me.
With my ankles bruised from carrying the same heavy chains, day by day.
Chains, that will keep hurting my ankles with every step I take.
I can hear them squeak, tearing my tympanum with every drag.
Reminding me remorselessness that I am one more slave.
Working under its rules, shaping my life with my every breath.
Punishing me with all my memories and rewarding me with an unknown future.
At night it laughs spitefully seeing that it has caught me in its timeless web of an insomniac hex.
And in the morning it plays the same joke seeing that it has caught me in an eternal doze.
I wake up , following the ritual it has for me, slapping me in the back with its whip declaring its power over me, as my owner.
At 7:00 am I wake up indoctrinated by a false faith" Thank You 'God' for this new day ( I thank a 'God' I do not know a 'God' I do not follow)" I suddenly feel confuse.
7:30 am; I shower.
7:40am; I choose my outfit, one in particular that will disguise my insecurities.
7:50am; I have breakfast. My palate already knows the taste, and it protests intensely for a new tang.
8:00am; I walk out of my house, feeling the wind through my body silencing the cacophony of the chains and the beeping of the time clock they hold.
With every beep, I realize I can be late. I rush.
9:00am; I start my ritual, managing papers in an office full of sick people, just like me. Moored by their own chains to their own sorrows, with different time clocks and slaved by the same owner.
4:00pm; I plead it to go faster, to show me mercy. It laughs.
7:00pm; It frees me from my work routine, I thank it before it slaps me in the back again.
8:00 pm; I'm home the chains feel looser now, and I have a break.
9:00pm; I eat dinner same flavor, my palate prepares to taste the same.
10;00pm; It orders me to go to bed, to laugh again about by insomnia and wake me up with no pity.
It doesn't care about what I need, I go under its rules.
It threatens me everyday with my memories and it frightens me with an unknown tomorrow.
And, I only have 24 hours each day,60 minutes in each hour and 60 seconds in each minute to do what the calendar of life has for me .
I was convicted with a human felony, and I am currently serving a life sentence in this time machine.
I am cursed by time and my challenge is to defeat procrastination and monotony.
In this world of pure immensity
United we were in a wonderful serendipity
In this madness where I don't belong
The only thing that keeps me strong
Is the sparkle of your eyes
You must be the devil in disguise
I can feel your heartbeat
I'm holding on to every dream
Yes, I feel your heartbeat
Pumping though my veins, so extreme
With us, nothing is impossible
You see, our love is invincible
I just need to hold you tonight
So that I can die in your arms, holding you tight
what they call a heart, my every anchor chained
what the pages make my story, every loss explained
like words in letters, as if they retain it, like they make it better
as if the knowing of it loosed or broke these fetters
eight ways the shapes of my only alphabet spells s-u-r-v-i-v-o-r
infinitely too short a word and leaving me to wander again if I'm alive in her
they think it breeds strength to outlive the beatings
they think it makes a great chase never retreating in the pursuit of what's fleeting
just once couldn't I rest and feel safe like it could all get clearer?
in the haze of aging when I'm sure it isn't my real smile in any mirror
in the crowded, faceless streets of having to stand on my own two feet alone
with all the hurtful, hateful, squalls this living condones
everyone thinking they know me because they know my name
know the face that's a mask over what's hollowed out by the aches I don't explain
and someone asks me to come near, to be dear, to love again
and they give like gifts and they mend the rifts and they care and then
the cycle of costs begins again, the loss of the friends again breathes
and makes every swallowed wine taste less like escape and reminds that it never relieves
and every candle on a cake burns another year I waited to start over
and every green field yields beauty unnoticed in my frantic search for a lucky clover
the pages pile with words wasted on hoping for better
and my few days waste away with so much time lost in trying to understand "forever"
so if you think that you know what made me then you haven't been listening to the words I didn't say
and if you've ask me for love then you've never felt what I already gave away
so put the times you've felt greatness on one side and see if they outweigh the hurt
or if the scales tip in favor of the ways you've failed and it still hurts
and trudge the horrible roads to the edges of the maps and see if you outrun the hurt
and see if any hand held or risk taken or affection given dispels the way you hurt
all the slivered glass pieces of my heart just cut me to blood as I try to pick them up
and all that my view of what could have been does, is lend tears as I watch those doors shut
and all another line will explain
is how it will never be the last line if I'm trying to write out the pains
I can never explain the hurt