The winter has set in early; monsoon a memory now,
the trees are all dusty by the all-day din.
This morning, the taxis ply early, eager to get the office-goers in.
Tea fumes in the mist.
The lady in the bungalow alights from her car
with her child, early from school.
Vegetables still asleep on the pushcart.
An eighties number mingles with the wind.
A van loaded with kerosene cans parks at the gates:
there is a tenement at the basement.
This is a cubist poem, which I later discovered is much in the style of Pierre Reverdy.
Open my door and open my mind
I take a second and go back in time
I go back to when, I didn't know you
Go back to when sad wasn't just blue
It was clear and it was real and it lingered in my air
It didn't take a breath, it only took your stare
To remind me of why my pillow was wet
Back to the times when a smirk was a threat
When days would drag on, while I was with him
They weren't really days because light was so dim
He tore me apart like junk mail on Saturdays
Scared me and bruised me, then begged me to stay
That's when you found me with my toes off a cliff
You took my hand, and gave me a kiss
A kiss that would heal, more than the pills
A kiss that seems to walk along with me still
Because when I wake up in the middle of the night
I remember you're there, holding me tight
But it's when I start to close my eyes
& go back to when, dark was a time
& light was a thing I didn't know of
When a hug from you was the same as a shove
& it brings me back to my toes off a cliff
& my heart starts to shake and my body gets stiff
But behind my eyelids, I decide to fall
Hoping my memories will fall along with it all
I'd like to distract your thoughts,
Caress you, make you feel nice & hot.
For my own pleasure,
And maybe yours.
I'll feel good making you feel good,
Be very still, I'll set the mood.
Don't try to please me,
I'm numb, you'll see.
Worry not- you'll enjoy it,
The peak is in the heat of the moment.
Your senses are going crazy,
You're liking this, aren't you, baby?
You've become undone, you beg for more,
Sure.. there's always more to explore.
But, there are rules this time,
Fret not- you'll be fine.
Can't touch me, I can't stand it,
Keep eye contact, you'll soon be an addict.
The friction is building, your sweat is visible,
Wish it was more than just physical- I'm unforgivable.
You reach the top & come crashing down,
Only your erratic breathing, not another sound.
You want more of me- all of me,
But, there's not much to give, sadly.
You want to stay, you suggest to sleep on the floor,
Oh how silly, no honey, there's the door.
Quake before your ruler if only for an hour!
He rules your mind with the echoes of audible power!
Praise him like you would the faith of your mind,
But the faith of your body and soul shall aligned!
Praise the bass-line as the endocrines race.
The drugs in her pocket with vodka you'll chase.
"Fuck our futures!
We'll rave til the sun!
Our happiness this moment won't relay the deeds done!"
They won't rant while they rage,
Like humans trapped in their cage.
The animals are free 'til they sleep in their grave!
Abandon your god and pray to the rave!
In the dark counting sheep to fall asleep, but they keep quiet. The silence of the lambs is slowly eating away at me
I pray to God for some answers, to tell me my bleeding heart isn't in vain
Baited with razorblades, my organs on layaway way longer than they should have stayed
I'll pay off the rest if you promise you're the best bet, I haven't met a better match to start a flame with
And light up the darkness that has surrounded my soul and enveloped me whole
Holding onto my left sided brain and plaguing every page I press this pen against
I am a patient of Impatience and the symptoms are only getting worse, I'm starting to think he's working against me
I won't get better until I can hold you against me to feel every flaw
Your poems are syringes and your words are the medicine, they fix me every time I feel like I'm slipping
I'm a broken record, you broke me in record time. So, quick, come and get your prize!
My love, I'm yours for the taking
One step. One breath. Each day is a new test. Laughing fits Crying spells. Picking at new scabs.
The space between life and pain is separated by a thin veil. I've opened up the curtains and cast away the darkness. The razor cuts of his tongue are silenced by my love. Yet yet yet the painful choices of my now paralyze thought.
Wrapped inside a cotton brain with small thoughts and toy trains. My ego seeks how to learn without leaving a perpetual burn. My brothers and sisters await at the gate. I see them clear i see them now but they can't wait.
Lets start anew today amongst the ruins of the festive clothes. A bird will rise with a red nose in tow squirting water from a flower. This bird climbs and climbs to an apex of thought. Behind the world and over forever. Rain slowly falls and floods the world, pain is gone, a rainbow appears. A new life begins today on a hazy green path.
This means everything and nothing at all. It's all nonsense and jibberish. Consciousness streams and flows. And it feels damn good to be me for one single moment. One drop of irrelevant rain into life's ocean. The pencil is dull so I must stop. Happiness ensues. The crowd cheers the end of the show. A young girl wears a shiny white mask.
Maybe I wasn't leaving, but going home. Maybe my body was constantly the wrong age for my mind and I slipping in and out of consciousness. And to be entirely honest with you, I never knew what love was until it smacked me right across the face, knocking me to the ground. I mean there's no other logical way to explain it. It's as though I was there and then suddenly I wasn't only there but I was in love. It consumed me and it devoured me. It ripped my flesh to shreds and dragged me on the surface of the hardwood floors. I blame love for the loss of my temper, the times I showed up at your door sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't hold my words between my teeth, yet neither could I release them. They were stuck. Planted there. Between my chest cavity and my throat and occasionally a thought of desperation stepped off the tip of my tongue. I threw things. And I hated things. But most importantly, I loved you. I loved you despite the fact that you didn't love me. I didn't even care or expect you to return this feeling. I just wanted you to know. To be aware that I would have done anything to see that trace of a smile across your lips. I would have slept out in the rain. Worked 3 jobs and even tell off the girl who once broke your heart. I lost it. My mind. My innocence. My doubts. And my expectations. I gave every ounce of it away because of what I felt for you. And I guess where I'm coming to, is one day I woke up and it wasn't pouring outside anymore. I was okay. I had made it through the storm. I found home.