I stared long and hard at the clouds,
And the longer I stared the more I convinced myself to think,
That they were great hills , now mountains,
Rising into the twilight sky.
It seemed for a moment that I was rushing through a valley,
Deep and long,
It seemed for a moment that life was beautiful,
And all my pain melted into the phantom ridge - line above me.
But the illusion dissolved as the road lights flashed,
And the clouds broke and I was reminded,
That nothing watched over me,
No great height stretched out its hand to cover my soul in shadow,
Or to hide my face from the night.
Maybe one day I will look at the darkling sky and feel at peace,
But now the night and the mountainous clouds only remind me,
Of being alone and uncovered.
The moon rises and I feel all the nights of my past rush in,
All the hurt and the crying,
All the hate and the lying.
All the tragic discord of my youth,
Streaked along the sky.
There is no mountain that watches over my soul tonight,
Nothing between my eyes and the dark.
I am an irrational fear
I bear claw at your beehive of a brain
I’m ice crystallizing on the window of your mind
I’ll insta-freeze your thoughts
No amount of heat will get you going again
Fight or flight
But I make you always choose the latter
I’m the elephant in the room
hanging from above your head by
I’m a taxi service
Driving you up the wall
Zig-zagging up the walls tearing you to and fro
Never giving you respite from the whirl of anxiety until
Crashing you straight into the ground
A professional packager is part of what I am
I’ll pack you so tight into the box
There’s no air to fit in any crevice
The trick is it’s a mime-made box of
I’m the black sun to your planet
Everything you do revolves around me
I don’t get off light but suck all of yours away
A tick on the underside of your spirit
Leeching away your life till all that’s left
are your broken bones
I am the ghost in the mirror
I am the shade in your stride
I’m the monster under your bed
And you cannot hide
I am strong, I am fierce
I am relentless, I am calamity
I am the rock tied to your leg
Pulling you under
I am You.
"Nothing, nothing's wrong,"
I wave concern away,
While I see their faces in greyscale.
"I'm fine, just stop worrying,"
I mutter, to them?
Or to myself, to persuade my own mind?
"It's OK, honestly,"
I lie to all,
While the world closes in around my head.
"Leave me alone, it's nothing,"
I scream as my legs give way,
They gather, I try to hide from their curious eyes.
"Nothing, nothing's wrong,"
I whisper on the ground,
Curling up to shield my ears from the echoes of confusion.
"Everything's going to be fine,"
I tell myself, forceful now,
I bat away the doubt that invades my mind.
But still there is no light,
I am not blind, but I can't see,
I am not angry, but rage builds,
Finally I snap,
STAR LIGHT, STAR BRIGHT
tainted stars, plummeting into the ground
upon my broken head,
leaving dreams nowhere to be found
FIRST STAR I SEE TONIGHT
if ever there was a sign of hope,
now is the time
i need just a glimpse to cope
I WISH I MAY, I WISH I MIGHT
with the dying twilight of my soul
i look up towards smoldering skies
with foolish notions of control
HAVE THIS WISH I WISH TONIGHT
if i could have just one wish,
i'd surely wish to understand
how things all came to this
Sadly, the fear is setting in
My trust issues are surfacing
And I'm afraid it wasn't true..
But baby You know I believe you..
I just have some problems to work through
Loving me is going to be a challenge
I'm going to make you want to leave
Make you dread staying
I'm going to ruin your mood and mine
And you're going to have to work overtime
But remember dear, I'm working too
Trying to fix myself so that I can be
Good enough for someone like you
You're my Player 1 and that amazes me
So, I love you. Just bear with me.