I met a man in a playful tune
Who had a thought I thought I knew
He said to me goo goo g'joob
Does anything sound more real to you
We were out standing in a field
With fresh strawberries dancing at our heels
In a moment a bit to surreal
Continue on Bungalow Bill
We moved past a four man line
As we slipped into dream #9
Being there for the benefit of Mr. Kite
When Lucy and her diamonds fell from the sky
A day in the life left tragically
Our mystery tour on a yellow submarine
The revolution of love has now left the building
In a puddle of memories out on the street
She held your hand to comfort you
The color of love now the color of blue
Till the bitter end you sang passion true
Goodbye to you Goo goo g'joob...
John Lennon 10/9/40-12/8/80
I am afraid.
Today I woke up
Scared of many things.
Scared like I would be anyway
That tick tick tick
In a few days
You will be gone altogether.
Scared more because
I feel myself reaching for you
And I can't stop.
Just because I haven't heard your voice in days
And something happened inside me
That needs that comfort to heal.
I was scared of my pancakes.
They were a challenge.
It has been days since food has made me anything but nauseous.
They steamed on my plate
Hot and sweet and doused in thick syrup.
I stared them down.
I tried hard to lift my fork.
Set it down.
Moved on to my coffee.
Its sweetness, too, sickened me.
I was afraid of that coffee.
As if it would suddenly strike
Like a cobra.
I was afraid
Of every person in that room.
I was afraid
Of my hands.
I was afraid
Of my heartbeat.
I was afraid
And your silence.
I laughed with my friends
And I was afraid
Of my laugh.
Afraid of how they didn't know
How scared I was.
Afraid that I would just slip and tell them
And they would support me
And it wouldn't help.
I excused myself,
Went to the small private little bathroom
I locked the door and tried to cry.
I felt sick
But nothing there, either.
Finally I looked myself in the eyes in the mirror
(You called them beautiful the other day)
(That thought flashed through my mind
And I saw it strike a spark of longing inside them
But it quickly died.)
"I don't want to be mean.
But if I'm not mean, you don't listen.
People say never to put yourself down
But if I am not harsh it doesn't get through.
You are being stupid. Grow up. Live. Eat something
Nothing bad has happened.
And if you do not see her again for six months
You have lost much, much more before.
You stand up tall like you've earned.
Come on, just stop this."
I stared back, hollow looking.
I pulled up the bottom of my shirt
Let my stomach out as far as it would go.
It made no difference to my waistline at all.
I was afraid
I pulled it down and grabbed the edges of the sink,
"You are DYING. You are starving inside,
Don't do it outside.
Let me eat.
Now you're going to go out there
And you're going to smile
Like nothing has ever scared you.
And none of those people will know you thought any of this
And none of those people will see your terror in your eyes
Will be your strength.
If you refuse to feel better
I'll be damned if anybody will see it."
I took a deep breath
And in the mirror
My face settled into a calm mask
The face of a girl who had just had pancakes for breakfast
Who had a final to study for
Who had friends to laugh with
Whose day was ordinary.
A hint of a smile on my lips
A lift to my eyes.
I know just how
To rearrange my face.
(The goal is
People's eyes will slide right over it
And not take in any traitorous details.
Feng Shui, and all that.)
And the satisfaction settled over me
That at least there was that.
All of a sudden
The girl in the mirror wasn't afraid
Even if I
I walked back out
And laughed with my friends
And ate my breakfast
With every bite.
love is a storm at sea
leaving me lost and alone
surrounded by something
I thought would never hurt me
and your cyanide lips
burnt in a way
that I could never resist
addictive wounds, inflicted by you
love is a quest of who can win
your heart first
me or him?
I'm losing, I'm falling behind
love is a game of how many
can you lead victim
to your locked up heart
but open lips
so free willed, so meaningless
each kiss to you
is nothing more
than brushing skin
each kiss to me
is a painful sin
like letting myself in
to Hell's open door
it is like opening the walls of my heart
making myself your willing victim
allowing you to make your way
and tear out all my vital veins
so that I feel nothing
nothing but you
inside of my heart, blood and being
but that's nothing new
your nonchalant ways
are driving me insane with
sadness, happiness and jealousy
the rage and fire of you being
the only thing that occupies
my mind and my heart
and I will tell you just one more thing
I wish I was inside of you too
We don't fight against man,
but his nature,
not blood nor bone,
but against principalities,
against the bottom of the glass,
against human nature.
A world of tolerance,
malice in disguise,
the pen is mightier than the sword?
Not a chance.
It is the blade that kills,
the razor that releases the flood,
for history is not written by the objective.
Words may trigger the safety,
but neither written nor spoken word,
will deflect the bullet,
ricochet will always claim its prize.
It is not great men that bring about change,
but men willing to change,
gun in hand,
sights lost in the moral periphery.
Liquidate modern ethics,
burn the fibers of morality,
enlist their disease.
here's a secret,
the weak can kill too,
and the day will come when man does not rule,
but man is ruled,
and on that day,