the way you held her tight
the way you called her babe
they way I liked her
the way I felt the love
you have for one another.
It still hurts
even though I wish
more than anything
to not let you
in my heart
Like that.

I know you're holding her
right now.
The way you did with me for those two weeks.
The way you have with her for two years.

our minds collide
through space and time,
we connect as our minds travel
at different speeds and time
through the universe.
I love the way
you love me,
as I learn more about myself
through you everyday.
our spirits rekindle
within one another,
as we learn and grow
together.

numb
so alone
yet so surrounded
support.
These words
feel rusted.
It's been awhile
Since my fingers
felt the keys
like this.
I wish to cry
like I know to do
but brain
Is paused.
Feelings feel
clear,
nowadays a blur.

I know my strength
but it feels transparent.
I know my worth
But it feels meaningless.
I'm here in the present
But my heart
Replays the past.
Everything is put
on hold
But time won't stop
So I cannot.

I wish you did.
The line will be drawn
and I'll let go
I feel it all
But nothing.
at this point
In time
I want more
Nothingness.
I've never
craved numbness.
But I get it now.
It's peaceful
Less chaotic,
but underwhelming.

Forgetting you
Worrying about you
Meeting you.
new job
late missing assignments
smoking to feel other than
trying to love myself
opening up to spirituality
Missing love.

embarrassment
for going to ask for the things i need
walking into a center for disabled students
makes me think somethings wrong with me
but its okay to ask for help
it's powerful it's brave it's encouraging
it's what i need to do to take care of myself

I put all my eggs in one basket
and hurt myself over and over,
I push people away and don't know why
I get frustrated and usually cry.
I tend to hold my breathe
not being able to put my mind to rest,
what's the reasoning behind
my feelings of mistrust and worry?
why do I get so attached
or
not know how to hold on?
for me I know when it's solid
I can feel it eventually being a safe space
or
I can feel it getting old and fading out.
every time someone incredible is uncovered
a way is found for them to leave me.
whether it's my own doing
or
their life leading them else where.

an outlet
for thoughts feelings
for when you can't think straight,
for when sentences can't form.
an outlet
for flowers to bloom
for tears to fall
for lungs to breathe.
an outlet
for voices unheard
for fingers to type
for brains to process,
for hearts to heal

with someone to have a good time.

Romanticize simplicity with yourself

Go to the grocery store
Get some coffee
Go to a view
Find a new place you've never been
Buy art supplies
Get lunch
Find a recipe
Go thrifting
Hang out at a park
Watch a movie
Read a book
Smoke
Listen to music
Go somewhere you haven't in awhile
Feel the energy in a metaphysical shop
Doodle on something random
Wake up early
Make a charcuterie board
Light a candle
Affirmations.
You attract what you put forward to the universe.