You say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”
but I say surely something
must taste nicer than the burning acid
being forced back up your throat.
Why not hug people instead of
toilet bowls? At least they’ll hug back.
Except Mia is your only friend now.
And her cousin, Ana, of course.
And I understand that you never
wanted to die, but this is a thousand ton truck
hurtling towards the edge of a cliff and
Ana took the wheel a long time ago.
There is no strength in this: in you, in a
fear of calories. Even your bones creak
as your muscles sigh with exhaustion -
for this, is not a war you're winning.
This is a battle with only one contender
and I will not be the one to disarm you.
That's your job and it always has been. I know
you only wanted to be beautiful
like all those stars in the magazines
you saved under a file titled ‘thinspo’
but the only stars you ever saw were in
your eyes from the dizziness
and to tell you the truth, you are not pretty.
For there is nothing “pretty”
about the layer of fuzz your body grew
to protect itself from the big bad wolf
when really, the only growl was coming
from inside your stomach.
Or how your little sister is afraid to touch,
let alone hug you, in fear of snapping you in two.
For there is no glamour in having to
remove clumps of hair out of the plughole
at least six times whilst having a shower,
just to let the water run down.
Or that one time you "accidentally”
took too many laxatives. Messy.
There is nothing admirable about the way
you sat shivering on your bed
at night instead of kissing boys,
or dancing, or eating ice cream.
There is nothing to be marvelled at
This, is not a life to be lived.
God, this isn't even a life.
This is being a slave to your own body,
a walking zombie, a ghost stuck
between two sides.
You are not alive.
But it was all still worth it, right?
Slowly killing yourself from the inside out.
A small price to pay for perfection,
a bargain for a broken mirror;
for a half-written book
with 97 blank pages,
that only captures in black and white,
with frozen hands.
And most importantly, for a peace of mind
you never received.
I've been travelling too long, I've been trying so hard
Living my life almost two decades
20 years old little soul that sometimes don't know how to differentiate what's good & what's bad in his life
I'm just a sinner who realized that I need a savior to save me from all the wrongs that I've done
Waiting for the right platform in my life , when will it come? I will never know
In this creepy cold world it is hard to walk in a straight line
I am so thankful for the Islamic primary sources as my guideline
Using the Quran as my guidance and the Sunnah is what i'm trying so hard to follow
I can't deny there's too many obstacles in my way to the right path
But then I realized,obstacles in our path are meant to make us strong
Using all my strength to remain focused that i praying so hard to God
The Syaitan keeps whispering both in ears and sometimes my iman has gone so weak
I've been stumbling over my own feet, spacing out on thoughts , and have been lost for words
But there's something that makes me strong & I have mentally convinced myself
that "I am a Muslim"
Allah is always by my side, the right path won’t be too hard to seek
I just need to keep my eyes wide open and be prepared for anything that comes my way
Tears keep running down my face and I'm struggling too hard to express this
But I know He listens to me so well , I know He can see me clearly & He knows what's hiding inside me
So Allah as the one and only God, please hold me and guide me all the way to you
Please show me how to be kind and how it feels to be loved for the sake of You
Let me be one of your residents in Jannah
So that I can spend my afterlife with YOU forever and ever
gazing upon the empty words
breathes life as once she read
words on a page of nothingness
found love there in its stead
to know his soul as he doth hers
love never accepts defeat
though distance mars the loving hearts
for never the twain shall meet
Eyes meet eyes and pulses sync.
Breathing becomes unhurried -
as if your lungs were never beating
to begin with.
Transient ripples taste the skin of your arms.
Rushing across the hairs
that reach skyward.
and anxiety is non-existent.
Because the touch of their hands
renders distractions irrelevant.
The tone at the center of the universe’s song
You don’t need words.
Words were never necessary.
Because the string of silver
that tied your heart to there’s
vibrates with every burst of affection you felt
as eyes meet eyes and pulses sync.
Wash your pants, dry them too.
Silly noise in from the machine?
Only to find it tumbling.
Pluck it and back in your denim pocket.
An infinite abyss of fluctuation.
A cesspool of narcissistic hypocrisy.
You LOVED the way that pair of size 2's used to fit.
I guess happiness is a jeans and T kind of gal...
And so I remain in this suit, uncomfortable.
Don't I look sharp?
The world is full of bears and rabbits.
Migrating in caves and starting bad habbits.
If one should eat the others flesh,
would they take on another distress?
For when you crawl inside a stranger's skin
the world seems more or less in sin.
And though your heart may seem more pure
don't make the assumption,
"I'm here to cure."...
The beastial beings in the shade
can't understand why leaves can fade
and whsipering children in the sun
are puzzled by why shadows run.
Look to the west, look to the east,
there waits a grand and splendid feast.
Gaze to the north,
gaze to the south
and let the silence fill your mouth.
We all are children of the green
whose faces will remain unseen.
So try to see a different view
besides what settles just for you.
Dancing around in the rain,
The kids on the street chasing each other in their trench coats,
Puddle splashed by that bus stop,
Drenched from bottom to top,
I went to that one milkshake place,
To see how my childhood was once like,
So I took my old rusty bike,
Along the shoreline and past that corner shop,
I stood there for a moment and remembered as I said "this is where I once ran away from the cops"
Rubbing the back of my neck as I said "the place where most of my time was spent"
Where me and my buddies once went,
Engraved into the third table from the cash register that read:
but hearts never forget.
Looking at the raindrops on the window as I sit on a white leather seat,
Where my buddy Joey said "Dig in boys! EAT!!"
Chow down those pancakes as fast as a vacuum,
For breakfast, before going to school and into our classroom,
And rush back the days I miss and the childhood years that I now cherish,
Soon enough those days will be remembered when I will perish.