She pushed a strange religion
With hand-printed Southern Gothic tracts
Crumpled, wrinkled, stuffed in the pockets of her robe
Though the name on those notes was Yahweh
Her smile betrayed witchcraft
If you tried
You could read it between the lines
On the surface she seemed to assimilate well
The new rules thrust upon her
She tried and tried to take it in stride
But this new paradigm had broken stronger souls than hers
Days like months in the Year of the Snake
Slithered all too slowly towards yet another night
Spent under cover of darkness on hospital beds
She pressed those tracts on me all of the time
At first I'd read them, admire the artistry
The thrift store Ram Dass influences
Collected a few like flyers for R.E.M. shows in the early 80s
Until their true nature was revealed to me
By a voice that seemed to come from my crown chakra
The only aspect of my personality that I implicitly trusted
On the day I left she found out I was going
She could not care less, despite the "love thy neighbor" ramblings of her mission
It only meant that she was staying
Indeed it meant that she would be staying for a long, long time
Long, long, long
She only had so much religion to go around
It was failing her now
The last time I saw her, as I sprinted to the door finally unlocked
I stopped dead in my tracks
She lay on the ground, the dirty filthy ground
Face down, beating it with both hands
Her wails and crying filled the fourth floor
She looked up and her face was grotesque, dripping wet tears smearing and smudging shadow and mascara
I knew the feeling
There is a pain that can never be put into words.
Something that exists but cannot exist in meaning because it bears too much to be heard.
Today I felt that pain.
I stared at a white wall, imagining the red streaks of paint being slashed across the canvas by someone I couldn't recognize.
I knew her and she knew me.
And as I lay on the cold floor,
My eyes over-flooded with pain and so they fell,
tumbling down the side of my face, with no remorse.
Leaving a trail of water as though the source of pain needed to be known.
I knew her.
But she could know no other but me.
segregate me, but I am only human
I have to power to change a future
Peace, love, war, and violence
I contain it all with my thoughts and actions
I'm not whole from the apparent soul that consumes me
A fruitless tree only bears vegetables for me
And poorly salted meats
Im not lost forever
I just lost my way
No one knows what it's like
Still Everyone shares the experience
But me, myself, and the person and the mirror
A rippling pebble cannot change the strangest tides
To try and try harder
To the brink of insanity
Who we are
And what we'll become
The mind the heart
War in despair
Confusion in the diaspora
Don't do it or else
Do it and so?
Whispers there and now
Up down up down
Mix of hot water and cold water
oceans can talk
Wild wind around the corners of mississipi
Alarm rings crick crick
Oops!it 10am in the morning
you never tried to analyze me.
you never took a flashlight to the darkest parts of my mind, never checked my aching bones to make sure they were alright.
you never checked my lungs to see that they were filled with water, never saw my shoulders, the burden they were under.
you only saw my face, readied and pristine, my face constantly smiling whenever i heard your name.
you never examined the backs of my eyes to see what keeps coming back, never checked my spine to see if something makes it crack.
you never checked my muscles, you never checked my heart. if you had dusted it for fingerprints, you would've only found his marks
this heartbreak hollowed out my bones, and weighs a thousand pounds, it pushed me underwater, but your name, i can't quite drown out. you're trapped inside my head, i hope you do get out, you're the burden i am under, i really have no doubt. if you had checked for fingerprints, you wouldn't have been invested, if you had checked my heartstrings, you wouldn't have been tested.
you failed the science test this time and i'm so sincerely sorry. but if you had checked for variables you wouldn't have had to worry
At first I thought
I had to come up with
The perfect words to
Say, " I forgive you."
But there are no perfect words.
I was focusing on the hurt.
Never seeing past the dirt.
But things like that are to
Be forgiven so that we can move on.
Kind of like the earth
It has to move in order for the sun to rise.
There is no point in focusing in just the dark mass
Which floats in the galaxy
Doing nothing much.
I appreciate all the things you did
To make us bloom in the past.
I know I was not a pretty flower
I know a few thorns I had.
With time a dead bouquet became of us.
I hope I'm forgivn for whatever I did wrong.
I also became the flower that bled.
The wounds I'm still trying to mend.
One thing i'm proud of
You were always my only one.
I'll answer you the question as to why
we came to be.
Only a dreamer like me
would pursue a beautiful star like you
which is what you were to me back then.
For a dreamer knows
Only a poet like me will apologize
With ink because
Life makes more sense to me
in poetry than in real life.