It's like this empty hole
That everything I used to care about got sucked into.
And the edges are all raw and hurt-y.
And it's just so full of emptiness
And the emptiness sits inside me
And there's so much that it weighs me down
And I cant think
Or breathe
Listen to music
God
I can't even sleep
Without feeling the edges of the big, broken nothing
Pull and rip and hurt.
It hurts
I hurt
Everything hurts.
And I'm Just So Damn Heavy

Even now as I live, sing and paint
Eat drink, love and make merry
Wondering of my source, roots unknown
Aware of this body and the world transient
A pushing soul ever screaming for good
A mind pondering of my seed and state
A million eons past,zillions more in future.

WHO AM I ?!

Still tempted by flesh, corrupted in greed
overcome by the same transience perceived
When the universe expanded shrinks fast
To an atom, a silent sound unheard by earth
I am just bony dust in a star afar dead again
Do I matter? yes I am here and I am now, mindful
Of right and so UN-scared of death,the seed of life
I live paint and sing,for my place on the star afar dead!

I AM THAT.


Jeez,reading after four whiskeys it sounds crazy! What the heck! Still makes some weird sense to me!

All things get better
In the end,
If it's not better,
It's not the end.

Every end
Is a
New beginning.

This is a new year
A new beginning
Things will change

Things change
And friends leave,
Life doesn't stop for
Anybody.

You're not just
Anyone.
One day,
You're going to have to
Make a choice.
You have to decide
What kind of man
You want to
Grow up to be.
Whoever that man is,
Good character or
Bad,
It's going to
Change the
World.

You either die a hero
Or live long enough
To see yourself become the
Villain

Heroes didn't
Leap tall buildings
Or
Stop bullets
With an outstretched hand;
They didn't wear
Boots and capes.
They bled, and they
Bruised, and their
Superpowers
Were as simple as
Listening, or
Loving.
Heroes were
Ordinary people
Who knew that
Even if their own lives
Were impossibly knotted,
They could untangle
Someone else's.
And maybe that
One act could
Lead someone to
Rscue you
Right back.

This time it's Fate.
No longer can I pretend
for we have run out of track
and we must stop now
lest we careen over the ghastly drop before us
lest our hearts inevitably smash to smithereens.

There's a small vice on my heart
that you turned incrementally since the day we kissed
Always there was space to manoeuvre
wriggle
a gap to shift around in and say, 'That's better'
to comfortably fool myself that I was not caught.
But now, my dear....
Now the grip leaves me gasping
and that metal feels cold
and I cannot ignore it.
The trouble is
I kissed your elegant, beautiful face
and I guided your hand to that vice in my chest
and enveloped your fingers with mine
We turned those keys together.
I was so enamoured
and I wanted your love.
I told myself I could get out at any time.

Too late, my love
It was always too late
For we're kindred souls across lifestyles
and lifetimes
and my body knows yours like the taste of my tears.
I resign myself, then, to bleeding.
I resign thee to Fate and what she may decide
knowing only that never shall I be your jailor.
I refuse to allow
that wild tempest soul to be anything but free.

I am happy to be caught.
Though I writhe with this pain
and slumber eludes me in my misery.
For one thing I have realised
is the depth of my cowardice.
Although yours came out as tenored and trembling
you still had the bravery to speak the words emblazoned on your heart
the ones that threatened to fall from your lips
as my head lay perfectly in situ against your collarbone
and my heartbeat and breathing lined up with yours
in our quiet symbiosis at 3 a.m.
I danced around the words
flitted lightly, noncommittal
and said 'I think I'm falling in love with you',
which was a lie.
You are far braver than I
and to this day I've run
but you deserve far greater than that which I have meted out to you.
You deserve honesty.
You deserve the breadth and depth of what my heart aches to tell you
though I am frightened beyond words that the vice can go no tighter.

I love you.

I’m scared.
Cold, alone......... scared.
My body aches from fighting.
I won, but at what cost?
Revenge shouldn’t be the answer.
They took her life, my true love.
I’m crying, crying like I’ve never cried before.
A life for a life, but at what cost?
I became the person, I set out to destroy.
I’m a monster, a creation the devil himself devised.
I’m scared.
I’m alone, cold, and nothing to cling on to.
I have nothing........ nothing.
There’s only one thing for me to do.
I’m picking up my choice of death.
Goodbye monster.
You’ve done the most evil thing imaginable.
It’s time for you to go.
I’m taking you with me, back to where you came from.
Forgive me Father, for what I’m about to do.
I’ll see you in a few seconds.
Five....... My heart is beating fast.
Four........ Sweat is covering my face.
Three........ My heart is beating faster.
Two........ Hello love, good to see you again.



One........ Goodbye.

“BANG!!!!!”

an aging mirror...
i see myself
in the house cat's eyes