"My birthday is in 5 days :3 I get excited like a kid ((:"
"You are like the sun light streaking through my window of life every morning, reminding me how blessed I am.... "
"My vocabulary linguistics can't fathom let alone transcend into expression the intense profound passion driven emotions I feel for you. It's called love, with a pinch of deep passion <3"
"The intensity of the feeling, the warmth in my stomach every time I say I love you, the passion of my heart ... It's like a very new and different, special feeling.. "
"I know you are smiling, you were smiling reading what I had to say and that's exactly how I know you look the most beautiful - smiling <3"
"I was at the hospital today, the doctor said I'd be fine. Don't ask for what or why, please."
"Best of luck........"
All the stuff you used to say to me. Everything.
I have them all imprinted on my mind,
in that secret corner that I dedicated as the space for you.
It's all there, everything.
From the first word you said to me,
till the last word.
They're all there, spinning around in my mind.
I woke up this morning with a tear stained face.
It seems like that's the only way I find myself
when I'm all alone or when I wake up these days,
With a tear stained face.
This morning, I washed away the tear stains and put on a big smile.
Pretended that I was okay. That nothing was bothering me.
What they say is true,
"the happiest of them are the ones who cry themselves to sleep."
You should talk to my pillow some time.
It'll tell you the truth.
That you're all I think about when I'm asleep.
You're always on my mind.
You've given me too much to remember, I can't forget you now.
It's too hard. I take this as punishment for letting you go.
9th December 2013 now.
At this exact moment, you're no longer 16.
15 more days, and I'll be as old as you were just 15 days before.
You're One year older than me.
I'm One year younger than you.
Wait for me to catch up please.
This race with time is driving me crazy now.
It's moving too fast.
I'm tripping too much.
I'm falling too hard.
It's getting harder to get up every day.
But I wont stop.
No matter what, I'll keep running.
'Cause I live with a hope that you'll come back some day.
They say you wont. That I'm being stupid. But deep in my heart,
I know you will come back. I really do.
Prove them wrong, my love. Come back.
And we'll knucklebump one more time and start off from right where we left,
Cause after you get here, nothing will be wrong again.
Till you get back, I'll just settle down by wishing you a very happy birthday [on here].
December comes around again, the snow blankets the earth in a heavenly glow.
Each day seems to get colder, and I would be so much warmer if you were still here.
There’s a familiar loneliness that comes with the season,
I always seem to forget until it’s finally here.
I’m left to resort to whiskey are cigarettes for warmth,
since you went away.
Fingers and thumbs tapping out messages
so many texts written, so many read, smiles apart
faces, eyes, feelings, never shared
music videos; lips and music separate
empty sounds, never tugging the heart strings.
Thumbs and fingers keying in distance
so much data, so little experience shared, time apart
laptops, smart phones, processing emptiness
unfeeling, sampling blandness, subtleties lost
empty words, crowding our lives.
Curves, flowing lines and spaces, passion
squashed out are the senses
sweat and smells, laughter lost.
All in the empty kingdom of bits and bytes
reigned by the gods of technology
the mantra being faster, faster
all fingers and thumbs in the affairs of the heart.
As surely as we are propelled forward
back to the dark ages
the dark castles of aloneness
Empty words, lost in the cells of our separation
all fingers and thumbs.
I guess it's always been like that
You cry, I laugh
But tonight I hated your face
You tried to hold back the tears when you saw it
It was just one of my many scars
I started laughing
You still don't know about the rest
Or why they are on my body
Only I know that
Such a beautiful girl
With tears that runs down her pretty face
The ice blue eyes look so much colder
But yet so much more alive
And I'm responsible
An ugly face
With an even uglier smile
And a hideous laugh
You asked me why
I didn't really have an answer you'd understand
You said 'you're ruining your body'
Once again I started laughing
Feeling the tears from my own eyes creep closer
It's kind of ironic
You don't want me to ruin my body
Oh but darling it's already so broken
I'm just trying to build it up again
In a way that you would never understand
I'm sorry that you saw it
I don't want you to think that
I'm asking for help
Or that I'm weak
I'm sorry in a way that you will never understand
Talking to you scares me;
Not because it causes pain;
Not because you're just too different;
But because it feels the same;
You make me smile;
You're making me believe;
That the world isn't lost;
And I don't have to leave;
But its two different worlds;
Montague and Capulete;
We are like the rewrite;
Of Romeo and Juliet;
Where their hearts didn't touch;
And their eyes didn't meet;
And they lived the rest of their lives;
With a hearts lonely beat;
Like chess we are at check mate;
Checking for another fate;
As I look to my king;
I'm your queen to take;
I love not for the way;
You dance with my angels;
But for how at you name;
All of my demons fell;
I'm worried about this;
About how much I care;
Because there will be a day;
When you are not there;
Its happened before;
And it'll happen again;
You will get up and leave;
When you have nothing to gain;
I said I would fall cautiously;
But you tripped me heart first;
So now I'm spinning in colours;
And music that bursts;
Dreaming of moments;
That will never be real;
Because I'm re-learning to love;
While you're just re-learning to feel;
I'm just hoping this isn't a remake;
Of both of our pasts;
That broke both our hearts;
And tore both our souls
We live in eachothers shadows;
Because we know the fake light;
There is no pretenses here;
Just our feelings without sight;
I know every part;
Of your dark twisted soul;
Just as you know mine;
And know we aren't alone;
So we'll fight all out demons;
And we'll dance with our fears;
As we balance our lives on a string;
As we hold back the tears;
We'll be broken together;
As you hold together my heart;
I'll keep healing your soul;
Not together, never apart…
I'm not out to project my own down going.
I love him whose soul is fickle despite chance
As the world's retort.
When they told me how you got cut
I bought enough drugs to put monster under
and celebrated for the both of us.
They weren't my limbs that were lost
but I reached for and sprinted towards
a wholesome grief
and couldn't carry it all.
Took me a month to even talk
Poetry sounds so selfish
When you are needed to help another walk.
The first night, a friend had called
Said, "Get it all out
For tomorrow you have to be strong."
Sorry ain't enough and my sorrow's only purpose
is as a reminder for what needs to be done
And to forget about any lesser want.
My darling, I can't know without losing my leg
In a hit and run
But I know now you wear the same smile as before
My god how could I have known something
With such a fragile frame
Could be so tough.
Most folks, myself, a poet included,
Speak of greater reasons
And ponder tragedy's meaning.
She knows she doesn't deserve all she is made to
And I've found the greater ungodly glory
Most folks are looking for
In her unbroken joy.