Life, will take your hands and break every tendon in your fingers
Life, will rip your fingernails off like the 12th ticket in Stop&Shop's deli counter line
the cold, dead selects you purchase by the ounce for weekly lunches remind us all
of the patience we practice each day
Patiently waiting in line patiently waiting to buy
He's waiting for her to text back and she is waiting for her heart to attack
She's been hearing the war for years now, gunshot reminders and grenade bombers explode through her bloodstream to haunt any destiny of peace
We want you to be Okay
everyone wants some semblence of comfort but there are needles in my eardrums
the music isn't piercing me anymore
I miss notes and sailboats streaming into me
I know where they are but my fingers are limp
Life will numb your fingers
so when your mother buys you gloves and hats on your birthday
muster the golden mustard stained napkin in your heart and wipe the selfish tears
A piano is unrealistic, that opportunity passed years ago
Be thankful for the very light reflecting off of the silverware, remember
Life will never be simple or fair
you will always be here but wish you are there
Sometimes you will feel like nobody cares
and that's alright
nobody has to care
except for the gremlins that live inside my hair
“So this is the end of you and me
We had a good run and I'm setting you free
To do as you want, to do as you please
I just look up the sky and stare at the fireworks with such passion.
They fascinate me.
Sometimes it feels like they’re just like us.
It feels in one moment that they’re eternal just like us.
We’re somehow, somewhere, eternal.
Just right then in the middle of it, it feels eternal,
then everything all the little sparks that we felt
all the sparks that we were
fade into the darkness
and we realise that just as those fireworks
we fade into the dark,
we’re remembered for some time and then we’re forgotten.
But some of us are an eternal spark,
just like the first firework in history
or the biggest fireworks ever made,
We’re just like those fireworks,
sparks that die.
August the 16th 2013
not a single
c r eeeeak ing
that will always
Did you enjoy my pain?
Was it fun to watch me fall?
You where the reason why I became this way
Everyday, my life is tormented by nightmares,
Nightmares that are my reality
Do you feel nothing for what you have done?
Have you ever thought how your actions might affect others?
While I trusted you, you plotted my demise
You told me you cared for me, but it was all a lie
I shouldn't have trusted your sweet lies
Was it your plan to destroy my soul?
What was your purpose for making me suffer?
I feel helpless in this dark abyss that you have created
As the years past by, it grows bigger
Being nurtured by my growing sorrow..
Today I look at my life and wonder.
Is life worth all this pain I have been through?
My whole being has been twisted by your selfishness
My understanding of life is so mush different than others..
What i see as torment, they see as pleasure....
I use to wish for my salvation
But now I only wish to feel my own suffering
For I have grown to love the feeling of torment
I love to see the scars on my skin
And feel the scars on my soul
If only you knew the real me
You would cry and pity me...
But I wish you never to know.........
I smack a bottle of chewable
once-a-day vitamins off my table
as I walk to unlock my bedroom door.
Suman asks me to turn down
my speakers, “Mom is being spiritual.”
I slap the door till it clicks on her
without a word. I turn around
to yank out the audio cable.
In silence, I pickup the vitamins
off the maroon floor
and motion like a pitcher.
My fast pitch makes a wormhole
and the gummy’s disappear in the
vast emptiness of the universe
that is my comforter;
where my pillows are spaceship
which collided during the Battle of Dreams.
Hassan, a law student, inadvertently
texts me words of courage from
the east coast,“I believe in you, brother.”
I scrub out disappointment,
attitude, and anger in the shower.
I clean out tar.
I prance around the streets
with a four door Mazda,
the two door Mazda
for a family five,
as the snow lifts
my car like a tornado
to whirl, twirl, and swirl
but in a slow, gentle manner so
I can focus on the traffic
of idiots who want to play
tag. On the other
side of town, Everything*
is waiting on his porch
with glinting fingers.
The feeling I can never explain something just ingrained within you.
I can't explain what I never could understand.
We are the dreamers and suffer those who are awake.
Tragic are those who lack vision, misfortune is yours please spare mine.
The blade is now a pen my blood now Ink .
For whom it is lost is more found I.
The rejects of night are but misfits of my day.
As the poison seeps in as my creativity flows unto a void created in chaos none of which
was of my choosing.
Were all dreamers caught within a nightmare's grasp, losers of a game we chose not to play.
But we dam sure tried in spite of it all.
The blank page remains a suicide note to the forgotten chapter in a dust collected manuscript.
Secrets are best left buried like shipwrecks on the ocean floor.
Why be the judge when none are innocent or ever so guilty as I.
Dam the nights for bringing the memories upon me ,
and curse my thoughts for remaining after all these drinks.
Haunted are the souls of the living simply empty vessels that fill the streets.
Many years of passed.
Yet these thoughts never age .
Goddam the nights and winters empty chill!
The fire now only seems to smolder a dragons bluff to wolves such as I.
I hear the others howl I simply choose to ignore the sound.
Taking refuge in my thoughts and torment in scars past.
Empty are these thoughts that I unearthed tonight.
I hear the howls outside my door.
They are my burden and none else to understand.
In witching hours of lost hopes and broken dreams I find my solace.
I've ran with demons and slept with many angels, to burn only in the cold of ice.
Tomorrow is always a dream as from this nightmare maybe I'll wake.
Treasure the silence in it we find our true selves.
I hear the howls I simply choose to no longer answer.