As emotion rolls out those close around can see the pain deep inside of me. The nights when I lay awake in vain, haunted. It's the fact that your presence keeps sweeping over me. I can see you just like before, your old pickup truck and your flannel jacket torn. Your eyes so bright, so full of beautiful life. little did you know your major role and impact on life. Gone but not forgotten my memories play, I'll never forget that day, when I was forced to give you away. With the echoes of my hurt heart beating everyday I remember you, and all that you used to do. There is never a more true statement then the one that Last i Heard come from you, when you had said "son I love you". I've laid awake these countless nights dreaming about you and your wonderful life. But it hurts, my heart hurts! It yearns for you, it's like a massive hole that's just ripping me into two. I just hope that you miss me to. And I promise I'll hold that moment, that last moment that I got to see you.
the ticket’s too big to fit in my palm
the bag’s too heavy to trail behind
giants carried briefcases glued to their hands
and mourners took flight to the end of the world
my father’s gait was too fast
to keep up to for the short length of my legs
nina the yellow sheep bobbed happily along
as did the pig tails attached to my head with bows
despite the noise, the crowds, the lines
excitement fueled the erratic behavior of
the butterflies currently residing in my stomach
behind the 101 dalmatians t-shirt that dressed me
i never thought the airport would become a second home
the planes that flew over head while i looked at the sky
from my backyard would become not
just a mode of transportation
even if the thought appeared in my head
the young naive girl that i once was would be pleased
with the statement and rather excited as always
she would board 1000 planes and still wouldn’t have minded
the ticket is just an other piece of paper
and the bags were tattered with experience
the men with gray faces traveled with their gravestones
and the loved ones were still at the end of the world
my stranger’s gait was still too fast
but this time his urgency didn’t appeal
there was no stuffed animal to take away the dreams
just the headphones that contained the remedy
noisy crowds were just an other member of the family
they didn’t mind that the butterflies were now
dormant or dead or maybe they left when i had to
throw away my 101 dalmatians t-shirt
the 7 houses i previously occupied had all burned down
the airport was the only one still standing
it changed its face many times but held the same feeling
an airplane is a calm palace in the sky
sometimes i miss the girl that thought these houses were exciting
sometimes i miss the sweet naivety of her father’s ways
sometimes i miss the blank passport of the unknown
but then again 1000 planes later i don’t mind
I find it funny that the girl who brought us together
was the one who taught me how to smoke.
It’s funny because now, whenever I smell cigarette smoke
my mind strays to thoughts of you.
My mind wanders back to the times
when we would share a cigarette together,
when the only thing I could be conscious of was how your lips
had just touched this very same filter 10-seconds ago,
and how nice it must feel to have you
inhale all the good parts in
and exhale the bad parts out.
I concentrate on how delicately you balance
the cigarette between your lips,
how knowingly you
grasp it between your fingers,
how you hold it like
it means something,
and how much I want to be held by you.
My eyes un-focus
and all I can visualize is the
way the smell would stay on your fingers
as you caressed my face,
leaving untraceable fingerprints on
the edge of my bottom lip.
All I can think of is how the taste of the tobacco
would still be present on your lips as you kiss me softly,
with just enough nicotine staining them to give me a slight head rush.
I know you enough to know that cigarettes are your biggest vice.
It’s the thing that brings you comfort in times of stress,
the one thing you’ve tried to quit, but always go back to.
We used to do this trick where I inhale the cigarette smoke
and exhale it into your receiving mouth;
our lips touching, closing off everything else but each other.
You’d exhale the excess and smile at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.
You see, it may have not been obvious but I wanted to be your cigarette.
I will always want to be your cigarette.
I want to be something you always crave,
something you go out of your way to posses,
something you keep close by at all times because you’re afraid to lose it,
something that you’re wary to give out and share
because you’re scared you’ll run out of enough of it for yourself.
And I know that they say that each cigarette
you smoke takes a day off your life,
but when we’re smoking together,
and we inhale the same amount,
and smoke the same number of cigarettes,
it’s almost as if we’re creating a bulletproof plan
where we lessen our days here so we never have to live without the other.
And I also know that cigarettes ignite then crumble to ashes,
and I’m aware that they have their inevitable end.
But maybe, you’ll have enough of my nicotine personality stained on your lips
to get you through the empty pack,
enough creativity to not let me burn out to the filter,
and enough passion to not let me disappear through the cracks
but let me linger
on your clothes,
on your fingers,
in the air,
like cigarette smoke.
I admit that I need'er but I'm a bottom feeder
kneelin 'ere fearing her feelings are fleeting
In my memory her parting words keep repeating
Love is tragedy that left me lifeless and bleeding
I'd go back in time and visit the younger me
Get him back in line to stop her from leavin' me
It's not a possible option so I'm turnin' and tossin'
In my bed every night with alcoholic concoctions
Done with hang overs and complicated decisions
I guess you could call it spontaneous remission
Goin' slower now and sober but the hurt aint ever over
I'm in love with her forever but I can't even show her
I'm hopin' for another pretty girl to be my lover
But every girl I find is in love with another
So I try to keep hope alive and believe that I
will feel love again, at least before I die
Never have I felt so devastated as how one person,
can treat someone,
by intended isolation,
by the very desecration of her womanhood,
by mirth of her infallibility,
by the devastation of her entire embodiment of life,
to be his 'perfect',
to be 'his'.
It is pretty clear that when 'NO' is screamed, from my lips,
it falls on deaf ears,
blind eyes can't see the fear in my face,
hard calloused hands can't feel my sensitive skin tremble and bruise.
What man cannot have,
the man will take what he wants anyway.
The Ego is a terrible, horrific, devastating manifestation of self, onto another.
Your eyes remind me of the river I drive across every morning on my way to work.
The sun has always reflected off the water the way love seemed to beam from your irises.
I know there are fish in that river, I just cannot see them.
Just like I know there is life behind the sky blue colors swirled in your eyes
I wish she'd forget you like the ocean forgets the top of the beach when it is feeling low.
I wish she'd forget the sand-colored hair I run my hands through.
I know your eyes hold more secrets than she could spill, and each secret can slip through the fingers you hold, as long as they were mine and not hers.
I can still hear the water crashing on top of the rocks only to be pushed away by my words every time I pushed you away and you clung to my heart like the undertow pulling at my feet.
But now she welcomes you like the bottom of a waterfall and you continue to
pour your love into her
I don't know how she ever let you go;
I don't know how someone could ever fall out of love with the way you'd say their name.
Our love could practice neoteny; it'll never grow old, even when we will.
I grew far too tired of the relentless persuasion to rekindle our flame. (I don't even know what that was supposed to mean)
the last memory I have of your voice is you screaming my name but I've watched you whisper hers gently into her ear and I can't help but wonder if you think of me
I wonder if she knows you never speak her name in a positive light? I can tell you've never wanted to let go so bad.
I'll hold your memories so safely in my hand,
only to throw hers aside.
I've never heard of such literal poison as the way she reeled you in.
Sometimes my mind wonders off to a simpler time and I question whether you taste her kiss and remember me.
I think of every sweet nothing you whispered in my ear as you held me tightly when my mind wasn't even remotely close.
I wonder if her thoughts stay with you or if it's just her body that's there just like mine
always seemed to be.
I've never heard of such literal
poison as the way she reeled you in.