I have ink smudged on my lip
‘cause lately I’ve been misunderstood
I spent some time chasing love
the pen always running off the page
tried my hand at perfect, maybe desperate
and I’ve fallen heels over head
to the point where I’m running backwards
trying to erase my tracks of the places
I never meant to go, and
the people I never meant to hurt, or lose
It’s been two years now
since I’ve had a guy call me his,
been on a few dates,
so sick of being played, wasting my time
I’m ready for honest,
and honestly, I’m not ready for you
See, I have my pockets full of dreams
a determination to leave this town behind
I can’t do that with ties to someone,
don’t want to be held down
I’ll admit, there are a lot of nice fellas
that can treat me like a lady,
one, or two that I’ve come to respect
ones I wouldn’t mind settling down with
but I’ve been on the run for so long,
I’m terrified of love, of commitment
and when I feel cornered in those four letters
I panic, and shut down
I don’t mean it to be rude, but sometimes
my mouth doesn’t have a filter
and I can’t unspeak the words I didn’t mean to say
that’s why I’m telling you now,
don’t force me to say it to your face,
independence never tasted so sweet,
I just can’t get enough of it,
I have a newfound love for me, so
don’t make us something that we’re not.
There is in love a savagery of malapropriation
A seething anger that manifests as a cutting dig
Or passing word to hurt
Thrown out to harm in well placed execution
Often when most vulnerable and justified by misplaced emotion
"You made me"
"You don't understand"
"What dont I understand?"
Well it's neither a lack of communication or love
When an individual feels unlovable by no hand of yours
Often it's a retort to avoid discourse that has no part between you
For the discourse lies elsewhere and not with you
we were those type of friends that would lick each others popsicles
the types that would shamelessly have sleepovers, sharing hot chocolate in donald’s duck cup i got from Disney World
the types that would have deep conversations for hours no end
then, well, something called puberty hit
then, well you changed,
and ...well i suppose
yes, you changed very very well indeed
then, all of sudden you were the longing glance of every girl in the hallway, even the older girls in 8th grade
you were unanimously chosen for the “most handsome” in elementary yearbook
and you were even the jealousy of the other boys, even the older and bigger ones too
then, well you met her
Your Barbie to your Ken
and we talked still
but... you always talked about how great she was and i smiled
and i agreed
but little did you know
that you not only stole her heart and every other girls’
but mine too...
little did you know
I feel stronger than i did last week
even though my body feels broken.
My heart is beating slower than usual
but i can keep running faster than
rain can fall from the clouds.
My eyes can't see as sharp as they used too
but everytime i see your face
it's clearer than the skies on a spring day.
Ny legs seem to drag each step i take
but when you start to walk towards me
I lift each leg as though it doesn't hurt.
My arms can't lift groceries anymore
but when you wrap your arms around me
they fall unto you without any struggle.
My past is scars inside and out
but when you're around
it doesn't exist.
The scars i see
every morning i wake up
and every night i sleep
with them caressing me.
Never forgotten shall they be.
Replaced with your face
every morning i awake
and every night i sleep with you
Never forgotten shall you be.
fearful and waking is no normal state
but leaden hours induce no better heat
than mental light and thoughts of long defeat
in bitter summer we're past the first gate
deep into the dark country bearing freight
of so much history still incomplete
all of it human both truth and deceit
all to requirement but none of it fate
so measure that we find the true belief
is what we know and give to all our folk
upon their waking to the morning chime
of bells that have not known a moment's grief
but ring the ending of inhuman yoke
and bid us all achieve a better time
She sits half full of optimism, half a pessimist
sometimes happy and seldom blue.
Lay your head back she persisted,
Such eloquent charm to be resisted,
All the times she's helped you through.
Follow her tail wherever she leads,
and lay your head back once more.
Through your lips she softly bleeds,
And quenches all your desperate needs.
Until you need once more.
In the sweetest whispers never misconstrued,
all she confides you keep secluded.
All the while she sings softly to you,
Assuring that you'll make it through.
Until your time here is concluded.
With the world now off balance beneath your feet,
shes the only one who stops to greet you.
Mixing clarity with deceit,
And keeping her from angels teeth.
How could they bite the hand that feeds you?
Drink more then old friend, perhaps you will see,
that her affection is distilled in misery.
But whilst she fills the glass in your hand,
Its anything but a tragedy.