I am so tired of chasing love, so tired of begging and pleading. I am just tired.
You can tell me you love me over and over and over again but it makes no difference to me.
I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch, you don't mean it anymore. But still I beg and I beg to feel like I am anything at all and with every cry for your attention, I grow more tired. I lost trust in you long ago. Maybe you slept with her, maybe you didn't. Maybe it's all in my head. But even so, it's there and it's a nightmare I dream every time I close my eyes. This has happened to me before, I've been cheated and lied to time and time again and I want to believe you're different. I want to believe that you're the one that's going to stay. But I can feel you leaving, every day I wait for you to say your last goodbye. And mean it this time. I love you so goddamn much and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for wanting you so bad that I'm willing to get hurt in the process. I've built my life around you, I've created a future in my mind that I don't think I'll ever have. Maybe everybody was right, I'm too young to fall in love but if I'm old enough to get my heart broken than how can that be? I'm sick of seeing love letters to my friends, I'm sick of reading the words that they write. "I'll always love you", "we are forever", "you are the only girl in the world for me", you used to write these things. These are the things that made me feel safe and secure. Now I'm always watching my back in fear of turning around to see you writing these things to somebody else. I'm tired of waking up every morning asking the same questions, Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I good enough? and I always give myself the same answer, no. Because I'm not any of those things and nobody can tell me otherwise. I'm just tired of hurting and you telling me that you've been trying. You want to fix things. But what you've done to my mind isn't easy to fix and you don't have the time or patience to deal with it. And you're tired too I bet. You're tired of me constantly asking you to love me, constantly not trusting you, constantly being upset with you and I know that. I don't want to do those things but you have to meet me half way. Treat me like a queen and I'll treat you like my king. It's really as simple as that. I'm so tired of hoping things will change.
I Hate That You Don’t Consider My Feelings.
I Hate The Way You Make Me Feel Small.
I Hate That You Feel Like You Can Just Walk In And Out Of My Life Whenever You Feel Like It.
I Hate That I Let You.
I Hate How You Just Don’t Care About How It Will Affect Me.
I Hate How You Pretend To Like Me When You’re Really In Love With Her.
I Hate How You Use Me. Again, I Hate How I Let You.
I Hate You.
I Love It When You Make Me Laugh.
I Love The Way You Kiss.
I Love It When You Come Over.
I Love The Way You Look At Me.
I Love Whenever I Put Myself Down, You Always Bring Me Up.
I Love It When You Smile.
I Love It When You Do Impulsive Things Because You Just Don’t Care What People Think.
I Love When You Randomly Text Me Or Message Me.
I Love How Smart You Are.
I Love The Way I Am Around You.
I Love How Much Of An Asshole You Can Be To Other People But You’re So Nice To Me.
I Love It When You Hold Me In Your Arms.
I Love It When You Carry Me When I’m Too High To Walk.
I Love Skating With You.
I Love Talking To You.
I Love The Way You Look At Things When You’re Deep In A Conversation.
I Love You.
While raging tempests shake the shore,
While Ælus’ thunders round us roar,
And sweep impetuous o’er the plain
Be still, O tyrant of the main;
Nor let thy brow contracted frowns betray,
While my Susanna skims the wat’ry way.
The Pow’r propitious hears the lay,
The blue-ey’d daughters of the sea
With sweeter cadence glide along,
And Thames responsive joins the song.
Pleas’d with their notes Sol sheds benign his ray,
And double radiance decks the face of day.
To court thee to Britannia’s arms
Serene the climes and mild the sky,
Her region boasts unnumber’d charms,
Thy welcome smiles in ev’ry eye.
Thy promise, Neptune keep, record my pray’r,
Not give my wishes to the empty air.
Butterflies Flutter In The Bottom Of My Gut,
As My Soul Hungers For The Ripe Taste Of Home,
My Fingers Clutching Onto The Memories,
Of Shooting Stars Bouncing Of The Mesosphere,
Of A Mother Doe Feeding Her Young At Dawn,
Of Bees Feeding Off Of The Lilac's Rich Nectar,
Of The Sky So Blue Smiling At Me,
I Am So Close--Only A Few More Hours Until,
I Escape And Go Back To My Home,
Home Sweet Home
And with you I've felt so much,
I've felt afraid, and through my
fear I have learned how to feel
brave. We stood on great heights
and did not stumble off, but
stood strong on the very top of
everything we knew. You showed
me how to love, how to live, and
with you my laughter left creases
in my face when I had smiled so
often. We ticked off that list of
adventurous things, and added
more items each day. We built a
relationship upon happiness, upon
youth, upon discoveries and things
well known. We were young; we
are young, and forever will be
smiling. At first, and at last, you
were something fascinating,
something different. And what
was the most different, was that you
really were. You stayed real, yourself,
an individual to look up to, to dream
of, to love forever.
I can taste it on your lips,
I can see it in your eyes.
With every hit you take,
is another lie.
Even though I have all the time for you love,
I can't just stand in the middle
and watch you crumble.
Your voice has turned into a hissing mumble.
You are no longer strong, you are weak and brittle.
You are tumbling, tumbling down a hill.
Little by little, will tell of your defeat.
Your every relapse,
gives a stake to my heart,
Your every disappearance,
rips me apart, and leaves me wondering if you are alive.
When did this start? How did this start? And, will this end?
I begin to answer those questions, but the last, for I do not know.
But I will be there,
By your side.
Do not worry my dear,
for I am here, to guide you in recovery,
to be your catalyst in your salvation.
The lust and desire for more..
I am wishing I would have found you before
you found this synthetic galore.
This synthetic galore,
that rips and gnaws at your core.
You swore to me,
Please this time,
just be honest.