But I am not sleeping.
I am steady staring at my ceiling, trying to recollect the last time I felt this forlorn.
...the last time I felt a hollowness make its home in the pit of my stomach, only to be satisfied by the thought that you might be yearning for me, the same way I am aching for you.
... and I am still not asleep.
The butterflies in the pit of my stomach,
are now dying.
They once fluttered around so proudly for you,
but you've left them poisoned with abandonment the day you called your quits.
It's 3: 17am
and I am almost asleep.
But I wonder...
If the same loneliness that consumes me,
consumes you too?
My child I waited
Slowly I drag
My restless body
Up to my bed
Softly I hear a
Whisper from God
"How are You.?
"I waited for You all day."
"Why,? didn't you come."
"My child I long for us to
spend time together."
"But You forgot
to say hello."
"I Waited and waited
Until the sunset faded.
And still, I never heard
your foot steps."
Sunrise appears with the morning
"My rainbow mist shines on your brow
Draping a curtain of love on your face
I wrap my comfort blanket of grace
around all your brokenness and pain".
I see all your tears
"My child come to me now."
Quickly I leave my room
And run to the nearest exit
To a beautiful wonderful
Free from pain
No more suffering
I am free at last
Slowly drifting on a mass
of white fluffy clouds
I am greeted by to glorious
Angels dressed in golden gowns
Waiting to escort me to the most high.
This is it
Single serve Apocalypse
I'm staring into the center of a future
One I can never have
My wants and dreams become alight
All that I cherish
The bite hits
Tearing me down like an atom bomb
Obliterating all that I hope to be
As the light of the blowback fades
All goes dark
Blacker than the grave I may crawl from
But there's you
The only thing keeping me afloat
At least until I have to fall
These final moments can be one of sorrow
Or a happiness I know will shatter
I stare into your eyes and words fail
So I lie
Pull you into my arms and simply pray
That you don't smell the blood
Because I know despair is coming
Marked special for you
You will share my darkness, so I'll share your
A few hours
My time is quickly eroding
My mind is slowly decaying
My body will be playing catch-up
Your love soothes me, bittersweet lullabye
So I go with my friendly executioner who saves my soul
I don't know what to feel anymore, thoughts of regret and embarrassment.
All that you told me about how you always felt numb well ma'am
I now feel the same way. an empty feeling, no feeling.
"what are feelings?" Is what I keep asking my self.
Delusions, Anxiety, and Fear of something I already know.
Because of that dream where you rejected me,
And told me you like him better then me.
I know you know who I mean.
Just finish me off already...
the waiting in hallways
lined up on the wall
with eyes following the chatterbox and her
flowing train of rabid listeners
who hang themselves ritualisticly on her
shallow water illustrations
swimming on this thin tide of unpublished lip candy
her bubblegum words are commentary
upon which her followers build temples
to the unfit mothers of televangelists
the chatterbox spills her loud thoughts
on the sun warmed concrete
as the summer lawnmower navigates
around santa and his late december reindeer
and the children's labyrinth of christams morning plans
while i sunbath nearby
she gathers her spilled thoughts
and races away proudly proclaiming that'
my poems are too short for the pulitzer
so she is ready for her laurels
and a fast road to academia
with a neatly packaged version of her inner perversions
spread like sex and lip candy
on the local coffee shop bookshelf's
for the pretty college girl with glasses to drink from
Today, I can stop writing.
Yes, she took me back. Yes, I am all hers again. And she's all mine. :)
This letter will be a renewal of my promises. That I will commit the rest of my lifetime to prove to her that I have changed; that I have become a better person for myself, for her and for us. That we will not go through the same pain we did because of my previous mistakes; that she will never get hurt for the same reasons all over again... Better yet, I promise that I would do everything so that she will never get hurt. I may not be able to promise that we will never face any hardships, trials or challenges, but I can promise that we will face them together... and that we will hurdle and triumph through them hand in hand and come out stronger. I promise that we will always be transparent to each other, airing out our feelings, emotions, fears, joys and everything else in between... For we want every detail of our stories to be shared to one another. I promise to always be by her side; sometimes we may not be physically together but in my own ways, and in the best ways I can think of, she will never feel alone. I promise to be my very best for her, to always be inspired in everything I do because of her. I promise that both of us will be able to do what we want or we love, without judgments or restrictions... For I will respect and accept every detail and part of her. Yes, we may talk over things and compromise, but changes done in our lives will never be a sacrifice but rather a choice - that I choose to do or not to do something because she is more important and that she is valued more than my wants. I promise that we will both explore our greatest potentials, and that I will be her best ever supporter - that whatever career path or life decisions she may have, I am with her 100%. I promise to keep our imagined black, white and red themed house clean and orderly (once we finally afford and invest on one) because I know she wants it that way. I promise to always be beside her when she needs me, or be out of her sight if she needs her alone time or space... For real love is not just about the number of hours or days being physically beside each other, but rather, about every second that our heart beats in sync for each other wherever we may be.
And my list could go on and on... And maybe I won't be stopping writing for her. Because everyday, words spill out of my heart out of awe and happiness that yes, she has taken me back.
And I am never messing up this time.
Thank you, Anne. You will always be loved. :)
Yours, for the rest of your lifetime,
a mockery of my heart.
And my head now a fog,
from the rose colored glasses
that you placed on my face
glued to my sight
I know no truth
and I beg,
beg to know why.
Why did you even bother
my foolish misguided heart.
You're better than that.
A soulmate is rare
you are blind
to red devilish pain
that will engulf your heart.
You are now
one whom I couldn't wish I never met.
For you destroyed me
with your apathy,
lack of thought.
I cry I hurt,
I scream your name.
nothing but a silent ear;
You're better than that.
When you are broken
and on the ground,
screaming for the truth;
I will meet you there.