She sits half full of optimism, half a pessimist
sometimes happy and seldom blue.
Lay your head back she persisted,
Such eloquent charm to be resisted,
          All the times she's helped you through.

Follow her tail wherever she leads,
and lay your head back once more.
Through your lips she softly bleeds,
And quenches all your desperate needs.
          Until you need once more.

In the sweetest whispers never misconstrued,
all she confides you keep secluded.
All the while she sings softly to you,
Assuring that you'll make it through.
          Until your time here is concluded.

With the world now off balance beneath your feet,
shes the only one who stops to greet you.
Mixing clarity with deceit,
And keeping her from angels teeth.
          How could they bite the hand that feeds you?

Drink more then old friend, perhaps you will see,
that her affection is distilled in misery.
But whilst she fills the glass in your hand,
          Its anything but a tragedy.

I can't keep on doing this
I have to  make things right
Between us...Just you and I.

I hit my rock bottom
When I looked into your eyes for the final time
I saw it
The hurt slipping from your eyes
Down your cheeks.

I just turned my back
Took off running
To a sanctuary that could save me

We're only in 8th Grade
I was gone from a world
Taken to another one,
Darker, vaster..
I threw the damn weights off my back
I came to the world of reality.
A world of happiness and love.

So I can't walk the halls on Monday
With you walking silently beside me
Both of us, together
I suppose a, "Hello" don't mean much

I won't ditch you because of a heart break
That's not who I am
You and I weren't supposed to be together
My world was spiraling out of control
About to explode when I heard you yell my name

And I will not keep doing this
I've picked myself up
Stopped the self-hate
Now I'm climbing up Everest
When I reach the top

I guess I'll call out your name
Like you yelled mine as I ran away
See if you call back
Because I have to make things right
Between you and I

I love you like crazy,
Only want the best for you. Happiness, love, security.
I'm sorry for being so isolated from you.
Can we start all the way over?
Get to know each other without the awkwardness of a crush?

I've never been good at poker
But me and Life played a game
I pulled a horrid, useless hand
And lost every penny to my name

The consequences were harsh
Life gave me them with a smile
With very little to work with
To overcome the trials

Life gave me keloid scars
Life gave me misophonia
Life gave me depression
Life gave me paranoia

And panic attacks
And a fear of love
(And a huge nose
As if I hadn't had enough)

And I'm meant to accept my "spoils"
From a horrid poker game
And spend years of my life
Pretending I'm okay

I'm supposed to laugh
And have a smile on my face
But what emotion should I show
When the audience walks away?

I'm supposed to do this
Without being too fake
But how can one be genuine
While wearing the facades they make?

So when others ask why I'm suicidal
When they ask why I find everything bland
When they try to fix my apathy
I just tell them "I drew a bad hand"

Doing dishes today felt different
cause there was two of everything.
Two mugs into three,
we must really like tea.
Two big plates and little plates
and half of a left over cheesecake.
The roast from last night that I just ate
didn't have the same taste.
The extra towel drying on the rack
is triggering an irritating flashback.
Even with the windows shut and the radiator on
it doesn't feel warm.
Too much space in the bed...
enough said!
I don't so much miss you
but more the concept of you.
Just had a cigarette
and wrote this poem too.
The usual drill
you haven't replied to my text, still.
"Am I in?", you asked.
Not yet, I feel.

And I loved you there
Lips pouted in rebellion
So many leaves to shred
So many ghosts to chase
the glass doors were closed.

And I loved you there
As you deciphered numerical impossibilities
On another plane of reality
Brow furrowed in intimate concentration
I averted my eyes from the questions you pondered.

And I loved you there
Angry fists filled with contempt towards yourself
Unable to find the words
A mirrored universe between us
And you can't get through.

And I loved you there
My incredible, awestruck son
trapped, forever a child
Contemplating the mysteries of life
You discovered the truth of this world.

An angel's smile struck your lips
And I loved you there
As you forgot it all.