My life is a story of déjà vu; I sit and review the timeline, the dots along the fading epoch share similarities within the clusters. I draw a line at the points of change and the clusters remain unaltered. No matter where I go; no matter who I am with, my reality is always the same; I wish I could remove the blight that is my hidden curse. I can’t find my good fountain pen; my blood is losing its circulation. There are dilemmas on the menu, a feast for those who once hungered with ambition. Grinding my teeth in frustration from the disappointments in the room; these expectations gained are those opportunities lost. So many wanting so much for so little; history embedded within my skin. The weather is getting colder but it doesn’t feel like December.
What if the world didn't circle you?
What if, just maybe
There were greater forces moving us along?
We are just atoms
Held together by paper cuts and splinters
That we were too afraid to tell our mom about.
We are the same
So don't pretend like anything you do
Is superior to everything I do
I do not wallow in misfortune
Or blame anyone else for my spilled milk
And these will always be my problems
That you were too busy
To care about
Because you are chasing a future
That you don't want.
We are just people
And the tape you used to showcase your pride
Doesn't make you more
It just makes you a sad little man
With a handful of opportunities
When all you can do is
Steal those chances from others
Even though no one has threatened to take yours
And you believe that no one could
But the day will come when you will fall
And someone will steal one of those opportunities
You thought you had a lifetime to achieve
And I will be there to watch
And throw my darts at the people who thought they could hurt you
Because I want you to know
That I am there for you
Even when it's not a full circle
A day hasn't gone by where you haven't been on my mind.
Where you haven't assaulted all my senses.
I catch myself smiling and the crying throughout the day.
I walk through art stores and
see all the portraits and laugh.
Cause I look at a picture you
and I know would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world.
At times I imagine your scent
and I am
I feel awakened
I walk through a grocery store and spot strawberries
and right away without me
your lips rest on mine.
I stand there in the crowd
in total bliss and happiness.
Knowing I could eat strawberries for the rest of my life.
I am greeted with hugs throughout the day
With every embrace though
I imagine it's your touch I feel.
Maybe I hug
a little longer
A little tighter
Just to feel you again.
I drive with our song playing on the radio on repeat.
I smile and cry the most here
Because music is what brought us together.
What put me at the top of your list.
I imagine us
Dancing in the moonlight
Dancing with the stars so bright.
Holding you til sunrise
Being with you every night.
Maybe it's torture
But I love this pain
I died when you left but
I now live for that
sight, scent, taste, touch and sound of yours.
So everyday please,
Wage war against my senses.
"tell him how he hurt you, he needs to understand"
i close my eyes and swallow hard,
staring at my hands.
You made me feel not good enough
and i swear it broke my heart..
the way that you just dropped that bomb
tore my world apart.
"I'm sorry that i cheated, i know that it was wrong"
if you knew that it would break me
why'd you carry on so long?
you acted like we were normal,
fuck..i didn't have a clue..
for 7 straight months you lied to me
and i never even knew.
"Look at him so he can see
the pain thats in your eyes"
..i can't even look at him,
its like he is disguised.
"Tell him how he hurt you, he needs to understand"
…unless this pain is done to you …you wont.
With such a heavy heart
I dust off and carry forth
The weight of my world
The weight of the entire earth
Holds me by the ankles
By the wrists and neck
Baring down on all I am
Waiting for me to break
The harder I try to fight
The tighter the suffocating grip
Even some good days
I wonder if I'm sick
Such a sad little thing
Just want to spread smiles
Maybe that's the reason why
I go through so many trials