Some days I'm okay
Others I have nothing to say
Some I don't even whine
Others I just lie and say I'm fine.
Broken thoughts of a damaged mind
A crumpled heart caused by loves that left me behind
The soul that seems to have left.
Not sure of what to say or think
Numbing the pain with another drink
An ashtray full of suicidal thoughts I'm trying to sink.
They come to the surface and are pushing me to the brink.
I just want to live my life, a couple kids and a wife
Others I dream of the afterlife ..
The unhealthy bed sees desolate sorrows
grow a fateful plague. I dread life, rehearsing
cries to pillows alone: hidden hope worsens
any future – I won't try for tomorrow.
And my nightdress hasn't felt
romance or pleasure; it lays drenched
by faint fantasies from beneath your belt.
Above the absentee's knees, calm flowers cut
by your teeth plea your disbelief to the Marquis...
He corrupts innocence as eyes are forced shut.
Patience, my dear - it is not time to melt
tears. Resist and fail. Our hands clenched
bail the crime (ignore the welt).
And I'm only miserable once in a while,
typically pretending smiles are immobile.
Descending to my grave doesn't seem that hostile -
besides, I plan on being just bones by the time
my friends are old. The pavements prepare for my climb ---
or maybe I will fall for echoing train lines.
Did I pass the exit to drop off my young person's clothes?
I could see the surprise in their eyes
When I turned round and said "Hi"
In my sneakers and pearls and a skull patterned swing skirt
I just smiled and twirled.
Does my face no longer fit my clothes?
Ahhh what the hell...
I'll rock this look and
dance to the beat
of my death knell.
stuck in a rut,
the far left corner of my gut
the tv hums low voices
evelope me into
gentle swaying solitude
thin, dainty line
of comfortable seperation
between exhaustion and being too tired to sleep
my mind drifts farther
and farther away
can you catch it?
bring it back to me
tie it to my finger
so that my thoughts will not stray tonight
nerves of flight,
on a lonely night
the world eclipses around me
i don't believe anybody is anybody, anymore
nobody is nobody
everybody is everybody
and i don't know who i am supposed to be
in all of this
a walking question mark
riddling my own mind
my soulless eyes
knowing damn well that half of them won't know until i'm gone
but still trying to form
some semblance of surprise
the walk i've been slowly enduring
upon my cracked and bleeding feet
has only managed to take me in circles
and i keep ending up back where i started
there is no finish line in sight,
only lap after lap
of the same
i'm certain i've passed this tree a thousand times
but i forgot the bread crumbs
at home, and now i'll never know for sure
which way to go
silence is the only laughter i know
and the applause in my head,
after the words form in my brain,
gives me a false sense of purpose
when in reality,
i'm laughing at my own jokes
and clapping my hands
for my own minimal accomplishments
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
I check quickly before the second buzz to make sure
it isn't my mother.
His name flashes on the screen,
angry caps-letters screaming in small vibrations
in my palm.
I consider answering.
Just for a second.
Maybe it's you calling from his phone,
but even then, I'd still feel jealous and borderline guilty.
Like mean gut-punches straight to my heart.
I wait it out. Let my voicemail talk to him.
I hold my breath until the buzzing stops.
I count to ten like people are supposed to do when their
breath gets stuck on the fly paper in their esophagus.
Lava engulfs the tires of my car
and it's too late to step out.
I see you in the doorway
with him on your arm
like rope on the basket of
a hot air balloon.
He's holding you down
to keep him grounded.
I'm not much better,
But I'd let you fly if
you wanted to.
I drive away,
throwing empty candy wrappers
and paper fortunes
out the window.
Maybe the stars feel lonely too,
perhaps they’re hurting inside,
crying through the night
because they can’t have you.
All I want is for your poison
to black out my light
just like the sun fades the stars
with every sunrise.
And as the stars stare at you
the sadness haunts me,
their spirits wander lonely
the same way as I do.
u know those people that tell the stories about that one person they couldn't get off their mind
they'd say that everything reminded them of that one specific person no matter where they went, what they did
i never thought i'd understand it
i never thought that i'd understand that breathing reminded me of all the times i laughed so hard i couldn't
when i walk, my mind plays our adventures like motion pictures on the big screen. my feet hit the ground and all i can see is when we walked on curbs
every time i courageously put those two ear buds into my ears i can feel myself in that computer chair, clicking away, fighting over which song to play
i understand those people now