To my dear —,
I couldnt sleep last night or focus at all today because I feel it's actually over between us.
I'm not bitter or angry or disappointed anymore because I truly believe and know what we had was real.
Even if it was a long shot away.
With every odd
and with every statistic against us.
We still fought hard,
we fought gallantly.
— if in some distant place in the near or far future we get a chance to actually see each other with our new lives..
I know deep down inside
I will smile at you with the same
smile I always had when I did see you.
will continue to race and beat stronger with joy and I'll remember how we spent our days together, learning from each other,
learning about each other,
confiding our deepest secrets together
and growing in more and more in love.
Your love was my best love,
for it somehow awakened my
soul that was in a deep slumber
and you made me reach for more everyday.
Oh, I remember the first day,
the very first day..
You ignited a fire deep inside my heart that burned with true
to my mind and soul.
That's what you've given me
and that's what
I wish I could of gave back to you.
I wish you all the best now and in the future,
I hope you become everything I know you can be. You are one
I am glad I had the privilege to be in your life.
I'm sorry my passion and my inability to choose to settle drove us apart,
you will always be in my memories,
our days.. though short will be with me always.
I hope you find someone who makes you
that can and will give you everything you want. You deserve nothing but the very absolute best and I want you for me,
as my last favor to believe in what I've told you.
To carry on each day stronger than the last.
Even though I won't know where you are,
or what you're doing...
I'll always know you'll be okay.
I love you,
and I really wish I could say this again and have the next morning with you but here it goes:
I'll be seeing you,
I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places..
I'll be seeing you.
- Yours Now, Later and Always, Tony
And so it is said
that the angels are aliens
indeed watching over us
tentatively reaching out to help us advance
not in technology, language, or math
but in spirit and honor and love
you are as delusionally in love with me as a "#1 Dad" mug
the magic at the intersection of air, reed, and rubber
when a saxophone transmutes a heart into sound
and people listen
that brunette angel grabbed me so long ago
by the hand and we glided above the frozen blue concrete
so that we would hop around on our tip toes when we kissed
and really feel like flying
'til the Good Lord called her away
and told me
with her in spirit
I try to remain calm
Simple conversation fuels curiosity
My focus is acute
I want to be reckless
I attempt to seem distant
I am hiding
Like a predator circling prey
I am waiting
Leaping prematurely could be costly
My hunger justifies risk
I want to be reckless
Compel me to behave appropriately
I am screaming
Secrets disguised as lies
I am hunting myself
I want her exposed
For I am exposed
I am vindictive
I want to pull and rip
Strip her of shame
I am burning
I want to fuck her in front of the world
I want to be reckless
© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved
A flower is a flower, this holds true.
I don't really understand the big deal.
I mean fuck, even that thing will die too.
Despite the color, be it green or blue,
There's only so much that a person can feel.
I think flowers are a waste of space, do you?
True the birds sing, and your flowers do bloom.
But does the widow care about your rose?
What about the killer? Or long lost groom?
Go ahead, sing to it; ignore your doom.
Hell, this life is so plastic; strike a pose.
But don't forget, a dead man has no room.
Maybe it's true, you're so petty; petite.
They call him a dork, a nerd, and a geek.
That he managed to live was quite a feat.
Run from the flower, think you did not meet.
Go to your future, it's the truth you seek.
Not now, don't you dare pretend to be meek.
You are one of millions, to them I greet.
My dad used to eat sardines at the kitchen table.
I used to smear chocolate on graham crackers.
My mom used to eat coffee like caffeine was a food group.
My brother used to skip meals. We'd hear
his saxophone buzz from the corners
of the hallway.
Science books lined his bedside table. Beakers
sat in full unison, waiting. Facts loomed over
his blonde head like the future looms over a person with centuries to give.
Cartoons flashed over the living room television
and I sat on the leather couch in a pink dress I didn't like.
The train engine chugged from the trees, past the track, and I counted
how many seconds it took each car to pass.
The sirens hit airwaves every Wednesday, on point.
I saw three tornadoes and two house fires. I learned
to touch danger like a cat touches carpet; delicate.
If I blink, I can see it.
If I move, I can touch it.
Time, captured in the walls of a perfect white house.
Marionette dolls, staged, in perfect unison.
The strings on
my hands still pull me back home.
The smile on my face is a quiet resurrection.
The distance within me, serves, like a slave to my reactions.
All he dreams about now is pale bodies wrapped in fake silk
Piled on the floor of his small apartment in the place he escaped to find his real dreams
He carries out symphonies with a single broken guitar string and a pen with barely any ink
He traced the words Help Me into his forehead until blood was dry and cracking in the wound
He says the funny thing about that is no one even noticed the scar afterward or the mess in the bathroom sink
His fingers are cloaked with Nicotine and his good friend Jack
All he wants is a little extra cash to get through the wasted nights
His mouth is always cranking into harsh smiles to show his perfect teeth
On occasion, which happens to be more than that, he spills truth from his eyes
and he lets girls stay the night
He is just wishing of features to be caught up in
He is just tired of giving up his dream to cure a thing people think they are required to never feel
His loneliness drives him to do horrific things
When I look into the mirror
Sometimes I see beauty
Sometimes I see ugly
But it's times like this
That I see hurt and pain
I try to understand
Why do I feel this way
Trying to get through
Yet another day
Get It Together!
I tell myself
Which is easier said than done
A battle is in my head
Bcuz I keep listening
To All the lies I'm being fed
Over and over and over
It Goes on and on
I can't shake it, Stop It!
Please Stop feeding me
You see the reflection in the mirror
looking back at me
is strong and positive
So don't hate me bcuz I'm BEAUTIFL!