She held an anchor in one hand
A clover in the other
With a thistle to guide her heart
And a dandelion
Full of wishes
Like ribbons loose in the wind
She made her wish
With one foot forward
In every season
From the moon to sun
To the stars all around
into a rope into a knot into a noose
that hung in front of my face as I stood in my bedroom,
could have added thread could have made the rope stronger could have made the knot tighter
but my tongue refused to weave
so the noose fell and the words scattered on the carpet on my bed on my dresser.
They could have been collected and combined into ammunition
so I could have fired back, machine gun bang bang bang,
hoping to hit a gut hit a heart hit a target
and hoping the bullets would speak loud enough to be understood.
But instead I wore them as a cross,
a burden I thought I couldn’t bear,
weighing on my back as I traveled the years
but when my head became clear
the words became lighter and sounded like music,
singing in my ear every now and then
a song telling me that I have been strong enough
and I can continue to be strong enough.
And while I want to glorify “thank” and “you”
for giving me enough words to craft into thick skin,
I will never give those words to you,
I will keep them for myself.
The rain began
to fall behind me
as I crossed
I expected it
to chase after me
and talk excitedly
to me in raindrops
about this & that
that & this
- but, it didn't.
It fell in one country
and not the other.
It was as if the rain
had mislaid its passport
or hadn't received
a visa to rain here.
I cycled off
into the Ardennes
at the Dutch rain
unable to understand
talking in Belgian.
Week one we started dating and yes it was fun,
You looked at me. You smiled wide.
You always brought out my happy side.
Week two my feeling grew.
I was scared, but you were there.
Were your feelings really true?
Now simply three weeks together,
Still happy no matter the weather.
I was falling for you, but you had no clue.
One month, and I looked into your eyes,
At that moment I nervously realized,
That the girl standing in front of me,
let me be free, I loved her so dearly I got on one knee.
I fumble around in this caliginous den
There's a light up there
If I just climb up this wall
I'll be free
My finger nails are bleeding
I leave scratch marks on the walls
My whole body is aching
As I'm trying my best
To get out of this hole
I'm getting closer
I can feel the air getting thinner
It's easier to breathe
I'm reaching for the edge
The two of you appear
I feel the sole of your shoe
As you're kicking me in the face
And I fall
I hit the ground
The light burns out
The darkness surrounds me
I am trapped
In this den
And I can't find the strength to climb up these walls again