You’ll never see how much I loved you
I was going to dye my hair brown
I stayed up crying three nights in a row
trying to let go of my bubble gum hair
But the next day
You told me you didn’t love me like you did yesterday
So I dyed my hair blue
written March 31, 2015
"Have you ever cried every day for two weeks straight?
And although the tears were sporadic
My breaths were heavy and I had outbursts
These tears i'm experiencing, two weeks later
are hurting much much more
I'm not biting my tongue to hide my sobs
or crying into the pillow, late at night
Rather feelings the burn as each tear slowly runs down my cheeks
Every tear falls with a memory of you
and my heart is heavy tonight
I feel as if I'm suffocating
Because my heart and my head are in a rebuttal
Wishing two things upon myself
and I don't know where to go
I just want to stay still and do nothing for the rest of eternity
Who knew decisions could be this hard on someone
And why is it that the one who hurts you and treats you poorly
is the one you set your sights on
and want the most"
I love you and I miss you so much.
You broke your little girl.
You dropped her head
in a boiling pot
and the pressure
broke her skull.
Fished her out
and set her
in the sun to
dry and dry and dry.
Your neglectful hands
left her there to turn
the color of things
trapped between train tracks.
And now she exists.
You can hear her
but you don’t understand
what she’s screaming.
Blood creeps from your wounds,
I want my wish to come true,
Though words go unspoken,
My warnings for you have failed,
Deaf ears listen,
like a knight you fought for me,
Confusion leads to negative thoughts,
the blade slices deep,
you never got to know the real me...
I am here to write these simple words
to let you know I've tried.
But your daughter who cut her wrists so deep is broken now she died
Blood kept slipping out as she wanted to slip free
But don't worry now I have the answer
To why she fought to be free
She said her basterd father and wore mother
Made her feel like shit
She stade up one night and lost her fight
with a smile on her face
She cut her wrists in painful bliss
I am the doctrine that she wrote to her friend and family
She told me to let you know
She hopes you rot and die
You tuck away her smile
and broke her shattered heart
so go to hell and I would say I wish you well
but that would be a lie
There you lay, under that deep down ground;
Peace, tranquil, serene, was you not me.
You told me once, that death was beautiful,
it was life, it was everything.
You'd rather choose death over losing it,
because it, was simply death itself.
So I granted your wish, your desire,
and soon silence overtook you;
and I, in chaos.
when I lost you
because you've left not only me
but the world too.
And I knew the buried you
will never come back to life.
One day my skin will be wrinkled
my teeth will fall out
my memories will fade
and one day, my heart will stop
my body will rot
and I'll just be another person time forgot.
But while I continue to age
I'll make friends
I'll have children
I'll leave a mark on this world
so although I have gone
part of me will continue to live on