Bottled up inside
Are the things I never said,
The feelings that I hide,
The lines you never read
You can see it in my eyes,
Read it on my face,
Trapped inside are lies,
Of the past I can't replace
With memories that linger,
And won't seem to go away,
Why can't I be happier?
Today’s a brand new day
Yesterdays are over
Even though the hurting is not,
Nothing lasts forever,
I must cherish what I've got
Don't take my love for granted,
For soon it will be gone,
All you've ever wanted,
Of the love you thought you won
The feelings I have now
Won’t disappear overnight,
But somehow, someway everything will be alright
I'm leaving now
To slay the foe
Fight my battles
High and low
I'm leaving parents
Hear me go
Please wish me luck today
I've grown my wings, I want to fly
Seize my victories where they lie
I'm going guys, but please don't cry
Just let me find my way
I want to see, and touch, and hear,
Though there are dangers, thoughts, and fears,
I'll smile my smiles, and wipe my tears
Please let me speak my say
I'm off to find, my world, my dreams,
Carve my niche, sew my seams
Remember as I sail my seas,
I'll love you all the way
If you'd just tell me that
you're happy I could leave you be
But you've reveled to me
your consistent sadness
You've let me see
the dark parts that I love
My lips are sore from
repeating the same words to you
My heart burns as if
I haven't expressed it well enough
I would love all thyn flaws forever
I would let you bury yourself in my soul
You could put your sadness there
and I could keep it cold
So many questions
I am ok without answers
for they may hurt worse
marvel at the complex-pattern
painting such a span of swirls
light-panels less than shimmer
in the afternoon shadows on the wooden kitchen-table
biggest fear - your leaving
beautiful summer-days lost in your eyes
oblivion dances like a wily-wench at hypnotising fire-licks
from our languid-bed, I'd lazy-feed you lox-on-crackers
and everything you liked
heaven never had it so good
woke up and you weren't there
where'd you go to?
no letter, no call.. for days
to overcome this fear
I brought in a b-i-g-g-e-r one
that used to drive me to serious-pitfalls in the past
off to the exotic pet-shop, my toes marched me
and I got one - very toxic thing on legs
without a natural terrarium
once home, I set it free
I set free.... my biggest fear
to blot out your absence
to overcome your presence
to forget you
it crawled around and made a home
while I hardly breathed nor slept
and moved about on ginger-steps
I kept feeling strands of your hair
in my sleep
on my cheek
inside my cry
and woke to moonlight bathed in sweat
I did not wash your pillow, after weeks now
I bury my face in olfactory-memory lingering
and pine for you, but I see your missing set of keys and..
/ scratch .. scratch /
I hear a sudden scurrying
heartbeat jumps out cage
eyeballs to the parquet-floor
I'm getting used to this new pet
and she doesn't mind my breathing
oh, I swear she's a brain-scanner
when she looks at me that way
like she can read me.. through and through
I dare not pet, I dare not touch... ohhhh no!
I leave her the daily-bowl of delicious, fresh worms
to find it empty in the evening
I guess, thanks for freedom.. of sorts
one day, I left the window open
as I jotted down some poignant thoughts
at my antique-escritoire
espied her legs upon the solar-sill
thought she'd be running... a leaver, too
she was sunning all her legs awhile
the season's changing.. leaves are falling
crackle of wind in the air
now, I'm making me some coffee in my silver whistle-pot
hot, solo beverage to calm my settling-mind
when.. ping-ping.. comes a text
lo and behold....
it is you...
delirium / delirium /
(I'm on cloud-nine... you're coming home tonight..
you love me so much, you say..
made a mistake..
you've got something big to share..
I've taken time to prepare a special-meal.. candles and all your faves
but must pop out quick to get some lox...)
I'm back now, got the stuff now
key in lock
but the door.. jammed by a weight.. of sorts
can't seem to push the darn-door open...
shoving hard, I see........
fear compounded by a minus
S T - 4 dec 13
days fly by
on wing of trust
like murder driven samurai's & cerebral poisoned psychopaths we slay each other with words.
i choke you with my words and you hang me with yours, but we don't die.
instead all that pain lingers at the back of our eyes and it causes us to see red.
like sharp blades running through bruised skin from an injured soul, we silently dissect wounded minds. every one fights a battle.
s(words) are potent, carefully wield yours.
like lost swords in the wind.
im a samurai poet. i use words as oxygen to help you breath and by reading these words you breath again.
i use words as medicine to transfer positive energy to you, samurai reader.
im a samurai thug. im a lost blade in the wind.
i use words like Martin Luther King and set free, i. i set myself free with my own words, i can because im a writer.
words are freedom. words are captivity. words are destruction. words are peace. the tongue is mighty powerful.
i use words to tell dispirited women that their beautiful because they grew up with the idea that beautiful is factory made products. the idea of beautiful is you.
i use words to tell hurt men that they can cry because they grew up being told tigers don't cry. crying is human, and i was told tears are wisdom distilled.
i use words to tell the youth they can be themselves because they grew up thinking acting like a fake gangster is all there is to life. the world is bigger than that.
im a samurai poet. a samurai thug. these words are blades. thug life.
stay samurai cool.
escaping you was no easy task
my brain erupted with fear,
but when it came to facing you
your voice was all i could hear
"what are you doing darling?"
you whispered, so very close
i really don't want to be here
a face, too pale, for a ghost
my stomach, tied in knots
your waterfall eyes, began to grow
i am sorry, so very sorry
and then the tears, begun to flow
with small, paced footsteps
i turned to walk away;
to dive back into the ocean
darling, i cannot stay.
crazily chasing concocted crushes
however hasty high hopes
earnestly entangled erstwhile enthusiasm
left languishing limp lethargic
suddenly soundless stupidly selfish
every emotion enviously expectant
an abject apology absent
purposeful pleasure purportedly posed
unearthed unhealthy ungainly uncertainties
devouring devotion disgracing dogma
an accident awaiting arrival
I know that I love to little
I know that I can fake mostly anything
I can hear a song and know the lyrics in a snap
That I cut to feel something
That I'm complicated
I know that I only had sex with you so you'd stay
I know that your never coming back
I know that I'm really sad all the time
I know that I'm scared of being happy
I know that music can make me feel really good and smile and be okay for that 4 min song
I know that I really like what I have going with you
I know that I have a really hard time with sharing and showing my feelings
I know that somedays are really hard for me to be around
I know that when I cry I can't stop and it normally leads into something bad
I know that if I didn't have my mom I wouldn't be here as we speak
I know that I put to much pressure on myself
I know that change is good and I need to start letting it happen
I know that I over think to much
I know that it's really hard to write good things down about myself
I know that I'm trying and that's a start.